Am I Doing This Right?
by manusxmachina
Summary: Ichigo had the biggest crush on the new transfer student, Rukia Kuchiki. The trouble was that he didn't know how to ask her out. Imagine his luck when the perfect opportunity presented itself to him... Or rather she presented herself to him. IchiRuki
1. Wait A Minute

Ichigo Kurosaki had the biggest crush on his classmate.

She was a new transfer student who had to move schools at an odd time in the year, in the middle of the semester. She was assigned to his class, and even more conveniently, to the seat next to him. He wasn't very attracted to her at first; she was blunt and a little snobbish, the air of old money turning everything within a certain radius to ice. She was cold for sure - but she had some wonderful qualities.

For instance, she was kind. Even though she was shy, she made an effort to smile at him whenever their eyes met. When he forgot his textbooks, she wordlessly offered to share hers with him. And on days where he wasn't feeling quite like himself, she'd tell him the right words to get him out of his rut... All while emphasizing that he did not need to disclose anything he didn't want to.

It baffled him how a complete stranger could understand him completely. Or maybe she didn't even realize it. Maybe it was just who she was. Maybe she was just naturally tuned to his feelings.

That made him like her even more.

She made him feel special, when he probably wasn't. He was convinced that she didn't even give him a second thought throughout the day.

But he _always_ thought about her; her silky hair that was black as night, her unusually blue eyes, and her lithe body that was neither vulgar nor provocative, but still gracefully erotic to watch. Her strong personality carried over to her tender features, and he liked that she was different from other girls that way. She was fiery and dynamic, but also calculating and gentle.

Rukia Kuchiki just happened to be as beautiful inside as she was on the outside.

And he really wanted to bang her.

'Ahhh someone should really invite that hot transfer student to lunch with us!' Keigo whined dramatically. He twirled around comically and pouted. 'Ichigo should do it since he's so close to her.'

'I'm not.' he started to protest. 'I talk to her sometimes, but not a lot.'

'But she talks to you. She doesn't talk to anyone.' Mizuiro butted in. Given the young bachelor's experience with women, he learned to easily read them. Rich introverts like Kuchiki... Well, it would take a lot for someone like her to talk to someone - especially if that someone were a ferocious, ill-tempered youth with bleached hair and a reputation that precedes him.

'Well we sit next to each other. It would be pretty weird if we didn't exchange words now and then.'

'Uh-huh.' Keigo taunted in a sing-song voice. 'Care to tell me the name of the person who sits on the other side of you then?'

Ichigo frowned and looked away. Ok, so maybe he didn't talk to all his classmates. And fine, maybe it really was abnormal for him to get to know the people sitting next to him. But what these idiots had to stop digging or he swore he would die of embarrassment. If anyone knew that he had a crush, his whole character he had worked so hard to establish would crumble.

He was _Ichigo Kurosaki_! And he didn't like dating. He was too serious for that, too much of a badass to devote himself to someone like that. And besides, he was too young. He knew that most relationships developed during his age were doomed. He wasn't going to put himself through that.

'Ishida! Ish-i-da!' the taller of his friends chanted. 'See! You don't even know his name! I bet you don't even know what he looks like!'

Ichigo let out a throaty sigh.

* * *

Shakespeare had always been Ichigo's strongest topic of intellectual exploration. He loved literature. More importantly, he loved how there were both creative and logical aspects to literary analyses. He never really thought of it as work; it was actually quite relaxing to read a book and think about it, then let all your feelings and thoughts out in black and white on paper. And he was damn good at it.

He didn't think there was anything wrong with making a little cash on the side. So, he tutored underclassmen and even his own classmates for a reasonable hourly rate. Consequently, he found himself staying later at school than even the athletes - although he used to be an athlete himself, he did not have the time at the moment. Plus, he never really needed to engage in sports to keep fit.

'Thank you so much!' his last student bowed in gratitude.

'Yeah.' Ichigo nodded. The younger student scurried out of the classroom, as if frightened of his tutor now that his session was over.

He let out a yawn. Wow, he was tired. His little business tended to be exhausting at certain times throughout the year, but he figured it was best to save up now. He was sure his dad wasn't the type to lend him money in the future.

He packed his bags as if in a trance. After he made sure all his books were accounted for, he realized that his cellphone was missing. He patted his pockets, but they were empty. Shit. He had left it in under his desk in his classroom - a whole flight of stairs up.

'Fuck.' he breathed. He wasn't in the mood to exercise. It had been a long day.

He made his way up the stairs grudgingly, mentally stabbing himself for being so careless. If someone had been rude enough to steal it, he would have to buy another one - effectively using up all the money he had saved thus far. He bitterly congratulated himself for potentially fucking himself over.

'Take it all, you fucking slut!'

 _What the fuck?_

The orange-haired student narrowed his eyes in disgust as he finally reached his floor. At school, really? Had his classmates no shame? And he recognized that voice too; it belonged to Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, who belonged to the same year group but from a different class. He was notorious for inviting gang fights onto campus. Ichigo had never spoken to him, but noticed that the hot-headed teen would always glare at whenever they passed each other in the hallways.

Of course such a delinquent would have sex in his classroom. He squeezed his amber eyes shut and breathed out, hoping that it at least wasn't happening on his desk. Was it really worth going back for the phone?

That was when he saw her through the crack between the slightly opened door and the wall.

Rukia was bent over a random desk while Grimmjow rammed roughly into her. Both of them still had their clothes on, although the petite woman's skirt was hiked up with her panties pulled to the side.

'You like being pounded by my dick, you filthy slut?' he teased, spanking her ass. She moaned and turned to face him with a flushed face.

But that was when it happened.

Instead, she made eye contact with the peeping teen, flashing the most stunningly innocent smile he had ever seen.

Anxiety show down to his abdomen and he fell into a fight-or-flight state of mind. Needless to say, he chose the latter. He turned on his heels instantaneously and bolted out down the hallways. He practically flew down the stairs.

Fuck the cellphone. He could go without it for the night.

* * *

 _You know what? Maybe I imagined it._

That was Ichigo's mantra throughout the day. He repeated it to himself when he sat at the breakfast table, feeling unreasonably bashful in the presence of his family. He repeated it to himself when he was hanging out with his friends during breaks and sat there unusually quiet. He especially repeated it to himself when he had to go through the entire school day beside her, pretending to listen to the lectures as if he weren't side-eyeing her the entire time.

She didn't even mention it.

She just went about as normal.

She was the same old Rukia Kuchiki. He forgot his copy of the math textbook and she scooted over so he could share with her. When they were told to get into pairs to discuss the novel they were studying, she offered her analysis and listened to his enthusiastically before calling him a fool and arguing that he was wrong. When the class was dismissed for the day, she acknowledged him when he waved her goodbye.

So, he followed suit and went about his own normal.

After class, he attended all his appointments with his clients. He was actually thankful he had that job now. It served as an oasis for his brain from what he saw yesterday. Why couldn't he forget it? Did she really see him? And did she seriously smile at him like that?

'Can I text you if I have some questions while reading it?' Tatsuki asked.

'Yeah, but I'll charge you extra.' Ichigo warned.

'Give me a discount!'

'Hell no.'

She stuck her tongue out but smiled warmly afterwards. She told him to have a nice evening and he greeted her back as he packed his things into his school bag.

 _Fuck, did I seriously leave that stupid thing again?_

He seriously thought about leaving that cellphone again. Why didn't he grab it while he was upstairs? He rubbed his temples and sighed in frustration, not looking forward to that climb. Seriously, all he wanted to do was lie on his bed and just... not deal with anything. His working hours on top of his school schedule were really starting to take a toll.

He silently prayed that he wouldn't see what he saw yesterday again. Every step up felt like an entire hike. He really didn't think any differently of her for that. It's just... Well, now he really had no chance. He didn't realize that such a proper, uptight woman could date such a scandalous man.

They had to be dating, right?

He'd get over it.

Relieved to see the classroom quiet and completely empty, he sauntered to his desk and reached in to grab his cellphone. He grumbled as he flipped through the messages; mostly students asking for an appointment or inquiring about his rates and availability. See? Missed opportunities right there.

He was so immersed in his clientele, he didn't hear the sliding door purr open.

'Hi.' a stern voice greeted, and he stiffened at the sound of it.

'Umm... Hi.' he responded awkwardly, clearing his throat. 'I forgot my phone.'

'Oh.' Rukia smiled back. 'I thought you wanted to see more of yesterday.'

So he _didn't_ imagine that.

'Hey, I won't tell anyone. But it would be more considerate if you guys could do it somewhere else.'

'Like where?'

'Like... I don't know! Your house, his house.'

'I would never let him into my home.'

'But you'd fuck him in an empty classroom?' he spat back. He blinked, taken by surprise by the rage in his own words.

'You sound jealous.' she grinned.

'And you sound full of yourself.'

'Wow, you are _not_ happy with me.' she walked towards him and his heart started to beat unusually fast. He was about to fire back at her, but his breath hitched in his throat as her fingers started to unbutton his uniform.

'Don't you have a boyfriend?' he accused.

'Oh, is that why you're being so catty?' she laughed sweetly and his heart fluttered. 'He's not my boyfriend.' She answered him, letting his shirt hang open. She let herself admire his tan, toned torso but he started feeling very self-conscious.

'This is so weird.' he reached down to button himself up again.

'No, don't.'

'Why?'

'Because I want this. And I get the feeling so do you.'

'But why me?'

'You're so sexy.' she mumbled as she looked up at him, caressing his wrists. He bit his lip as she touched him, backing up a little to steady himself. She trailed slow, tantalizing kisses along his chest. His breathing turned laboured and she knew this was too much for him. 'Have you ever been this intimate with anyone before?'

'No.'

'That's surprising.'

'Excuse me?' he practically hissed.

'What? It is.' she shrugged. 'I thought you'd be the type to hook up with a ton of girls.'

'I'm pretty sure you're the only one who feels that way.'

'Well, it's like I said.' she smirked, her hands unbuckling his belt. 'You're so sexy.'

'Fuck.' he threw his head back and sighed. She was so good. Her tongue massaged his entire length, as her head bobbed back and forth. The most exciting, sensual squelching sounds filled the room as she sucked on him wetly. Looking down at her, his heart raced as he basked in the sight of her face contorting erotically.

As if feeling his gaze on her, she batted her eyelashes up at him and he thought that would be his end. Her sapphire eyes were so beautiful; deep and rich in color. Her black hair only brought out the luminosity of her pale skin. She was smooth and soft, as if untouched and pure. And yet, here she was, struggling to accommodate his size in her mouth. Instinctively, a hand reached out to her face so he his fingers could brush against her hair. She continued staring up at him, whimpering in gratitude.

Her lips curled upwards as he moaned uncontrollably. Her hands gripped his thighs and massaged his tense muscles. In response, he thrust forward and she gagged. Alarmed, he pulled out immediately.

'No, I like it.' she assured him, licking her lips. 'Be rough with me.'

'H-how?'

She laughed inwardly at how clueless he was. It was refreshing to be with such a naive man. 'Fuck my face like you want to fuck my pussy.'

Well, OK!

'You're as blunt as ever.' he remarked, cursing himself for saying it out loud. He was amazed that comment didn't offend her. In fact, he was surprised to see her smile at his words.

'Yes I am.' she murmured, taking him back in her mouth and sucking him off mercilessly.

'Rukia!' he cried, a hand running through her hair while the other steadied himself by the wall.

The petite beauty reached under her panties to stroke herself. A finger slipped inside of her as she sucked on his bulbous tip. Seemingly unsatisfied by her suddenly loving treatment, he pulled her head back in to capture his entire length and thrust himself in and out of her mouth.

She screamed in delight, pumping another finger in and out of herself as he did the same to her face. Saliva dribbled down her chin and he reached down to spread it down her neck. Eventually, she unbuttoned her uniform top and pulled down her lacy bra, allowing her modest breasts to be on display for him. He growled at the sight and quickened his pace. She moaned in approval as he pistoned his cock harshly into her small mouth.

Her eyes rolled back as she found herself in bliss. Ichigo Kurosaki, Karakura High's most controversial bad boy, was fucking her face raw. She had always been drawn to him; to the way his peachy tan skin highlighted every ripple of his taut muscles, to the way his inviting eyes always revealed his feelings to her, and even to the way his explosive nature got him into the worst situations. Now here he was inside of her mouth, allowing her to pleasure him.

His hard member started to throb and he pulled out. Rukia was about to complain until he knelt down and planted a chaste kiss on her reddening lips.

Confused by his gentle touch, she looked into his eyes with an expression filled with longing. There it was again; that loneliness, that sadness, that innocence. He blushed at how sweet and harmless she looked even though she had seduced him into defiling her throat only moments ago.

'Ah! Ah! More! Please, more!' Rukia panted. She spread her legs even further, trying to bury his finger as deep into her as possible. She propped herself up on her elbows so that she could edge closer to him, staring suggestively at his parted lips. He could feel her hot breath on his chin, but refrained from kissing her. Instead, he slipped another finger inside of her and his teeth clenched in controlled desire as she threw her head back and screamed his name. 'Unh... Ichigo!'

His other hand cupped the back of her head. She opened her eyes to see his reaction, although they were half-lidded and heavy with pleasure. For the first time in a long time, she felt her heart flutter when he kissed her softly, innocently again. The thing is... Rukia didn't like soft.

Her tongue begged for entrance. She sucked on his lower lip when he did not give it to her, mewling and whimpering between heavy breaths. Eventually, he submitted to her and allowed her to explore the crevices of his mouth. Oh, he was warm and untouched. He didn't even know how to kiss her this way. His tongue clumsily prodded hers until he finally got into the rhythm of massaging the insides of her mouth, nipping where she liked and aggressively thrusting his fingers in and out of her when she moaned into his mouth.

'Mm...' she groaned as her thighs trembled. She couldn't stand it for much longer and he knew it. She was growing increasingly wet. Her fluids were gushing out in thick, creamy globs and his abdomen tightened at the sight of her being pleasured by his very hands.

'You're beautiful.'

'Fuck me.' she squealed, bucking against his palm. 'You're so, so good...'

 _This is so not right._

He retracted his fingers immediately from inside of her, snaking his arms around her to pull her closer. 'You know, this feels really wrong.'

'What the _fuck_?' she sounded irritated.

'I should really take you out for dinner or something.'

'Are you insane?' she gawked up at him. He looked down at her and was a little intimidated by how angry she looked.

'I just think it would be a good idea to get to know each other better outside of school.'

'Fuck me.' she commanded.

'After I take you out. Then I _promise_ I'll fuck you.'

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for taking the time to read this story! I hope to read your thoughts and comments! I aim to make a more of a comedy out of this fic and I hope I do not disappoint anyone who is interested in reading further chapters.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read!


	2. Nii-sama

'Wow, I never knew it was natural.' Rukia commended her companion. 'I always thought you bleached it.'

'Now you know.' he shrugged it off, not knowing whether she meant it as a compliment or to express genuine shock. Feeling nervous as she gazed on at him, he began picking at his food with his chopsticks. There was still quite a bit of food left. He hadn't eaten a lot. It wasn't that he wasn't hungry, because truly he was famished. But this woman had a certain effect on him; he would lose himself in the experience of just being with her. There was something so satisfying about having a conversation with her even though most of the time they bickered and disagreed.

He wanted to take her out to a nice restaurant, but she passionately objected. It was either "Nii-sama would find out," "People would get the wrong idea and tell Nii-sama," or "Nii-sama will want your head on a platter."

Well, Ichigo wanted to _keep_ his head.

So instead, he ordered food to take out. He chose to bring her to the bench next to the riverbank he would gaze into whenever he wanted to think or skip class. It was an intimate spot to him. He felt connected there, safe. Never before had he shared that place with someone - but he wanted to share it with her. In fact, he often fantasized about it. Tonight was when his fantasy would become reality.

He had been pining over this girl since she transferred a month ago. Consciously, he tried to stop his feelings from escalating. Despite that, she had captured his heart with her kindness and strength. Never before had he gotten to know such a ferocious woman. To him, she was as delicate as melting snow and as fierce as wildfire.

He also found her to be very, very pretty.

But then he remembered how she was bent over that desk, moaning and writhing underneath one of the school's craziest students. That, and also how she slid up and down his fingers earlier today. Maybe he was deluding himself, be he noticed that she seemed more engaged with him. With Grimmjow, there was no doubt she was enjoying herself... Yet she also seemed rather bored, as if waiting for him to finish so she could hop off and go home. Whereas with himself, she threw her head back and whimpered his name. That counted for something, right? Right?

The rice on his bento box turned mushy due to his constant poking.

The nervous adolescent sucked his breath in to gain some feeling of confidence. In truth, his heartbeat was deafeningly loud in his eardrums. He really didn't want to come off as imposing for asking, but he couldn't seem to be at peace without knowing. He didn't feel differently about her because of those things. He just never expected it from her. In his head, he had made her out to be uptight about that kind of stuff. Not complaining though. He found her more intriguing now - although he had a pre-existing interest in her to begin with. 'So if Grimmjow isn't your boyfriend, what is he to you?'

'We fuck.'

'I _know_ that. I mean... Do you like each other?'

'Well wouldn't you like to know?'

'Forget it!' he snapped, blushing furiously. She giggled at his frustration.

Sighing, she looked on towards the river. Her thoughts were taking her back to a month ago. When her brother announced that they were moving, she was relieved to leave her old home behind. However, she started becoming anxious when she realized on her first day of school that the man sitting next to her had bright orange hair and a permanent scowl. Of course the stars would grace her with the presence of a rebel in her life. As if she didn't have enough on her plate already.

Actually though, Ichigo Kurosaki turned out to be really nice. He always helped people. He even seemed to enjoy helping people. It was nice knowing that there were people in this world like that; that there were good souls, genuine souls. It was comforting. This was comforting.

Stealing a glance at him, she allowed herself to admire his handsome features. He had a sharp, angular face. He was rough and daring, and those beautiful qualities of his showed in the courage in his amber eyes that seemed to glow in the light. To think that only moments ago she had him in her mouth, gasping for air and entwining his fingers in her hair - well that didn't make her feel too bad. In fact, she felt pride. Empowerment.

 _Soon_ , she told herself.

 _He promised._

Was that all she wanted from him though? She shrugged. Why _not_ open herself to him? She didn't think he would tell anyone, and he wasn't friends with anyone whose opinion she would care about.

There was also just something about him. She had only known him for a month. She had only properly hung out with him for a couple hours. Nevertheless, she felt intricately connected to him. Like she could tell him anything. Like she had to tell him everything, because they were connected.

Rukia shook her head. It was unlike her to be so passionate about such trivial things.

'We don't feel anything.'

'What?' he jumped at the random proclamation.

'Grimmjow and I.' she clarified, looking away. 'We don't feel anything for each other. We hang out sometimes. We drink, we get high - he's just my trip buddy, I guess.'

'And the sex is just a part of that?'

'He hates my brother-in-law.' she shrugged. 'So maybe he bangs me to feel some power over him. Nii-sama really fucked him over when he fired his dad from the company.'

'Wow, I guess your brother must be some top dog.' he tried to steer the topic away.

'I suppose.'

'Are you guys close?'

'Nii-sama means well. We're just different people.'

Ichigo sensed some sadness in her tone. He wanted to probe further, but decided to offer her the same respect she had always given him. If she didn't want to talk about, neither would he. He had no way of approaching the topic without sullying the depths of her heart. Although she didn't offer much insight into her relationship with her brother, it was obvious in the way her words rolled off her tongue that it wasn't something she was very content with.

'When my sister died in the hospital...' she started. 'He wasn't there.'

'I'm sure he wanted to be.' his voice was strong, but sensitive.

'That's what he says, but then he chose to go abroad to sit in a meeting room every day with a bunch of strangers. I had to arrange for the burial.'

Ichigo wasn't quite sure what to say, so he said nothing. She had a vulnerable aura around her. He felt that if he said anything, she could possibly break in two. Of course he knew that she was stronger than that; but he didn't really know what she was feeling inside. He didn't know how to not hurt her, when she was already hurting so much.

'I never want to be like Nii-sama. I never want to miss out in life in exchange for a boring, comfortable existence.'

He observed how her body language conveyed how hard that experience had been for her. Arms folded, legs crossed, and a sudden disinterest in looking at him told him all he needed to know. Perhaps she didn't realize it herself, but in truth she probably wasn't even angry at her brother. If anything, maybe she didn't want to burden him with the overwhelming surge of emotions that flooded her heart.

Life is transient; that is a hard pill that we must all swallow. That fact does not limit itself to death. It remains true for all the unique situations we must go through in the subjective experience of life. People change, feelings change, everything can change, and the world will still spin around the same axis.

Ichigo knew how hard that could be. He still carried the pain of his mother's image at the back of his mind.

When a good person dies, someone should be hurt; it should have a devastating impact in the universe. To some extent it does. It does in our world, the world we construct for ourselves. We're given time to grieve and be in pain. Yet, Rukia knew she had to move on. She wanted to skip the whole mourning phase and get onto living life with a different outlook on it. She learned that nothing mattered; she could do anything and none of it would every really matter.

And so he knew. He understood Rukia and why she is the way that she is. She was trying to find her balance in this world when the person who meant the most to her had departed. She wanted so desperately to find something, _someone_ to blame. In reality, these things just happen and there isn't anything anyone can do to stop it.

Stability didn't exist - that much Rukia had found out the hard way. But what he couldn't really understand was why she had channeled her despair into hedonism. It didn't make sense. There seemed to be a missing leap of logic there. If she was fearful of instability, why try and live a fast-paced lifestyle?

'It's not that I don't understand your feelings, but I think that you're acting out in pain. I don't think you mean what you're saying. You're kind. You're strong.'

'There's nothing to get past.' her voice hardened. 'I'm living my life on my own terms. I don't need people around me to bog me down with the triviality of relationships that come and go with time. I won't be weighed down by formalities. I do what I want, who I want, when I want, however I want it.'

I'm sure you're having fun, but you could also be missing out on being with people you could care about.'

'People like you?' she scoffed.

'I didn't mean it like that. It's just... I think that the greatest happiness comes from being with the people you love.'

 _Hisana._

'What's wrong?'

'I...' she was trying to find an excuse. Any excuse. 'I don't want to talk about it.' Fuck it.

'Ru-'

'Your promise.' she interrupted as she moved to straddle him. 'Don't forget your promise.'

'Rukia.' he sounded a little irritated. _This bitch_ , he thought, annoyed by the fact that the food he so graciously bought was now a mess on the pavement.

 _You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen._

'Rukia.'

Soft, pillowy lips massaged his neck. Heavy lids closed in satisfaction as she started nipping and sucking noisily. Every muscle in his body tightened. He heard her unbuttoning the top of her uniform and his mind flashed back to her on her knees as she pleasured him.

'Rukia.'

'Mm.'

'We're in public.' he was strained. An undeniable stiffness was forming in his groin, but it only seemed to excite her further.

'It's late. No one's around.'

Wordlessly, as if in a trance, he brought his fingers up to stroke the side of her face. She watched his warm, amber eyes gloss over in something akin to a mix of desire and awe as he they traveled down the length of her torso. His fingers accompanied the trail of his vision downwards. They brushed against her face, her neck, the valley between her breasts and down her stomach until finally settling on her hip. Everywhere he touched left a delightful heat.

Many would have seen - and have indeed seen - a pretty girl with a nice body that was a shame not to fuck. To Ichigo, she was a masterpiece sculpted by the most talented angels in heaven. She had become even more attractive to him. The more he learned about her, the closer he wanted to be to her.

Why did she feel so incredibly vulnerable beneath his eyes? It was embarrassing how he could reduce her to a typically flustered school girl. _Does he think I'm pretty?_ She shocked herself when that thought dashed through her mind. The last thing she needed was to start becoming insecure. Was it insecurity she felt? No, she had actually never felt more secure in her life.

Shy.

Rukia Kuchiki was shy.

A silent scream tore through her parted lips when he finally kissed her neck, albeit unbearably gently. He claimed her mouth with his. She pressed herself against him, whimpering onto his lips as if begging for him to take her. He moaned when she did that, recalling how hot and tight she was around his fingers only hours ago. He would be lying if he said he didn't want all of her. He started seeing stars as soon as she took hold of his wrist to guide him into her warmth.

'Take me.' she breathed.

He didn't respond, but continued to gaze into her eyes.

'I want to.' was his husky response.

Not right now though.

'But I can't.'

'Ichigo.'

'I have to get home.'

'You fucking tease!' she was pissed. All the blood in her body rushed to her face, which was turning into a laughably intense shade of red. He smirked at her exasperation. Oh, how he loved teasing her, challenging her usual stoic behaviour. It was indeed a sight to see; Rukia Kuchiki glaring at him as she buttoned her shirt back up. And she wasn't ignorant to his fondness for irritating her either. She saw that twinkle in his eye. And she liked it.

'I want to hang out with you again.' he said seriously. His smug smirk had turned into a gentle smile. Genuine care glossed over his handsome features and she felt herself melting beneath those warm orbs.

'You can hang out with me after school.'

He frowned. 'Not like that. I'm serious about you.'

Rukia could feel the corners of her lips tugging upwards. He was so charming. His innocence was seductive; she wanted him more and more each passing second. And not just physically; she found herself wanting to hang out with him. How could she have revealed so much to him on their first date?

 _Date?_

Did she just think _date_?

Before she could respond, harsh lights blinded both of them. Knowing exactly where it was coming from, she immediately jumped off of the suspicious position she had imposed on her newfound lover. Thank goodness she had already buttoned up her blouse by then.

'Rukia!' came a concerned voice.

'Renji!' she shouted back, holding her hands in front of her face. 'Will you shut the headlights off?!'

A muscular redhead exited the passenger seat of a slick, black car. A crisp suit and menacing tattoos on his face made him the epitome of intimidation. It didn't help that one could make out the shape of a gun in his back pocket. Ichigo scanned him up and down, trying to figure out his relationship with Rukia. And there it was again; jealousy. He was always so jealous when it came to this girl.

As if reading his thoughts, the unusually calm woman placed a hand on his tense shoulder. 'He's just my bodyguard.'

 _Bodyguard?!_

'Your brother is very worried.' he breathlessly announced. 'You need to come home.'

'You're right. It's really late.'

'Get in the car. Please.' the bodyguard stole a glance at the teenager. Her brother would not be happy about this one. Orange hair, an annoying scowl, and the most defiant eyes in the world; this one just reeked of trouble.

'I guess you need to go.' Ichigo cleared his throat. Before this person came along, he was about to walk her home anyway. Yet, it still felt like their time was cut short. He couldn't help but be a little miffed by that.

'I do.' her voice had become cold again. Ichigo picked up on that, hypothesizing that perhaps she didn't want to look too human in front of her brother's employees. 'I'll think about your offer.'

'Sure.'

Oh, he was sure she was _never_ going to see him again. Unexpected sadness swept over him as he imagined the two of them going to the way they were; casually speaking when they needed to and ignoring each other the rest of the time. He actually felt like he was connecting with her tonight.

'See you.' she whispered. He didn't even look at her, and she noticed that. It was surprising to her how sensitive he was. In truth, she already knew she was going to see him again - but wasn't it sexy to keep the suspense going? She decided to provide him some reassurance, so she planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Both men widened their eyes in shock.

 _That little minx._

Oh, he was _so_ going to tell her brother.

* * *

'Why were you out so late?'

As soon as she arrived home, she scurried up to her bedroom. It was only later on that she felt her uncomfortably dry throat. She had hoped to very quietly sneak into the kitchen for a glass of water, only to find her brother-in-law was seated cooly at the head seat of the long dining table. His lids were heavy from exhaustion, dark circles too evident under his eyes. Rukia gulped as she saw how tense he was. A strong jaw seemed almost locked into place, his features hard enough for him to resemble a stone statue. For certain she had displeased him.

'I was with a friend, Nii-sama.'

'I heard.' he growled lowly. His voice was like venom to her ears. He narrowed his eyes and she shivered as those icy greys pierced her. 'I also heard about your little kiss. Unacceptable.'

'Nii-sama, I only wanted to have some fun.'

'You can have fun in the safety of your home. I don't know how many times I have to repeat to you that I am perfectly fine with you hosting friends here. Now I know why you don't do that; you're going around throwing yourself at some dirty brat.'

'Maybe if you weren't forcing me to marry someone I have no interest in, I wouldn't feel the need to rebel.' she spat back. Her heartbeat was ringing in her ears and she was glaring daggers at the man she respected the most, but she didn't care. Enough was enough. It had been a year since Hisana died. She had tried to understand his controlling behaviour for too long.

'I never forced you, Rukia.' he stood up and she backed up the wall. It wasn't that she was afraid he would hurt her; her Nii-sama wasn't like that at all. It was just... She had actually never seen him so emotional. His voice was collected, but he had never spoken in this tone before to her. It was hurtful.

'I am doing what's best for you.' he continued. 'I have always done what's best for you.'

'Except when it comes to my freedom.' she tried hard not to raise her voice. She wanted to scream and throw her glass on the floor, but she settled for talking back.

'That man is good for you.'

'Good has nothing to do with it, Nii-sama. This is about you dictating my entire life.'

'You dare speak to me this way after I take you under my wing? I put food on the table and you have no problem eating it. I provide for you. You _will_ do as I say.' he walked horrifyingly slowly towards her as he said these words. She searched his eyes for something, anything; but Byakuya Kuchiki always kept at least a dense inch of frost between himself and others. 'Or God help you.'

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter! Thank you so much, **LuciaKuchiki** , **shirayuki992** , **hopelessromantic** , **gin** , and the guest reviewers! Thank you to the people who I know have been following my first fic. It means so much to me that your support bleeds onto my second project. I am overwhelmed and humbled by your kindness.

To those who guessed that there's a reason behind Rukia's promiscuity; you got it! It isn't necessarily something I want to reveal in one go though; I feel that this chapter gave some insight into that. It will make more and more sense as the chapters are published.

I would also like to say that this chapter is definitely one of the heavier ones. I have no intention of making this a dark fic. However, I thought it would be important to provide some backstory at this stage.

Thank you very much again, everyone! I cannot wait to hear your thoughts and comments on this chapter.


	3. F You

'Watch out, Ichigo!'

'Gah!' the flustered teen grunted, ducking as his father aimed to kick his head. Isshin fell flat on the floor, as he would every night. Quickly composing himself together, he sat upright and gave his son a thumbs up while blood dripped from his nose. Anyone else would have been mortified to see their parent presented in such a manner, but by now Ichigo had developed a thick skin for weird behaviour from his family. If anything, this nightly routine even irritated him.

'Nice work!' the older man cried enthusiastically. 'You're becoming a man!'

The "man" narrowed his eyes and growled. Not tonight. He would not partake in this childish ritual tonight.

'Onii-chan! Why did you miss dinner?' Yuzu inquired sadly. Not wanting to hurt her, he smiled and apologized. Karin asked for an explanation, but he couldn't tell them the truth. It wasn't that it was embarrassing, but it seemed awkward to confess that he'd been with a girl. Plus, they would never let him forget it.

The sound of obnoxious sniffing startled the young boy. Jumping back, he saw his crazy dad sniffing his back like a wild groundhog. Those thick eyebrows were raised, eyes wide, and his mouth puckered in a comical _O_. By now, the teen was beyond irritated. He pointed a finger accusingly at the imposing old man. 'You are _such_ a freak! What are you doing?!'

'Your scent!'

'Yes...?!'

'Smells sweet!'

'Ok?!'

'Smells like a _woman_.'

 _No, no, no!_

'Wow, I forgot I had so much work to do! Gotta go be a good student now!' Ichigo laughed nervously. His siblings looked at each other in confusion, then averted their attention to their brother who had just stumbled on his way up the stairs. The discomfort within the household was all too real when the doctor huffed with pride, howling an approving 'Go, Ichigo!' - much to the dismay of his children.

Despite himself, Ichigo grinned like a fool once he entered his room. For some reason, his dad's reaction gave him some form of reassurance. It was almost like a secret male-parental connection. Like a high five, but way more humiliating. The thumping of his heart reflected his excitement. Rukia Kuchiki... That woman was really something else. There was no doubt in his mind that she had many suitors; but he wouldn't go down without even trying.

His movements were quicker, happier as he changed his clothes and cleaned up his room. The young man was in a hypnosis of some sort, like he was on an energizer. He was physically exhausted and needed sleep, but his brain was working overtime. Even as he lay in bed, he desperately fought the need for sleep. Falling asleep meant that he would have less time to remember her vividly, and he really didn't want that.

* * *

 _Fuck you, Nii-sama._

Grimmjow's strong hand held her face firmly by the chin, forcing her to bend her head sideways so he could have access to her mouth. As if to express her delight, she pressed against him as his tongue slid into her mouth, surprisingly gentle and slow. He knew she liked being kissed softly, and he definitely wanted to please her. Especially since he had plans of coming back for more. Letting go of her face, two fingers slipped past her swollen lips as he continued to kiss her. Recognizing the bitter taste of a familiar pill, she spat it out immediately. She wasn't in the mood to get high.

'You ungrateful slut.' he groaned against her lips. 'We were meant to share that.'

'You should have asked first.' she breathed hotly. Innocent eyes looked up at him, melting him instantly. Oh, he loved how she always did this little act; like she didn't know what she was doing, like she wasn't fucking him to get back at her oppressive brother. After all, a Kuchiki woman must _always_ save herself for marriage. Or at the very least, have the modesty not to have such an insatiable appetite for sex. Imagine his surprise when she texted him to meet her outside her family manor's gates so that she could sneak him inside the guest house for round two.

She squeaked involuntary when his hand slammed against her ass painfully. Wincing from the impact, she hunched over in pain. He seemed angry when she leaned away from him, so he forced her head down onto the bed with his hand, effectively bending her over. Losing herself to the euphoria of it all, she bit her lip and spread her legs for him.

'Always so juicy, begging for my dick.' he smirked, his fingers playing with her wet folds. 'Twice in one evening; I'm so glad you transferred to my school baby.'

 _Not because of you_ , she thought in irritation. Her mind flashed to that damn orange-head who had left her frustratingly aroused. That man was definitely interesting. Despite speaking to him properly for only a couple of hours, she felt absolutely no judgement or disapproval from him. He just... saw her for what she was. He had read her so well. And she was happy to be studied by those sexy, smouldering amber eyes that just seemed to _know_ everything.

'Ah!' she snapped back into reality when two long fingers thrust inside of her. Physically, she was in bliss. Grimmjow knew just how to make her squirm. They shared a strong sexual chemistry that was hard to replicate, even with open communication.

However, for the first time, Rukia felt guilty about being touched. Not because her brother would be extremely disappointed, oh no - but because Ichigo told her that he was serious about her. The thing is, Rukia didn't even understand what being serious meant. Here she was with some gangster when she was supposed to be betrothed to a man of her brother's choosing.

But... If Ichigo knew what she was doing right now, he'd be upset, wouldn't he?

That didn't sit very well with her.

'No.' she warned, turning around to glare at him as she heard him unbuckling his belt.

'Come on. You're on birth control, aren't you?'

'Doesn't matter. Put on a condom.'

'Tsk.' he clicked his tongue. 'You're gonna let me fuck you raw one day, Kuchiki.'

She rolled her eyes at his pettiness. Watching him unwrap the plastic, she started to think about whether or not she really wanted to do this tonight. In fact, maybe she should just call it quits for the night and send him home. But then she looked at her partner's muscular frame glistening with sweat, those cold, hungry eyes intimidatingly irresistible. He could see her admiring him, and a proud grin formed on his lips. An aching need in her abdomen grew stronger as he leaned in closer, running a hand over his pale, tousled hair to get it out of his face.

Maybe just for tonight.

* * *

Ichigo was very excited for the morning. His early day routine seemed to go by unbearably slowly, till he finally arrived at school. Even there, his climb up the stairs felt like centuries. A little worried that his anticipation reflected on his face, he would actively make an effort to scowl. The result was just comical; a sporadic change of mood, it appeared to others.

Once he took his seat, the turn of events was exceptionally disappointing. Rukia was more tense than usual, although she greeted him for the day. However, she kept her distance throughout all their classes together. If anything, it was more like she was ignoring him. It was as if last night never happened. Hurt at first, he eventually shrugged it off and accepted that things were just going back to the way they were. He didn't mind that. If it wasn't meant to be, then he'd just get over it.

But he was not about to go down without a fight.

'Would you like to hang out again?' he asked softly between classes.

Azure eyes widened in surprise. The truth was that she was sort of avoiding him. Last night was... Well, last night didn't really happen. All because she couldn't stop worrying about how upset he'd be. Now she knew how ridiculous she had been. He didn't know anything. And even if he did, it was her body. It wasn't like he had a claim on her or anything. She took her time staring at him until she finally answered. 'Yes.'

'Oh.' he blinked. 'I thought you were shutting me out today.'

'Sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.'

'I see. Do you want to talk about it?'

She thought for a moment. Deciding that she wasn't one to talk about her problems with her Nii-sama or her rapidly increasing interest in this man, she replied 'No.'

He dropped the subject at that point. There was nothing he could do if she didn't want to say anything. He wished she would eventually confide in him though. His amber eyes lost a little color as he lost himself in some sense of wonder. What could be bothering her? Did she feel strange about last night?

Starting to become aware of his wandering mind, she interjected 'It's nothing you did. I just had a fight with my Nii-sama.'

 _Also, I can't have sex because all I think about is your adorable face._

He winced. 'Maybe kissing me in front of that guy was a bad idea.'

'I'm not ashamed of you, Ichigo.'

'Whatever.' he looked away to hide the fact that he blushed at her words. This woman knew just how to make his heart flutter. Just as he was about to add onto what he was saying, the teacher had arrived. He would have to end the conversation quickly. 'Are you free later?'

'My brother wants me home early.'

'This weekend?'

'Yes?'

'Meet me at the park on Saturday, noon time.'

'Fine.' she said cooly. She tried hard not to be excited about it. He frowned at her lack of enthusiasm, but he should have seen that twinkle in her eye.

The next few days were torturous. Ichigo could feel some awkward tension between them, although Rukia was oblivious to it. Her problem was that Grimmjow kept approaching her, flirting with her - and she wanted none of it. _After the date_ , she told herself. All she needed to do was go on this one date and sleep with Ichigo Kurosaki and it would be out of her system. Then she'd realize that he was nothing special and go on with her life.

Right?

Wrong.

Every damn day she was falling for him more and more. He carried himself with confidence, seemingly so sure of himself. Nearly everyone at school was afraid to approach him, but he shifted into the most gentle creature when he was tutoring or helping someone out. She noticed that despite the extreme ends of his personality, his eyes were never cold. They were always kind.

Her lust subsided as her girlish crush on him grew stronger. All she wanted to do was talk, like that time next to the riverbank. She regretted cutting him off in the conversation to straddle him. She wished they had exchanged more words. Telling herself it didn't matter, she brushed her feelings away and kept cautiously optimistic about their impending date.

 _He's nothing special._

'See you tomorrow, Rukia.'

 _Right?_

* * *

Ichigo couldn't wait for Friday to be over. Tomorrow was when he would finally have Rukia all too himself, away from the prying eyes of his classmates. It wasn't that he was embarrassed to be seen with her; he just wanted his privacy. He was not a publicly affectionate man. In fact, he was more of an introvert. He kept to himself and he liked it that way.

'Thanks so much, Ichigo!' Rangiku Matsumoto beamed. 'You've been so helpful!'

'Sure.' he replied dismissively. Another thing about Fridays was that they were his busiest day. For some reason, everyone wanted some tutoring on the last day of school for the week. Since his little business was growing, the number of clients he was taking on had been increasing. While it was tiring, he didn't want to complain. He was actually grateful that the other students sought his help. Plus, the extra cash in his pocket didn't hurt.

'What are you doing tonight?'

'Nothing.'

'Why not? Don't you have a girlfriend or something to hang out with?'

'I hang out with my friends during breaks.'

'Girlfriend?' she teased in a high, sing-song voice.

'Why are you so interested?' Now he was skeptical. He didn't really feel like making small talk, especially not after such a gruelling day. Normally, his clientele couldn't wait to bid him farewell after their sessions.

'Well? Do you?' she pouted.

'No.' he admitted.

'You know, I have a _really_ cute friend that's into you.' the blonde beauty explained. 'I keep telling her to go for it, but you can be really scary sometimes.'

Ichigo frowned at that. He wasn't looking for companionship right now. He was never the type of person to look for relationships. It just so happened that Rukia was different. Had she not entered his life, he probably would not have considered dating anybody while at school. He needed to focus on his studies. 'I'm not looking to date.'

'But you'd play around with Kuchiki after school?'

He froze. How did she know about that?

Seeing the color drain from his face made Rangiku feel bad. That was not her intention at all. 'Sorry! But you guys were being so loud! We at the arts and crafts club could hear you guys from the next classroom.'

Now he was turning grey.

'Oh no!' the bombshell was trying hard to calm him down. The poor thing! 'It's nothing to be ashamed of! She is a frisky one, that Kuchiki.'

Well, fuck you.

'Don't talk about her like that.' he sounded offended, his eyes hardening. 'Don't talk about Rukia that way. Especially woman to woman; it's sick.'

Without another word, he threw his books into his bag _with_ his cellphone and bolted out the door. A stunned Rangiku was paralyzed from shock. She had never heard Ichigo react that way to anything. Her comment wasn't even meant to be malicious. She was trying to tell him it wasn't his fault! That woman really was a brilliant seductress.

But to Ichigo, people just had to stay out of others' business. He didn't care how many men Rukia had been with. It was her body, her life. And they weren't together. He had no right to force his feelings on her that way. Yes, he was upset and a little possessive, but he just had to get over it. How could he demand anything from her? They just weren't official.

Yet.

Ichigo smiled.

 _Yet._

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed! Thank you **ffn1990** , **shirayuki992** , **lightdesired** , **ArsinoetheXXVII** , **Darkness Absol** , **Carupin** , and the guest reviewer! I always enjoy reading the comments, they truly make my day.

I hope that this chapter is a satisfying continuation to the story! Thank you so much again for your support! I can't wait to hear your thoughts about it.

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	4. I Like You

Astonishingly enough, Rukia had never been on a "date."

What was a date? To the noble families, a date meant an arranged dinner between the two families. There would be small talk and wine. Often, there would be steak. By the end of it, the heads of the two clans would be the ones to decide in private whether their successors were to be wed. Of course, the actual two people involved in the union of souls would not have any say in it whatsoever.

The man had to be older, a provider. He had to be well-established in life with enough money; Byakuya expected mountain loads of it. He would never give his sister away to a fickle man who spent money as easily as water flowed.

The woman had to be well-groomed and polite, as well as a virgin. Rukia understood the traditional values that persisted even in modern times. She understood that they were important to the elite families, that there was a spiritual meaning behind them. But to her, that was all they were; arbitrary practices with symbolism attached by people. Intrinsically, they meant nothing. And so, they meant nothing to her.

Being such a young, fiery woman, she hated having to partake in those stupid match-making dinners. Ever since Hisana passed away, her brother was almost obsessed with finding the perfect suitor for her. She hated how her Nii-sama would glare at her icily whenever she put the fork down lopsidedly or said something a little unwomanly - whatever the hell that meant. She hated how those men would talk to her as if she were ignorant, like she didn't understand politics or philosophy, like she's never had _sex_.

Ha.

Had them all fooled.

Subservient she was not, nor will she ever be. If she had to put on that persona for her Nii-sama to be happy, then so be it. But she would find a way to be her own person. All she wanted was to have normal life experiences without the watchful eye of a well-meaning but iron-fisted brother. And now that she was getting her wish, she was at a total loss. She didn't even know what to wear.

Throwing on a white dress, she hoped for the best. Deciding not to take the car for fear that her driver might contact her brother, she wore comfortable shoes. It was only when she had reached the park that she realized he didn't exactly say where he would see her. She had her phone, but she never got his number. She made a mental note to fix that.

Already starting to panic, a hand wrapping around her waist from behind her startled her. Turning around sharply, she was greeted by the dazzling beauty of white lilies. Ichigo carried a small bouquet of them in his hand, smiling down at her gently. He looked ravishing and smart in a crisp black shirt and jeans. It was only as she admired him did she realize that that was the first time she had seen him not wearing his school uniform 'Hi, Rukia.'

'Hey.' she replied absent-mindedly, her delicate hands stroking the feathery petals. They really were so pretty in full bloom, snuggled with lavender wrapping paper, and tied at the stems by a pink bow. Very cute. An oddly sweet choice considering the bad boy Ichigo Kurosaki made himself out to be.

'They're for you.' he cleared his throat.

'Really?'

'Yes?'

'For real?'

'No, I like picking flowers in my spare time.' he snapped. 'Now take them.'

'Thank you.' she said sincerely, choosing to ignore his rudeness. A faint blush graced his face as he noticed how happy she was, smiling as she held them in her hand. She looked good around flowers, though even the most beautiful rose couldn't even dream of matching her elegance.

He shook his head. No, he would not be seduced by her! He was going to get to know her even more, and she was going to fall in love with him. At least, he wanted her to. One could dream. He grabbed her by the hand and she gasped at the sudden gesture. She demanded to know where they were going and he said that they would eat. He took her out for lunch, and they did nothing but bicker the entire time. She called him a fool countless times, and he complained that she could never just be nice or give him a compliment.

It was perfect.

Afterwards, he took her to walk around the park. He hadn't planned that, but he wanted an excuse to continue talking to her. She was just so interesting, and he was learning so much about her.

For example, he uncovered that rabbits were her favourite animal. In fact, she was obsessed with them. They spotted a wild one while around the park and she squealed like a child at the sight of it. She ventured far too close to it and scared it off, she nearly cried. He had to spend a good minute comforting her, telling her that the stupid bunny would be fine.

It was so strange seeing her this way... Like she had some sort of switch. He remembered how she took him in her mouth, salivating as her lust-lidden sapphire eyes burned into his memory. And now here she was, heartbroken that a small animal wouldn't give her the time of day. He laughed inwardly as she pouted, still clutching the flowers.

'I actually have an appointment to get to.' he announced a little sadly.

'Oh?' she mirrored his unhappiness. They had only spent a couple of hours together. It wasn't nearly enough time. 'Why?'

'My friend wants me to tutor her.'

 _Her?_

'Where?'

'My place.'

A streak of jealousy sliced through the usually composed aristocrat. Nevertheless, she nodded when he took hold of her hand as he walked her home. Strangely enough, that walk was quiet. They couldn't stop chatting earlier on, but now there was a thorny aura between them - like he could sense she was pissed at him for leaving so early. Really, it was more than that. She didn't like the fact that he had to see another girl.

Once they had reached the gates of the Kuchiki manor, she glued her eyes to the pavement. Why was she getting so emotional? Was she seriously so angry at him for ending their outing? Being an exceptionally rational person, she could clearly recognize how petty she was being.

'Can I kiss you?' he whispered, startling her to look up at him. Butterflies in her stomach threatened to fly out of her mouth at any moment. Stunned by those amber eyes, she cursed him for being so charming, so nice. Of course he would ask if he could kiss her. He was just so dreamy that way.

Rather than reply, she closed her eyes and parted her lips. Truthfully, she just didn't want to look at him. It would do nothing but deepen the reddening of her cheeks and intensify the vertigo effect of being swooned by him. She had to keep cool, she had to be a Kuchiki.

Her blue eyes opened to catch his gaze after he had planted the most innocent kiss. Sensing that it wasn't enough for either of them, he pushed her lightly up against the brick wall, tasting her. The only reason she wasn't grabbing at his impressive torso was because she was still in possession of the lovely lilies. She didn't want to squish them, so she cradled them closely to her chest. Never before had simple flowers meant so much to her.

The sweet scent of his gift and the tenderness of his rough fingers was almost too much for her. He was so good, to everyone and to her. He was such a complex man, and the more she got to know him the more she wanted to have him.

Did he really have to go? Now? Couldn't she invite him to her room? Maybe they could...

'What is going on here?'

'Nii-sama!' Rukia cried out, pushing her companion as far as she could. The sudden movement hurt, but he kept his mouth shut as he examined her brother carefully.

And wow, he was hella intimidating.

Byakuya was the personification of ice. His crisp suit clung to every angular cut of his body, making him look taller and slimmer than the normal working man. His pale skin contrasted his black attire so strongly that he would have looked like a ghost had it not been for the raging fire in those frosty grey eyes that was scorching everything he looked at.

Oh yeah. Guess who he was looking at?

'Yo. I'm Ichigo Kurosaki.'

The older man nearly toppled over in disbelief. _Yo?_ Seriously?

'Byakuya Kuchiki.' he returned, narrowing his eyes.

It took the businessman less than five seconds to decide he did not like this delinquent. The orange hear was in itself a deal breaker. What kind of nice, conservative man dyes his hair? And to that outrageous color? Well, in all his years of living, Byakuya had never seen anything quite like that shade. And the way he had been... practically _eating_ his sister's face!

Rukia's eyes were darting back and forth between the two men. Nii-sama worked every single day, even on weekends, right up until the sun went down. Of course the one time he comes home early, it had to be when she was desecrating the family name. Well, it didn't matter. She meant what she had said before; she was not ashamed of Ichigo.

'Ichigo Kurosaki.' Byakuya began. 'Why don't you come join us for dinner?'

'Oh, thanks.' the teenager replied nonchalantly. 'But I have to go tutor my friend right now.'

'You tutor?'

'Yeah.'

'And what do you teach?'

 _Delinquency?_

'Literature.'

 _Oh._

'Anyway, I have to go. It was nice to meet you, Byakuya!'

It was rare to ever see the head of the Kuchiki clan wear any expression. But the man's eyes were glaring icicles at the young boy by now. Since when did he give permission to be so familiar with him? What a rude child! As the brat went on his way, he turned his attention to his sister who was holding a small bouquet of white flowers. Well, at _least_ he had the decency to be somewhat of a gentleman.

But no.

Least was not good.

Least was not good enough.

Not for him, not for his sister.

This would blow off. It was just a senior fling. He would find more suitors; powerful, rich men who could spoil her with the luxuries of life. They'd take care of her, they'd love her. And they would be respectful. Then she'd see that there was no point wasting time with an immature, _insolent brat_.

* * *

Ichigo didn't see her again until Monday rolled in. Yet again, nothing had really changed. But this time, he understood that she was wary of the public eye - especially considering her status as a member of one of the noble families.

The thing was, Ichigo didn't give a single fuck about nobility.

So after a few days, he went about asking her to lunch, surprising his classmates and even his friends. Despite her caution, she would oblige and they would sit with each other on the rooftop bickering and teasing. Rukia hadn't mentioned her brother again, but the teen knew that he had probably rubbed him the wrong way. He didn't take it personally. Having sisters of his own, he knew how protective older brothers could be.

'How do you drink this?'

'Rukia, it's a juice box. You stick a straw in it.'

'Where?'

'Into the box!'

'How?'

'Rukia! Have you never had juice before?'

'Of course I have, you fool!' she glared up at him. 'But it's always freshly squeezed into a glass.'

He rolled his eyes. Sometimes he forgot that she was so spoiled. 'Stick the straw in it and suck it.'

Not wanting to admit she desperately needed his help, she dropped the subject and tried to figure it out in her head. Who needed to drink this anyway? How good could juice in a carton taste anyway?

'Are you and Grimmjow still seeing each other?'

'Are you asking if we still fuck?'

'I guess.' he shrugged. Honestly, it hurt him how blasé she could be about it sometimes. Now that he was getting closer to her, caring about her more, he was growing increasingly affected by her sexual escapades. Not that he thought any less of her for it; but he wished that she would like him enough to want only him.

'I've been avoiding him actually.'

'Oh.' he breathed out in relief.

'Ichigo.'

'What?'

'I want you to tutor me after school, at my place.'

'That's fine.'

'How much?'

'Don't worry about it. I won't charge you.'

'That doesn't feel right.' she frowned. 'How can I repay you?'

'Don't worry about it.' he repeated, taking the juice box and sticking her straw through it. 'We'll think of something.'

* * *

'You're so... fucking... _tight_.' he panted. Rukia grit her teeth to fight back her moans, but the pleasure escaped her throat. His hips slapped against hers erotically and the sight of her engorged pussy sucking him back into her every time he retreated drove him to indescribable excitement. He pulled her head by her hair, a soft growl escaping his throat as the lust in her eyes thanked him for filling her. 'Open your mouth, sweetheart.' she did as she was told and he spat into her mouth. He bit her lower lip before claiming her mouth with his. She moaned into the kiss as his tongue invaded her mouth, leaving no space unsoiled. When he finally let her go, he pushed her head down into the mattress.

'Anh... Ah, unh...!' The petite woman could do nothing but buck against his harsh pounding. Every thrust he took felt like he was tearing her apart from inside out. Although surprised by her body's earnest response to him, she left all her inhibitions behind. 'I've wanted this for so long.' she whined, kissing his wrists. 'I want you.'

He gave her a languid lick on the neck and she came hard on him. He hissed as she writhed, coaxing him to his end. Not wanting to finish just yet, he retreated from her warmth.

His cock stiffened painfully at the sight of her. Her long legs were splayed apart, exposing her quivering cunt smeared in her arousal and his precum. Modest breasts shook as she breathed heavily and her mouth hung open, letting slivers of saliva down her jaw and onto her neck. Two of his fingers prodded her entrance, while his other hand stroked himself. 'More... Please, Ichigo... I want you.'

Arching her back to the feeling of his fingers sheathing into her pussy, she screamed in pleasure as his digits massaged her insides. Her screams accompanied the squelching sounds of his movements inside of her. Relishing her whimpers when he retrieved his fingers, he brought them up to her lips. She sucked obediently, shuddering when he entered her again and rammed into her like an animal.

'How do we taste, Rukia?' he asked softly, his other hand traveling down to toy with her between his fingers.

'Anh, Ichigo... Hanh...' the girl couldn't speak any coherent words. Her speech had been reduced to moans and cries of pleasure, but he wasn't complaining. It gave him pride to see how much she was enjoying his dick inside of her. Clenching his teeth when her walls clamped down on him, he fought the need for release as she rode out another orgasm. He sighed in pleasure as he felt her convulse around him, her legs twitching as he continued his onslaught. She started to tense up from his merciless pounding, but he took his hands away from their spots to push against her thighs and spread her further apart, allowing him to fuck her deeper.

'I'm not done with you.' he barked, now staring right at her. 'Not till you're my baby.'

She screamed.

He kissed her.

Neither of them cared about anything except each other. She didn't know how long they did that for; him fucking her through her climax, her nails digging further into his back as she burst in ecstasy for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was hard to believe he had never been with anyone before. He knew just how to drive her over the edge.

Finally, he could no longer contain himself. The knot that was tightening in his abdomen threatened to undo itself at any moment. He tried to pull out, but her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. He locked eyes with her in horror, as if conflicted as to whether to tell her that he was close. But she knew. And she wanted it.

'Inside.' she squeaked out, her arms snaking around his neck. 'Cum inside me.'

'Rukia...' he was shaking. 'Do you want that?'

'Yes. I'm your baby.'

He wanted to. Heaven knows he wanted to. Hell was practically commanding him to. But he cared about her too much. What they were doing... was already risky enough. With her best interest in mind, he released himself from her hold, effectively earning an angry hiss from her. He was about to say something, but she pushed him onto his knees and got on all fours to take him into her mouth. She sucked him mercilessly, like she was in a trance.

That was it. Every ounce of control he had left in him dissipated at that point. He came into her mouth, and she hungrily took all of his seed.. She drank every spurt, and he swore he could see stars whenever she gulped, her eyes never leaving his. She continued to suck for a few moments after he was spent until he lifted her by the shoulders to kiss her. He could taste them together, their juices mingling with their saliva. When he broke the kiss, beads of their mix connected their lips, the sight erotic enough to have the woman whimpering for him to take her again.

'I like you.' he confessed when he broke the kiss, their eyes glazed over in some sort of revelation for each other.

Had she any control of her body, she would have frozen at those words. Instead, she continued to tremble, kissing him everywhere. 'You're not just saying that?'

'I thought it was obvious I mean it. I told you; I'm serious about you.'

'Serious enough to like me?'

'Damn it, what did I just say?' he snapped out of his pleasure-induced trance. She was so irritating! But he had more fun with her for it. She laughed at his exasperation and his heart warmed at the sound of it. She fell back onto the sheets, raising her arms as if reaching for him. He conceded and collapsed on top of her, inhaling her sweet aroma.

'I could do this with you all day.' he kissed her softly, and she gasped at his touch. His rough hands rubbed her arms up and down before finally settling on her neck, bringing her closer to him - as if he couldn't be close enough to her. Like he wanted to melt with her.

'Ichigo.' she bit her lip. This man was still a mystery to her. There was something about him that felt right.

'Do you like me too?'

Warm amber gazed into her sapphire orbs longingly. He looked so sad, so vulnerable. It was like he was pleading for her to return his feelings. The thing was, Rukia didn't know exactly what that meant. What was liking someone? How did you know if you liked someone? However, she was sure that her feelings for him ran deeper than his feelings for her.

'I think I'm falling in love with you.' she admitted, and tears started to form in her eyes. She cursed herself for being so emotional. She hadn't expected herself to be this way. He grinned at her sincerity, cupping her face and kissing her deeply. Her heart was beating at a million miles a minute and it was hard to breathe, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

The door to her bedroom burst open violently, and the pair scrambled to untangle from each other. Rukia grabbed her sheets to clothe herself, her lover grabbing his pants to cover up some parts of him.

'Kurosaki Ichigo.' Byakuya Kuchiki demanded darkly. 'I _insist_ you stay for dinner this time.'

* * *

 **A/N** : This was actually an exhausting chapter to write. I fear that I may have not done it much justice, but I do hope that it is not much of a disappointment. Thank you again to everyone who reads and reviews! Thank you **Carupin** , **shirayuki992** , **FunnyEasyMe** , **Anon01** , and the guest reviewers! So thankful for your continued support.

Looking forward to hear your thoughts and comments! Working hard on the next chapter for you guys.


	5. Are you Insecure?

Ichigo swallowed nervously.

Damn, who needed such a long table for three people? Byakuya was seated at the head of the table, with Rukia to his right and Ichigo to his left. It was uncomfortable enough that he had to be so far from her, but they were also so spread out that one had to speak loudly to be heard properly. The distance between each person was unnecessarily long. The part-time tutor pitied the butler, who had to constantly move around to prep the plates for the next course.

On the bright side, the food was _really_ good. Was that steak or butter in his mouth?

'I have to be honest with you, you-.'

'Shoot.'

'Don't interrupt.'

'Oh. Sorry.'

'As I was saying.' Byakuya continued, albeit annoyed. What an insolent child! Had he no manners? 'I have high expectations of whoever Rukia chooses to involve herself with.'

'Naturally.'

' _Don't_ interrupt.'

'Sorry.'

'Ugh.' Byakuya thought he was going to have a heart attack.

Rukia couldn't help but feel a little irritated with her lover as well. Sinking down a little on her chair to extend her reach, she managed to kick him under the table. He jolted at the impact, but said nothing. Hopefully he had gotten the message.

'Kurosaki, there is no way I will ever approve of you being with my sister.'

Well, he kind of expected that. If he were to barge into his little sister having sex with someone he's never met before, he'd be a little miffed too. Maybe if he gave this guy some time, he'd learn to be more accepting. Perhaps it was just the shock of circumstances that have led up to this point that got him acting like a pole was stuck up his ass.

'Nii-sama, you don't even know him.' Rukia snapped. 'You have no idea what he's like.'

'You must think I'm stupid.' he scoffed, wiping his mouth with a napkin. 'As if I don't know what goes on in my own house. The maids have told me that you've been taking a tall man with oddly-colored hair into the guest house late at night.'

 _Grimmjow._

'Now I know who it is.'

Ichigo's heart broke a little at that. He wanted to defend himself, say that he wasn't the kind of man who snuck into strangers' homes for sex, and that he knew exactly who that guy was. But then he would have to sell Rukia out, and he didn't want that. He could already sense that their sibling relationship was strained enough.

So many thoughts swirled in his head that he just blanked out. The adopted aristocrat panicked when her brother mentioned those late night visits. Her horrified eyes darted to her lover, who she noted was now staring into space.

She fought back tears as she realized how much that revelation must have hurt him. That wasn't her intention at all. That blue-haired juvenile was just so easy, so convenient. It was how things had always been since moving to Karakura; he was always the one who would make her feel wild and justly rebellious. She was expecting to get her high school degree then move towns to go to a college out of reach by her brother. How could she have known that she would actually get serious with a man like Ichigo? Maybe he wouldn't even want to be with her anymore. Her hands trembled at the thought.

But it wasn't like she cheated. They were nothing at the time. Despite that, she knew that she felt guilty for a reason. She gave herself to Grimmjow, knowing full well how it would affect Ichigo. And it wasn't like she could silence her Nii-sama - that would be the end of her. This was a nightmare come true.

Finally snapping out of his stupor, the young man narrowed his eyes at her. She shivered from the iciness. He looked like he was about to pounce on her. Anger and disappointment pierced her, making her uncomfortable. _Good._ He wanted her to feel like shit. She could be such a bitch sometimes.

'I think it would be best if I left.' he cleared his throat. 'We've obviously gotten off to a bad start.'

'I wouldn't say that.' Byakuya stated matter-of-factly. 'I would just say that you're an inappropriate match for my sister.'

 _Oh, so I'm the inappropriate one?_ Ichigo nearly snorted. _Because it's not like she tried to bait me, and I had to be the nice guy and insist on taking her out on a date even though the whole time I fantasized about banging her, right?_

'Excuse me.' he muttered and bolted out of the dining room.

'Don't follow him.' the pale man commanded when his sister rose from her seat. About to fight back, she froze when she saw how stony his glare was. He didn't have to tell her. She knew that she really pissed him off this time.

* * *

Ichigo couldn't shake off what that man had said. In fact, he was starting to believe it. Maybe he really was a bad fit for Rukia.

First off, he didn't come from money. And her house was... Well, not a house. It was a mansion. With maids. And a butler. And guards. There was no way he could provide her that kind of life, at least not if he kept going in the direction he was in right now. He had good grades, but he wasn't exceptionally scholarly or involved.

Then, there was his reputation. Byakuya probably wanted someone conservative and mature to be associated with the Kuchiki name. While Ichigo was indeed fairly conservative, his orange hair and short temper took precedence over any other qualities he had. If Rukia were to officially be with him, he feared that she would always be seen as _that girl_ who got with _that guy_. She might be fine with it for a while, but over time it would probably get on her nerves.

Lastly, it infuriated him how she had let him slide under the bus. It wasn't even his fault! And now he was the one who looked like a total pig. And the fact that Byakuya was so surprised to see him - did she seriously not tell her brother about him? Was he that bad that he had to stay a secret? He understood that they had a strained relationship, but he felt completely disrespected.

With these thoughts still marinating in his mind, he growled lowly when the woman who took his virginity entered the classroom. Of course she continued as normal, cool and collected like nothing happened. Well, he wasn't going to let it go today.

She sat down and refused to look at him. He opened his mouth to bark at her, but she silenced him with her words. 'I'm sorry about what happened last night.'

'If you're so fucking sorry, why don't you tell your brother what actually happened and with who?' he snapped. His voice was so sharp that his classmates' attention was drawn to their conversation. Keigo was about to approach him, but quickly backed away when he sensed how thick the air between the pair was.

'You know I can't do that.'

'No, I _don't_ fucking know you can't do that! Because you can, you just don't want to. It's all about you, isn't it, Rukia? All about looking out for yourself and having the time of your life.' he laughed bitterly. 'And to hell with everyone else!'

Normally, the reserved girl would never let anyone speak to her like that. Yet, she found herself trying to hide underneath her raven hair. She knew exactly where he was coming from. Not wanting to aggravate him, she didn't say anything to give him space.

Unfortunately, Ichigo misunderstood her silence as her way of shunning him. He banged his fist on his desk. _Little bitch!_ Of course she would fuck him and throw him away like he was nothing to her. He was just one amongst many men, right?!

'Good morning, everyone!' their homeroom teacher greeted the students warmly when she entered the room. There was no way the pair would be able to continue their conversation now. The enraged teenager averted his heated glare at the blackboard, trying to calm the raging beating of his heart. Next to him, the guilty girl fought back humiliated tears.

* * *

'Aww, did your boyfriend dump you?'

'Fuck off, Grimmjow.'

'Damn, OK!' he threw his arms up in surrender. 'I guess that's a sore spot.'

Rukia clicked her tongue. They haven't fucked in weeks and he still flirted with her every single day. This man was insufferable. She just wasn't in the mood for him, especially not right now.

She hadn't spoken to Ichigo in the past few days. To be fair, she hadn't exactly tried. Anxiety was constantly brewing in her stomach; it hurt her to know that she hurt him and that he could hate her. He hadn't initiated a conversation since her failed apology, so she decided that she would talk to him after his tutoring sessions today. She knew that his last one ended at 6:00 pm, in the room directly below the one she was in. She would beg for his forgiveness and ask how to make it right. Even if it meant confessing all her rebellious escapades to her brother.

Of course, she hadn't anticipated that Grimmjow would find her here. He was a sad reminder of the night she invited him to the guest house and... She couldn't finish the thought. It wasn't that she regretted sleeping with him necessarily. It was that she claimed to be interested in Ichigo, but hooked up with another man behind his back.

At the time, she didn't know it was wrong. She was knew to this whole commitment thing. She didn't know if she was doing any of it right. Up to now, she was only concerned with hot, wild sex with men she never bothered getting to know. It was never important to her. But Ichigo was important to her.

She hated how he was pretending like she didn't exist. He wouldn't even look her way during class. When the teacher would tell the class to get into pairs, he'd turn to the person in front of him rather than to her. She tried calling him once, but he didn't pick up. She texted him twice, but he never responded. She even asked to speak with him privately, but he pretended like he heard nothing.

The rejection _stung_. It brought her shame that she was pining over someone who obviously wanted nothing to do with her now, with Grimmjow constantly trying to goad her into "getting together."

The truth was that she was tempted. Oh, she was so tempted. Grimmjow was undeniably attractive; untamed eyes with a sharp jaw line, along with a muscular frame and scarred skin that made him seem all the more masculine. Who wouldn't want to jump him? She wanted to retaliate against Ichigo for hurting her, but she cared too much about him to give into her pettiness.

Suddenly, she sobbed. She sobbed because she was so sorry. She didn't think that it would hurt him this much. She was so engrossed in herself that she failed to think about him. All she wanted to do was make it right, but it may be too late. Especially since...

'Don't cry, Kuchiki.' the blue-haired rebel grunted, wiping a tear from her cheek. 'Come on. I was just starting to like you.'

'You don't like anybody.' she retorted, pulling away from him.

'I like you enough to fuck you.' he sneered, brushing his lips against her face.

Every needy fibre in her body lit up when he claimed her mouth with his. She leaned into the kiss, her restless tongue tasting every crevice. Oh, how she hated how this man made her feel. Emotionally, they felt nothing for each other. But he was undeniably wild, and that in itself shot lightning up her legs.

But, no. She wouldn't.

Just this one kiss though.

It couldn't hurt.

Right?

* * *

Ichigo wasn't stupid. He knew that Rukia wanted to talk to him, but he hadn't been in the right mind set to do so. Moving from classroom to classroom to meet up with his clients, he caught glimpses of her waiting alone in one. He sensed that she was probably waiting for him, and that was when he decided to man up and have that difficult conversation.

So after Tatsuki handed him his payment, he rushed his way to the room he knew Rukia was in. The session ended earlier than expected and he couldn't wait to talk to her. But what he saw burned him.

Rukia was seated on her usual chair, and Grimmjow was bent down kissing her. Really, really kissing her. Deep, tongue-fucking, wet kissing. And she was kissing him right back. Eagerly.

 _Really?_

'Are you fucking kidding me?'

Oops.

That was _not_ meant to come out.

She immediately pushed the tall man away, although he was already backing off to stare at the tutor right in the face. He smirked and licked his lips, a giant _fuck you_. Ichigo saw red as those sky-blue eyes gleamed with mischief. Grimmjow's mysterious distaste for the orange-haired teen had now evolved into a full-blown rivalry.

'You're interrupting.' Grimmjow laughed.

Ichigo's eyelids sank a little in irritation. Why did people always make him feel like the bad guy for intruding?

'I can see that.' he responded, turning on his heels.

Rukia's breathing turned laboured as her anxiety took over every nerve in her body. She darted from the room, catching her lover in the hallway. He glanced back at her with eyes saturated in hurt disbelief before rushing away from her. She followed suit, surprised when she realized he was climbing up the stairs towards the rooftop.

When they finally reached the open space, they took a moment to catch their breaths. It was a particularly hard task for the petite woman, who was also battling the nervous energy dragging her down. Her hands balled into shaking fists, trying hard to gain her composure and think of the right words to say.

'Please don't hate me.' she blurted, her lips shivering.

'I just can't believe you!' he panted, dropping his school bag. 'You're playing me!'

'I'm not! Ichigo, I'm sorry! I just-'

'I liked you. A lot. And you just played me. What was the point of texting me, trying to talk to me, if you were still seeing him anyway?'

'I'm sorry.' she repeated, giving up on asking him to hear her out. What would she be able to say anyway? _I'm sorry, he was just irresistible?_ She knew she messed up. She was hedonistic, and her selfish nature was hurting him. _She_ was the problem. _She_ had to change.

'I'm sorry too.' he mumbled, picking his bag up again. 'I don't know why I led you here. I thought we could talk it out, but I can't.'

'Please.' she tugged on his shirt. 'I'm sorry.'

Her watering eyes bore into his for what seemed like an eternity. He didn't say she was forgiven. He didn't say that he still wanted to be with her. But as soon as a single tear fell down her cheek, he wiped it away with his thumb and crashed his lips onto hers.

His chest tightened when he tasted that man on her; alcohol and anger. Her hands were all over him, undoing his shirt and discarding it to the floor. Long, toned arms lifted her by the thighs so that she straddled him. Her legs crossed over behind his hips, and he pushed her lithe body up against the metal fencing. She moaned from the impacting, fisting her hands in his hair.

The thing was, this wasn't too enjoyable for him. He was inhumanly attracted to her, and the physical aspect of it all was pleasurable. But he couldn't stop wondering how Grimmjow would treat her, or if she thought about him when those two were at it. He felt like just any guy, and that hurt. He wanted to be special to her. He wanted to have a real relationship with her. But was she even capable of that?

Why would she? She was young, beautiful, free. Why would she find him special enough to throw all of that away?

'Anh...' she gasped against his lips when two fingers entered her. A knot formed in his abdomen as she writhed, making the sweetest, most intoxicating sounds as he pumped in and out of her. She whined when he broke the kiss to admire her shaking form, and his mouth watered at the sight of her. She was absolutely breathtaking.

'You're so fucking wet.' he whispered. She squirmed to try and back away from him, suddenly embarrassed by how easy she had melted under him. He withdrew his fingers and plunged them into her mouth. She sputtered in protest, but obediently sucked when his other hand spanked her thigh. When he finally retrieved his now slick fingers, he wasted no time in corkscrewing them back inside of her.

She screamed and her legs trembled, but he didn't want her to be so loud. Especially not after finding out that an entire club knew what they were doing. He muffled her cries with his tongue, probing her mouth expertly.

'Mm, mm, ngh!' she moaned despite his efforts.

'You want to cum, don't you?' he whispered, stroking her face with her juices. She whimpered in response, desperately licking and sucking on his fingers like she was begging for it. It was no use. She needed him to throw her down and fuck her like he was going to break her, just like he did before. She shuddered at the memory. Nothing was ever going to compare to him in bed, she was sure of it. 'Tell me what you want.'

'You.' she managed.

'Beg for it.'

Her sapphire eyes widened in excited humiliation. 'Ichigo... Don't play around.'

'I'm not.' he insisted, amber orbs intensifying as he reached down to prod her entrance. 'Beg for it. If you want it that badly.'

'Ichigo.' she bit her lip. 'I can't.'

'Then go fuck yourself.' he declared proudly, withdrawing his touch from her.

She grabbed him by the wrists and looked up at him pleadingly. It was obvious that he would not be persuaded. Either she lowered her pride, or they would both leave each other frustrated. She took a long breath in and lowered her eyes, but he cupped her face.

'Look at me when you do it.' he commanded.

'Ichigo...' she whined, but his resolve was firm. Defeated, she met his hard stare and spoke. 'I-I want you. Please, fuck me.'

'How badly do you want?'

'So badly.' she breathed against his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist.

'Take off your clothes.'

'Ichigo.' her voice was wavering. 'Can't we go somewhere else?'

He didn't answer her, but his frozen amber orbs said all that she needed to know. She shut her eyes in shame, turning away from him so he wouldn't see all of her at once. She fumbled with the buttons of her top but managed to get them all. He grew impatient and yanked it away from her, exposing the fluid shape of her torso. Subconsciously, he licked his lips when she unhooked her bra and let it fall on the concrete, exposing those delicious mounds.

No longer able to contain himself, he bent her over so that her hands grasped the metal fence and her bottom was exposed to him. He didn't need her to remove her skirt.

A pang of jealousy struck him. Seeing her like this reminded him of when he first caught her bent over a desk, with Grimmjow fucking her from behind.

It didn't matter. He'd make her forget him.

'Let's see how badly you really want me.' he murmured as he entered her. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched himself thrust in and out of her, his entire length glistening in her juice. Like she was drooling all over his cock. She moaned loudly, her fingers lacing with the metal painfully. His pounding became more urgent, rougher. Unable to control herself, she ground her behind against him, meeting every thrust and wanting him deeper inside of her.

It was all just too much. The slapping skin, the sucking sound of her pulling him back in every time, his sexy grunts - and the thought of someone potentially seeing them. She hung her head in aroused embarrassment, her legs shaking.

This seemed to upset him. He yanked her head back, lifting her body so that she was pressed against the fencing with her back against him, her naked form in full view to anyone who looked up. Of course, by now everyone had gone home. The gesture itself was enough to instil some sense of voyeurism that was exciting and unpredictable. He held her close, strong hands cupping her breasts firmly. She could feel his hot breath on her, and she turned her head slightly so that he could see her profile.

'I want the world to see this.' he breathed into her hair, ramming into her harder and deeper with every word. 'I want everyone to see that you're _mine_.'

She grit her teeth as she fought back every pleasure-induced moan. It was messing with her how turned on she was getting. This was so out of character for him. He was gentle and kind, sweet and thoughtful. She loved that about him. So why was this sudden possessiveness, this aggression, exciting her so much?

His pounding had become so deep that he was hitting something good, but painful inside of her. Her dainty hands reached behind, clawing at his thighs. 'Ichigo!' she screamed, and he stopped, alarmed. 'Too rough. Please. It's too rough.' she was nearly sobbing.

He pulled out of her and turned her over to face him, his eyes now soft and loving as he entered her again. She wrapped an arm around his neck for support, the other behind her against the fencing to steady herself. His rhythm was now slow and deep, and she loved every second of it. Her nails raked his shoulder, earning an erotic hiss from him.

He bent his head down to kiss her neck. She threw her head back, both arms now wrapped around him, pulling him closer. She closed her eyes in enjoyment, although she knew she wanted more. 'You... You can be rough now.'

Nodding once in acknowledgement, he quickly picked up his pace. She screamed his name over and over, clamping down on his cock. Her thighs shook when he pounded into in need, his own moans getting louder as his he started to buck into her. Hearing him groan in ecstasy was enough to send her over the edge.

'Ah! Ichigo! Anh..!' she buried her head against the curve of his neck as she came, clenching around him with a tightness that brought him to the brink of his own orgasm.

'Rukia!' he called out as he felt his end nearing. Unsheathing himself from her, he shot his load on top of her quivering pussy, gripping her thighs as he watched his cream soil her womanhood.

Still in a lusty trance, she said nothing when he set her down gently. She leaned against the metal, trying to regain some balance and feeling in her legs. He planted one chaste kiss on her lips, before lifting her chin so that they were now seeing each other eye-to-eye.

'Don't ever see that motherfucker again.' Ichigo warned darkly. She nodded slowly. Satisfied, he held her into his chest. She looked up at him, her chin pressing down on his pectorals. Cupping her face, he gazed down at her softly. His thumb brushed her lower lip, but her expression remained unchanging.

They stayed that way for what seemed like forever. An awkward tension wedged between them, and they were fully aware of it. Eventually, Ichigo started clothing himself but she was unmoving. He tossed her her uniform, and she caught it in her hands and began dressing up as well. No words were exchanged.

Once they were properly clothed again, he took her hand in his and said he was going to walk her home. She allowed him to lead the way. Tears swelled up in her eyes when she felt that even though they were holding hands, never had she felt more distant from him. Usually, she looked forward to spending time with him. Often, she would find excuses to prolong their time together. Now, she just wanted to get home as quickly as possible.

'I love you.' she declared, stopping him in his tracks. He refused to face her. When he said nothing, she repeated herself, her voice cracking. 'Ichigo... I love you.'

'Don't talk crazy.' he waved her confession away, continuing on his path home.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone who has read thus far and continues to follow this story! It means so much to me. Reading your comments and thoughts always makes my day.

Thank you to **Carupin** , **Lunalira** , **shirayuki992** , **FunnyEasyMe** , **mansi12** , and all the guest reviewers!

A bit of drama in this chapter for a change, although I guarantee this story will not spiral into mayhem. It will all resolve itself very quickly. The sequence of events that happened in this chapter is important for what's to come!

Thank you again, everyone! I'm not very good at writing long chapters, so I hope this was not disappointing!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	6. Sick Bitch

Rukia cried for hours that night. She didn't exactly understand why she felt so bad, but she was devastated. She felt lonely and rejected, equipped with the knowledge that she had sabotaged herself. Of course he was hurt. No one could blame him.

When he dropped her home and rejected her confession, she made a run for her room. Flinging all the doors open, she didn't care if her brother heard. Immediately, she took a long, hot shower and cried as the water trickled down her still shaking body. Only when the water turned scalding did she leave, but she didn't even bother fully clothing herself. She grabbed a robe and hastily tied the front sash. As soon as she got into her room, she collapsed on the bed with her hair still wet. Her room was cold, so she was glad that she left the robe on. It was thicker and cozier than actual clothes.

Why exactly was she crying? She couldn't find a particular answer. She was sad that she hurt him, that she failed at commitment, and that he rejected her confession. It was a summation of all those things that dug a little hole in her heart that got bigger every time those moments replayed in her head.

Swallowing her pride, she reached for her phone and searched for _Ichigo Kurosaki_. He might think she was pathetic and persistent, but she didn't care. In her mind, she had to try. She had to talk to him, if only just to say sorry. But when she flipped through her contacts and found him, her fingers trembled and the phone fell out of her hands.

Frustrated, she sank her face into a pillow and continued to cry. It would all be better in the morning. A good night's sleep was all she needed. Life went on. Tomorrow was another day. He needed space. She needed to respect that.

* * *

'What was that?'

'I said...' Isshin Kurosaki inhaled deeply, grinning from ear to ear. When he exhaled, he did so through his nostrils. He looked like an animated chimney. 'You got the scholarship!'

'Dad.' Ichigo replied cautiously. 'I didn't apply for any scholarship.'

'But _I_ did! I sent in one of your essays!'

The young man froze. That little weasel! What the hell? 'Which essay?! And where to?!'

'I don't remember.' his parent frowned. 'I just flipped through your school binder and took one out! And I don't remember exactly, it was a bunch of schools.'

'Dad!'

'This is a good thing! You can go abroad!'

'Abroad?! Dad! What the hell! Where are you sending me off to?!'

'Hmm... That's a good question! I don't know.'

'Dad!'

'Catch!' Isshin cried in glee, throwing his son a clear folder with a single sheet of paper inside. His son raised one eyebrow as he flipped it open, his eyes skimming through the text. He swore internally that his dad was probably sending him to an imaginary town. Yet as he read on, each word seemed heavier and heavier, his hands gripping the paper tighter as he realized this was legitimate. It was not one of his father's crazy tricks. When he finished, he looked at his father with a look that was both furious and overjoyed.

'London?'

'Masaki would never forgive me if I let your talents go to waste. She always thought you were a creative one.'

'Dad, this is huge.' he was starting to feel anxious. 'I don't know if I can do it.'

'Well, didn't you just get in?'

'Because you couldn't mind your own business!'

'Ah, blah blah.' the older man waved a hand dismissively. 'You would never have done it anyway, my idiot son! You should thank me!'

'Yeah, thanks.' he conceded because really, he was grateful to have such an opportunity made available to him. 'But can I really do it? I mean, their English is really good right?'

'Don't you study Shakespeare?'

'Dad.' he rubbed his temples. 'That's _old_ English.'

* * *

The alarm went off, but Rukia didn't want to get out of bed. Smacking it to silence it, she rolled over in her bathrobe and allowed herself to doze off. Sometime later, she heard the door creak open followed by her brother's familiar footsteps. She could feel his presence looming over her, but she was too tired to deal with him. She pretended to be asleep. Eventually, he turned away and left her alone, quietly closing the door behind him. She sighed in relief. Thank goodness he decided to have mercy on her today.

When she did wake up, she realized that it was probably around noon. Bright lights stung her eyelids and her body was now uncomfortably war within the confines of the thick fleece. Her hair was matted to her face because she slept on it while it was still damp. More importantly, she felt unbelievably exhausted despite sleeping in for so long.

She reached for her phone, surprised to see that someone had sent her a text.

 **Hey baby, u OK?**

She rolled her eyes. Grimmjow was like a cockroach. No matter what happened, he was always scurrying around shamelessly in search of his next adventure. It was kind of insulting that he had become so comfortable approaching her for sex.

But her lips also curled upwards slightly as she read it. Despite how fucked up he and their relationship with each other was, at least he was always there. She never felt abandoned by him. That made her a little sad; that she would be able to look past all his misbehaviour because he stuck by her side all this time. Even if it was just for their self-gratifying friendship.

She ignored his message and threw her phone onto the counter next to her bedside. What was she going to do today? It was no use going to school. The weekend started tomorrow, so she decided to give herself a long one. Perhaps she would fly out for a couple of days.

Her phone started buzzing, and she clicked her tongue in irritation. Sometimes, Grimmjow could border on clingy. Not the romantic type of clingy though - the type wherein one was really horny and desperate for a fuck. She paid no mind to it, and got off her bed to dress herself. But the phone rang again, so she picked it up with the intention of answering it to yell at him to stop calling her.

 **ICHIGO KUROSAKI**

She flung her phone to the bed so sharply one would have thought that it burned her. Why had he called her? Her heart fluttered, but her head was telling her to back off. She felt awkward about it.

Sex with Ichigo was unlike anything she had ever felt before - at least that's how it was the first time. The pleasure her body felt was mirrored by her very soul at the time. She remembered feeling like they were melting together, really melting into one person.

That's why it was so awkward now. The second time was the total opposite of that. Rukia had never been one to shy away from hot but meaningless sex. Whenever she did sleep with men that way, she never felt bad about it. She wanted it and would never apologize for it. It was her body, her desires. But for some reason, she didn't want that with Ichigo. So when he rammed into her and whispered possessive jargon into her ear... It shook her a bit. She enjoyed it. She wanted him. But she didn't want it like _that_ from _him_.

Then there was the rejection.

Blushing madly, she slipped into her shoes and decided to go for a walk. She decided not to bring her phone.

* * *

Ichigo was in a good mood when he woke up. A scholarship! He would never have dreamed of it. Before last night, studying out of town wasn't even an option for him. Now, he had been fortunate enough to earn a fully-paid spot in a university in London! He would be able to leave the country!

The first thing he wanted to do when it all hit him was to tell Rukia. He wanted to tell her all about the exhilaration of this potentially life-changing possibility! He could be the man her brother wanted for her! He would be able to provide for her, be somebody in his profession of choice, bear a name that she would be proud to have!

But as he lay in bed, he remembered how badly their last encounter had ended. Why was he so cold to her? Well, he couldn't genuinely believe anything she said. She claimed to love him, but would she really be so fickle-hearted if that were true?

Maybe he had been too harsh on her. But in his mind at the time, she completely deserved it. Now that he thought about it, he could have been more mature.

He reached for his phone, thinking about calling her. He decided against it for fear of coming off too strong.

* * *

'What happened between you and Rukia-chan?' Keigo probed.

'Nothing.' he shrugged it off. Maybe if he pretended like it was nothing, people would stop acting like they were walking on eggshells around him today. It really was nothing, wasn't it? Maybe she was absent because she got sick?

'That was some fight you guys had.' Mizuiro butted in.

'Did that look like a fight to you?' the orange-haired teen snapped.

To his surprise, both his friends nodded vigorously. Even Chad, who usually didn't speak up with this kind of topic, grunted in agreement. Ichigo felt like a deer caught in headlights. Unable to come up with anything to evade the inquiry successfully, he shrugged and pretended to be fixated on his food. However, his gossip-loving classmates would not be swayed.

'Inoue said she heard you guys screwing in the room next door from her club.' the short womanizer sneered.

The man in question choked on his rice. 'We were _not_ screwing.' he corrected.

 _At that particular time._

'But everyone from the club swore they could hear you guys!' Keigo was jumping up and down in frustration. 'And you were acting so weird after! You ate lunch with her instead of us!'

'S-she needed help with one of the novels in our reading list.' he impressed himself with that smooth lie. It was starting to annoy him how many people were misconstruing what happened. They didn't _fuck_. She sucked on him and he toyed with her insides with his fingers. There was a difference.

'Then what was the arts and crafts club talking about?'

'I don't know!'

'Maybe it was Grimmjow then. Apparently they've been hooking up.'

'What?' Keigo's jaw dropped. 'But she's so... good! And he's so... Ah! Who knew she was so loose?!'

'She's not loose.' the tutor's voice turned hard. 'It's her body, her life. She can do whatever she wants.'

'Wow, Ichigo. I thought you hated girls like that.'

 _Girls like that._

He shook his head and looked away. That was so... not right to say. Girls like what?

 _Sluts?_

Amber eyes darkened and narrowed as he remembered his last encounter with Rukia Kuchiki. He bent her over and fucked her with abandon. He didn't particularly enjoy it over their previous couplings, but it stood out the most. He was so _angry_ at that time. Yes, he loved her still today and even then, but he was also so pissed at her. Was it really alright to do that to her when he was mad at her?

It was obvious she had enjoyed it. She begged for him, moaned his name. Normally, his ego would soar at that. But it was like he couldn't exactly see her then. As if he hadn't been touching Rukia on the rooftop; it was almost like he was just messing around with any normal girl with no name and no connection to him. He didn't even see her as a woman, he saw her as his property. It was like he was trying to fuck her into believing that she belonged to him.

He wished he hadn't made love to her when he wanted to _own_ her.

Suddenly anxious from his thoughts, he whipped his cellphone out to call her. His friends pecked at him like starving birds, asking who he was calling. He waved them off and distanced himself to a far corner where he could carry on a decent conversation in peace.

No answer.

He didn't even wait a few minutes. He tried calling her again. Ring after ring, and yet ultimately...

No answer.

His anxiety skyrocketed. What was that girl up to?

When Monday rolled in, Ichigo made it a point to get to class uncharacteristically early. It was sort of his way of mentally preparing to speak with the woman he'd been thinking about all weekend. Maybe if he calmed himself down with his surroundings, talking to her wouldn't ignite such anxiety in him. He couldn't stop thinking about her over the weekend, getting lost in hypothesizing what and how she was doing.

Damn. He hated how much power that woman had over him.

His stomach threatened to punch through his throat when she finally entered the classroom. Wide, sapphire eyes instantly flew to him in fear, before immediately lowering as she took her seat next to him. He wanted to say something, but no words would come out. Eventually, he said nothing and simply _enjoyed_ the fact that was back at school.

Then he started _hating_ the fact that she was back at school.

Every second was torture. It was so densely awkward between them that one could slice through it with a knife. Not once did she look his way again. He couldn't stop thinking about her even during the breaks. He sat with his friends unusually quiet, responding only when directly spoken to. And even then, his words were kept to a minimum.

What hurt him the most is that she would leave without saying goodbye. At first, he thought that she was going to see Grimmjow and mess around. Not like it bothered him anymore. If that was what she wanted, so be it - he had no right to interfere. After what he had done, he couldn't imagine her wanting to be with him anymore. Imagine his surprise when he would peer out the window to see her heading out of the school fence in a hurry.

That stayed that way for a few days, but Ichigo felt like it was an eternity. For whatever reason, he couldn't muster up the nerve to talk to her, and Rukia couldn't find the strength to look at him. It was an unpleasant, tricky situation they had put themselves in. Eventually, Ichigo decided he had had enough of it.

It was time to man up.

* * *

 _'Come on, Rukia.' Grimmjow muttered, prying her mouth open wider with his thumb. 'Enjoy it. Check out to your happy place or whatever. Just like you did when you fucked my dad.'_

He always made her feel so guilty when he brought that up. It was so long ago, and she knew that she essentially had next to no options at that point. She never regretted it. She never felt like less of a person for what she had done. It was all to try and save her sister. Even before Byakuya entered Hisana's life, her sister was already in bad shape. The siblings were constantly in and out of hospitals, to the point where Rukia's studies took a hit. The worst part of their predicament was that they had no money.

So when a rich man by the name of Mr. Jaegerjaquez promised a hefty sum if Rukia...

It was all for Hisana.

Rukia remembered walking out of his room feeling ashamed. She remembered walking past the kitchen to the angry snarl of his son - Grimmjow. His icy eyes would judge her, and if looks could kill, she would most definitely be dead. They had never exchanged words back then, but his distaste for her was evident.

When Byakuya met Hisana, the sisters' lives completely changed. For whatever reason, Byakuya was completely taken with her older sister. He showered her with kindness and love that was so intense it was almost out of character for him. And whatever he shared with his wife, he made sure to extend to her sister. He paid for the best school, tutors, books, everything to make sure that Rukia would be able to catch up to her year level. Often, he would tell her that he admired how hardworking and diligent she had been for her sister's sake. For the longest time, he hadn't asked her what exactly she had been doing to pay for ridiculously expensive medical bills. Consequently, she never felt the need to tell him. When he finally asked, she broke down.

Outraged, Byakuya found out that the man in question was an employee under his command - an executive in fact. His contract was terminated immediately, and the trio thought that would be the last of it. But the next week, that same man was all over the news. His wife had found out about his escapades and shot him before hanging herself. Grimmjow was orphaned, albeit able to sustain himself with the small fortune he inherited.

She blamed herself every day.

A year after, Hisana died. Devastated, Rukia turned to her brother-in-law for support but he had become cold towards her after finding out about what she had done. She begged him to come home from his business trip, but he said he couldn't and that was the end of that discussion. Although she was hurt, she couldn't blame him. She never hated her brother for that. Even she didn't know if she could forgive herself and look past it.

Eventually, she did. Alone. Her brother had spent an extra month overseas after his wife's passing, perhaps not wanting to process the reality of the situation just yet. In this time, Rukia was unsupervised. She did as she pleased, with whomever she desired. The fast-paced nature of her new life was intoxicatingly easy. She had effectively forgotten about the past and all the pain she was in.

Of course, her brother was furious with her when he finally came back. In the hopes of correcting her behaviour, he relocated them to Karakura Town and refused to go on anymore business trips. He assigned her a security detail and made sure all the maids were astute to any changes in her usual day-to-day ritual. To Byakuya, it was proper parenting. But to his sister, it was oppression.

 _'Let's get you wet.' Grimmjow grinned, spreading her thighs apart and spitting into her pussy._

 _She moaned as globs of saliva ran down her slit. Amused, he sat up and slid his member up and down her needy flesh, causing her to jerk and whine._

 _'You're fucking beautiful.' he complimented her. 'You're always so fucking beautiful when you want some cock. I used to watch you, you know.'_

Oh, she knew. She knew all along. Perhaps it was the pressure of being forced into sexual metamorphosis at such a young age, but she had found herself attracted to this man. Even though she knew he wanted to kill her for helping his father cheat on his wife, something hot inside of her wanted him to want her. His deep-seated hate for her aside, he shared that heat; he was jealous of his father for being able to have such a mysterious, tight woman at his disposal.

He would engage in this voyeurism whenever they were careless enough to leave the bedroom door slightly open. Shaking hands would curl around his erection, pumping himself to the rhythm of the older man's thrusts into her. Whenever she would feel his gaze on her, she'd be just a _little_ louder, more dramatic. She'd egg him on, and he'd relish every painfully tempting moment.

So when they were reunited with each other when she moved to this town, it seemed like fate. Like destiny. Like the universe wanted them to be together and reconcile. That was the lie the pair told themselves when deep inside they knew that they hadn't finished healing. Yet, they couldn't tear themselves apart from their toxic relationship. Together, they spiralled into juvenile behaviour as they somehow tried to make sense of why the stars would stick them in the same place; constant reminders to each other of their painful pasts.

 _'I-I can't.' the girl reasoned, her knuckles turning white as her grip on the school desk tightened. 'Stop it.'_

 _'Why?'_

 _'Ichigo.' she breathed and he frowned. 'I don't want to h-hurt... Ichigo.' the name rolled of her tongue like sugar-coated honey and her partner grit his teeth in annoyance. As if he would let her move on and be happy. Not after what she had done to him, to his family._

 _'You're not his type.' he spat back. 'Pretty sure he isn't into dirty, cum-guzzling whores.' he entered her roughly and she cried out in shocked pleasure. He rode her hard, just the way she liked it. She threw her head back and and allowed every guttural moan to escape._

Rukia woke up from the nightmare feeling abnormally thirsty.

Reaching for the glass of water she now constantly kept at her bedside, she gulped its contents down greedily. She was so exhausted lately, always lapsing into naps after coming home from classes. Maybe it was the tension between her and Ichigo that she had to endure throughout the day. Her chest was starting to feel heavy from the wounded thumping of her heart.

She had thought about what he said for a while now. She was sure he meant it when he said not to see Grimmjow again, but maybe he was really done with her. After all, he did reject her confession to him. And all the love she felt from him had completely disappeared since their rooftop intimacy.

What she did to him was really unforgivable. Additionally, she swore to herself that if he ever found out her history with Grimmjow that he would never speak to her again. She was a whore. She whored herself out to an older man for money. Even if it was for her sister's sake, there was no point in denying the raw details of those transactions.

 _He deserves better._

With a bruised soul, she decided to head out to the estate's gardens for a walk. She found that they helped as she tried to cope with the sorta-kinda-maybe breakup she was currently undergoing, although she and Ichigo were never really official. The point being, she was seriously depressed and needed something to take the edge off.

Taking a deep breath in, she was thankful that her brother was so fond of flowers. The sweet aroma filled her lungs refreshingly. Hardly any flowers were in bloom as it wasn't the season for them to show yet, but just the sight of the colourful buds was enough to uplift her. There were just so many different shades too; red, blue, yellow surrounded by vibrant green. Not to mention that fluffy white ball rustling under the bushes...

Cerulean orbs widened in childish delight. Was that... Was it...?!

She squealed as a white rabbit emerged from the bushes, frightened but relieved to see a positive reaction from the girl. Thought she approached it tentatively, her inhibitions disappeared when its pink nose sniffed her fingers. She wasted no time in scooping it up in her arms, and the small animal snuggled against her happily. Rukia herself was so overwhelmed with joy that she alternated between sobbing dryly and giggling.

'Where are you from?' she questioned it playfully. Its pink nose twitched and she held back a girlish screech. It was so cute! Upon further inspection, she noticed a folded piece of paper hanging from its pink collar. Careful not to alarm the small animal, she slowly unfolded the note.

 **I'm sorry.**

'Rukia.' a familiar voice called and her stomach instantly dropped. Her head snapped to the direction it came from; the gates. She saw his sad eyes and his pouting mouth, his fingers curled softly around the thin poles of the entryway. He was the perfect representation of yearning. She wanted to say something, but her throat tightened when his lips started to move.

'I'm sorry.' Ichigo mouthed.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone who has followed this story up to now! Thank you so much for your continued support and interest in this story. I would not be able to continue without your heart-warming reception.

Updates may be slower as I am trying to make the chapters longer. I feel that it is more comfortable to read this story in larger chunks. Grimmjow does indeed have a greater role in this story than what was initially implied. Not to worry! This fic is IchiRuki and will most definitely end as such!

Thank you to **mansi12** , **han-ichiruki** , **Sami97** , **FunnyEasyMe** , **Anon01** , **Shirayuki992** , **Haridian13** , **Carupin** , **blissbeat,** and all the guest reviewers!

 **Shirayuki992** , that's an excellent suggestion! I just tried doing that for a couple minutes, but I can't seem to find an option for it in the settings! Would you happen to know exactly how? Thank you so much!

I tried to give a more comprehensive background of where Rukia is coming from in all this. I do hope it was up to your standards and expectations.

Again, thank you so much everyone for all your support. So grateful for each and every single one of you.

I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	7. Slut Shame

'Ah, ah, Ichi.. Ichigo…!' Rukia breathed out, struggling to keep in control of her body's earnest response to being impaled on him. His hands tightened their hold on her hips, holding her in place as he thrust into her harder. She leaned forward, her hands pressed against his chest as he continued his pounding from beneath her.

'Look at me.'

She did as she was told, peering at him from half-lidded eyes. He gasped inwardly as she graced him with her lust-glazed gaze, pitch-black hair contrasting her alabaster skin, soft breasts swaying with her body as he plunged into her again and again. A smile formed on her swollen lips when his jaw practically dropped, his movements turning needy and unrhythmic.

' _Fuck_ , yes.' she threw her head back and sighed loudly, saliva trailing down from her mouth to her neck. Lost in their lovemaking, her tongue hung out slightly and her knuckles turned white as she gripped the sheets with all her strength. The whole time, Ichigo watched her writhe and squirm. Pride saturated his heart with the knowledge that it was all because of him. All this uncontrollable pleasure was because of _him_. She was wet and horny for _his_ cock.

Keeping her eyes on him, her nails raked down his torso; starting from his hard pectorals, down his impressive abs, finally resting on the provocative _V_ leading down to his groin. She licked her lips as she watched his taut skin ripple with every movement of his muscles, highlighting his masculinity. And she was _fucking_ him. She was sliding up and down his erection, giving him pleasure.

She felt strong, beautiful.

'Rukia.' he whispered, grunting as he quickened his pace.

'Oh, _oh_. Ichigo, fuck me _harder._ '

He obeys her, his fingers digging into her waist as he brings her down forcefully. He screws her harder, deeper, like he was trying to break her. Her ecstasy is now accompanied by the pain of him reaching further inside of her, hitting her end and stretching the most untouched of her insides. He worries for a while, but brushes it off when he hears how much she _enjoys_ his rough treatment.

'Yes, _yes_!'

'Rukia, _fuck_. You feel so good.'

A throaty scream tore through her when she came, squeezing him like a vice and triggering his own climax. He pulled out of her, kissing her wetly as his milky essence soiled his abdomen. She returned his kiss for a moment, but broke away to travel downwards and take his softening cock in her mouth. He jerked at the warm feeling, but did nothing to discourage her. His eyes shut as she continued to bob her head up and down his entire length until he went limp. Thinking it was over, he reached down to pull her towards him, but her small tongue was lapping at the cum on his stomach.

 _Such a dirty girl._

Just seeing her lick at him like that sent a tight heat to his groin.

'That can't taste very good.' he cleared his throat awkwardly.

'Hm?' she looked up at him as casually as if he had just called her name from across the street. ' _You_ taste good. In fact, I want more of you.'

Before he could respond, she took him back into her greedy mouth, promptly snapping his teeth down on his lower lip. His eyes shut in bliss, his fingers roaming through her jet-black hair. He felt her struggle with his increasing girth. His abdomen felt like it was on fire when she gagged. Hesitantly, he thrust upwards, earning a strangled groan from her. She sucked harder on him in approval.

He plunged himself deep into her throat, gasping hotly when he saw her eyes roll back. It seemed as if her orgasm had done nothing to alleviate her heat. She sucked on him mercilessly, and he couldn't believe how much of him she could fit inside of her. Alarmed when she gagged, his arousal grew rapidly when she took more of him, as if trying to tell him she _wanted_ to choke on him.

'Are you OK, baby?'

She didn't answer, but her shameless eyes twinkling as her cheeks hollowed in time with his thrusts told him all he needed to know. His biceps jerked, his fingers running through her hair shakily. He swept her bangs away to see her face more clearly, and he thought he would meet his end when he was hit by how beautiful she was.

'R-Rukia...' his legs were twitching and he tried to push her face away gently. She moaned in protest to what he was trying to do. Her cold hands move from his thighs to his balls, kneading them expertly. Her eyelids closed, her eyebrows knitting together in enjoyment as more of him spilled into her waiting tongue. Of course, she swallowed all that he gave.

'Rukia.' his voice was strained. She didn't even give him time to come back from his high before traveling up his body towards his neck, kissing him everywhere.

'Mmhm.'

'Rukia, s-stop.'

She listened, but flashed him a look of irritation. He almost laughed at that. Instead, he pulled her up her arms to plant a chaste kiss on her swollen lips. She stared at him, a quizzical expression on her face. As if she were confused by the gesture. He smiled and held her closer, sharing their warmth. It was a moment of pure connection.

But she just couldn't handle it.

'Get changed.' Rukia suggested, getting off of him to get dressed. 'I don't think it would be a good idea if Nii-sama caught us.'

'Are you really still going to hide me from him?'

'Not really. I'll have to explain the bunny, don't I?' she shrugged, pointing at the small animal napping on the floor.

'I guess.'

'Don't worry about it.'

Now _he_ felt rejected by her. Perhaps nothing had changed. Maybe he really didn't imagine anything. He pondered her attitude towards as he watched her clothe herself. She was so cold, completely shutting him out of everything. He remembered why he had snapped. Being with her was like walking down an endless road. Ultimately, there was nothing.

And the _sex_. She was always so quick to jump to the sex and he was always weak enough to go with it. When she opened the gates for him, he thought they would head to the dining room and have a frightening conversation. Instead, she led him to her bedroom and pulled him into a sweet, poisonous kiss. Touching her was like forbidden fruit; if he even got a taste, he'd want to see it through the end.

She was always so _good_ at it too. His blood started to boil when he thought about how she was bent over a school desk with Grimmjow sticking himself inside of her. Or what about just a few days ago, when he thought she wanted to reconcile yet he found her swapping flavour with that same jerk. What about the other times they messed around and he just wasn't able to catch them at it? Maybe even while they were seeing each other, having lunch, _fucking_... Was she fucking that freak too?

Truthfully, his temper was about to fire right then. But he decided before coming over that he would not lose his shit in front of her. Not after he fucked her like she was some slut.

'Rukia.' he called lowly. 'About the last time we..'

'Forget it.' she waved it off, but inside her heartbeat was echoing in her eardrums. She didn't want him to bring it up. Actually, she was dreading it. Somehow, she hoped that acting like nothing had happened and throwing him into passionate fires would either erase it from his memory or he'd get the hint and just drop it and carry on as normal.

'It's about what you said.'

'I say a lot of things.'

'Before I left. You said that you-'

'I wasn't myself.' she insisted. 'You were mad at me, and I didn't want you to be. I was trying to calm you down. I like you, but... Love is a strong emotion.'

'Really?' he sounded disappointed.

'Really.' she lied.

'Rukia.' he walked towards her and reached for her hand. 'I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't been so harsh with you. I'm such an asshole. I really am serious about you.'

Her heart fluttered. She never doubted that for a second. It was because he was serious about her that she knew he had become aggressive. He was like a beaten dog who wanted a bite at her for beating him. That was why she forgave him so easily.

'Rukia, where do we stand?'

'What?'

'Where do we stand? I like you so much. So, so much. It just feels like it isn't really working. What do we have to do?'

 _I'll do anything_ , she wanted to say. He was perfect, she was the problem. She had no idea how to negotiate relationships, and they had become so unappealing to her over the course of time. Especially when her brother was trying to shove one down her throat. Relationships to her were like transactions; a virgin in exchange for some cash.

Men didn't love. At least, she didn't believe they did. Mr. Jeagerjaquez had betrayed his wife. Her Nii-sama wouldn't even come home for Hisana's funeral. All her potential suitors just wanted access to the Kuchiki name.

But _Ichigo_ loved. He didn't need to say it. He loved with all his heart. She could feel it. At least, he made her feel that way. She knew she was the one who was being difficult. Skeptical in the beginning, she was now wiling to do absolutely anything if it meant he would be happy with her. She'd stop seeing Grimmjow, she'd stand up to her brother, anything!

Now how could she say that without being too easy?

A thick silence fell between the two for a few seconds. It was only for a short while, but the dense air was suffocating. Rukia thought about taking it back and admitting that she was madly, undeniably head over heels for him, but he spoke up first. 'I'm going to London after this semester.'

Her sapphire eyes dulled and went blank as she heard her soul shattering.

'What...?'

'London.' he repeated, cupping her face. 'I'm going to London.'

She searched his eyes for any sign that he was joking, but he was dead serious. She felt tears prickle her vision, but she bravely fought them back. One semester left with this man? A couple of months! That was absurd! She _loved_ him. He was the only one who took away her heavy guilt, who changed her world, took the pain away. Being with him was like believing in heaven again. How could she let him go? She couldn't. She _wouldn't_.

'That's good news!' she exclaimed and his jaw dropped in surprise. He certainly wasn't expecting that reaction. 'You fool! Why do you look so sad?'

'I...' That was indeed a good question. Why _was_ he so upset and nervous about telling her? 'I didn't expect you to take it so well.'

'Why wouldn't I take it well? This is good.'

'I know, but...'

'First of all, wipe that wimpy look of your face.' she punched his arm half-playfully. 'Don't tell me you're having second thoughts.'

'I'm not. It's just scary.'

'Of course it is. But if nothing scared you, there would also be nothing to look forward to, don't you think?'

He nodded, smiling inwardly. Why was he so worried? Of course she'd be supportive of him. Of course she would be happy for him. This was a wonderful blessing. There was no question in that he had to seize it. It was like a dream he never had had come true. He never entertained the thought of being in this position. But now that it was being offered to him, he realized that he had to do it for himself. He could experience the world from a completely different lens.

The powerlessness he lived with ever since his mother's passing suddenly alleviated a little. He knew he could do something now. He would come back a changed man, a good man. He'd come back for _her_ , for his family, for his friends. He'd become someone and protect all of them.

'Rukia... Thank you.'

* * *

For the following week, Ichigo skipped school entirely. The motivated teen locked himself away in his room, studying contemporary English and reading about the history of the United Kingdom. He skimmed through online ads for apartment rentals, not realizing that his dormitory expenses were accounted for by his scholarship. When his father pointed it out, he breathed a sigh of relief and continued with his studies.

In this time, he had not been able to see Rukia. It wasn't that he was purposely avoiding her. There was just so much going on in his mind, so many thoughts racing through his head, that she wasn't exactly a priority at the moment. Besides, he was sure she would understand. Out of everyone, she was the most supportive of all.

When he finally went to class, she acted like nothing was wrong - he completely bought it. They chatted, bickered, ate together, kissed on the rooftop; he thought they were more connected than ever. She, on the other hand, wanted to reciprocate those feelings. However, it was hard with his impending departure on the back of her mind constantly.

 _Don't get attached._

'Ichigo..!' she moaned whenever he enters her.

 _He's not forever._

'Mm...' against his mouth when he kisses her softly.

 _Don't love him too much._

'You've completely changed my world.' he would always say during the aftermath, his hands enveloping her securely.

They never said the magical three words.

It was almost like they were frightened; of it, of each other. Words have power, and they feared that if they laid their souls out that they would never be able to leave one another. _Commitment_. That was hard. At first, that was all Ichigo wanted from her - but now he could feel the sheer weight of it. It was a big thing. What if he couldn't be the person she needed or deserved?

Still, he'd often ask her about it. He would say it in passing, in a way that was so off-handed that she couldn't read too much into it. It was a joke. But jokes are often half-meant.

'Do you love me yet, Rukia?' he groaned whenever she came.

'You fool.' she would always say, wrapping her arms around him and never wanting to let him go.

After quite some time, Rukia started acting strangely. She'd come into school dazed. Ichigo would try and make conversation with her, but she'd brush him off and fall asleep on the desk. That confused him. He guessed that maybe she was tired. Perhaps she was fighting with her brother again?

But this behaviour carried onto the next week. And the week after that. It was unbearable. She suddenly had no interest in him whatsoever. He'd try and eat with her, but she would never be hungry. Suddenly, she had no opinion or particular feelings about anything. And Rukia Kuchiki _always_ had something to say. This was so out of character for her.

He asked if he did something wrong. She chuckled and told him he was being ridiculous. Yet this weird conduct of hers persisted. He decided not to probe too far into it. He had more important things to worry about. There were simply too many things to learn, organize... He also had to connect with the people entering his year group. He was never one to try and make friends, but decided it was probably a good idea in this case. It wasn't very smart to enter unknown territory without some allies. Plus, with his orange hair, he was bound to make some enemies.

'She's avoiding you.'

'Maybe she's just busy. Finals are coming up.'

'You've obviously bored her.'

'She needs space.'

'Maybe she prefers Grimmjow.'

His friends were _not_ helping. They were as useless to him as frozen peas, with about the same amount of insight into his predicament. Something inside of him thought it was temporary, but she had been that way for weeks. He couldn't think of anything he did wrong.

Maybe he just wasn't good enough for her.

His anxiety returns, but his resolve to make the most out of his scholarship has never been stronger.

He'd come back and convince her he was right for her.

But right now... Right now, she could wait. All the emotional, mental torment it took to try and figure her out and make her happy was not worth his future. He had to do what was best for himself.

A week before he left, she avoided him altogether. She even transferred classes.

He texted her, asking if she wanted to see him before he left.

No response.

He called her. He rang the doorbell, only for Byakuya to have Renji escort him away.

No response.

'Don't you miss her?' Keigo asked cautiously during lunch of their last day of senior year.

'Of course not.' he lied.

* * *

'Enjoying your purchases?' he sneered, stroking the side of her face. She was so nervous that she didn't even feel his fingers on her skin. All she could do was look up at those sky-blue eyes, allowing herself to be hypnotized by his piercing stare.

'They make me tired.' Rukia replied honestly. 'You're a horrible dealer.'

'Well, I thought you were off drugs so I don't save the best stuff for you anymore.' Grimmjow grinned. 'What got you back onto them? You were clean for a while.'

'My boyfriend's leaving.' she pushed him away when he leaned in too close. 'I need something to help me cope.'

 _Huh?_

'Boyfriend?'

'Yes.'

'Who the fuck is that?'

'Ichigo. Ichigo Kurosaki.'

He narrowed his eyes. Why did she sound so proud saying that name? And also... _Happy_?

'That guy wouldn't be into you at all.'

'You're obviously wrong.'

'No way! He's so conservative.'

'So?'

' _So_ , just look at you! You're a fucking mess.'

'I hate you.' she threw her payment at him. 'But I don't have time for you. I need to go.'

'Where to?' he pouted. His rough fingers caressed her lips as he spoke. A dejected pang hit him when she immediately pulled away, glaring daggers at him. 'I thought we could play.'

'Of course we can't.' she rolled her eyes. Months. It had been a couple of months now since they last shared any form of intimacy, and he was still trying to get into her pants. It was ridiculous. It wasn't like he had no one else - there were countless others! It was so frustrating to have him pick on her all the time.

'Well? Where are you off to?'

'I want to see Ichigo before he leaves. His flight is tonight.'

He raised his eyebrows when he saw her eyes glaze over. He almost felt bad for her.

'He might love you, but he won't ever understand you.' he reasoned, unbuttoning his shirt. 'Not the way I do.'

'What are you doing?'

'He doesn't live on the dark side of the moon like us.' he takes a step towards her, she backs up onto the wall.

'Please... don't.'

'He'll never know what it feels like.' he kisses down her neck with his hands undoing her shirt, squeezing her soft breasts before kneeling down so that his face rested on her abdomen. She can feel his moist breath against her skin and she loathes how it makes her wet. 'He'll never know what it's like to live like you're dead.'

'Grimmjow...!'

'So really, he can't ever truly love you.'

' _Fuck_!' she screams when he pulls her panties to the side to give her slit a languid lick.

'Not like this.'

'P-please.' she begged, but she melted when his hands reached up to knead her breasts. He stood up and lifted her by the thighs, propping her up on the desk. She turned her back to him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her so exposed. Unfazed by her attempt at modesty, he held her down by pressing down on the back of her head before soaking two fingers in his saliva and plunging them inside of her.

'Grimmjow!' she cried out, instantly hoping that Ichigo wouldn't see them.

'Kurosaki can't be serious about a used _whore_.'

'I'm... N-no different from you!' she spat back, her hips instinctively sliding with his fingers. He laughed at her evident arousal, letting go of her head to spank her behind. She moaned and he laughed maniacally. He knew she liked that.

'But I'm a _man_.'

'That doesn't mean anything. Ah!' he spanked her harder.

'Oh, but it does.' he flips her over, withdrawing his digits so that he could cup her face with both hands. He leaned into her so close, she could feel his alcohol-scented breath on her chin. 'I can do whatever the fuck I want. You, on the other hand...'

'Get away from me.'

'You can't move without dragging the Kuchiki name along with it. You've got to be pure, virginal, clean.'

'Grimmjow!' she screeched he started unbuckling his pants.

'And we all know how much of a dirty hussy you are.'

She slapped him across the face. _Hard_.

He wasn't even angry. His face stayed in its position, leaning away from her in the direction she had hit him. Her chest rose and fell angrily, her hands trembling from the unadulterated rage she was feeling. How _dare_ he. How dare he act like he was above her when they were the exact same. How dare he talk to her like that, after being the singularly most mind-numbing source of pain in her entire life.

Grimmjow was like a bad omen. Everything and anything that had to do with him brought a sense of horror to her. Truth be told, she had never been as scared of him as she was this very instant.

When he finally turned to face her, her heart skipped a beat. He looked terrifying.

'Do you want me to fuck you raw?'

Before she could respond, he buried himself to the hilt. She cried out in pained pleasure, but he did nothing to slow his pace. Her head fell to the curve of his neck, her hands gripping his shoulders so hard he hissed in pain.

But he _liked_ pain.

'I can feel _everything_.' he hissed triumphantly, slamming into her noisily. Despite her earlier protests, she was surprisingly sticky around him. Not like he was complaining. It bothered her more than it did him.

 _Ichigo._

For the longest time, Rukia kept still. She just let him have his way. She thought about many things; Mr. Jeagerjaquez, Hisana, her Nii-sama... But mostly she thought about Ichigo. She thought about all the wonderful things about to happen to him. She thought about all the interesting new things he was going to learn, the beautiful exotic places he was going to see, the people he was going to be friends with - the beautiful women he was going to meet.

He deserved better.

She thought she could pull away from him to make it hurt less. It didn't help at all. It still stung, she could still feel her heart bloating as the time for him to leave drew closer. Now she wished she hadn't been so foolish. She wished she spent more time with him. She wished she didn't try and distance herself. She wished she didn't try to control how she felt. It was impossible with him - he could make her heart explode into a million emotions she would never be able to describe.

She wished he wouldn't go.

But...

She wrapped her arms around the man on top of her, pulling him closer.

 _He's really leaving._

'Fuck, _fuck_ , you're fucking _tight_.'

 _He's really going._

Her pelvis moves to meet his each and every thrust.

 _I wont... see him again._

'I think I should give this _whore_ what she's been waiting for.' he breathed jaggedly. She didn't even realize what was happening. Staring at him with eyes wide open, tears fell down her cheeks. He felt no sympathy. The slut deserved it.

She tried to push against him to back away, but he grabbed her by the waist and held her in place. She squirmed and struggled with all her strength, but he slapped her and choked her with a deadly grip, another arm remaining constricted around her waist like a snake. 'No!' she cried out when she felt the first spurt enter her violently. He laughed at her reaction, grinding himself against her, pushing himself against her inner walls. She convulsed, her lithe body trembling as he filled her with his seed.

Shamefully, she gave into him and allowed herself her own release. He growled when he felt the familiar tremors of her orgasm, pulling out of her so that he could slither downwards and taste them _together_. _Finally_.

'Please.' she begs, but he silences her with his mouth, making her taste the proof of their depravity.

'How could he love you?' he laughed in her face. 'How, when you cum on another man's dick?'

'I hate you.' she whispered, staring up at him with the deepest nothingness in her eyes.

'You can't even help it! It's just who you _are_. You're just a cheap _whore_.'

'But I love him.' she revealed, tears flooding out the corners of her eyes. 'And I know he loves me.'

'No one could ever love...' he whispered in a surprisingly gentle tone. A long finger lifted her face up by the chin so he could stare into her beautiful blue words. Unlike hers, his was cold and shallow. Like the light had completely left him. '... monsters like us.'

* * *

There was no way she was going to see Ichigo without taking a shower first. She knew she would have to catch him at the airport rather than his home, but there was absolutely no way she would let him see her so... _dirty_.

She dressed herself in a hurry, ordering Renji to prepare a driver and car. She didn't even care if her brother would find out - actually, he most definitely would. But whatever! Time was of the essence. There was no room for anything less than a hurry from her.

'Going somewhere?' Byakuya demanded, opening the door to her room.

'You know exactly where.' Rukia answered her brother, slipping her shoes in a rush.

'Why do you like that boy? He isn't good enough, Rukia.'

'You don't get to decide that.'

'I told you not to see him anymore.'

'And I told you to come home when I needed you, but you taught me that I don't have to comply to any requests.'

'Why are you always so difficult?'

'Me?' she laughed dryly. 'I'm the one being difficult? You're the one who's forcing me try and date some old man for money!'

'It is not for money.' he corrected. 'It's insurance for your life. So that when I'm not around, you-'

'I what? I can remain in some cage?'

Some _cage_? Byakuya always thought his sister was highly intelligent, but he was now starting to question that. Did she really feel like he was imprisoning her? Well, what a luxurious cage he could offer her then! It wasn't easy providing a big house with maids, guards, and bloody _drivers_ awaiting their next order. Yep, some cage she was in. Like she was some blasted royal bird.

'I'm going to pardon your ungrateful demeanour in light of your lover finally blessing us with his departure.' he said cooly. 'I've ordered the driver not to ready the car. You're rash, you're not thinking. Stay put. Such needless emotions are unbecoming of a Kuchiki.'

'What is wrong with you?!' she hissed, and his eyes widened at the tone in her voice. She had never spoken to him like that. Not ever. 'Why are you dictating my life?'

'I know what's best for you.'

'You don't even know me.' she walked towards him, no longer intimidated by his presence. 'You're too scared to know me.'

'Preposterous.'

'You're the only one being ridiculous here!'

'With an attitude like that.' he raised his brows. 'You'll never find a proper suitor.'

'I don't like stable, boring, oldies.' she taunted him proudly. 'I like young, sexy men with broad shoulders who can make me moan his name when I cum on his big, thick-'

The poor girl didn't even know what hit her. Suddenly, she found her head had snapped to the side. The sting of his hand came afterwards. As if her body was in so much shock that he slapped her, it numbed the pain for a second.

'You disgust me.'

'The feeling is mutual.' she muttered, fighting back tears as she headed out the door.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much everyone for the overwhelming response I received last chapter! I was so pleasantly surprised by your reviews and PMs! It made me so incredibly happy.

I always want my stories to be sort of a collaboration between myself and you guys. Quite a few people wanted me to form a love triangle between Ichigo, Rukia, and Grimmjow. This request started a few chapters ago really. All this increased interaction between Grimmjow and Rukia was not my intention at the beginning. Although it wasn't in my original plan, I will now be incorporating more of that into this fic. This fic wouldn't exist without all of you, so I do try to really listen to what you want. And if possible, I do make the changes. And if Grimmjow is what you want, I will most definitely write him in!

Of course, this fic will remain IchiRuki.

This chapter was very Rukia-centric. I wanted to focus on her emotions, the buildup to her finally snapping. I tried to balance the chapter between Rukia and Ichigo, but it just became too long. And a bit much. I promise a lot more Ichigo next chapter!

Thank you to **mansi12, Carupin, anoyak11, RukiYuki, Shirayuki992, ZIRS, achalida, GenesisVentura, AmAzingggg, FunnyEasyMe** , and all the guest reviewers! Especially to the **Guest** who took the time to review every chapter - thank you so much!

 **RukiYuki** , I wish I could tell you without spoiling it! I'm afraid I cannot answer your question without giving too much away. I hope that the outcome will not disappoint you.

 **AmAzingggg** , I will definitely try and get them up as fast as I can! I hope it is not too much of a wait.

Thank you again so much everyone, I am so endlessly grateful for all of you! I will never tire of telling you that!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	8. Oh, Kids

'The world just keeps moving even though she isn't here.'

'That's what the world is supposed to do.'

'I don't know if I can keep up with the speed of the world without her.'

'Of course you can. You'll be fine. You've _been_ fine.'

Except he hadn't been. Rukia had been downright cold to him the weeks building up to his departure. He would always try to talk to her, be with her, reach out to her - only for his advances to be rejected. He tried giving her space, but she only grew more distant. Deep down, he knew it was probably her way of protecting herself. They had grown to be very close in such a short amount of time. It was so strange to come to the realization that out of everyone in Karakura Town, it wasn't his long-time friends or his family that he was going to miss; it was _her_.

Pathetically, he clung onto some hope that she would approach him before he left. Even up to the last moment, as he hugged his sisters and kicked his dad goodbye, her image was at the back of his mind and all the memories of their time together replayed in an endless loop that marred his thoughts.

Would she surprise him from behind? Would she yell at him from across the street? Would she call him an idiot and punch him from his side? Or would he blink and open his eyes to suddenly see her in front of him, a knowingly confident smirk on her face? He was so convinced of her showing up to bid him farewell that he started _expecting_ it.

But she didn't show up at all.

He felt like was in a trance walking into the plane. He felt dazed, out of this world. As if he weren't in his own body. He tried to convince himself that it was because this whole traveling experience was new to him, that it was because he had never been on a plane before and he was beyond terrified and excited to be in a new country. But the truth was that he was just sad. He was hoping she would show up, and she didn't. Now there were so many unresolved, vague feelings in the air that would be awkward to discuss over the phone - if she'd even pick up.

Surprisingly enough, she did. He called her the minute the plane landed, and she was very remorseful about not being able to see him off. He reassured her that she was forgiven, and they laughed it off. He thought about asking her what they were, what the rules would be. Would she still see Grimmjow? He wasn't comfortable with her being in the same area as that guy. But what could he do, from so far away?

In the end, he decided to just enjoy bickering and being called an idiot. He held the phone to his ear as if his life depended on it, telling her all the details about absolutely everything he saw; the people, the architecture, the exotic new foods - he emphasized that there seemed to be a particular fixation on sweets in London.

She eagerly listened to all he had to say, always having some witty comment or snide remark about his tourist-like fascination. He'd snap at her and she'd egg him on. They communicated this way for a couple of weeks, and for a while he was content with it. Without the physical possibility of sex, he almost felt closer to her - like she was baring more of her soul to him, telling him more things.

For example, she told him that she had only spent a couple of months with him but she felt that she could trust him completely. But she also felt as if he had gone through so much pain and confusion because of her, and that there was no way she could ever make up for it. He immediately thought about the time he took her on the rooftop and said that that was his line.

Rukia told him that she loved her brother, but that they could never get along. He asked her why that was the case, and she said that it was because they could never seem to work things out. She said that they had a big fight the day Ichigo left the country, and that her Nii-sama left on a business trip the very next day. He was hardly home with her and even when he was, he refused to talk to her or have meals together. Ichigo asked if she felt lonely. She never gave him a proper answer.

He asked about the rabbit he gave her, and she revealed that she bought a cage for it. She named it "Chappy." Chappy apparently liked carrots, but not much else. He was a spoiled brat, much like his owner.

'I'm serious about you.' Ichigo would always remind her.

'Ok.' was her regular response.

He actually was quite happy with the inconvenient circumstances for a while, if only because she had never been more of an open book to him. Then he'd remember she was miles away and he'd get a little lonely, but only for a little while. If he did well in his studies, he'd show her brother what a jerk he was about their relationship and nothing would stand between him and Rukia.

The thing was, he didn't count on Rukia herself being an obstacle to their partnership.

Which really, given all the events leading up to their present relationship, should have been something he considered.

Time rolled by and Rukia became more and more distant once again. At first, she'd tell him that her brother expected her to be present at many gatherings and that was why she could not call him. Ichigo retorted by reminding her she could at least text him. She told him not to be so needy. That stung a little.

After a few weeks, she would blatantly ignore his messages. His orientation was over and now he had to focus on schoolwork, which was actually difficult considering much of his time was spent on worrying about his estranged girlfriend. Truthfully, he was off to a really bad start in the school year.

He would lie in bed, staring at nothing and forgetting everything he was supposed to learn in his lectures. Every time his phone would vibrate, his heart would skip a beat. Often, it would be his dad or sisters. Sometimes, it would be friends he had made in class or friends back home. Rarely, it would be Rukia sending him a text to say that she couldn't talk.

It got worse. After a while, she just stopped answering his calls. She would take days to get back to him, until unsurprisingly, she just stopped getting back to him altogether. She had effectively disappeared from his life.

Needless to say, the sudden change in their relationship once more hit him in all the worst places. Absorbing any information from his textbooks or professors was next to impossible. For a few days, he lived with a constant heaviness in his chest. He lost his appetite, skipped classes, and was always in deep thought about Rukia Kuchiki. Did he say something wrong? Did she find someone else? Was she playing him this whole time? Did she ever care? Was he useless now that she couldn't fuck him?

He couldn't even sleep.

Not wanting to spiral into failure, he looked into counselling. As an international student, he did receive medical insurance. He was pleased to find out that psychological therapy was indeed covered. So, the next logical step for him was to book himself an appointment.

And that's how he ended up here, in Dr. Urahara's office. He was a quirky man who gave unorthodox advice, but it comforted Ichigo to know that he was also Japanese. They would converse in their native tongue, which made the sessions all the more soothing and allowed the young man to open up more. He had been seeing this counsellor once a week, for three weeks now. As much as he hated to admit it, it was actually really helping.

'I haven't been fine.' Ichigo mumbled, looking away.

'You're depressed. That's normal. But you're fine! You're great, actually. You're on a scholarship in a new city filled with exciting new experiences and people. _Girls_!'

Amber eyes rolled in irritation. 'Not again.'

'I'm telling you, you need to find a nice girl and spend one unforgettable night with her! Take back your masculinity! Prove your virility!'

'Thank goodness these sessions are technically free.' he glared at the older man. 'Cause I wouldn't spend a single penny to listen to this shit.'

* * *

A month after Rukia randomly fell off the radar, Ichigo was actually doing quite well. Perhaps not good, but he was no longer stuck in a rut. In fact, he was progressing in his academic career. His professors took a keen interest in him and no one could believe that he had only recently learned how to speak fluent English. His grades placed him at the top 20% of his class, which he thought wasn't too bad.

Still, he'd often think about _her._

There were times when he wanted to call her just to see what would happen. He knew she'd probably ignore it, but he wanted her to know that he was still thinking about her. He'd always decide against it, not wanting her to know she had that much power over him, that she really was that special to him. Maybe he was also just too scared. What if she picked up and told him he was just a convenient, fun fuck? That he was nothing more than that and never would be? Honestly, he didn't need to hear it. He already felt that way anyway.

He was eternally grateful that he wasn't at Karakura Town for any of this. He couldn't even begin to imagine what crap he'd pull, trying to see her and talk to her.

Nevertheless, he still wished that she'd call one day. He'd love to hear her voice, talk about anything, ask how Chappy was doing. He didn't even care anymore. He just wanted to hear her voice. He wouldn't even be mad that she ignored him for so long. He just wanted to have her in his life again.

Eventually, he got his wish.

Ichigo always made sure to be in bed by 10:00 in the evening. He couldn't risk going to class tired and demotivated. So when his phone's incessant ringing persisted at an ungodly hour in the early morning, he was ready to sound off at whoever was disrupting his slumber.

 **Rukia Kuchiki.**

What was sleep? He sure as hell didn't need it anymore! His heart beat in his eardrums, a wave of adrenaline causing the very blood in his veils to pulsate in excitement. What did she want? He didn't even care. He just couldn't believe that he could hear her voice again.

'Rukia.' he gasped as he raised the phone to his ear, a handsome smile gracing his lips.

'Do you want to hear something funny?' Grimmjow's voice whispered on the other end of the line.

Ichigo's stomach threatened to come up his throat.

'The fuck are you doing with Rukia's phone?' he demanded in a hiss. Grimmjow's metallic, alcoholic taste lingering on Rukia's lips when Ichigo kissed her on the rooftop suddenly coated his tongue. He could almost swear he was drinking in that man's flavour that very moment. It was that real, that powerful in his memory that it actually permeated his senses.

'I'll take that as a yes.'

'You fucking freak.' he spat thunderously. 'What the fuck is goi-'

'Ahh... Please, _please_...'

Was that pleasure?

Ichigo's thoughts went blank. It was almost as if his brain couldn't fathom exactly what was going on right that instant. So, Rukia completely vanished from his life and he descended into an almost emotionally catatonic state of despair, only for her to reemerge a month later so that she and her rebellious lover could have a few laughs at his expense?

Surely that wasn't what was going on.

Ichigo's blood boiled and his skin froze over when his heart and body melted at the familiarity of that sweet tone. Her moans, her whispers, were so vividly real that he could almost feel her body on his, writhing in ecstasy.

The foreign student recalled how surprised she looked when he refused to take her the night they spent by the riverbank. That memory always made him laugh, but it only served to drive the stabbing knife of her betrayal even further into him him. He remembered when they made love, how his fingers roamed her lithe body, like he was trying to imprint the very texture of her to the back of his mind.

 _'Ichigo, please.'_ he remembered how hotly she would call his name. How needy and full of desire, how innocently she'd look up at him as if she had asked him to help her climb a tree or something. Or how he would gaze at her to see tears pooling in her eyes, as if she loved him so much it was tearing her apart. He'd kiss her deeply, passionately, because to him he was kissing a goddess, a delicate flower.

 _Rukia, what the fuck?!_

'Mm... Make that sound again.' Grimmjow's vicious voice demanded.

As if he'd give her the satisfaction of rubbing it in his face.

 _I am so fucking done with you!_

He hung up, throwing his phone carelessly on his bed. His hands were shaking and every inhale sent pins and needless into his lungs. That bitch! Without a doubt, that was singularly the most despicable thing anyone had ever done to him; and he'd been in a lot of street fights wherein his enemies hit him with brass knuckles and knocked concrete slabs over his head. But this woman just went straight for the jugular.

She knew how much he liked her, he _told_ her he was serious about her. If she ddn't feel the same way, which he suspected, then he would have been able to accept her cutting him off. He'd be sad about it, which he was, but he'd get over it. But _this_? Really? It was absolutely disgusting.

His temper getting the best of him, he flung his phone to the wall where it was met with a loud thud. He let out a bloodcurdling roar, not caring what time it was or who heard him.

'You fucking hurtful, sadistic _bitch_.' he said to one one in particular. The last word rolled off of his tongue like poison, like it hurt him to say it.

Effective immediately, she was blocked from his phone. If anyone brought her up in conversation, he'd snap and demand that the topic be changed. He tried to book an appointment with Dr. Urahara for the following day, but he didn't have an opening. Ichigo would have to wait a couple of days. In the meantime, he was in a chronic state of repulsed rage.

He thought about her now more than ever, but it was not in fondness. It wasn't even hate. It was just in disbelief and pain. Which, to be honest, had happened before but to a lesser degree.

But now... She had really done it this time.

* * *

'Ahh...' Rukia whined in delirious pain. 'Please, _please_...'

'Mm... Make that sound again.'

'Grimmjow, stop.' she begged between laboured breaths. Her body felt like it had been set on fire. Like she was laying on a pile of hot bedrock, scorching her skin and melting her bones. 'Please.'

It didn't help that the bane of her existence was now hunched over her, obviously enjoying the sight of her bruised and beaten self. She could do nothing when he reached into her pocket, calling someone and asking if he they wanted to "hear something funny." Was it her Nii-sama. She would kill herself if it was her Nii-sama. He already couldn't bury her deep enough.

'How the fuck did you get so beat up?' Grimmjow questioned, unable to keep his cool. He burst out in chuckles after nearly every syllable, finally wheezing in sadistic delight when he finished his inquiry.

She didn't even bother answering him. What was she supposed to say? She rubbed people the wrong way? This never happened in high school, but it would appear that the crowd in university was much more different. They recognized the Kuchiki name, and she had to take all the detestation that came with it.

They just hated her guts.

But this was the first time she had been battered into a bloody pulp. It was her fault. She was careless for walking home alone at night.

'Seeing you so fucked up gets me pretty hot.

'Ugh...'

'Do you wanna fuck?'

'I hate you.' she reminded him, croaking out every single word as if she were placing a curse on him.

She had been purposely avoiding him since their last encounter, since he finished inside of her. That was a time in her life when she thought her world was crumbling; her Nii-sama no longer wanted anything to do with her - especially not after the maids reported that they found negative pregnancy tests in her trash -, and Ichigo was miles away. At the very least, she thought to control her addictive tendencies; which Grimmjow seemed intricately intertwined with.

She cut him off completely, adopting celibacy and going cold turkey on all substances. She shook and vomited, but she fought the need for a fix. She went through intense withdrawal, but put on a brave voice whenever she spoke to Ichigo.

After a while, she realized that he always sounded a little sad whenever he spoke with her. Their conversations would start out lively, full of life and dynamic. But when they would end, he'd tell her time and time again that he was serious about her - and always his voice would sound a little pained.

That was when she decided to wean off of him slowly. Gradually, she distanced herself from him. An overwhelming urge to reach out to him would almost take over whenever he sent her a message or she missed his call. But she would always remind herself that she had never heard him more dejected than when he spoke of his "love" for her, and resolve to move away from him grew stronger.

She loved him, and that was why she couldn't hurt him anymore.

'Let's get you to a hospital.' Grimmjow's chuckle brought her back to reality.

'Ow, fuck!' she screamed when he picked her up roughly. 'Be gentle, you asshole!'

'Gentle?' he planted an unwarranted peck on her head. 'I don't know the meaning of that word.'

* * *

'I hate that bitch so much.'

'I don't think that's true.'

'I know it's not true.' the orange-haired man conceded, sitting back on the therapist's couch and burying his face in his hands. He was fighting back tears. He felt like he was going insane. He had been unable to sleep, tempted to unblock Rukia's number and call her. But he knew her sweet tongue would just find a way to lure him back in, as if she had never done anything wrong, like she wasn't an icy bitch.

'Kurosaki-san...' Dr. Urahara set his writing pad aside. 'I think you were right to block her. This seems like a very toxic relationship.'

Ichigo didn't need to be told. He knew that Rukia was like poison to him. She was his weakness, his evil catalyst for despair. Only she could stop his rain, but anything related to her also made it storm in his mind. Losing her, being rejected by her... They made his heart drown in an ocean of tears. It was almost comparable to losing his mother, and he knew it shouldn't be that way. But something always drew him to that condescending woman with her vibrant blue eyes that seemed to peer right into his very soul.

'How could she do this to me?'

'You can't put others before you and expect them to do the same.'

'I didn't do that!' the student exclaimed defensively. 'I just wanted some respect.'

'I'm afraid expectations of any sort are damaging to relationships; especially those romantic in nature. You should love someone for who they are, not who you want them to be.'

'You don't understand.' Ichigo was losing his shit. His ankles were rising and falling so that it looked like his legs were tapping the floor. His face was beet-red, his shaking fingers grasping at his hair in clumps. 'She's an amazing woman. She's strong, kind, beautiful; she seems to just get me when she knows almost nothing about me. It's like she cares, like she wants to be with me. But then she withdraws, pushes me away, and...'

'Kurosaki-san?'

'I can't take it when she does that.' he gulps hard. 'Cause I love it so much when we're close. I can't stand it when she distances herself and _hurts_ me.'

'It's her choice how much she wants to involve you in her life.'

'I know.'

'You can't control what she does.'

'I _know_!'

'But you can control _yourself._ Stop trying to figure her out; you'll never be able to, not unless she explains herself to you. And you have to stop expecting that. Think of yourself, of what's right for you. Why would you want to chase after someone, who as you said, chooses to hurt you?'

Weeks later, Dr. Urahara's words still marinated in his mind.

 _She's choosing to hurt me._

He could control himself. He had to. Because, there was at least one thing he knew.

He didn't want to get hurt anymore.

* * *

Ichigo never found campus parties appealing. Nevertheless, he'd often tag along when his friends insisted. He supposed it was just going to be a part of the student life. Perhaps this was how Western youth liked to socialize; drunk and high.

'Want something to drink?'

Ichigo shot the bartender a menacing look. He didn't like alcohol. Or cigarettes. Or drugs. And he wasn't about to break his lifetime of sobriety over peer pressure.

From the corner of his eye, he recognized a tall, bodacious woman with mint features; Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck. He dubbed her "Nel" for short. She was a fellow student in the same program. He wasn't very close to her, but they did speak sometimes. They would often sit together and make plans to study in the library, which of course never really fell through.

It was impossible for him to do anything recreational throughout the day. He was just so busy. The unexpectedly high cost of living in London added to the fact that his dad not lending him any money and his scholarship program barely giving him anything to spend at his leisure, encouraged him to seek a method of making a living. Fortunately, the orange-haired foreigner figured out quite quickly that even in this whole new society, he still excelled in the subject of literature. Learning how to speak fluent English came naturally, perhaps because he had already been reading so many books or because he was so young. It was only logical that he continue his small tutoring career.

Beyond that, he also got a part-time job in the campus library. He didn't have to much to do sitting at the front desk, so he would often use that time to study as well. Of course, he made sure to spend some time with friends. Saturday evenings were usually reserved for that reason.

'I never thought I'd see you at these things.' Nel smiled sweetly, propping down next to him. He hadn't even noticed she was heading so close to him. Suddenly, he became very self-conscious of his body language. He was hunched over, his fingers intertwined and his elbows resting on his knees. It went without saying that his expression was cemented into a semi-permanent scowl. He probably didn't look very approachable at the moment, but it eased him to know that she didn't seem to mind it.

'I don't really go to this stuff, to be honest.' he shrugged. 'But I haven't hung out with Ikkaku and Yumichika in a while, so they wanted me to come.'

'Where are they?'

'Seems like they've ditched me.'

'Or you're just not into beer pong.'

He laughed. 'That too.'

They made conversation. Mostly, Nel was excitedly telling him about all the latest gossip and he was content to just listen. He didn't care much for such stories, but Nel had an innocent, airy aura about her that lifted his spirits. It was always nice talking to such a pleasant personality.

The night was wilting and he was getting sleepier by the minute. No doubt he was going to head home soon. She misunderstood his increasingly sluggish conduct as him getting bored of her. She bit her lip, not wanting him to leave yet. Ichigo was the most attractive man she had ever seen, and she was just about ready to get back on the saddle after breaking up with her misogynist boyfriend Nnoitra.

'Nel, I'm gonna leave soon. Are you coming?'

Her eyebrows raised at the suggestion. 'Sure.'

Thankfully, her dorm was just opposite his. Knowing that there were bound to be intoxicated hooligans stumbling across the corridors, Ichigo decided to accompany her all the way to her room.

'Are you not going to come in?' she asked bashfully as she keyed her lock.

'No thanks, I gotta get to bed.'

Not one to back down, and a little bolder from the alcohol, Nel snaked a long arm around her friend's neck. Weary, amber eyes widened in shock when she leaned into him.

The instant their lips touched, the unfamiliar feeling of liberation shot up his spine. Rukia was... gone. And that was fine. She was a key player in a crucial chapter of his life, but that's all she was ever going to be; a distant memory, a painful reminder of what could have been but will never happen. He thought that if any woman other than Rukia were with him, that suddenly the world would end and hell would rise - that he would spiral into despair because she had his heart. _Had_. There was none of that now.

Here he was, kissing another woman, and the world was still spinning around on the same axis. Their wet tongues danced, their skin burning in desire as he held her tighter, she gripped him harder, her hips gyrating against him. He knew where this could go.

But when her hands tried to slide up his shirt, he held her wrists gently. When her mouth trailed kisses from his lips to his neck, he pulled away. When she looked up at him with lust-lidden eyes, he had to avert his gaze.

'I wanna fuck.' she whispered against his ear.

He didn't even consider it. Clearing his throat, he cupped her face and replied solemnly, 'I think you're drunk. And I don't want to.'

It had nothing to do with Rukia. He just hated these kinds of things.

When he collapsed on his bed, his mind was swirling around with so many thoughts. He'd have to apologize to Nel in the morning. What transpired between them wasn't right. And even if she did want him that way, he wasn't into hooking up. Not that he wanted to take her out either. A relationship probably wasn't such a good idea, not when he was trying to find and better himself.

Rukia was gone. And she would never come back. He could never take her back either, not after what happened.

But life went on and that was OK.

For the first time in a while, he felt important - to himself.

And it felt pretty good.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you all again for the overwhelming response I received last chapter! They definitely motive me, as well as brighten up my day! It's such a wonderful feeling being able to connect with all of you, and to read such varied responses to my story.

Thanks to **ffn1990, Carupin, RukiYuki, LuciaKuchiki, Favorite guest, andyantopia, Kay, anoyak11, Shirayuki992, gin, Anon01, Tara, Godrukia, blissbeat, schoolgurl95,** and all the guest reviewers!

 **Favorite guest, Shirayuki992** , and the **Guest** who gave that wonderfully written and lengthy review, thank you so much for investing the time in penning such beautifully written thoughts! It makes me so happy to open the reviews and see such insightful commentary. They really do make my day. All the comments do, of course, but there is something satisfyingly special about receiving such insightful commentaries.

Thank you so much everyone!

I have read all the suggestions and am keeping them in mind for future use! Thank you to everyone who had given their ideas on this!

 **RukiYuki** , I don't think pregnancy will be a major part of this story! I have done that in my other fic and would like to focus on other themes in this one. I do hope to enjoy your continued support.

Thank you so much everyone! Looking forward to your thoughts and reviews.

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	9. Leave It

'I really don't think your brother's that unreasonable.' Grimmjow said passively as he flipped through the pages of a random magazine the nurse brought in. 'I mean, he's gonna pair you up with some guy who definitely has tons of money and can pay for your whole life. And all you have to give in exchange is your undying love and devotion! By that I mean sex, of course.'

'Grimmjow...'

'Anytime, anywhere, any way he wants it! Damn!'

'Grimmjow!' Rukia winced in pain the second she raised her voice. Her companion didn't even so much as look at her when he handed her a glass of water.

'Don't yell, your stitches will burst open.'

'They didn't give me any stitches.' she reminded him before taking a sip, wondering if he was so out of it that he couldn't remember the events leading up to now. She closed her eyes in satisfaction when she swallowed. Water was magical. It was impossible to exaggerate how therapeutic it was for her. During her withdrawal, she would always feel almost instantaneously better every time she'd grab herself a drink of head was always be clearer after. This time was no exception.

'... Oh. Then why the fuck are we here?' He was referring to the rather large hospital room they were in. Rukia insisted that she stay at a ward, but the doctor would have none of it, choosing to assign her to one an executive suite. Quite frankly, she thought it was a bit of an overreaction.

'Because I'm a Kuchiki.' she rolled her eyes. 'And they're going to keep me on lockdown and rack up the bill because they know Nii-sama will pay for it.'

'Well then I better have some more food brought in.'

'I'm not hungry.'

'Not for _you_ , fatass.'

Rukia was ready to punch him in the throat. He was as rude as ever, and it wasn't charming at all. There was something admirable about how forward this guy was. He was a leech and he didn't pretend to be anything other than that.

After graduation, she enrolled into the local university with a few other familiar faces; Keigo Asano, Mizuiro Kojima, Chad Yasutora... Of course they were all Ichigo's closest friends. Consequently, she wasn't comfortable approaching them to be friends. That, added to the fact that her last name triggered a lot of spite from the rest of the student body, resulted to an isolation she never experienced before.

Still, she was thankful that she could pursue an academic career.

On the other hand, Grimmjow saw no need for higher education. First of all, he didn't think it was a financially sound investment. He had only been able to sustain himself with his inheritance, and tuition fees were costly. Rather, he chose to make a full-time living out of his drug dealing. In almost no time, he became an underground legend; if you wanted the good stuff - the really strong, foreign-cut, premium stuff - you had to buy it from him. And he did not come cheap.

'Orihime Inoue's in this magazine.' Grimmjow observed, his eyes widening. 'I never knew she modelled. Not surprised though. Really hot chick, fantastic rack.'

'Well then go fuck her and leave me alone.'

'Aww baby, you don't have to be jealous.' he grinned, eyes still glued to his literature as he reached over to squeeze her breast. His rough kneading was always a little painful, but she hadn't been touched in so long that it wasn't entirely unwelcome. Subconsciously, she leaned into his direction. He picked up on that, sliding his hand up her shirt, earning a stifled moan. Like a panther capturing its prey, he dropped the magazine and hunched over her, sky-blue eyes piercing into her deep orbs icily. Though he wanted to seduce her, it seemed as if his supposedly hypnotic gaze had the complete opposite effect. Her mouth dried when she the situation became more real in her mind.

'You know, I don't think we've ever done it in such a well-lit room before.' he murmured, bringing another hand up to caress her thighs. He grabbed and scratched at her flesh, frustrated when he got no response from her. That confused him. Only seconds ago, she could hardly control herself. Now, it was as if she were made of stone. Of course, Grimmjow didn't even up that easily. His fingers traveled upwards, settling on her inner thighs. He allowed them to linger that way for a while. When he finally moved, small hands grabbed at his wrist painfully.

Shocked, he glared at her angrily. The resistance in her eyes only pissed him off even more. She could sense his growing rage, but refused to soften her hold on him.

'You still mad that I made you my cum dump?'

'What do you think?' she narrowed her eyes, gripping his wrist so hard his eyebrows knit together. She smiled inwardly at that. It also made her feel victorious.

They stayed that way for a few more moments. Defeated, Grimmjow retreated his touch and went back to flipping through his magazine. Unbeknownst to her, he would steal glances at her stoic form. He smirked to himself. He liked this. He remembered why he thought she was so much fun.

* * *

Byakuya Kuchiki was livid.

At who or what exactly, he couldn't really say. But anger was the first emotion that exploded within him when Renji called him to inform him of Rukia's confinement at the hospital. Of course, he scolded the bodyguard over the phone for not doing his job, evidently. The businessman asked his employee about his sister's condition, but was told that it was hospital regulation not to release information to third parties.

Left without many options, Byakuya booked the first flight home. Unfortunately, it left in a couple of days rather than in the next few hours (which would have been more to his liking.) In the meantime, he'd have to shake hands with a meeting room full of corporate snakes that would love his head on a platter. Business certainly wasn't for the faint of heart, but luckily for Byakuya he'd never possessed one to begin with.

Right before he boarded the plane, Renji called to say that Rukia had just been released from the hospital. Her older brother felt relief... briefly. Then he realized that she had a long history of running away and wrecking havoc whenever she felt pushed to a corner. He ordered his employees not to alert her of his arrival, and tried to get some sleep on the plane.

Of course, he couldn't.

What he did do, however, was pray. He prayed to heaven, to his parents, to his late wife Hisana. At first, he thought of asking for forgiveness for being weak. He wasn't strong enough to be there for her because he couldn't face losing her. He wasn't strong enough to find the right words to say to his little sister. He wasn't strong enough to listen to her.

No, Byakuya didn't ask for forgiveness.

He asked for strength.

* * *

'You called _Ichigo_?!' Rukia hissed into the phone.

'Check your call log.'

'I _did_.' she growled. 'And you _did_. Are you stupid?!'

'What?' she could practically feel him grinning from the other end. 'I thought it was funny.'

'This isn't funny, Grimmjow. You have no idea what you've done.'

'From the sound of things, I've done pretty good.'

She was about to snap back at him, but she hung up and hid her phone beneath a pillow the second she heard the doorknob to her bedroom being turned. Whenever it spun that slowly, that calculatedly, she knew it had to be her brother. She knew this was coming. No doubt one of his men told on her. It didn't matter. She already decided that she would take the scolding and whatever punishment that came with it. She was so tired of this struggle between them. He would never accept who she was and what she wanted for herself, so she thought that the best thing to do would be to live by his rules until she was old and stable enough to make it out on her own. She loved her Nii-sama with all her heart, but love alone wasn't enough.

'Rukia.' Byakuya called her name sternly.

There it was. The voice he reserved for his lectures to her.

But he just stared at her. And she stared right back. She wasn't trying to be defiant or disrespectful. In fact, he could very clearly see the curiosity in her eyes. Like she was wondering why he wasn't glaring daggers at her, or why he wasn't spewing more "I'm disappointed in you" speeches. It had been a while since she heard one of those.

The silence lingered for a while longer. It wasn't uncomfortable even. Byakuya was just enjoying being able to be in the same room with her again, actually being able to look at her. He hadn't so much as glanced her way ever since their big fight, and he regretted that now more than ever. Because the way she was looking at him now, with fearful expectation and curiosity, made him feel like she was a stranger to her. He thought about it. Maybe this whole time, he had been a stranger to her.

'I'm sorry.' he said eventually, closing the door behind him. 'For hitting you. I should never have done that and I'm sorry.'

'I've done worse things.' she replied, finally lowering her gaze. 'I deserved it.'

'No, you didn't.' he corrected her. Her eyes sprang back up to him, the confusion intensified. Why was he being so nice to her? Why was he speaking so gently? She had never heard him like this, not since Hisana was still with them. It was nice, nostalgic. But it also made her uncomfortable.

'Yes, I did.'

'Rukia...'

'You hate me. You think I'm such a stain on the Kuchiki name.'

'Rukia.'

'You think I'm a whore.'

'If you could tell me that you wanted to have sex with all these random men because it was fun...' Byakuya held her hands in his. 'But I don't think you feel that way, Rukia. I think that you wanted attention and support, and maybe you wanted to find some meaning in what happened between you and that family. I think that you didn't understand what exactly sex was, and you don't ever want to understand it because that makes everything that happened to you all the more horrible. I wasn't there for you when I should have been. I can't blame you for trying to find some strength on your own.'

His little sister just looked at him with sapphire eyes that betrayed no emotion. But she was listening. Intently. She was gauging him, trying to see if he meant what he was saying or if he was trying to bait her into submission. For a split second, Byakuya thought they were actually connecting and that there was hope for the future. He could almost see the windows to her soul opening in her eyes. But then they shut abruptly. He wondered why she was being so cold, especially since he had just shared some of his most private thoughts and feelings to her.

And for some reason, she just wasn't buying it.

'You're a hypocrite.' she finally said.

'What?'

'Now you say that I'm strong and that you don't hold my sex life against me. But you've done nothing except make me feel bad for it. You condemned Ichigo.' she sat up straighter. 'And don't act like you weren't completely disgusted that we were fucking. Yet somehow, you think that pairing me up with an older man of your choosing is going to make a difference. Do you think money will justify someone being inside of me? You're so ashamed of my past, of me trading my body for some cash. But how is what you're trying to do any different? I do suppose it would be a bigger sum.'

'I am doing this for you.' he replied sternly. His eyes had retreated back into their icy demeanour, guarding himself. 'This is for your life.'

'And what I did was for Hisana's life. That was my choice. But what you're doing is you're completely taking away my individuality in this. You're controlling me, and you want to pass it off as some sick idea of protective love? You're a hypocrite.'

'Rukia.'

'You're a hypocrite.' she repeated.

* * *

Keigo would always notice Rukia Kuchiki sitting at the back of the class. She didn't seem to have a lot of friends, nor did she show any interest in making them. He remembered how infatuated Ichigo had been with her and he knew that something was definitely brewing between them, even if his friend didn't mention anything.

He would often make awkward eye contact with her, but he was always too shy to say anything. She was pretty, but she was also intimidating. She wasn't warm or easy to be around like Orihime or Chizuru. So he kept himself at a distance from her even though he was dying to know what exactly transpired between her and Ichigo. He decided that he would pass onto the next life not knowing their mysterious love story. Yet, today his luck seemed to change.

'Do you talk to Ichigo?'

'Sometimes.' Keigo replied, surprised that Rukia was actually speaking to him - even more so shocked to hear that she was asking about Ichigo!

Having heard the conversation, Mizuiro crept closer to his friend. He always liked gossip, and there was nothing juicier at the moment than learning about their friend's past. Maybe when he came home from his studies abroad, they'd tease him about it. Realizing that the woman seemed worried, they offered either of their phones for her to use to call London. She seemed relieved. All three students' hearts beat uncontrollably when she called, all filled with different emotions.

'Please don't hate me.' was the first thing she said, and she said it desperately. Keigo and Mizuiro perked up upon hearing her plea. They began to wonder exactly what was going on. Knowing that Ichigo was not one to share his problems with them no matter how serious, the pair exchanged worried glances.

Rukia wondered if maybe the line had cut, or he had just hung up on her. After a few seconds, she could hear his breathing and she knew he was still there. Perhaps he was listening, expecting her to say something. Truthfully, she didn't know exactly what to say. Or what he wanted to hear.

'Of course I don't hate you.' Ichigo whispered.

'I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through. I thought I was doing the right thing.'

'You've done that shit multiple times, and apologized every single fucking time. You can't be that sorry if you keep doing it.'

'I know. I'm sorry. I really am.'

Silence.

'What do you want?' he demanded quietly.

'I just want to be friends again.' she admitted.

More silence. It was deafening.

'Rukia... Leave me alone.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much everyone for your continued support! This chapter was a lot shorter because this is all I wanted to show before the timeskip. A **Guest** pointed out that too many timeskips within a chapter can be quite jarring to read, so I decided to end this chapter here! The next chapter will skip right ahead to Ichigo having graduated and coming back to Karakura. I have a lot of things planned and can't wait to share them with you!

I am also aware that this chapter is likely not my best. I have several deadlines that need to be met by a very close date. I hope that despite that, the following chapters will be better.

Thank you **anoyak111, hopelessromantic, Anon01, absolutelyindifferent, schoolgurl95, blissbeat, RukiYuki, GenesisVentura, ej, FunnyEasyMe, Shirayuki992, Sami97, han-ichiruki, Carupin,** and all the guest reviewers (especially the ones who leave such lengthy and thoughtful reviews)!

To the **Guest** who asked about my inspiration; I can't really say, because I don't necessarily get inspired by one single thing. I do, however, listen to music while I write and sometimes the energy of the song encourages me to change direction in the story.

 **hopelessromantic** , Ichigo suffers quite a bit too! Rukia isn't the only one who has demons to work through. I try to show different kinds of struggles.

 **Zcatlady** , that's unfortunate that you feel that way! Might be healthy to get over it.

Thank you again so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	10. I'm Gonna Show You

_'Are you serious? You can't be serious. What are the odds of this happening?'_

 _'Very, very slim. But... This is definite.'_

 _'What should I expect?'_

 _'I can't say. I'm sorry.'_

 _'Don't...'_

* * *

'Onii-chan!' Yuzu cried when her brother keyed the door to their home open. Squealing in girlish delight, she tried to wrap him in her arms. Of course, this was impossible considering the difference in their size. Especially now that Ichigo had grown taller and more muscular than she remembered.

How long had it been now? Seven years?

'Ichi-nii!' Karin joined her siblings in their long overdue embrace. They could have stayed that way forever, it seemed; enjoying each other's presence, as if they had been incomplete as people for all these years and had finally become whole again. It was tough for the girls to be without their brother, but it was hard on him as well knowing that he couldn't be around to watch them grow into young ladies. And so now, he wasn't about to let them go for anything.

'Welcome back, my idiot son!'

Unless, of course, that "anything" was his dad attempting to kick him on the head. The hot-headed man anticipated this, and thought it would be best to stay above it. He actually thought that this would be a subtle yet powerful way of showcasing his newfound maturity. Then again, he wasn't very good with pulling through with plans.

'Is this how you greet your son after nearly a decade?!' he retorted, dodging another attack and going in to punch his father. The old man was hit hard, falling to the floor slowly while flashing a thumbs-up. The sisters were completely unfazed. They had expected this. It was the only way the men in their family seemed to be able to show affection.

'This is the first time you've been home since you left!' Isshin whined, comically large teardrops streaking down his face. 'And you hit your father?!'

'You started it!'

'And on top of that...'

'What?!'

'You won't even spend the day with us tomorrow! You're going to give a lecture!'

'I can't help it.' the orange-haired man reasoned, although he admitted inwardly that even he was disappointed about that. 'I've been pushing it back for months. Once they announced on TV that I was coming back here, the university kept contacting my team. It would look bad if I wasn't able to present myself as a guest lecturer before the students left for vacation.'

'But you're such a big shot now anyway that they'd delay their summer plans.' Karin interrupted, hoping that she could convince him not to go tomorrow and spend some time with the family. 'You know that, right?'

'It's not a good thing to get such a big head.' he yawned, making his way up to his old room. 'And no, they wouldn't.'

'Yes, they would.'

'No.'

'Whatever.' she shrugged. 'As long as you watch my softball game tomorrow.'

* * *

'Do you know what would make this deal more convincing?'

'Mm?' Rukia Kuchiki tilted her head to the side quizzically, arching her back gracefully and inadvertently leaning into the man she was supposed to close a million-dollar contract with. He was much older than her, even older than her Nii-sama. His leathery hands shakily undid the top of his suit as his lecherous eyes examined her lithe frame sitting on the conference table. It was long and made of steel, enough to accommodate a maximum of fifty people. But by now, everyone included in the meeting had left except for these two. The man beckoned her to stay behind, citing _financial discrepancies_ as the reason.

'If I could try out the merchandise.'

'Merchandise?'

'Don't play dumb.' he was practically salivating.

'I don't recall including myself in the bundle.' the businesswoman frowned, swaying her legs off-handedly. She ran a perfectly manicured hand through her long hair, seemingly unbothered by her companion's advances. 'Not like you could afford me anyway.'

He was about to respond, but the pointy edge of her heel met his groin painfully. He keeled over, his mouth contorting into a strained _O_. When he was close enough to the ground that she was sure he wasn't looking at her, she allowed herself a small smile.

'Sign the deal, don't sign the deal, I don't care.' Rukia declared, jumping off the table. 'We don't need you, you need us.'

'You bitch.' he spat. She looked down at him, trying not to laugh at how absolutely pathetic the sight of him was on his knees.

She could have said something witty, but decided he wasn't deserving of that. Instead, she pouted playfully, a twinkle in her sapphire eyes. Then she laughed and spun on her heel out the door, her midnight hair trailing behind her in the wind.

* * *

'A lot of people talk about power.' Ichigo began. 'They talk about positions of power; who should rightfully be seated, who should be taken out... About what has to change within the structure of power. But I don't think it's such a good idea to focus on that. I think it's better to talk about change amongst the people. Forget those on top. Let's think about what the masses can do. Start the change from the bottom up.'

'Can't people start a revolution though?' a random student quipped.

'They absolutely can.'

'Isn't that bad?'

'Not necessarily.' the guest lecturer replied. 'Revolutions, coups, strikes - they're all ways in which the people's desire can be made known. These socio-political phenomena tend to occur when the needs of the people are being ignored.'

'How do we know when a revolution is justified?' another student interjected. 'How do we know people aren't trying to mess with politics just 'cause they can?'

'Any drastic action taken by the people is symptomatic of the problems and injustices that that society is experiencing.' Ichigo wanted to expand further, but the dean was signalling that time was up. In fact, they had already gone an hour overtime. The amber-eyed pseudo-professor would have liked to stay, but he could tell that the staff present to oversee the special class wanted to get home. He didn't blame though. He kind of wanted to see his friends as well.

'Thank you so much for your time, Ichigo Kurosaki.' Dean of Arts Shunsui Kyoraku thanked their guest as he came up on stage. The closing announcement was met with a mix of sad groans and loud applause.

'Thank you for having me.' the young adult responded, nodding in the direction of the audience.

'It was an honour.' Shunsui assured him. 'Again, everyone, that was Ichigo Kurosaki - the youngest former Assistant Secretary for Conflict and Stabilization Affairs in the United Kingdom, and who will be serving as Under Secretary to Political Affairs here in Japan as of next month. It truly is such an honour.'

* * *

'Man, you've got guards waiting outside!'

'Don't say that like it's my choice, Keigo.' Ichigo reminded his friend. 'I don't want a security detail, but the state won't let me move without them. Karin was so embarrassed to see them when I watched her game today.'

'It's so surreal that you've come home such a bigshot.' Mizuiro commented, handing the server a bill.

'Guys, come on, I'll pay for this.' the politician insisted.

'No, it's fine!' the shortest of the trio waved it off. 'It's the first time we've seen you in such a long time. Let us spoil you. Besides, you aren't the only one making some cash! And you hate alcohol anyway, so it's not like you're having any of this.'

'Thanks.'

'Don't mention it!'

Ichigo leaned back onto the couch and sighed. Bombastic, noisy music was blaring from countless speakers as voluptuous women clad in nearly nothing either danced around the club or served patrons drinks. He didn't like these types of places, but his friends were adamant about coming to this establishment. Something about knowing the owner and being able to snag some discounts. And something else about a "pleasant surprise." There was nothing surprising in this place except the depravity that surrounded him.

'Ichigo!' Keigo yelled after taking another shot. 'You don't look like you're having fun!'

'I hate this shit.'

'But there are so many girls!'

'I'm not looking.'

'What's wrong? Got a girlfriend back in London?'

He shook his head, his expression betraying no emotion. He had two girlfriends during his time abroad, but he ended both relationships after realizing that he just wasn't that serious about either of them. It was strange. He cared about those women, but it was nothing in comparison to how he had felt when he first discovered love so many years ago.

He still couldn't forget _her_.

While his feelings for her had completely dissipated, he thought of her from time to time. He wondered how she was doing, what she had been up to, what kind of path she had carved out for her life... But there was simply no way of knowing without seeming suspicious. He knew that she and Keigo were friends in college, but had no idea if they were still close at all. And if there was a way to get in touch with her, why would he do that now? Truthfully, he kind of regretted not taking her up on her offer to be friends. She was a big part of his life and he would always remember her for the good times they shared.

Then he'd remember the bad times and want to break things.

He shut his eyes in irritation. This is exactly why he had avoided coming home for so long. She was like poison to him, that much stayed consistent against the test of time. Just the thought of her was enough to drive him insane. And the memories of her were so closely linked to Karakura Town that just being here set off a semi-permanent trigger. It all just ended so horribly... How could something so pure and beautiful rear its ugly head a second later?

This was exactly why he decided that cutting her off was the smartest thing to do.

'You know, Rukia-chan never had a boyfriend while you were away.' his brunette friend assured him.

'Why bring her up all of a sudden?'

'Don't you think about her?'

'No.'

'Didn't you like her?'

He thought about it. 'No.'

'So you don't want to see her while you're here?'

'Hell no.'

* * *

'Kaien... dono...' Rukia breathed. She straddled her lover, planting chaste kisses all over his neck. He caressed her thighs in appreciation, pulling her closer when she started sucking on his lower lip with a lusty need. He pulled away from her momentarily, staring into her beautiful eyes as he cupped her face. They shared a moment of unspoken understanding before their lips met again, his tongue probing her sweet mouth. She submitted to him, letting him take the lead. He liked it when she did that.

Her work phone rang, but he pushed it away when she reached for it. She tried to climb off of him, but he pushed her onto the bed. His mouth watered at the sight of her bare breasts, swollen and begging to be touched. The light blush on her cheeks made her shine with an innocence he knew was not genuine. Fuck it, he wanted her anyway.

'I wanna be inside of you.' Kaien moaned into her ear as his hands played with her mounds.

She stiffened at those words, whimpering in panic as he thrust his uncomfortably hard groin against her. He mistook her whining as excitement, kissing her so wetly he might as well have been a dog slobbering all over her face. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute, the nausea starting to build at the back of her throat. She screamed into his mouth and he immediately stopped, sitting up and helping her upright.

She panted heavily, and he took it as a sign that she needed some water. He retreated into the kitchen to offer her a glass, and she drank its contents thirstily. She didn't thank him or look at him. Surprisingly, she hung her head in embarrassment. It wasn't necessarily shame that she felt. She wasn't about to allow herself to feel coerced into sex. It was just that, in the year that they've been seeing each other, she really hadn't been able to feel comfortable doing it with him.

'I'm sorry, Kaien-dono.' she apologized, crossing her arms over her chest to hide her breasts. 'I can't.'

'Don't feel bad.' he whispered, rubbing up and down her arms. His voice was smooth and gentle, his touch even more so. 'Don't do anything you don't want to do.'

She smiled at him. He returned it.

With Kaien-dono, everything felt right. At least it felt like the world made more sense than when she wasn't with him. He was kind, not just to her but to everyone around him. She was thankful that a being like him existed, for she had known only one before him.

In fact, they shared quite a resemblance. She wondered if all good souls were just destined to be tall and handsome.

But Kaien-dono had a wife. Miyako was beautiful, and Rukia often wondered why Kaien wasn't so happy with her. At least, he couldn't have been that happy if he were willing to cheat on her with a girl ten years his junior. But men were weak. The young Kuchiki knew that very well. They didn't like to stick with one flavour. Perhaps it was too boring. Or maybe she was too good. At such a young age, she had already learned how to please a man. Maybe she herself was a catalyst to such moral corruption.

Oh, well. She didn't care anymore. For once in her life, she didn't feel nervous to exist. Her anxiety had calmed itself, and she was in the best place she'd ever been in her life thus far. Perhaps she was alone, but she was by no means lonely.

As Kaien dressed himself, she flipped through her phone to see why it was ringing earlier. She frowned when she saw that the manager at one of the clubs the Kuchikis owned sent her urgent texts claiming that a VIP was present when Grimmjow was dealing at their location.

 **I'm busy.**

She sent the text. Not even a minute later, her phone pinged back, alerting her to a response.

 **He's a government official. We could get in trouble.**

She rolled her eyes. Politicians were the absolute worst. They all pretended like they didn't go to clubs to touch all the young girls trying to pay for their education. Rukia had observed enough of their corrupt fondling whenever she dropped in to see if the staff were up to par with their training.

'I'm sorry, Kaien-dono.'

'You have to go?'

She nodded. He told her not to worry. She didn't.

She should've.

* * *

'No, I'm good, thanks.' Ichigo was getting more aggravated by the second. Woman after woman kept asking if he wanted to dance, drink, or some were bold enough to just throw themselves on top of him and wait for a reaction. Needless to say, he never responded well.

Unfortunately, it had been this way for quite some time now. He had always been oblivious to women's advances, but they had become hard to ignore after he received his first seat in office. His charming looks and built, combined with his newly acquired power and money set off an estrogen switch. He wasn't ignorant. In fact, he was very astute to how his new position in the social hierarchy affected those around him of various demographics - it just so happened that desperate women were at the top of the list. The whole experience had turned him into a real pessimist.

'Just one shot. Take one shot with me!'

'I don't drink.' he protested, trying to push her away without hurting her. His friends had left him to dance with random girls, thinking that he needed privacy so that he could "get some" that night. He swore he'd get them back.

Eventually, a bouncer yet again had to escort this lady away from him. He tried to thank him, but was shot an annoyed glare. Ichigo winced. He didn't blame him. The entire evening for the guy was spent between checking IDs and carrying women away from the young politician. It seemed like he was having a horrible night at work.

Searching his surroundings for his friends, a head full of light-blue hair caught his eye. His stomach turned. He recognized that unique shade of blue anywhere. Not just that, but that sinister smirk that never failed to anger him... The familiar figure was surrounded by his own posse of armed men, and Ichigo wondered why they were allowed to bring weapons inside. He had a table to himself, but he beckoned a group of young girls over - they couldn't have been older than twenty years of age. Chocolate eyes widened in child-like outrage when he witnessed the man shove two pills a down a young girl's throat. She sputtered, but he held her in place by the neck.

That fucker never changed.

Not even thinking about what exactly he planned to do, Ichigo stood and marched his way over to Grimmjow. The hell was the guy thinking, distributing most-likely illegal substances to youth? It was people like him that inspired Ichigo to try and empower young people; to be strong enough to fight agains those who threaten to destroy the strength of a naive and vibrant mind.

Recognizing the man with the budding political career, Grimmjow's men did nothing but cower in fear when they saw the unmistakable orange-haired man approaching them. If anything, they parted their formation to make way for him. With his back turned, the drug lord couldn't really see what was coming. Not to worry; he felt the stinging impact of a fist meeting his face anyway. In retaliation, he reached for a gun holstered at his waist and fired it at the ceiling.

It was a riot.

People screamed, staff scrambled, bodyguards rushed inside to come face-to-face with Grimmjow's henchmen. Ichigo could hear his friends shouting at him to let it go, that he would regret this later on. It was a miracle he could even make out what they were saying amidst frightened cries of "Kurosaki-sama, the car is outside!." It was a mess, but neither of the hot-blooded men gave a damn. They exchanged blows, unable to feel the pain of being hit from all the adrenaline coursing through their veins. Their primal hatred for each other had taken a nearly decade-long break; nothing would be able to calm either of their spirits.

'Kurosaki, you relentless fuck!' the rebel laughed. 'Why are you here?!'

'Why are you not in prison?!' came the husky reply. He showed no fear when his enemy picked up bottle and cracked it in half, charging at him with the sharp, jagged edges of the glass.

Ichigo was ready to bleed a little, but fate would not allow it that night.

A bouncer came up behind him, bulky arms hooking wrapping around his waist to lift him out of harm's way. Another burly man grabbed Grimmjow by the arm, twisting it and making him hurt enough to let go of the dangerous makeshift weapon. Despite being held hostage by big guys with guns, both young rivals tried to swipe at each other, failing to land a hit at anything except the air.

'Fools! What's going on here?!'

That voice.

And the pain that followed.

Ichigo whipped his head towards the direction of her voice, and he was sure he looked like he had seen a ghost. Rukia returned his startled stare, a temporary paralysis shocking her in place. Her large eyes scanned him, as if not believing that it was really him. He was taller, bigger; no longer a child. Then her line of sight lingered on his orange hair, and something in her clicked. It was definitely him. There was no mistaking it.

He swallowed involuntarily when it hit him just how different she was. She had grown her hair out longer, almost up to her waist. Her slender frame was clothed in an angular suit, making her look taller and more intimidating than he remembered. Not that he was intimidated. No, he was frightened. Scared that she'll slither her way back into his life and just... ruin everything. Not that he'd let her though. He learned.

Begrudgingly, the Kuchiki tore her gaze away from her former lover to signal an order to her men. Cackling maniacally, Grimmjow was escorted out of the premises through a back door. His cronies followed suit, and Ichigo felt sick knowing that he would get away without being brought to justice. And even if he wanted to make a case out of what he saw, he could only offer hearsay. There was no to prosecute that jerk. What made matters worse is that he could sense Rukia was in on it too; she was covering something up.

Amber eyes rolled in their sockets. Yeah, for sure she'd do anything to shield her toy.

The man holding him captive suddenly let him go when Rukia nodded his way. Though he was roughed up, he stood proudly when set free, only rubbing his wrists to regain some feeling. He could feel deep blue eyes staring right at him, and he felt incredibly self-conscious. But no way in hell was he going to give her the satisfaction of a second look.

'Rukia-chan!' Keigo beamed as he approached his friend. 'Thank goodness you showed up!'

'No pro-'

'And look, it's Ichigo! You remember Ichigo, don't you?!'

'Yes.' she murmured, fighting back tears; of happiness or hurt, she couldn't really say. 'Ichigo...'

'Hey, sorry for the trouble.' he cleared his throat, turning his back to her. He waved a hand at her dismissively, like he wanted to silence her. His other hand buried itself in his pocket, clenching into a fist to suppress every primal urge in his body that wanted to touch her, stroke her hair, crash his lips onto hers to taste the bittersweet comfort of being with his first love. 'Thanks for your help.'

'Wait, Ichigo!' she called after him, hot on his heels. Keigo reached out to grab her hand, but she was too fast for him. A knot formed in his stomach; he was not looking forward to this. Ichigo was the personification of hostility right now. One would have thought he had some fondness for her left in him.

'Wait!' she repeated, catching up to him. She stepped in front of him, not thinking when she placed a hand on his chest as if she were willing him to stop in his tracks. His eyes softened at that, the familiarity of her small hand on his body taking him back to the times their bodies were intertwined, hot and moist as she begged for him to be inside of her. He remembered how she'd look at him with the most intense longing in her stunning orbs, noticing that she mirrored that same yearning as her eyes bore into his right now.

He parted his lips. He wanted to ask what she needed, what she wanted. He'd give her anything.

Then he imagined her bent over a desk, taking another man's engorged organ inside of her. He could almost hear her pants, her moaning as she was rammed into again and again. Humiliated rage swelled inside of him when he recalled how she looked back at him the first time he saw her in the throes of passion, how she flashed him the most unforgettably innocent smile like she didn't know she wanted to be filled.

'Ichigo...'

 _Do you want to hear something funny?_

 _I think I'm falling in love with you._

'Sorry.' he muttered, gently shoving her hand away and going about his way.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much for your continued support, everyone! This chapter is an intro to the timeskip, I hope you enjoyed it.

Thank you **sinfulxdaisies, JoTerry, Anon01, Shirayuki992, RukiYuki, Harveyman, FunnyEasyMe, GenesisVentura, Godrukia, and anoyak111**!

 **GenesisVentura** , thank you so much for your wonderful comments and for understanding Ichigo!

 **Harveyman** , thank you very much and I think you are absolutely correct! Will be changing the genre.

 **Shirayuki992** , I did read it! And yes, she does look absolutely stunning! I loved all her looks, but the long hair is by far my favourite. I think it makes her look more carefree. She also looks so adorable in the captain haori; love how loose it is on her! Cutest captain ever.

 **FunnyEasyMe** , hope you enjoyed the small friendship between Keigo and Rukia! Also, yes, Byakuya knows/suspects something - but I won't be revealing that just yet. I don't think Orihime will be playing a major role in this story! I don't have any intentions so far to make any significant use of her.

Thank you so much again, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	11. Don't Talk Smack

_'Does it hurt today?'_

 _'So much. It hurts more every day.'_

 _'Are you taking the medication?'_

 _'Yes. It's not helping.'_

 _'I'm sorry.'_

 _'Don't be. I'm not afraid.'_

* * *

'I'm sorry, Rukia-chan. I didn't know he would react that way.'

Keigo didn't tell her that Ichigo was coming back to Karakura Town because some part of him believed that when the two saw each other again, they'd kiss and make up. Obviously, that didn't happen. He even felt morally culpable for not telling her, since the awkward shock between his two friends could have been avoided altogether. But now, all the pent up tension between them had just exploded.

'It's not your fault.' the businesswoman whispered back, lying on her side. Keigo knelt beside the couch she was resting on, rubbing her back and holding a glass of water with his free hand. Mizuiro had gone home, thinking that it wouldn't be appropriate if he stayed since he wasn't as close to Rukia. But Keigo's optimism gave her some kind of solace, and they had developed a strong bond over the years; of course, it wasn't special like what she had with Ichigo. And as nice as Keigo was, he couldn't understand her on the level Grimmjow did.

'Why don't you just tell him how you feel?'

'I don't know what you're talking about.' she took a sip of water.

'Rukia-chan...' he let himself trail off. There was no use arguing with her. She was stubborn, bull-headed even.

He knew she was still in love with him, or at the very least cared about him. Not once did she stop asking about how Ichigo was doing, if he was doing well in his class, if he was happy. When their friend first got a girlfriend he seemed to be in love with, she was even happy for him. At first, she was hurt and and even depressed; but eventually, his happiness became her happiness.

But Rukia herself was always troubled. Keigo, and even Mizuiro, tried to be of some help to her - but she would always tell them they were overreacting and that nothing was wrong with her. Except they saw, they _saw_ her with Grimmjow.

He'd try to kiss her and she'd swat him away. He'd smack her ass as they walked side by side, and she'd punch his jaw. Whenever she was with Grimmjow, complete misery would be plastered onto her face. So then why is it that he used to pick her up from university in brand new cars? Why did she still entertain conversation with him when his touch made her so uncomfortable? Most importantly, why was she drawn back to him every single time?

 _'Rukia-chan!' Keigo cried in frustration. 'That guy is bad news! He does terrible things!'_

 _'I know.'_

 _'Then why?!' he was grabbing chunks of his own hair. 'Why do you talk to him?'_

 _'I can't leave him all alone.'_

 _'Rukia-chan!' he screeched, shaking her by the shoulders. 'You're not making any sense! It's so easy, just stay away from him!'_

 _'I can't.'_

 _'Rukia-chan!'_

 _'I killed his father.'_

Bit by bit, Rukia would reveal more of her past with Grimmjow university friend. She told Keigo about Hisana, about how she had passed away from an unknown illness that continued to baffle the most experienced diagnosticians today. She told him that the medical bills were expensive and that she wanted to do anything to keep her sister alive; a huge part of doing that was having to pay up.

Anything.

She wanted to forget all of it. That much she made clear. He understood that she felt guilty for what transpired with Mr. Jaegarjaquez, but there was no way she could move on with her life if she kept staying involved with that psycho. What made matters worse was that they were technically in business together, developing a codependency that was nothing short of toxic.

Grimmjow rose to riches very quickly, and it was no secret what he did for a living. Crime had been rising steadily in Karakura for the past decade, and clubs had become a popular place to experiment. Rukia tried to manage the properties under the Kuchiki name, but monitoring such activities were difficult. A certain blue-haired man struck her a deal; if he was allowed to operate within her vicinity, he ensured that no other dealers would ever set foot in anything the Kuchikis owned.

He had effectively chained her to him. Not only did he have such a profound control over her mental state and self-worth, he now had her by the neck in business. He knew she'd agree to it too, because she always felt like she owed him. She needed forgiveness, but what Grimmjow was doing was punishing her every day, telling her that she didn't deserve repentance because she was damned.

Forgiveness.

Keigo said that Ichigo would forgive her. She was unresponsive to that promise. She told him that even she couldn't forgive herself. He said that she had no choice, she said that she did. As he listened to his best friend's ex-girlfriend fill in the puzzle pieces that baffled him for so long, he also had to witness Ichigo's unfortunate distancing from her. Every time Rukia would be brought up in conversation, he'd snap and demand that the topic be changed. The brunette could tell that his friend was actively trying to push her out of his mind. He wondered if he managed to do that very well.

In his heart, there was nothing he wanted more than to see both his friends end up together. The love between them was undeniable. They were intensely, passionately longing for each other. They were so different, but also incomplete without the other to fill the void. It just seemed like so much has happened. Keigo would always insist that if Ichigo knew the truth about her history that he'd understand and work with it. But it wasn't his story to tell, and her eyes would always turn icy - like she was threatening him, warning him not to breathe a word.

That didn't mean he didn't _try_.

'You should tell him everything.'

'Fuck, no!' Rukia gasped. 'What would I say? Hi, I haven't seen you in ages and you don't want to be friends, but I want to tell you about my messed up life?'

'But you love him.'

'I want him.' she corrected. 'I don't know what love is.'

'Sure you do! You've loved him all these years.'

'It's not the kind of love he wants.' she mumbled, burying her face in her arms. She hadn't cried in so long, it felt odd to feel the prickle of tears at the back of her eyeballs. More than anything, it kind of embarrassed her to think that someone would see her so vulnerable, even if it was a good friend like Keigo. Actually, it made her even more self-conscious - after all, he could easily relay that information to Ichigo.

'Well... You don't know what he wants.'

'And that's the problem.'

* * *

'What you've done for yourself is amazing.' Kaien complimented his cousin as they shared pleasantries at the lobby of Ichigo's hotel.

As much as the politician would have loved to stay at his family's home, it just wasn't practical at the moment. There were so many meetings he had to attend, so many documents and presentations he had to ready - and it was absolutely impossible getting anything done with the crazy dynamic of the Kurosaki household. It was only for a while anyway, just for a couple of weeks. Then he'd be able to see his sisters as much as he liked.

'Thank you.' Ichigo responded. He and his cousin were never really close, especially since Kaien was a decade older and only recently moved to Karakura Town. The only time they really exchanged words was whenever they greeted each other for their birthdays. Nevertheless, neither were complaining about getting to know each other better. They were both family-oriented men, and they were excited about expanding their familial circle. 'How's Miyako?'

'I don't know.' the dark-haired doctor admitted. His jade eyes shifted to the side, and his companion picked up on that look of uncertainty. In fact, he kind of related to it.

'You OK?'

'We haven't been doing very well, actually.' the older man leaned forward, as if he were sharing a deep-seated secret. 'And that is mostly my doing.'

He opened his mouth to respond, but he stopped when his relative's gaze was distracted by someone out of his line of sight. Disturbed features contorted happily, a glint in those emerald orbs accompanied by an excited smile. Ichigo raised his eyebrows, wondering who he was so happy to see. The younger man looked back, expecting to see a friend or a coworker from the hospital his cousin worked at.

But, no.

'Kuchiki!' Kaien beckoned her over, frowning when he realized she looked ill upon seeing him. Perhaps she was feeling worse today? He saw her eyes widen and dart towards Ichigo. _Oh_. She was probably surprised to see him hanging out with such a prominent government official. He couldn't wait to see her reaction when he'd tell her they were related. Although to be fair, one would already be able to tell just from their resemblance.

'Kuchiki!' he repeated, growing irritated with her uncharacteristically bashful demeanour. She bit her lip and started a slow strut towards them, leaving the table she was seated at. It seemed as if her companions were leaving as well; middle-aged men and women carrying briefcases and stern faces. Her eyes stayed glued to his orange-haired junior, her expression an astonishingly strange mix of fear and delight. The married man felt himself getting a little jealous. Then again, it was unsurprising that a big star like his cousin could easily outshine him.

'From the look on your face, I get the impression that you're already familiar with this guy.' he gestured to the politician she was gaping at.

'Yeah.' she allowed herself to say, swallowing when she felt the hardness in her former lover's stare. Amber eyes searched for answers, already suspicious of what her relationship with Kaien was. It hurt her that she didn't know whether it was because he had some intuition or because he thought of her as such a loose woman that she would involved with anybody he knew. 'Hey, Ichigo.'

'Yo, Rukia.' he scoffed back, turning back towards Kaien, who was now absolutely lost in the situation. These two seemed like they knew each other, and not in a good way. Then it dawned on him that Rukia mentioned she went to Karakura High, and he remembered that so did Ichigo. Yet upon further analysis, they would never have gotten along anyway. They were both head strong, but the businesswoman was cold and calculating in a way he knew would irritate the hot-tempered but gentle politician. He stifled a chuckle imagining how those two must have been up in each other's faces during their youth.

Oh, he had no idea.

'You two know each other?'

'Somewhat.' Ichigo replied off-handedly, shooting the obviously nervous woman a knowing glance. 'We were classmates. But how is it that you two know each other?'

'Kuchiki is my regular patient.'

'Oh really?' _I bet she is._

Sapphire eyes narrowed. What did he mean by that knowing tone? He hadn't even spoken a single meaningful sentence since he got back, and now he was judging everything she did? She accepted a long time ago that her relationship with Kaien was inappropriate and morally questionable, but there was no need for someone who had absolutely no insight on the matter to be so condescending.

'He's a good doctor.' she announced proudly. 'He takes care of me _very_ well.'

Ichigo nearly choked on nothing. His hands balled into fists under the table, his teeth gritting to try and contain himself. What was with her? Seven years later, she was still such a bitch. It was so like her to rub yet another member of her harem into his face. One of many; she always had to remind him that he was one of many. All that chemistry he felt between them was just an illusion that she constructed, because she knew how to play the game and she knew how to play it well. He wondered how many men she had lured under her spell.

'I have to go.' she cleared her throat before reaching into her purse. 'But we should really catch up over coffee sometime, Ichigo.'

He fought the need to roll his eyes. As if he would ever be caught dead alone with her. If she had held him at gunpoint demanding to sit down and have a conversation with him, he would negotiate. He needed to have at least two friends present as buffers, as well as a bottle with the highest alcohol concentration allowed for consumption. He didn't drink, but the thought of spending time with her made him want to gauge his eyes out. As if he would ever be sober to even be willing to put himself through that.

'You now have my number.' she continued, slapping her business card down in front of him. 'Give me a call.'

She spun on her heel, her heart beating fast - but not with love or longing. She was so done with his sulking. It was so annoying. Alright, she got it already! She hurt him, and she should never be forgiven. That much she knew. But at the very least, they could be civil enough for her to have the opportunity to grovel at his feet and beg for forgiveness even if he never gave it. Despite the tense atmosphere, she thought giving him her contact information was a sign of goodwill. Hopefully he would take the bait and they would have a chance to talk over things.

But if anything, Ichigo was seething. He was so angry, his vision so red, his body so hot, that he swear he could melt his seat. Did she really think she would win this? Did she really think she could show up and be such a bitch without any consequences? She had better not get used to treating him this way. Without even thinking, he stood up and went after her. His cousin called after him, but he mostly ignored it and muttered an apology, promising to come back.

'You fucking bitch!' he yelled at her once he had left the building. Her jaw locked in in disbelief that he had said that, but she continued on her way to her car as fast as she could. She slammed the door to the driver's seat shut, fumbling with the keys. Her aggravation had practically taken over her mind. It was like she completely lost control over her fingers. The keys fell to the floor, and she cursed as she bent over to pick them up. Once she sat up, she gasped in shock when the door to the passenger's seat opened and he slid into it confidently, slamming it shut.

'Get out of my car.'

'Get out of my life.' he spat back, and she struggled to keep her composure. On the other hand, he didn't give a damn about being polite at the moment. All his pent up frustration with her, all the hurt he had felt all these years, had just exploded. Enough was enough. He was done with being dragged back to her. 'You think I can't tell you're fucking him? Isn't it such a coincidence, Rukia? Such a coincidence that he was just about to tell me why his marriage wasn't working out and you show up? And don't think I don't notice that he and I are pretty fucking similar-looking, what with us being fucking cousins and all. My cousin, really, Rukia? My fucking cousin?'

'You sound crazy right now.' she wasn't looking at him. Instead, she inserted the keys to start the engine, a shaking hand gripping the steering wheel as if she needed it for support. He didn't notice, his eyes fixated on her stony profile. He was watching her, gauging her. 'You have absolutely no basis for what you are accusing me of.'

'My fucking cousin.' he stressed. 'That's low, even for you.'

'Well, it's an upgrade from you.' her head snapped in his direction, her furious eyes now boring onto his.

'You don't need to remind me how little I meant to you.' he laughed, his lips pulling back into a snarl. 'Since you did everything to sabotage us.'

'That's not true.'

'You tore us apart, you! I did everything I needed to, but you just love playing these stupid fucking games of yours.'

'I'm not trying to do that.'

'You know, I'm actually thankful that you pushed me away because I would hate to be in Kaien's position right now. Does he know about Grimmjow? And don't think I'd ever believe that you _aren't_ fucking him.'

'I am _not_ screwing Grimmjow.'

'Stop lying, you insulting, deceitful, conniving _bitch_.'

'Fuck you!' she screamed, reaching over his side to strike him repeatedly. He didn't fight back, but attempted to cover himself with his arms. 'I wanted us to be together, I _loved_ you! I loved you more than anyone, more than I ever thought possible! And I already said that I'm sorry, I messed up and I know that! I wanted you, but honestly I'm just too fucked up to be good for you! Thanks, Ichigo! Thanks for reminding me that I'm a messed up whore and that I'll never be able to have you in my life in any way!'

'Fuck!' he hissed when she managed to hit slap him. He grabbed her by the arms, not wanting to hurt her but trying to protect himself. She glared up at him defiantly, and he felt parts of him break when he saw her blue eyes swimming in tears just waiting to fall. He tried to say something, but no words would come out. His mouth hung open as he continued to stare into her hypnotic gaze, trying to find the right things to say or to at least make sense of what she just said.

'I love you.' she whispered. 'But I'm really no good for you. I'm too fucked up.'

'You break my heart and fuck my married cousin.' he began huskily. 'And you wonder why I don't want to see you again.'

'I know.' she acknowledged, pulling away from him and placing both hands on the wheel. He never tore his eyes away from her, his breathing ragged and loud within the confines of the vehicle. He wanted to reach out to her, pull her into his arms and kiss her, feel the familiarity of those sweet, swollen lips on his. But that would be fleeting, the happiness and relief would only be temporary. Reality would smack him in the face with the realization that he had distanced himself for a reason; because she was ruthless and she would trample on his emotions. This was an act. She was a good actress. There was no love, only lies.

'Rukia.'

'Get out of my car.'

He obeyed, pushing the door to close a little too hard. He didn't look back as he heard her speed off, fighting back every fibre of him that longed for her.

She's a liar.

She's a good actress.

She was no good.

* * *

'It's been seven years.' Ichigo threw his arms up in exasperation. 'And she hasn't changed a bit! And out of all the men in the world, my cousin? Seriously?!'

'You're wrong!' Keigo insisted, his tone passionately defensive. 'Rukia-chan is a wonderful person! She's... She's really kind and strong! She's good for you! When you were with her, you were so happy! You... You saw how amazing she is!'

The pair were having a heated conversation in Ichigo's hotel room a few days after the entire incident in Rukia's car. At first, his friend had come over as a surprise so that they could hang out. However, the topic soon steered onto the woman with the jet-black hair. It had turned into a full-on debate when the budding politician realized that his friend wasn't actually on his side - he was defending the cold-hearted Kuchiki, even insisting that he talk to her!

'I lost myself in that relationship.' Amber eyes flared open with anger. 'I lost sight of who I was, of what was important. She was so toxic. She can't even look after herself properly. I won't lose myself again. I won't lose myself the same way she lost herself.'

'Losing yourself isn't a sign of being a bad person!' Keigo's voice rose. 'It's a sign that she's been strong for too long!'

'Strong in the face of what?! All the horrible situations _she_ puts herself in?!'

'Damn it, Ichigo!' he finally huffed. 'It's been seven fucking years! Seven years of being mad at her. It's almost been a decade. How much longer are you going to hold this grudge?'

'I am _not_ holding a grudge.'

'Then why not just let it go? Everyone deserves a second chance.'

'I gave her so many chances.'

'Seven years ago! Give her a break!'

'Fuck her!'

'Don't you miss her?'

'How can I miss this shit?! How can I miss feeling angry?! She's fucking my cousin, my _married_ cousin, and she's still hanging out with that dangerous firecracker! She's bad news!'

 _Rukia-chan... Rukia-chan has had to deal with bad news her whole life!_

'She's destructive, she'll just drag me along with her! Look at me, she already has!'

 _She's tried to be strong in the face of destruction!_

'Being away from her is a blessing. I should be thankful for this.'

No! Rukia-chan needs a blessing, she needs help!

'You don't understand!' Keigo finally cracked, surprising his friend with the pleading look on his face. 'Rukia-chan has had to struggle for so long. You don't know what she's been through. She needs help, help that I can't give her. You need to help her, Ichigo. You may be the only who could.'

'Do you realize how much I've been through because of her?' his voice was low, cautious, and filled with concern sparked by what was just said. A horrible sickness built in his stomach, and he suddenly felt dizzy. What was it now? What drama would he have to face now? But he couldn't just ignore Keigo's cry for help. And truthfully, if anything happened to Rukia...

'But you'll help her anyway.' the brunette persisted. 'Because you love her.'

* * *

A/N: Thank you again for the support, guys! I am trying my hardest to push through with the fast updates. I've realized that I'm going to have to pick up my pace quite a bit. If this chapter feels like things are progressing a little fast, I am doing that on purpose. I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Thank you to **FunnyEasyMe, RukiYuki, GenesisVentura, Shirayuki992, achalida, jobananasan, BintheMix, favorite guest, Anon01, anoyak111, Carupin, Kay,** and the **Guests**! Thank you guys so much, reading what you've written makes my day.

 **RukiYuki** , my intention is to end on a happy note!

 **favorite guest** , I have tried to describe the settings more this chapter! I hope that the story is a bit more fulfilling to read this way! Thanks so much for always sending such well-written and thoughtful reviews.

 **Kay** , I hinted in this chapter who the people in the italics conversation are. I will be revealing them shortly!

 **Guest** , Grimmjow will most definitely be facing repercussions!

Thanks so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	12. Troubled Games

Ichigo was still in love with Rukia.

But he had come so far without her that he didn't really see himself moving forward _with_ her. If anything, the thought of her by his side scared him. Only she could derail him, make him doubt himself - and that frightened him. He didn't need to be reminded of how bad she had been for him in the past. That in itself was indicative of the only future they could share together: painful, destructive, and doomed.

Did he love her? Absolutely. But not so much that he was willing to sacrifice the promise of a better tomorrow, the promise of being able to be the man he always wanted to be - with or without her, he wanted this dream for himself. This had been his goal since his mother had died, since he suffered the loneliness of being powerless.

He felt like he was giving up a lot. And truthfully, he was. But when he thought about how she had lied to him, and seen other men behind his back, his resolve to move on strengthened.

Keigo was right; he did love Rukia. She was his first love and although he had been with other women after her, nothing compared to the electric chemistry between them. But that in itself wasn't enough. Loving her didn't mean he would be happy or complete. He had to find that all on his own.

Despite marinating all of those thoughts in his head, there was a part of him that still wanted to see her and forgive everything that happened, to start over. But that wasn't healthy. Not for him, and especially not for her.

As he lay on his bed, unable to sleep for the third night since Rukia yelled at him in her car, he knew that she would be his last thought. What would be the harm in talking to her? Maybe they would be able to talk about the things they never had the courage to bring up before.

She wanted to be friends, but that was the last thing he wanted them to be. He did, however, want to have conversation with her, especially after she had admitted that she loved him. Then again, she had already done that once before only to take it back. He was so confused, and all the emotions he thought he had buried along with all hope of being with her, were bubbling to the surface.

'That bitch.' he whispered to nothing, wishing she didn't make him feel this way.

He would not let her fuck around with him anymore. He was through with those stupid games. But seven years later, he still wanted the closure he never had. He still wanted to know why, _why_ she said she loved him and yet failed him - and exactly how he had failed her. He wanted to know what was wrong, what was missing in the equation. Love was supposed to be enough, and yet it seemed as if it was what tore them apart.

She wanted to be friends.

Friends was the last thing he wanted them to be.

* * *

'I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you before.' Ichigo walked into the living room area of his suite. 'That was very disrespectful of me. I'm sorry.'

Rukia was seated on the couch, her posture stiff with anxiety. He had texted her to say that he would like to take her up on her offer to have coffee. Neither party could really contain their urgent desire to see each other, so they agreed upon meeting that exact evening. It was so late into the night that it was an unsaid fact that there would be no caffeine. Not like she needed it anyway. Her legs were already trembling, and her brain was about to fry itself with how nervously she wracked her thoughts.

'Rukia?'

'Did you call me here to apologize?' she inquired lowly. The blue hue of her eyes turned icy as she guarded herself. He picked up on that, but rather than trying to coax her into relaxing, his own fight-or-flight reaction sparked to life.

'You said you wanted to talk, didn't you?' he snapped, instantly regretting it when he saw her features tighten. He rubbed his temples and sighed, taking a seat beside her. She edged ever so slightly away from him, eyeing him suspiciously. 'I don't want to fight.'

'Well, you were certainly... _aggressive_ in your approach the other evening.'

'I'm sorry.'

'For yelling at me, cursing me, or accusing me of lying?'

'For all of it.'

'You demonize me.' she started, her voice cracking. 'You always think I have some horrible agenda, when I was nothing but honest with you when I said that I loved you.'

'You said you didn't mean it in the end.'

'Because you rejected me, you fucked me like a disposable whore and called me _yours_ \- you treated me like property. And I still told you I loved you after that. It was only days after, when you randomly decided it was convenient for you to talk to me, that I said I didn't mean any of it.'

' _Convenient_ for me?' That pissed him off. She was making him sound like a self-centered jerk, painting herself like some sort of victim; as if he wanted her to hurt, like he wanted all of this to happen. 'I never thought of you as a whore.' he pointed a finger accusingly at her. 'I tried to understand you! I tried to find some reason to justify how you trampled over my feelings. I practically deluded myself with all the excuses I made for you!'

'How?' she laughed, pushing his hand away. 'You never talked to me!'

'You never _wanted_ to talk to me!'

'How do you know that?! The one time I tried, when I said I _loved_ you, you walked away!'

'I was hurt, I needed some fucking space! I saw you kissing another guy! Then you tell me you love me? The fuck is that?! You cheated on me consistently throughout our entire relationship!'

'I'm sorry!'

'Fuck you!'

'Ugh!' she muffled her angry cries with a hand, turning her back to him. He was so infuriatingly stubborn! It took all her willpower not to punch him in the face right then and there. She could spin on her heel, make her way out the door, and pretend that none of this ever happened. But she was so done with running away from him. Whatever happened, she would at least see this conversation through. If they were meant to scream at each other till their throats turned raspy... Well, if that was divine will then who was she to mess with it? No matter what, she would give him no reason to call her a coward ever again.

'You never texted, called, or bothered to see me all these years.' he grit his teeth, fighting back the need to shout at her. 'Where do you get the balls to act like I was the one who abandoned you?'

'Didn't you?'

'I _didn't_ , you were the one who pushed me away!'

'That's funny, considering you were the one who told me to leave you alone! Considering you were the one who blocked me from your phone!'

'Shit, can you really blame me? You kept rubbing your druggie boyfriend in my face! Why the fuck would you call and make me listen in on you having sex, Rukia?'

'That's not what happened!

'Then tell me what happened!'

'I can't!'

'Because you're a lying, cheating...!' he bit his tongue. 'Gah!' he roared, turning his head away from her. There was no use getting so worked up over this. By now, he could tell that it only served to drive her into a corner and cause her to panic. Whenever she retaliated, she knew just the right words to hit him in the worst places. Then he'd try and get back at her by insisting that it was her fault without actually hearing her out. He had to stop - after all, she obviously wouldn't.

'Finish what you were going to say.' she mumbled, and his gaze lowered to see her eyes filling up with unshed tears as her lower lip quivered for a moment. 'What were you going to call me.'

'Rukia.'

'Tell me!' she grit her teeth and shoved him by the chest. 'What do you think of me?'

What did he think of her? In his eyes, she was broken and beautiful, strong and mysterious. She was one of a kind, a puzzle that he could never seem to solve but also never forget. Throughout all these years, she had made an everlasting impact on him. At first, he thought that it may have been because she was his first - but that didn't really make sense since it wasn't the physical aspect of it all that he missed. When he thought the love he had for her finally wilted, he realized upon seeing her again that he still held a grudge against her; like he couldn't accept how she had spited him.

What did he think of her?

Was she trash to him, like he was to her?

Of course not.

But what did he think of her?

Was she worth this much pain?

He didn't think so.

What did he think of her?

'You're fucking my married cousin.' he growled, trying desperately to conceal how vulnerable he was at the moment. 'What do you think I think of you?'

She slapped him. A hand rose to his face, his eyes widening in shock. He didn't even feel the following strike. When he realized she was hitting him repeatedly, he attempted to cover himself. It was just instinct - surprisingly, her blows didn't hurt. It was her trembling and ragged breathing that worried him more.

'How dare you.' she choked out, her voice strained. 'I am _not_ fucking him, I've never been able to fuck anyone since you left me. I thought about you every single day, I still think about how I can make it up to you and be good to you - I _love_ you.'

'Can you honestly say that nothing's going on with you and him?!' he held her hands together by the wrist, pulling her closer with a free arm. 'You say you love me, that you care, but I'm not stupid! I can see what's going on with you and Kaien, I know that something's between you and Grimmjow! You can't love someone and not commit to them, even you should know that!'

'I love you!' she squeaked, trying to free herself from his grasp.

'Stop lying!'

'I'm not.' she was nearly sobbing. Her fingers curled the fabric of his dress shirt, clutching him so tightly he thought she would pierce holes. He looked down to see the most pleading look on her face, so sorrowful he felt his heart drop at the sight of her. 'I love you.'

'Rukia.' his voice wavered. 'Fuck you.'

No. She wouldn't seduce him, not again. He wouldn't let her.

'I just want to start over.' she admitted. 'I miss you.'

He missed her too. Fuck, did he miss her. He missed her soft lips, her tender embrace. He missed the way he would roll over to face her after falling asleep, exhausted from their lovemaking. He missed her body on his, feeling every curve of her immaculate body. Most of all, he missed the intimacy. He missed the special chemistry that he never found with anyone else.

'We don't have to be lovers.' she pressed, her sapphire eyes pleading. 'I just want you back in my life. You were so good to me. You made me feel like I was human again. I love you, I'll always love you - but that doesn't mean we have to be together. I can love you from afar, as a friend or a companion. Just... I want to talk to you again, look into your soul, and really feel you there with me. I love you.'

He wanted to avert his gaze, but amber orbs remained glued to her. Heat pooled in his groin, and he felt the familiar desire for her gain power. He wanted to throw her down and fuck her, enter her. He wanted to look into her eyes as he thrust himself in and out of her hottest depths, hearing her say she _loved_ him. He wanted her love, he wanted her to want him.

But he also wanted his freedom.

If he gave into his desire for her, he would be caged in her manipulation once again. The games would start, the jealousy would run rampant, and he would lose sight of who he was and what it is he wanted to accomplish.

She was a good actress.

This wasn't real.

She's not... good.

'I'm sorry, Ichigo.'

Don't give in.

'Do what you want to me.' she whispered, her gentle voice tightening the knot in his abdomen. She picked up on his reaction, and something instinctive inside of her prompted her to take advantage of that.

Just like always.

It was all she knew how to do, it was the only thing she knew she could do to survive. Emotions and sex; they were horrible together. They were a disgusting mix; they exposed the ugly underbelly of human desire - when you want something so badly you want to destroy it, own it, mark it. No matter what the repercussions were. She knew men did this, but she never realized that she was inflicting the exact same pain on the person she loved most.

And he knew it.

Fuck her. She hadn't changed a single bit. She was still trying to seduce him, trick him.

His eyes narrowed when he realized what she was doing... again. Seven years later, and she was still trying to goad him into this. Yet, he wanted to play into it. He wanted to take her, throw her down and fuck her until she knew that no man would ever make her feel that way again - until he was the only one who would ever be able to put out the fire in her, to quench the overwhelming desire in her heart and body.

'Punish me.' she purred, taking his hand in hers and slipping it under her skirt. His breath hitched at the feeling of the seemingly virginal flesh of her thighs, the heat from her center warm and inviting. 'Make me hurt until you don't anymore.'

'You want that?' he groaned, his hand hovering between her legs.

Not enough.

It just wasn't enough.

'I want you.'

He wanted more, needed more of her.

'I want you..' she breathed, digging her nails into his tense biceps. He hissed in pain, yanking her head back by her hair to punish her. She let out a sharp yelp and he took it as an invitation to ravage her neck. He could feel her moans stifling in her throat as he kissed and sucked on her smooth skin, stopping only to bite playfully. She winced at the rougher treatment, but he noticed her pressing her body onto him needily.

'I forgot you like it rough.' he whispered against her chest, a hand reaching down to stroke himself through his pants.

'I like it even rougher now.' she challenged. Her eyes lowered to see him teasing himself. She gulped, unable to stop a hot flush on her cheeks.

'How rough do you want me to be?' he sat up, swinging a leg over her so that he was now kneeling with her trapped between his thighs.

He was unreal.

From this angle, she could see every muscular cut of his impressive torso. He towered over her with intimidating strength, both admirable but terrifying. She remembered how warm she had felt to be wrapped in his arms, how his hot breath fanned over her hair, her face always nestled against the surprisingly soft skin of his neck.

Oh, she missed him.

'Ichigo...' she sighed subconsciously in admiration, but he silenced her with a hard slap to her face.

'How rough do you want it?' he demanded, the same hand that hit her gripping her throat with moderate strength. A little frightened at first, the sudden change excited her. An explosive heat in her abdomen was building, and she squirmed uncomfortably to try and alleviate some of the pressure. How rough _did_ she want it? She bit her lip as her mind wandered momentarily. What could he do to her? She wanted to find out.

'As rough as you can give me.'

Without another word, his lips crashed onto hers. She inhaled deeply, her heart beating faster as his familiar nostalgic scent threw her into a state of unmatched desire. She fought for dominance, but he tightened his hold on her throat. The other hand slid up her skirt and into her panties, inserting one long finger inside of her. His mouth watered at how moist her insides felt, reveling in the evidently pained arousal she felt from being penetrated after so long.

'Unh, oh, _oh_!' she moaned loudly, turning to the side to try and bury her face into a pillow. Not wanting to let her have her way, he grabbed her by the chin and forced her to look at him. He bit his lip at her expression. Her tongue hung out of her mouth slightly, her eyes half-lidded and teary with pleasure. A cute blush graced her face and he couldn't help but think of how sweet she looked. Slipping another finger inside of her, he watched in aroused fascination as her eyes shut completely at the sensation. He stuck his tongue out to caress hers, their wet appendages mingling amidst the cold air.

'Good girl.' he commended her, strings of saliva still between them as he spoke. She was about to respond, but he grabbed a fistful of her hair and dragged her to her feet before throwing her onto the expensive hotel carpeting. She chose not to move, knowing that he had something planned when she heard his zipper purr open and his pants rustling as he rid himself of it. 'Now suck me off.'

Like the _good girl_ he wanted her to be, she knelt and faced him. Eager to taste him, she took the bulbous head in her mouth, sucking noisily. ' _Yes_.' he groaned in approval, his member hardening painfully as he watched their fluids bubble on her lips. He pried himself away from her for a moment, breathing deeply to calm himself. She simply looked up at him with the most wanton gaze, licking her wet lips and swallowing what she tasted.

'Good girl.' he repeated, shoving two fingers down her throat. He could swear he felt his end nearing as he explored the slimy crevices of her mouth. Her stare never averted from him, even when he held her head in place with both hands and rammed his cock in her face. 'You're a _good girl_.'

She could do nothing but swirl her tongue around him as he fucked her throat. Her hands rested on his thighs, stabilizing herself against him. Frustration boiled inside of her when she realized he showed no signs of letting up. Desperate for control, she started meeting his thrusts, moving her head in time with his motions. She moaned when he massaged her neck in approval. She wanted him to finish. She wanted to at least taste him.

But he had his own agenda. He withdrew and ran his cock across her face, rubbing the sticky juices all over her immaculate flesh. She tried to lick at him, but he slapped her in annoyance.

'You want me, don't you?' he questioned seductively, his voice so low and husky it could have melted an iceberg.

'Yes.' she begged. The ache between her legs was becoming more and more uncomfortable by the second. She needed him inside of her. She wanted to feel him again. Just thinking about their time together all those years ago sparked an insatiable heat. 'I need you.'

He let his gaze linger on her for a moment longer, but not too long. He knew how this would pan out if he was careless enough to let his guard down. He could feel it already; the tug at his heart, the familiar love breaking the floodgates of the deepest emotions he held for her that he had locked away. He could feel it all as his breath was taken away by her flawless skin that glowed beneath the moonlight, by the richest oceanic blue of her eyes, by the way her long legs spread for him as if he were the only man she had ever known.

 _Temptress._

She would not win this. He'd be damned if he let her crush him with the hollow promise of her heart.

'Turn around.'

That shocked her. What did he say?

He slapped her again. 'Turn around.'

Despite her confusion, she obliged. She spun on her knees, wondering how he was going to do her like that. Her questions were answered when he forcefully pushed her onto her hands as well. Afraid to look at him, her eyes glued to the floor even as she could feel his tip pressing against the tight ring of her entrance.

She didn't even really feel the rest. She was too appalled.

She could hear herself though. She could hear herself moaning. She could feel that she was moaning, but it didn't really feel like she was choosing to do it. But she could feel it, hear it, she knew she was doing it. He wanted to hear her pleasure, so she did it to make him happy.

He was pumping in and out of her now, but nothing felt familiar about this at all. It felt good. He was good. But it didn't feel like she thought it would. It didn't feel like before. Yes, he was different now. He had grown and his body had changed, even more so than hers did. But... This wasn't even close to what she remembered. It was like she was hooking up with a complete stranger.

What was going on?

Ichigo. Ichigo Kurosaki was here. He was on top of her, behind her, making love to her? No, he was fucking her. On the floor of his hotel room. Not even on the bed, he was doing her on the _floor,_ where she was kneeling on all fours like a bitch. She couldn't even see him, just feel his harsh thrusts from behind her, hear his laboured grunts, smell the sweat from his body.

But what about those eyes? She loved those amber orbs, always so warm and gentle. There was nothing even close to that now. She felt like an animal beneath him, she didn't even know if he could even see her right now.

Where were those eyes?

Would she still be reflected in them?

She was not human to him, not right now.

 _'I'm not done with you.' he barked, now staring right at her. 'Not till you're my baby.'_

She felt like a body without a soul. There was no love in this, no passion, not even lust. He was just fucking her, for absolutely no reason. He hated her, there was no reason for him to ever see her again - so why was he _fucking_ her?

 _'I'm serious about you.'_

A couple of tears fell from wide eyes and onto her shaking hands, but she didn't seem to notice. There was no reason, this was completely meaningless. Ichigo was inside of her and it meant nothing, not to him. He was really inside of her, and it wasn't because he loved her.

 _'Do you like me too?'_

Not like before.

His movements became more urgent, his hips starting to buck onto hers. He growled and his hands squeezed her sides lightly as to not hurt her. She could hear every moan escaping him, but she seemed frozen in place. The light patter of her tears falling landing on her hands brought her back to reality, but it all hit her too soon. In her head, she felt safe. In her thoughts, she felt protected. But this was real.

This was really happening.

He was fucking her.

But she wanted love.

She wanted him to love her.

'Stop!' she cried, hunching over.

'Rukia!?' Ichigo called out, alarmed. Immediately, he withdrew himself from her and made his way beside her, trying to look at her face that was curtained by her midnight locks. There was no way he would be able to see anything. Her face was buried in her hands, the unmistakable sound of sobbing echoing from her makeshift chamber.

'Shit.' he mumbled, running a hand through her damp hair. He was surprised to feel her stiffen under his touch, but he reluctantly retreated his hand. 'Did I hurt you?'

Rukia could almost laugh at the irony. No, he didn't hurt her. She hurt him, and now she was hurting because of how he had changed towards her. The transformation was impossible to ignore. When they met again after so long, she thought that he was just being cold to her, that he was playing hard to get. But now, she felt it. She actually, really felt it in his skin, in the way that he kissed her like a cheap whore, in the way that he moved inside of her without bothering to look into her eyes.

No, he didn't hurt her.

She hurt him.

And now she was paying her dues.

There was just no love.

'Do you want to take a shower?'

'No, thanks.' she sniffled, wiping her tears away. Trying her best not to meet his eyes, she stood up and began clothing herself. He remained silent all throughout and this hurt her more. She could practically feel the weight of his confusion on her. But he could at least say something. Had this been the same Ichigo from high school, he would have said something. Anything. 'I kind of just want to go home.'

'I'll drive you.' he offered, getting to his feet to start dressing himself as well.

'I'm fine on my own.'

'It's fine, I don't mind.' he insisted.

Anxiety show up her veins. This was such a strange experience. She had been pining over him for years. Some selfish part of her thought that he would wait, that he was fine with all the crap she pulled; that they would be able to forget everything and be together. How naive. They couldn't even be together when there was no drama between them, when they were at the height of their adoration for each other. Seven years later, why did she still hope for a fairytale ending?

Tell the truth. He deserves to know the truth, and she wanted him to know. But she was so scared of him rejecting her, of being disgusted with her. To fuck an older, married man for money at the tender age of sixteen... Would he still be able to look at her after that?

But...

It was the truth.

When she fucked Grimmjow because she felt like she owed him and she was deserving of no other man's love except that of the one whose parents she murdered; didn't he deserve to know that? Or how she clung onto that man because he was a reminder that what happened between her and his family was real, that it wasn't just a dream; how she wanted to remember that it happened because she wanted to feel good about it, make sense of it. Yet really, all that was happening was that she was spiralling further into self-loathing and depression... Did Ichigo _need_ to know that?

Maybe not. But it as the truth. And he wanted the truth. And only the truth would be able to put all the puzzle pieces together.

Was that a puzzle she wanted him to solve though?

'You know, I...'

 _I whored myself out to Grimmjow's father for money?_

 _I slept with all those men because I was lonely?_

 _I love you, I just don't know how to love?_

 _I can explain?_

'Rukia?' Ichigo probed when she trailed off.

'I...'

Rukia?'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much for the support thus far! I have moved countries and am adjusting to the time difference, as well as the culture shock. This is why this chapter didn't get published as quickly as the others have. This chapter in particular took so much time. It was the first time I really couldn't decide what emotions I wanted to highlight, as well as how the sequence of events would occur. Initially, there were way more plot points. But I decided to leave it at this.

To everyone asking for more insight on Grimmjow, I promise to do so next chapter!

Thank you to **blissbeat, Carupin, JoTerry, Shirayuki992, Guest1, favorite guest, FunnyEasyMe, anoyak111, RukiYuki, Althatsyu, Its ya boi, willingfun, GenesisVentura, jobananasan,** and the **Guest** who left the beautifully written review!

 **Shirayuki992** , more will be revealed about the affair!

 **Guest** , I agree with absolutely everything you said! Love really isn't enough. Two people can love each other more than anything in the world and still be a horrible pair because their needs don't coincide. I feel like that's why they suffer so much. It's one of those worst things in the world; loving someone who just isn't good for you at the moment. I intended this chapter to be the "terrible" phase before they can recover together.

I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	13. Low Life, Low Life, Low Life

'I think I'll take that shower.'

Ichigo nodded, gesturing towards the bathroom. He watched her saunter away, noticing her hands trembling by her side. Her head hung low, and he noticed that she would tilt it away from him, purposely avoiding his gaze. A pang of guilt hit him. She was really shaken up. When he heard the heavy pattering of water, he wondered if he had unknowingly hurt her badly. Was she sore? Would she have a bruise? Did it hurt for him to be inside of her?

 _No. Stop caring about her._

He took his shirt off, suddenly feeling very hot. His mind was spinning and he felt like vomiting. What had just happened? If he felt angry with her before, now he just felt completely disconnected from her. He didn't realize it until after, but he allowed his rage to seep into his touch. That didn't feel like sex, that felt like war. Like he was trying to conquer her, destroy her. What was he trying to accomplish?

He remembered how his chest used to fill with a surreal euphoria every time he used to enter her. Her warmth enveloped him, sending sweet sparks of insanity up his body. He loved looking into her eyes, seeing those vibrant sapphires looking up at him and pleading, begging for him to move with her. He'd kiss her softly despite how harsh he'd buck into her, reassuring her that he loved her and that he cared. He remembered feeling so lucky that she returned the affection. At least, that was how he felt whenever their eyes would lock and her soft hands would grip his arms, every seductive moan escaping her validating what he thought was a budding love.

It took him a while to realize that it was all a fantasy.

Looking back at it, it was only because she was his first... Everything. The first woman he had been with, his first love. Rukia Kuchiki. He had never forgotten her all these years. He had simply buried the happiness and longing attached to her so deep in his soul that it no longer hurt him. At least, he thought he did.

He had pursued a career abroad, his decision to come having nothing to do with her. In fact, he thought he'd never see her again. He had been with two wonderful women who devoted themselves to him, and he returned that small semblance of love. But every time he would get closer to them, images of Rukia would flood his mind, so clear that he might as well have been looking at her. Every time they would touch him a certain way that reminded him of how Rukia's skin used to feel against his, the debilitating stab at his heart would worsen. He'd miss her all over again, wishing she'd come back to him.

He still loved her. Fine. Whatever. Perhaps he always would. But that didn't mean that he couldn't be happy without her. He fought for his happiness, to be the person he always wanted to be. He was going places. He was powerful and respected in a country that he used to be a stranger to. But it had all felt empty, monotonous - like the world around him was going at a pace he could never match, but not becaue he was slow; because it wasn't a world he felt like he belonged to.

Hoping to change that, he chose to move back to Japan. He thought that maybe he missed his family and friends. However, the sky still felt heavy and the world was still grey when he stepped down from the plane.

It was only when he saw her again, with her lengthy new hair but the same enchanting eyes that he started to see in color again. Of course, he had never been so angry and frustrated in... Well, since he last saw her. He didn't even realize that he held a grudge until the furious thumping of his heart around her reminded him that she was a temptress, that she played him and would always dance around him.

But it was still good. It still felt good. She felt right, familiar. Even as they fought, he had never felt more alive than he was in that very moment.

She told him to hurt her until he wasn't hurting anymore. He tried not to let that get to his head. He tried to be rough because he thought that was what she wanted. He fucked her from behind because he didn't want to see her beautiful face contorting in mad pleasure. He just didn't want to fall in love with her all over again. He thought that the minute they were intimate, everything would come rushing back and he'd find himself making passionate love to her, making up for all those years they missed.

But, no.

He didn't even want to look at her. When she sucked on him, caressed his thighs, he stared at nothing. It was already difficult enough just keeping his head straight when her silky skin permeated his sense of touch.

But rather than feel any semblance of love, he felt hurt. He felt so much hurt, he thought it would break him. But he fucked her anyway. Because he thought he would feel better, that she liked it rough and she didn't care who gave it to her. So rather than be the man she hurt, he chose to be the man she wanted; aggressive, devoid of emotion, free from the chains of lost love.

Meaningless sex. That was what she wanted, right?

Fine.

He fucked her like he had never been in love with her. He fought back every urge to kiss her, stroke her hair, tell her how beautiful she was. He entered from behind so that she wouldn't know he wasn't looking at her. He drowned out the sound of her moaning with the memories of Grimmjow ramming himself into her, remembering that that was how she liked it.

She didn't want to be told be she was beautiful. She didn't want a lover blinded by an intense desire to please her, in body and in soul. She didn't want a man she could hurt. It wasn't about feelings, it wasn't about love, and not even about desire. It was about an itch that needed to be scratched, about an instinctual need to feel someone's body on yours. Hardcore, empty fucking - fine. He could do that.

And he did.

He forgot everything in those few moments. His love for her be damned - there was no love in what they were doing. When she screamed for him to stop, he was surprised. He thought she was enjoying it. But when she curled up into a ball, burying her face in her hands and sobbing uncontrollably, he knew it wasn't that she wasn't receiving any physical pleasure from it. It was the fact that she got what she wanted, and she realized she shouldn't have sought it out. The last ties they had together were completely severed in those few minutes he was inside of her, without any love or lust - just need. Primal need.

She told him to hurt her until he didn't hurt anymore. Ironically, nothing he had ever experienced before compared to the hollow suffering of his heart at that very moment. He felt like his insides had liquefied, and he was completely gone. It was like he lost his soul. Rukia... He loved her. So much. He wanted nothing more than for her to respect his love for her, but all this time it felt like she was taunting him, rubbing it in his face that he was only one of many men. How did they get here? How did they end up like this?

Ichigo drank a glass of water and collapsed on his bed. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the water stop running, nor did he feel Rukia's presence enter the bedroom. It was only when he felt her fingers ghost over head that he shot up, sitting up immediately and gaping at the sight in front of him.

Rukia was completely naked, kneeling at the end of the bed, her hair and skin adorned with wet droplets that glistened beneath the moonlight seeping in through the window. Her rich eyes had bags beneath them and were slightly puffy, evidence that she had been crying. Her mouth hung open slightly, her lips still deliciously pink and swollen from their harsh session.

'I'm sorry, baby.' she mumbled, crawling towards him on all fours. His eyes prickled when she called him by her old nickname for him. His heart beat faster as he felt something familiar about her that instant. He had seen that expression on her before, when she took his virginity in her room. When she told him that she thought she was falling in love with him. When she looked up at him with a longing so strong he thought his heart would burst in happiness. 'I know I hurt you. I'm so sorry.'

'Rukia...' his voice cracked. He looked up at the ceiling, desperately trying to blink away the tears that threatened to fall. 'Get dressed.'

She reached a hand out to touch his knee, but he pulled away from her sharply. That didn't deter her advances. She continued towards him, until her arms were on either side of his waist and she was looking up at him, so close that he could feel her hot breath on his neck. His mouth went dry. He wanted her. He wanted to touch her, kiss her, yell at her; tell her all about how hurt he was, how lonely he had been for the longest time when she disappeared from his life.

'You must have felt so neglected, so abandoned.' she continued, shifting her weight to one side so that she could rest a hand on his chest. 'I didn't want to lose you, but I couldn't be with you. I was selfish, and for that I am sorry.' Her eyes glassing over with regret. Why was this happening? She couldn't take it; the way he looked her, like she was broken, like he was disappointed... like she was dirty.

Ichigo was experiencing a confusing emotional turbulence. He liked her this way, he's always liked her most this way; when she understood him, when it seemed like she could peer into his very soul, when she knew just how to make him melt. But just a while ago, they were at each other's throats. They were screaming, accusing the other of being the one who burned their failed romance. They were unpredictable together.

It wasn't enough. This so-called love they had for one another just wasn't enough. If anything, it was sabotaging him. Love wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't supposed to be so hard. It wasn't supposed to be so ambiguous, so uncertain - why couldn't they love each other? Why did she insist on hurting him? And why couldn't he stop retaliating against her whenever she did? Why couldn't he just stay away?

'You're the one who left me.' he managed in a low voice.

'I'm sorry.'

'You're the one who cheated on me.'

'I'm sorry, baby.'

'Why?' he demanded, leaning closer to her. 'Why did you do that? Why couldn't you talk to me?'

'I didn't think.'

'Rukia, even after high school! When I was abroad! You _called_ me, rubbed it in my face.'

'I didn't fuck him.'

'Then why did I hear you fucking him over the phone?!'

'Ichig-'

'Let's say I do believe you, which I don't - but let's just say I do. Let's say you didn't fuck him. Why are you fucking my _cousin_? My _married_ cousin, why?!'

'Ichigo.' her voice was shaky. 'I _can't_ explain.'

'Why?!' he barked. 'Why can't I be enough for you?! Why are you always fucking around?!'

'Because I'm a fucked up whore.'

'Rukia! Answer me seriously!'

'I am.' she insisted, tears rolling down her cheeks and onto his palms. 'I had to be. To pay for Hisana's hospital bills.'

The air in the room seemed to freeze over, suffocating him. His breath hitched in his throat and he pulled his hands away from her, like she was suddenly too cold to touch. He chuckled a bit, searching her expression to see any sign that she was joking. She had to be joking. At least, she had to be exaggerating. Hisana died when she was still a teenager, how could she have been able to do that at such a young age? There had to be laws against that kind of thing, right?

'Don't joke about that.'

'I'm not.'

'Rukia, you are fucking sick!' he grit his teeth, standing up to pace around the room. 'How dare you joke about shit like that!'

'I'm sorry, baby.' she whispered.

'Don't fucking call me that!' he pointed a finger accusingly at her. 'This is some sick joke, you're sick in the head!'

'Ichigo.' she murmured from the bed. 'Have you never heard the name "Jeagerjaquez" in the news?'

His stomach dropped.

Now that he really thought about it, he had. The story was on all the TV channels. That man had been shot by his wife, who hung herself after killing him. He was fired from Kuchiki Corporations after they had found out that he was seeking sexual favors from an unnamed, underaged girl who was said to have agreed to it in order to pay off her family's medical bills. It was a big scandal, but a lot of information was left out as to protect the identities of the minors involved. No one ever knew that this man even had a son. That was omitted from the report.

It was all coming together now.

The son was...

'I killed Grimmjow's parents. It was me.'

Bent over the desk, taking all of another man inside of her. _You like being pounded by my dick, you filthy slut?_

'I gave his father sex, he gave me money.'

Wet, tongue-fucking in the classroom. Those icy blue eyes met his, challenging him to take her from him. The horror on her face when she saw that he had walked in on them.

'I...'

The desperate longing when she first told him she loved him.

And he walked away.

'Please don't look at me like that.' she begged, and it was only then that he realized his fists were shaking and his breathing was ragged. A long silence interrupted their conversation, with him just staring at her. No other emotion clouded the bewilderment on his face. She never tore her eyes from him, trying to analyze what he was hiding behind that mask.

He probably thought she was a cheap slut.

She didn't regret telling him.

She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't handle hiding from the one person she felt most comfortable with. She didn't want to tell him before because she knew what he would think of her after. But at this point, she didn't care. She needed him to know that it wasn't his fault.

She was the whore. She was the demon.

'Let's get you help.' he eventually offered with all the controlled calmness he learned from his countless political endeavors. 'There are so many resources out there.'

'Ichigo...'

'We can find a professional you can talk to, if you want.'

'Ichigo, please.'

'I've seen one before actually, and it really helped.'

'Stop it.' she hissed. 'Stop pretending like you don't think I'm a pathetic, disgusting, _dirty_ -'

He silenced her with a kiss. The thick tension wedged between them crumbled as soon as his tongue plunged into her mouth wantonly. She responded eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting his weight push them both down on the mattress. He cupped her face tenderly, tearing away from her vanilla lips only to kiss her cheeks, her chin, her eyelids - then he'd lock lips with her again, like he couldn't get enough of her, like he was kissing a goddess he had been pining for for a million lifetimes.

'It's not your fault.' he said brokenly between kisses. She whimpered at his needy affection, clutching onto him like she feared she would lose him if she let go. 'It's not your fault.' he repeated, wheezing as his vision blurred with fresh tears that he didn't allow to fall. Not in front of her. He had to be strong for her. He couldn't be weak, he couldn't show the pain constricting his heart like a snake, its fangs already sunken in to unleash the poisonous truth. 'It's not your fault.'

'You think I'm _disgusting_.' she cried, the tears continuing to trickle down her face.

'No.' he insisted, his compassionate amber eyes the only thing she could really see amidst her watery sight. Despite not being able to see clearly, she could practically feel the empathy emanating from him. It was so strange. There was no pity, no outrage. Just... sorrow. For her. He felt sad for her. Why? She didn't deserve it. Not now, not ever.

He sat up, and she missed his warm body on hers. His rough fingers caressed her stomach, and she realized she wouldn't have to wait long. He moved tantalizingly slowly down to her hips and onto her thighs, sliding his hands in between and spreading them apart to reveal the most intimate part of her.

She understood. That was the only way. It was the only way he could forgive her. He needed to possess her, mark her, own her - because that's what men do. She learned the instinctive need to brand women was something she could never change.

For Ichigo, she was willing.

For his forgiveness, she was willing.

Anything. She would do anything for him. He could do anything he wanted to her. It didn't matter. It wouldn't hurt. Nothing hurt anymore, she was just numb all over. She loved him to the point where it was destroying her, because she didn't know how to love. Even if she felt it, she didn't know what to do. So she did nothing. She lay there, allowing him to look at her. She didn't mind. He had seen it all, seen her dirty shame, her corrupt body.

He could take all of her. And she would go willingly.

But he reminded her again that he was not that kind of man. Even though that kind of man were the only men she had ever truly known if he didn't come into her life.

'Look at you.' he whispered lovingly, looking right into her eyes as he lifted his hands from her. 'You're so beautiful.'

'Stop!' she shot up, hitting him on the chest repeatedly. He tried covering himself, but she only hit him harder. He pulled her into his arms, wrapping his arms around her firmly. She cried into his chest, clawing at his back before conceding, holding him as tightly as she could. 'Stop being so nice to me. I can't bear it.'

Wordlessly, he lifted her chin up so that he could reclaim her mouth with his own.

He didn't take her that night. She fell asleep in his arms, and he watched over her. He would kiss her forehead from time to time, and she'd groan in irritation. He drifted in and out of sleep, waking up suddenly filled with anxiety, afraid that she had left. But then he'd remember that she was tucked safely under his chin, and he would allow himself another wink of slumber.

* * *

'Yes, _just_ like that.' Grimmjow let out a satisfied hiss as a woman pleasured him with her mouth. She refused to look at him, but he didn't care. He'd find another bitch that would do the exact same thing but look at him as she did. He could find a million sluts to please him, who would be more than willing to do so to score some drugs, or for a nice piece of jewelry. He could afford it.

Thanks to Rukia.

She was so naïve, so easy to play. He thanked the universe for what happened between her and his family. Because of her guilt, he could get away with anything. All he had to do was remind her that because of her, he lost everything.

It didn't matter. He didn't anything or anyone. He lived alone and he would die alone, surrounded by all the forbidden indulgences he could acquire. He had power, he had money - he was the fucking king.

But of course, fucking Ichigo Kurosaki just had to one up him.

Of course, that pathetic loser would turn out to be an influential politician. Of course he would come back to Japan just as Grimmjow was doing so well in the market. Of course that jerk had to show up when the country needed a strong, iron fist like him the most. The other underground operations were already relocating or strategizing more secretive ways of conducting business. Kurosaki was relentless in his war against crime abroad, what more when he came back to his hometown?

The thing was, Grimmjow knew his weakness. And he knew just how to exploit her to his advantage.

He'd be damned if he let Kurosaki take his kingdom away, throw him out of his throne.

He was finally the king.

* * *

Ichigo woke up early the next day, prying himself away from Rukia's sleeping body carefully as to not wake her. He was surprised at how deep in sleep she was. He didn't blame her. She must have been so tired. So was he, but he couldn't properly sleep anyway so he thought it would be best to just get up.

After dressing himself, he took a quick trip to the hotel's flower boutique. He still didn't know what kind of flowers were her favorite, so he picked up a large bouquet of white roses. He figured it was a safe choice. Plus, she always looked so beautiful in white. It was a pure color, just like her - simple and elegant. He placed them beside her on the bed, trying not to be too excited as he wondered what her reaction to waking up to it would be.

A smile graced his lips as he admired her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful with her alabaster skin smooth and pearly, and her raven hair scattered messily around her. He hoped she could sleep for a while longer. He didn't know what to say when she woke up.

The sound of a phone vibrating caught his attention. He realized it was coming from her bag. He winced, dreading the name he would see on the caller ID. He just hoped it wasn't Byakuya. That... That would not be good. At all.

Maybe he wouldn't even pick up.

He rummaged through her things nervously, gulping when he found the device. He flipped it over to see the name of the caller, and his jaw locked. He scrambled to get to the other room, knowing that he would not be able to control his voice when he spoke.

'Stay away from her.' he growled into the phone. 'I know she thinks she owes you, or that you own her - but I think you're just a sadistic fuck. Stay the fuck awa-'

'Shit, she told you?' Grimmjow inquired, scoffing.

'Yeah, and it's about time too. You're a bastard, using what happened between her and your-'

'So do you love her?'

'The fuck is that supposed to mean?'

'Do you love her?'

Of course he did. But why was he asking? Would he tell her? Why the hell were they still in contact with each other? 'No.'

'Good! That bitch is so sick, she's practically dying.'

* * *

 **A/N** : I'm very surprised with the last chapter of Bleach! I still believe that Ichigo and Rukia would have been much better for each other.

I am thinking of starting a new story, picking up where the series left off. It will of course be IchiRuki. It would be a drama, with subtle fantasy. I already have quite a few ideas in my head, but I have not fleshed them out properly yet. That would mean that udpates for this story will be slower. Would you guys like that, or would you prefer I stick to this?

Thank you **MagoofDuality, JoTerry, Anon01, FunnyEasyMe, RukiYuki, Althatsyu, Shirayuki992, Carupin, NekoMimiR, GenesisVentura, blissbeat, jobananasan, tyfgvbj, Kay** , and all the guest reviewers for your time and support! I hope you will continue to support this story despite the serialization of the series ending! You guys are, and will always be, the reason I am so motivated to publish chapters!

Thank you so much everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	14. Obey The King

Ichigo was trying to distract himself.

He sat down in front of a computer he had installed in a small working area in the living room, typing away at his emails. He thought that no harm could be done if he resorted to work to deal with his stress. It's what he's always done, and it's been doing him good thus far. After all, he would be late to work today. He was just waiting for Rukia to wait up so that they could talk.

Rukia...

Was she really sick? Grimmjow hung up after he had dropped that comment, so the politician never got a chance to probe further. Despite the feeling that his insides were twisting, he knew that he had to take everything that guy said with a healthy dose of doubt. Maybe it was even just an expression. Whatever. It would do no good to play a guessing game with himself. He would ask her about it, tell her what happened. He had always prided himself on how honest he was with her, and nothing was going to change that.

It was almost noon. Did she really not intend on waking up anyway soon? They had fallen asleep quite late last night, and he could only imagine how exhausted she was after their heated conversation.

He appreciated that she told him about her past. Strangely enough, he treasured that moment. That was all he ever wanted - the truth. And now that he got it, it did tie in a lot of loose ends for him. It must have taken a lot of courage for her to finally tell him. He remembered how sad her eyes were, how desperately she had reached out to him, how she called herself disgusting and dirty.

 _I love you, Rukia. You could never be those things._

He shut down the desktop, deciding to go check on the woman sleeping in his room. Now he was thankful he spent a bit more cash for a suite. It would have been awkwardly claustrophobic if this were all happening when they were in too close a proximity to each other.

The bedroom was already slightly open from when he entered to place the white roses on the bed. He peered in, surprised to see that she was already awake. His heart skipped a beat as he admired her smooth, lithe body sprawled on the bed. She was examining the flowers, a sweet smile gracing her features. That made him happy. It was all he wanted; to see her beautiful smile, to be the reason for it. He melted when she held the bouquet to her chest lovingly. Yet, he sighed in regret. He should have bought a more extravagant arrangement. The snow-white roses were dull in comparison to her.

'Yo.' Ichigo cleared his throat from the door with his hands in his pockets.

Rukia stared up at him quizzically as if she didn't remember what happened last night. She searched the room in a panic, the unfamiliar surroundings confusing her. Blushing furiously when she realized she was naked, she dove under the sheets and squealed in embarrassment. He apologized and asked if she wanted him to leave, but she smirked mischievously and beckoned him closer. He obeyed, and she pulled him into a tight embrace.

'Hey! I already got dressed.' he protested.

He tried to push her away lightly, but they both knew he didn't mean it. He succumbed to her, his tie being thrown onto the floor, followed by his black suit jacket and white dress shirt. She told him that she liked seeing him so dressed up, but she preferred his bare body next to hers. He told her she was being an idiot, but lay half-naked beside her anyway.

He turned the TV on so that they would have something to watch, but they were too distracted with each other. They kissed and hugged as he shared random stories about his time abroad. She listened intently, happy to know more about his life. Ichigo told her about the crazy professors at university and his initial struggles adapting to Western culture.

'They dress differently. I actually feel like they're more conservative. When I first got there, everyone thought I was trying really hard to look cool and edgy.'

'Don't you?'

'Of course not.' he snapped.

'Well, you have no sense of style anyway.'

'What did you say?!'

She giggled, nuzzling into his chest. An arm rested lazily on her bare back, but it pulled her closer as she kissed a large pectoral. She tried to hide the burning blush spreading across her cheeks as his chiseled chest took her breath away. He really had grown considerably, though not too much. He was taller, more muscular.

And stronger. His eyes had become strong, but remained warm and gentle. She loved those amber eyes so much, always feeling a comforting heat whenever she got lost in them. She loved it when she could see flashes of overwhelming desire, a constant reminder of his devotion to her. No one had looked at her like, and she didn't want that kind of connection with anyone else.

'It was so weird not wearing a uniform.' he muttered, daydreaming about his school days. 'I actually had to think about what I would wear. I didn't want to seem unprofessional in front of my instructors, you know? I made some cool friends there. People tend to be more chill, and I never got shit for my hair. Actually, there were people with way stranger hair colors.'

'I don't believe you.'

'Gee, thanks.'

'Like who? Tell me!'

'This girl I was dating had really light, green hair.' he began, lost in thought. 'I never asked if it was natural, because I assumed it wasn't. But then I never saw her dye it, or it growing in a different color. So, maybe it was.'

'You _dated_ her?' she pressed, a tense smile plastered on her lips. That slightly stung. Keigo told her whenever Ichigo had a new girlfriend, but she was always able to get over it. She never thought to hold it against him, and even know she didn't. Perhaps it was just a little painful hearing it come from Ichigo himself - especially when he sounded so happy talking about her.

'Yeah. I dated two girls abroad.'

'Oh.'

'Jealous?' he teased, oblivious to her breaking heart.

'Were they pretty?' she asked softly.

He was about to laugh and taunt her playfully. Nelliel Tu Odelschwank and Riruka Dokugamine were women who he had been proud to have dated. He knew they were attractive, he just chose not to make a big deal out of it. Of course, he had liked them for reasons other than their physical beauty. Then again, it would have been fun to mess with Rukia. He had never seen her jealous, but that was because he never tried to get that reaction from her. Maybe he would try! It could be funny.

But her pained gaze stopped him. Her eyes were deeper than usual, like she was hiding something. He had never noticed before, but her eyes weren't completely the rich blue he thought they were. There were hints of violet dancing around like tiny embers glowing in the twilight of her midnight hair and snowy skin.

Beautiful.

She was so beautiful. She was like the moon; stunningly pure in its gothic allure, but as graceful an unattainable as anything else that floated in the sky.

'No.' he whispered, lowering his head to kiss her deeply. She moaned into his mouth, grinding herself against him. He could feel every contour of her body, every needy twitch. He pulled away from her to look into her eyes. Cupping her face, he rubbed her cheek with a thumb as if he couldn't believe she was really right in front of him, like he was trying to reassure himself that it wasn't a hallucination or fantasy. 'Not like you.'

They kissed again, tasting every crevice of the other. When one would pull away, the other would waste no time reclaiming their lonely mouths. Rukia reached down to undo his belt, and his hands flew to undo it hastily himself. They never broke their kiss as he did this, his pants and boxers joining the rest of his clothes on the carpet.

She pushed him onto the mattress, straddling him as she continued ravaging his swollen lips. She moaned into his mouth, biting down innocently on his lower lip as his hands caressed up her sides to cup her perky breasts. His fingers toyed with her preciously pink buds, pinching every so often and reveling in the way her back stiffened when he did that.

'Oh, _yes_.' he encourages her as she grips his hard member. Her small hands struggle to wrap around his size, but she strokes along his length as slowly as she can. He felt hot to touch, and her cold hands felt deliciously arousing against his skin. Pride swelled up in him when he saw her fixated on his organ, the lust written all oer her deceivingly sweet features. 'You like this, don't you?'

'I love you.' she corrected, and his heart fluttered at the sincerity in her words. She ceased her ministrations, bending down to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. He just stared into those big eyes that he was so fond of when she pulled away, and he swore that it felt like he was looking at her for the first time. He was completely blown away by this woman, for reasons he couldn't really articulate. 'I love you, Ichigo.'

'Lie down.' he whispered, lifting her with him as he sat up.

She obeyed, and his large hands spread her creamy thighs apart. She arched her back as she expected him to enter her, fuck her into pleasure that no man could ever replicate. Instead, he lowered his head to her abdomen to start kissing own towards her dripping slit. One hand remained on her thigh to keep her comfortably open for him, while his free fingers parted her moist lips. He could smell the intoxicatingly appetizing scent of her desire, his mouth salivating knowing that she was so hot and bothered for _him_. She wanted _him_ , Ichigo Kurosaki, _inside_ of her.

'Wait, Ich-anh...!' she threw her head back and howled at the indescribable sensation of his firm, hot tongue against her sensitive folds. 'Ah! Anh, ungh!' she cried uncontrollably, thrashing her head from side to side, gripping the sheets so tightly her knuckles turned painfully white. 'Ichigo, please...!' He gave her a languid lick before pulling away, sitting upright to look down at her. She could see his impressive muscles perfectly from this angle, his tan skin damp with sweat.

'Something wrong?' he asked, wiping his mouth.

'It's just...' she looked away. 'It's... I'm dirty.'

 _No._

'Rukia.' he kissed her cheek before whispering into her ear. 'You're the purest woman I've ever seen. Nothing compares to you.'

'Ichigo...' she moaned his name, and he cupped her face to hold her in place. She blinked away tears, yet a few still seeped through the corners of her eyes. He smiled lovingly at her, and she saw nothing less than the most intense love in his eyes as he entered her slowly. Her eyebrows furrowed at the dull pain of being stretched by him, but she knew it was temporary.

'You feel _so_ good, Rukia.' he moaned, burying his face into the curve of her neck.

 _I never want to be apart from you._

'Ichi... I-Ichigo!' his name tore through her repeatedly, every time more passionate than the last time it rolled off her tongue. He thrust into her again and again, his rhythm becoming more erratic as he longed to hear her addicting voice call his name over and over.

 _I just... I want to melt with you._

'I-Inside me.' she begged. 'I want your cum inside me.'

 _So that we never have to separate. So that we're one being._

Fuck it. Fuck it all to hell and back. He'd screw everything he had learned, every inhibition at even the molecular level, for this one moment. He didn't have a career, he had never known another woman, there was no one trying to blackmail or screw with him - just for this moment. At this point, she was irrefutably, selfishly his, and he was hers forever. He would forsake everything and anything for this sad, forbidden love that brought him the greatest pain and satisfaction. He would forget it all for her, for his Rukia, for the one who made the rain stop - for the one who made him feel whole, complete.

Without her, the rain would have drowned him a long time ago.

Amber eyes bore into her sapphire orbs, and she could swear she saw fire reflected in his gaze. They stared at each other, reading one another's souls as the first spurt of his seed shot into her. She jerked beneath him, groaning as he rode his pleasure out, remaining sheathed in her. He thrust relentlessly in and out of her as he continued to empty himself in her, her own climax tearing through her in convulsions.

One being. That was what they were for that split second.

The sound of her heavy panting filled the room. Their bodies were slick with sweat, the musky scent of their lovemaking strong. She squeaked when he pulled out of her and spread her thighs apart.

'Ichigo...?' she called softly, suddenly feeling very shy.

'Rukia.' he breathed, his eyes on her most intimate part smeared in their vulgar mix. His thick, sticky seed mingled with her juices. That, combined with her damp hair cascading messily around the sheets and her pretty face looking up at him innocently, was enough to ignite the lust he had just satiated. His palms rubbed the silky skin of her inner thighs tenderly, and he bit his lip in desire.

She loved him. She really loved him, despite her silent suffering.

They made love again twice, and each time she asked him to finish inside of her. He happily obliged, kissing her deeply in appreciation every time he did so. He just couldn't get enough of her, always touching her again and again like it was their first. When they were spent, he insisted on taking her out to a nice dinner. She refused, calling him an idiot and pressuring him to get to work, if even for a little while. It felt like rejection to him, so he stormed into the shower. She sensed his frustration and went in after him, where they made love yet again.

'Ichigo...' Rukia collapsed on the couch after throwing on her clothes. 'You are insatiable.'

'Sorry.' he muttered, blushing madly as he put on his pants. She handed him a shirt and he slipped it on, hurriedly doing the buttons up. 'Do you want to get dinner?'

'I thought I told you to go to work.'

'I mean, later. After I step into the office for a while.'

'What if someone sees us together?'

'I don't care.' he shrugged. 'I'm not ashamed of you, and I'm not worried. But...'

'What is it?' she realized something bothered him when he trailed off.

'Never mind.'

'You idiot!' she growled, throwing a pillow at him. 'Tell me what it is!'

'We don't have to talk about it right now.' he sighed. 'But... I'm not comfortable with what's going on between you and my cousin.'

Her eyes lowered in shame. She had forgotten about that.

'We have a lot of crap we need to get past.' he admitted non-threateningly, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands in his. 'A lot of shit has happened. But there's nothing in this world that means more to me than you. And I'm willing to do anything to make it work.'

'Ichigo...' she called his name as sweetly as a promise. He didn't seem to notice. He was too frantic throwing on his clothes and grabbing all the things he needed. When he was fully dressed, he kissed her cheek before opening an empty briefcase in a panic.

'Stay here.' he suggested, stuffing stacks of papers into his briefcase. 'I'll be back later, OK? Order anything you want. I know you're a spoiled brat.' he laughed as he went out the door.

After a few moments, she went back to the bedroom and held the white roses he had gotten for her. She hugged them to her chest, saying a silent prayer. She hoped that the angels were listening, and would be able to grant her just a simple wish; that the happiness she was feeling would last long enough to heal her scars.

* * *

'Good afternoon, Kurosaki-sama.' the driver and bodyguard in the passenger seat greeted respectfully.

'Hey.' Ichigo replied off-handedly, fixing his tie and running a hand through his messy hair. He was so late. So, so, so late. When he was supposed to be making a good impression. Well... It was a Friday after all, perhaps he could be forgiven. His phone wasn't blowing up, so they couldn't be that pissed. Politics was unpredictable anyway. Sometimes, he struggled to find things to do.

'Excuse me, Kurosaki-sama.' the bodyguard began, handing his master a long, brown envelope. 'I was told to give this to you. The messenger said it was from Chief of Staff Ukitake.'

Ichigo quirked an eyebrow. 'Ukitake is in Germany seeking alternative medicine for his illness.'

'It's just what I've been told, sir.'

The young man brushed the discrepancy off and took the parcel as the car sped off. He flipped it over, hoping to find a clue as to what was in it. He searched for a name, but what he found jolted him.

 **JAEGERJACQUEZ**

A rage that had become a natural reaction to seeing any indication of that man lit up inside of him. What could it be this time? He thought about their conversation earlier on in the day, and his heart suddenly felt unbearably heavy. Alarmed, he anxiously retrieved the contents of the envelope in a rush, but the world felt like it was going in slow motion. He was confused to see a single sheet of paper, but chose to read through it anyway.

 **RUKIA KUCHIKI - LATEST FINDINGS**

 **ATTENDING: KAIEN SHIBA MD, DIAGNOSTICIAN SPECIALIZING IN NEUROLOGY**

* * *

An hour after her lover left, Rukia's phone rang. Butterflies roamed incessantly in her stomach. Needless to say, she had skipped work that day. She expected the employees at her office to wonder about her whereabouts, but she knew they were too intimidated by her to call and check up. On the other hand, Byakuya would not hesitate to summon and scold her. She could ignore it, but then she'd incur his wrath the next day. Ever since their failed attempt at connecting with each other, he had become colder and snappier towards her.

She picked the gadget up, but rolled her eyes when she saw whose name it was.

 **GRIMMJOW JAEGERJACQUEZ**

She ended it, wishing that he wouldn't bother her today. She was surprised to see that she had a voicemail - she rarely got any of those. Well, that was because no one would really call her. Those that did, did so because of work, and it wasn't safe to leave messages about confidential corporate projects.

Rukia never got voicemails.

So she started feeling nervous.

She listened to it. She'd by lying if she said that what she heard didn't make her feel like her insides had liquefied.

Her phone pinged, meaning that she got a text. She didn't even have to take a wild guess to know who it was from.

 **Pick up.**

She thought about it.

No.

She was about to set it down when an image attachment followed the message.

Her stomach turned over.

The phone rang again. She let it end on its own, hoping that he thought she had hid it in her bag and couldn't attend to him.

A ping again. Then another message.

 **Pick up.**

More ringing.

She picked up.

'Why do you have that?' she tried to adopt a stern tone, but even she could feel the shakiness of her voice.

'Grimmy's always watching.' he taunted in a sing song voice. 'We're business partners, Rukia, as unofficial as it is. You really think that I would do any business with you without having some sort of leverage to serve as my insurance?'

'You have enough leverage even without this!' she hissed back. When was it going to be enough for him? He already knew about her shameful past. He had already ruined her for other men, for Ichigo. He already took everything that meant anything to her. But this was crossing a line. This was taking any remnant of happiness and crushing it right in front of her. This was taking the gun from her hand and shooting her with it. This was just flat out fucking her over. 'Why do you need more?!'

'It's fun.'

'Fuck you!'

His boisterous laughing nauseated her. Grimmjow was the devil, she was sure of it. 'Did you listen to the voicemail?'

'Bastard.'

'I'll take that as a yes. So you know what it is that you have to do?'

'I don't know anything except that you're a sick bastard!' she was gripping the phone so hard she thought it would crumble. 'Why the fuck would you do this to me?!'

'When you fuck my philandering father in my own house...' he started with a condescending tone. 'I'm gonna see. I wonder what people are going to think of Kuchiki Corporation when they see just how much of a cheap whore Byakuya's adopted sister is?

'You're sick! How could you expose your own family this way?! Don't you give a shit about your father?!'

'Everyone already knows my dad's a psycho.'

'I see where you get it from!' she screamed, but he only chuckled. 'You can't do this. There are laws against this, you'll be fucked!'

'I can leak it anonymously on the internet, you idiot.'

'I'll say it was you.' she clenched her jaw to fight back angry tears. 'I'll take you with me, I'll burn everything to the ground, exposing _everything_ you're doing!'

'Don't talk so soon.'

Her phone vibrated, signaling an incoming message. She placed the call on loudspeaker so that she could check it. For the first time in her life, she was hoping it was work - anything to get her out of this conversation! Her eyes widened when the screen said it was another attachment sent by Grimmjow. That jerk! Had he not been listening to what she was saying? What could he possibly have needed to send? More pictures of her bouncing on his late father's dick?

A recording.

Her throat suddenly became uncomfortably dry.

'Listen to it.' the menacing voice on the other line goaded her. 'Go on, press play.'

So she did.

'Rukia.' Ichigo's voice grunted huskily from the electronic audio tape. Her body turned to stone as she heard the eerily familiar sound of him thrusting into her, of her sucking him back into her; wet, sloppy, suckling sounds accompanied by their lustful moaning.

'Oh, _oh_. Ichigo, fuck me _harder_.' she heard her own voice. ' _Yes_ , yes!'

'How is this fucking possible?!' Rukia was losing it. Her vision had colored with disbelieving fury. She recognized those sounds as her and Ichigo's lovemaking in her room, almost a decade ago. Had this crazy druggie bugged her room?! How was that possible? How did she not know? She cursed him over and over in her head. In that instant was when she felt murderous; she would kill him, she was going to kill him. She was going to beat him, skin him, bury him so far below the ground that he would burn from hellfire. 'Grimmjow!'

'Kuchiki servants aren't very loyal. They're willing to do anything if you pay them off.'

'Grimmjow!' she felt sick. She was going to die, she was sure of it. Her heart was going to stop, her stomach would come up her throat. She was sure of it, it was going to happen. She was going to die.

'The media is gonna have a blast with this, don't you think?' he sneered. 'The progressive, gentle Ichigo Kurosaki having sexual relations with the dirty Rukia Kuchiki. Think of how they're going to spin it to attack his character! They'll say he took advantage of your fragile state of mind, that he contributes to the exploitation of women. They'll label him a misogynist and he'll lose political capital. They'll say he's promiscuous, that he's unfit to serve a country that prides itself on its values. Think of how wonderously scandalous this could be!'

'You know that's not true.'

'But the public doesn't.' he reminded her. 'He'll deny the allegations, but no one will believe him. All they'll see is someone they _don't_ want representing them. He'll be completely powerless, having lost the morale of the people backing him up.'

'And the voicemail...'

'That's what you have to do if you don't want any of this getting out.'

'Why are you doing this?' she managed to choke out.

'Well, wouldn't you like to know?'

'It doesn't have to be like this.' she tried to reason.

'You're right.' he allowed, but she heard the mischief in his tone. 'But this is more fun, don't you think?'

'Rukia?' a familiar voice called from outside the main door to the suite, followed by three knocks.

'I sent you a visitor.' Grimmjow clarified, perhaps because he had just heard it as well. 'You know what you have to do. I already bribed the security detail to let him in in case you don't, so don't think you can just leave him out there.'

'Grimmjow, stop.' she begged, but his heart did not waver. 'Stop.'

'This has nothing personal to do with you. It just so happens that I need you for this.'

'Stop, please. Don't make me-'

She heard a click, and she knew he had hung up. Her breathing was erratic, the world around her was spinning. No. Not right now. She wasn't supposed to have one of her episodes now. She clumsily flung her phone into her bag, stabilizing herself by hanging onto a chair. She shut her eyes for a few seconds, opening them once she felt more level-headed.

'Hey...' Kaien called as a security guard opened the door to the suite for him, as predicted by Grimmjow. Her doctor rushed to her side, wrapping her in his arms in an attempt to soothe her. No. No. No. This isn't what she wanted. It wasn't his arms she wanted to be enclosed by. She pushed him away, swallowing as she tried to act normal.

'What are you doing here?' she demanded in an unsuspecting tone.

'I should ask you that.' he shot back. 'You have your own apartment. This is the same hotel my cousin is staying at. I'm not sure what floor he's on, though.'

'Oh.' she tried to calm herself. She wanted to vomit.

'Rukia...' he started, snaking an arm around her waist. 'Grimmjow called me. He told me you were here, and that I should come see you. He said that you were in a bad place.'

The businesswoman wanted to punch someone in the throat. A long time ago, Grimmjow had insisted he be introduced to her diagnostician. Initially, she had denied the request, but conceded when he reminded her that he could and would contact Miyako if she didn't comply. The demon paraded himself as a close friend of the Kuchikis when all three of them went out for dinner, and her doctor was gullible enough to believe it.

The men had stayed in contact since their outing, yet another way in which Grimmjow encroached on and controlled her life.

'I'm fine.' she insisted, waving him off.

'Rukia.' he pulled her closer. 'Why are you being so cold to me? What happened?'

'Nothing...'

'Don't lie to me!'

'It's nothing!' she gasped, the voicemail playing over and over in her head.

'I want to help you. I'm here for you, I always have been! So please... Just...'

'Stop.' she pulled away from him. His eyes widened at the rejection, his hands balling into fists at his side. She failed to notice, lost in her inner turmoil. 'Kaien-dono!' she screamed when he grabbed her by the shoulders.

'I... I gave you unapproved, experimental treatment!' Kaien roared, his jade eyes darkening with rage. 'I risked my license for you! I ruined my marriage for you! I did everything I could for you! We love each other, so why?! Why are you treating me like this, like I suddenly don't exist?!'

'Kaien-dono!' her hands reached up to push his face away, only angering him further.

'Rukia!' he kissed her, and she felt her happiness shattering.

No. Not him. Not this man. His lips, his fingers, his feelings... It wasn't what she wanted.

No.

But she returned the kiss, fighting back the need to cry. Bile built at the back of her throat, Kaien's flavor massaging the insides of her mouth. Her legs trembled as he unbuttoned her white blouse, pulling down her bra forcibly. She whimpered in fear, but it only excited him further. Lifting her so that she was straddling his waist, he carried her to the bedroom, where he stripped both of them of all their clothing.

She had to do this. There was no other choice.

Ichigo would hate her.

But if she didn't, then he would lose grip on power, on the future he had worked so hard for, on the person he was so proud to be. She had to do it. She resolved to do it.

So why was she shaking? Why was her heart breaking into a million pieces? Why did she feel lifeless, boneless? Like she wasn't in her body, like she was watching this happen to someone else?

'Please don't look at me.' she mumbled incoherently, covering her face with her hands as he spread her thighs apart.

The usually calm blue of her eyes watered with horror. She felt violated just looking at him, at how hungry and depraved his normally warm emerald eyes were, how they twinkled with mad lust. He licked his lips subconsciously as he stared down at her invitingly moist arousal. She had avoided looking at it, but now she saw the angry, bulbous tip of his erection dripping with precum, dribbling down his alarmingly long length. His member twitched with the need to enter her, positioned eagerly by her entrance.

She gasped as she felt the warm, wet head part her folds, and he mistook her fear for excitement. He stroked her face with a long finger, not caring that she shuddered at his touch.

'I have done more than enough to deserve you.' he whispered into her ear as he brutally kneaded her breasts. 'Why don't you want me?'

Do it.

'I do.' her voice cracked. 'I want you, now.'

 _'Let's remind your forgetful Ichigo.'_ Grimmjow's voicemail echoed in her mind. _'Of what it feels like to see the woman you love in the arms of another man.'_

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much everyone, for continuing to support me! I was so overwhelmed by the response I received last chapter. It made me so happy. Thank you all, so much. The early release for this chapter is my way of saying thank you, for everything.

Also please let me reassure everybody that I will _not_ be killing Rukia! I aim to end this story on a happy IchiRuki note!

Thank you to **Luna-Dara, RukiYuki, mansi12, FunnyEasyMe, schoolgurl95, Kasai to Kasumi, achalida, jobananasan, Shoma, blissbeat, Shirayuki992, absolutelyindifferent, anoyak111, andyantopia, Carupin, GenesisVentura,** and all the **Guest** reviewers!

 **Shirayuki992** , thank you so much for your fun reviews! I think it says a lot that the last chapter showcased the unique chemistry those two have. Even if they marry other people, they are still the most important people to each other. I find comfort in that!

 **achalida** , thank you for the review! Grimmjow was referring to Rukia's ambiguous health, which I will touch on later!

 **jobananasan** , thank you so much for your beautiful review! I always love reading what you have to say. In the seventh chapter entitled **Slut Shame** , I clarify that Rukia had to sleep with Grimmjow's father to support Hisana's expensive treatment before Byakuya entered their lives - therefore, before they acquired their wealth. Ichigo never said she was forgiven! That is something I want to make clear to everyone reading! She still has to make up for everything that happened. He can't just forget.


	15. Honey, It's Raining Tonight

'Kurosaki, this doesn't look very good.' Uryu Ishida, a diagnostician with a specialization in infectious diseases, said from the other end of the line. The doctor was contacted by his ex-classmate and long-time friend, Ichigo Kurosaki, to have a look at the documents. He had been faxed a copy of Rukia Kuchiki's latest findings, complete with blood work, scans, and notes penned down by the attending physician.

'Is she dying?'

'Is she in the ER?' he countered, rolling his eyes. He understood the concern, but that was certainly a leap of fate to assume that the patient was on her way to her deathbed. If there was one thing he remembered about Ichigo, it was that he had a tendency to overreact to everything. 'Not to say that she isn't in bad condition. High resting body temperature, random tremors, extensive muscle degradation... this is a strange mashup of symptoms, especially for someone so young.'

'So what does she have?' Ichigo was starting to get impatient. He couldn't really gauge how worried he should be. It didn't help that his friend was being such a smartass. 'Just get straight to the point.

'I don't know.' he admitted solemnly. 'I would actually like to run another full-body workup. She would also need to come in for a consultation. I need to actually examine her in person.'

'Can you help her?'

'I don't know.'

'Please help her.'

'Kurosaki, I can't say anything until I actually examine her myself.' he was trying to be as patient as possible. Even in high school, he knew that Rukia was of great importance to Ichigo. They shared a special connection that he had never seen between anyone else. It was like she changed his world. He almost chuckled thinking about it. Well, she certainly changed him. He became more of an anxious lover whenever it came to her.

'When can we come in?'

'You're coming with her?'

'I have to. I need to know if she's alright.'

'Kurosaki...'

'I couldn't bear it if anything happened to her.'

Uryu held his breath. Whenever shit went down with Rukia, Ichigo would behave in a way that was not... realistic, so to say. He would act out and turn moody. More importantly, the tightly shut faucet of his heart would break down, and he would lose control of his emotions. He would feel things that he thought he had banished from his soul. This longing, this hope and dependency that could destroy him was part of that.

'You have to be realistic, Kurosaki. We're talking about disease here. You can't fight biology. You have to be prepared for whatever the prognosis will be.'

'But you can treat her.'

'That would be her choice. Depending on the diagnosis, treatment can be painful and drastically reduce the quality of life for the patient. A lot of people opt out and go home to be with their families.'

'Look, I don't even think she's that sick. She looks fine. If I hadn't seen that report, I would never have guessed anything was wrong with her.'

'You can't control everything, Kurosaki.'

* * *

Rukia didn't love this man. Yet he was touching her, his rough hands roaming the prize that was her body. Rough fingers burned her, his excited words failing to seduce her and instead disgusting her. Everywhere he touched was stained with her guilty sorrow. Why? Why was this happening? She didn't want this.

No. Not with this man.

She couldn't.

He wasn't the one she wanted.

But there he was, positioned at her entrance, gripping her by her wrists on either side of her head. Emerald eyes stared at her longingly, asking for permission to be inside of her. She told him that she wanted him, but he hadn't moved. He just continued looking down at her, studying her because he knew, they both knew - that she didn't _really_ want this, that he wasn't the man she wanted to couple with. But why? They had been seeing each other for a year now. It had been fine. Why now, all of a sudden...? Why didn't she want him?

'Turn around.' he commanded. He didn't want to see her, not when she was glaring at him like he was the devil itself. He didn't want to be looked at with those eyes; angry and resentful, cursing him with her thoughts.

She couldn't do it. It was too much. This was all so degrading enough.

But she obeyed. She flipped over so that she lay on her stomach, her back to him. His lips brushed against her shoulders, making her stomach tighten in defeat and nausea to permeate her senses. It was no use. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that this was all for greater good, she still felt sick. She didn't want this, she _couldn't_ want this. The thought of having him inside of her was enough to drive her mad with pain.

'It'll only hurt for a little while.' he reassured her.

No. It would hurt for a lifetime.

She would die from the shameful regret.

She had already experienced love, in her heart and body. She had felt Ichigo's strength flowing into her, healing the deepest gashes of her soul. She knew what it was like to hold your other half in your arms, wishing you could melt with each other so that you would never have to separate again. He made her believe that she could be fixed. He made her believe that she didn't have to break. He made her believe that the world was good.

She knew what it was like to want to be human again. There was no way she would ever be able to repay for that. The least she could do is protect him in return, even if it meant giving him up.

Kaien's hands held her waist, lifting her slightly. The petite woman shut her tearful eyes in acceptance. Her shaking hands gripped the sheets tightly, anticipating the initial pain of being penetrated. He held her by the hips, his needy cock sliding its length against her slit. She squirmed instinctively to try and discourage him, whimpering involuntarily.

She didn't want to feel it. She didn't want to feel his veiny organ on her like that. Especially not after she had made love with Ichigo only hours ago, not right after she had finally felt like her body had found its perfect match. The man on top of her right now, he was not her special someone. And he knew that she didn't want this, but he went along with it anyway. He knew, and yet he was touching her this way. She was completely and utterly repulsed by what was happening.

'Your skin is so hot to touch.' he murmured, his bulbous tip pressing against her tight ring. 'Are you just as warm on the inside?'

 _Stop._

Something snapped within her, and she whipped herself around to pull back away from him. Suddenly feeling uncomfortably naked, she squeezed her legs together and crossed her arms over her chest. The fury in her eyes stood defiantly against his confusion.

 _I'm sorry, Ichigo._

She couldn't do it. It didn't feel right. If anything, it felt like she held a knife to her throat. She couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, or even beg for him to stop. She hated feeling like that, like she was powerless and disposable. It was insulting. To her, to the faith that Ichigo placed in her, to his forgiveness that she vowed she would earn.

But she would never be able to deserve it if this continued, would she?

If she let this happen, she would destroy everything she had built from the ruins of her sanity. This would only hurt her love, it would only tear them further apart. Grimmjow would only shackle her again, and he would be confident that he could fuck around with her even more. Whose to say that his threats a while ago weren't just a bluff? She would have to find out. There was one thing she knew, though.

She couldn't hurt Ichigo. Not anymore.

'Don't touch me.' her voice was stern. Kaien remained paralyzed, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. Why was she looking at him like that? Like his very presence was disgusting, like she wanted to get as far away from him as possible? Like she _hated_ him?

'What is wrong with you?' he was irritated. He extended a hand out to reach for her, but she backed up even further on the headboard. That pissed him off. He clenched his jaw and pulled her underneath him by grabbing a hold of a narrow ankle. She squeaked at the unexpected movement, but punched him hard when he bent down to kiss her.

'Bitch!' he exclaimed, turning his head to the side to massage his now sore face. There was more force in her blow than most men who had taken a jab at him.

She jumped away from him, picking her phone up from where it had fallen on the floor before bolting to the bathroom. She shut the door behind her loudly, her hands shaking and her breathing ragged as she locked it. Still worried that he would be able to barge in, she entered the shower and encased herself within the transparent enclosure of the glass doors. Tears that she didn't even realize had been pooling in her eyes started to flow down her face in messy streaks when she heard the outraged banging at the door, Kaien's furious chanting of _Rukia! Open up!_ sending anxiety coursing through her very pulse.

'Shit. Shit.' she cursed breathlessly, fumbling with her phone. She had to get someone, anyone, to help her. She had done all she could do to buy some time, but there was no way of knowing if he would follow her inside.

Why did this always happen to her? Why do men, so primitively desire women? To the point where they no longer saw the soul in her, forgetting that was a human being with a heart. She always felt like a shell, an empty husk to fulfill the need for instant gratification. She had felt that way for so long, for too long. But now, finally...

'Open this door!' Kaien shouted, knocking even harder.

 _Ichigo!_

She shut her eyes momentarily to try and calm herself. She had to get it together. She had made it this far. She could see it through to the end. She could get out of this, she just had to think. Hope was not lost. But who could she call? Not Ichigo. She didn't want to drop this onto him. He had done too much for her already; bringing her back to life when she felt like the walking dead. This was her problem. She could-

'Fuck you!' came a demonic cry.

'Shit.' her voice cracked. Nii-sama? Keigo? Anybody?

No. If any attention was drawn to this hotel room, Ichigo might get dragged into it. It wasn't a secret that he was staying her, which was why a security detail was constantly surveilling the area. She didn't want this to blow up in his face. She knew him too well. If he came, he'd start a brawl and end up damaging his public image. She didn't want to give him any more reason to cover up for her, or to take the fallback of her mistakes.

'Rukia!'

'God, please.' she started to pray in a whisper. She opened the shower door to leave her phone outside so that she could start running the water. The temperature was scalding, but she could hardly feel it amidst her panic anyway. She sunk to the marbled floor, sobbing as she slid down the slippery wall. The heavy pattering drowned the incessant knocking out, and she found some relief in that. Exhausted, she let herself cry into her hands, a surprising safeness washing over her beneath the water.

She didn't move from that spot. Eventually, Kaien left, but she didn't know exactly when. It was only when her phone started to ring and Grimmjow's name appeared on her home screen that she understood something had changed in the situation. She didn't want to deal with it, so she stayed where she was.

'You useless whore!' Grimmjow's voice roared. 'You were supposed to keep him there until Kurosaki showed up!'

She maxed out the shower pressure, hoping to deafen her hearing with the sound of the droplets crashing onto the ground. But it was no use. Her phone rang again and again, his ominous threats dizzying her.

'Did you fuck him at least? I'll find out if you didn't!'

'You're gonna do this, again. Again and again! Until Kurosaki gets fucking front row seats to you being screwed like a dirty slut!'

'How dare you fucking defy me! I'll _demolish_ you!'

The room was spinning and her heart beat dangerously fast. Tremors took over any control she had left in her body, and she struggled to remain strong. The traumatizing memories of being impaled as a young girl flashed in her vision, the ghosts of the past taunting her. This was punishment. This would always be her punishment. Grimmjow would never leave her alone. He would never let her rest, not until she was dead.

And she would die, she just knew it. There was only so much more of this she could take. There had to be something more to live for. Her life shouldn't have to be about just making it through the day without succumbing to the pain.

She screamed, the tears never stopping. Her bitter sadness mingled with the scorching water, cascading down her skin and burning everywhere it trailed.

* * *

'Rukia?' Ichigo called cautiously as he entered the suite. He hoped she wouldn't be too angry. Work had kept him in later than he expected, so they would just have to order in instead of going out for dinner. 'Rukia?' he repeated when he heard nothing. Again, no answer. 'I'm sorry, baby. There was a lot to do in the office today.'

Nothing.

He wasn't worried. He thought that maybe she was giving him the silent treatment. He dropped his briefcase and removed his suit jacket, relieved to be free of the constraints of the angular piece of clothing. He made his way to the bedroom, surprised to see that the bed was messier than he remembered. It was so unlike her to leave things messy. He quirked an eyebrow, searching the room for any sign of her. Instead, he saw her clothes scattered on the ground.

That was when he started to panic. Where was she? Where could she have gone, especially without her clothes?

Thankfully, his brain finally registered the sound of the shower running. 'Rukia?' he called again, trying to turn the knob of the bathroom door. It wouldn't budge.'Rukia?' he repeated, shaking the stubborn knob when he started getting agitated. Reaching into his pocket to retrieve his keys, he inserted it into the lock. He pushed it open slowly in frightened anticipation of what he would see.

He sighed in relief.

There she was, curled up into a ball under the shower. She was sitting down, her legs folded to her chest with her head buried in her arms. Her phone was suspiciously laid on the floor, but he didn't care. He was so happy to see her safe. He thought that maybe... he shook his head. Those days were over. She would never do that again.

'Stop sulking.' he clicked his tongue, thinking that perhaps she was trying to make him feel bad for coming back so late. 'I got back as soon as I could.' he smirked as he sauntered towards her, knowing just how he could make it up to her. 'Do you want me to join you?' he asked suggestively, pulling the glass door open. He winced at the heat, wondering how she could tolerate such hot water. He reached over to turn it off, leaving only the steam to evaporate in the air.

She didn't respond. His smile disappeared when he sensed that she was in a particularly bad mood. Did something happen? Or was she really that pissed? Now he felt guilty. Sick to his stomach, even. What was he thinking, leaving her alone after taking her over and over? She must have felt so used. He didn't want her to feel that way at all, he didn't even want to leave. Even when she insisted he head to work, he shouldn't have listened.

'Rukia...' he started his apology, kneeling down to be on her level.

'I'm dirty.' she whispered in explanation, refusing to look at him or even move. 'I just wanted to feel clean again.'

He tilted his head to the side. Dirty? Did he make her feel dirty? 'We don't have to have sex. I just want you to be comfortable.'

She remained frozen. His gaze lowered, trying to find the right words to say. Nothing could excuse how he had made her feel, but he wanted it to work. He wanted this relationship to work so badly. He was willing to do anything. He wanted her to know that. He wanted her to know that he was completely devoted to her, that he never wanted to hurt her. Especially not after he realized that after all this time, she was acting out in pain. It was never to spite him.

'Rukia...' he began, but stopped when he saw the early beginnings of a bruise on her ankle. He could vauely make out the shape of a hand. 'What the fuck is that?' he demanded in a suddenly rash tone, unable to control his defensive outrage.

Her head whipped up, startled by the anger of his voice. He caught her gaze with his own, his insides twisting sickeningly when he saw that she had been crying and her lips were swollen and bruising as well. He was sure he hadn't done that.

He pried her arms apart, and she gave no resistance. He gasped sharply when it hit him that was starting to bruise all over. Her beautiful skin was dotting with the dark stains, and he couldn't seem to look away. He scoffed in disbelief. She started to sob again when she saw just how devastated he was. No. She had done it again. She had disappointed him again. She just wanted to disappear.

Her barely audible cry brought him back to reality, and his attention snapped back to her. She tried to hide her face again, but he reached for her to wrap his arms around her shaking form, pulling her into a kind embrace. She pushed against him, but she was weak. His touch ceased her tears, and she relaxed a bit although she was still shivering. Lifting her chin up with a long finger, he looked down and locked eyes with her.

'Who did this to you?' he probed softly, his gentle ambers orbs inviting her to rely on him. He cupped her face when she didn't respond, his thumb brushing against her trembling lips. Realizing that she was probably cold, he scooped her up and lifted her so that he could carry her to the bedroom.

An animalistic rage was quaking inside of him when he could finally see all of her as he laid her down on the bed. Her wrists and thighs were bruising all over, the reddish purple discoloration encroaching on her pure skin. Bite marks lined her neck and breasts, and her sides had a few fresh gashes as if someone had scratched her. The open wounds were bright red, and he knew that she had bled.

'Don't.' she choked out, her arms desperately trying to cover herself. 'Please don't.'

'Who did this to you?' he pressed darkly. Murderous intent was bubbling inside of him and he was starting to see red. His hands balled into fists, his heart lungs filling with a suffocating need for blood. He didn't even need to hear it. He knew who had done this. There could only be one person that could.

'He wasn't inside of me, I swear.' she assured him, sitting upright so that she could come face-to-face with him. She looked up at him, hoping that he could see the sincerity in her eyes. He stared right back at her, swallowing hard as his fiery orbs started to water. She failed to notice this in the dark. Trembling arms wrapped around his neck, and she planted a chaste kiss on his cheek. 'I fought him. I _fought_ him. I want you, and only you.'

'Rukia, it's not abo-'

'I love you.' she silenced him with her lips. He was startled by the sudden warmth of her mouth, his senses toggling between violent wrath and overpowering yearning. She licked at his lower lip, begging for entrance, which he gave. He moaned her name when she massaged his tongue with her own, unbearably slowly. She pulled away from him, her eyes boring into his. He tried to gauge what she was thinking, but all he could think about was how lovely she glowed in the moonlight.

His arms went limp, falling to his sides. Her fingers started unbuttoning his white shirt, gracing his tan skin with her tempting touch without every inch she exposed. When she finally undid all of the buttons, her hands ghosted over his impressive torso, nipping and sucking every so often at the taut muscles she liked so much. He groaned, throwing his head back in pleasure. She took the opportunity to lick at his sensitive neck, her nails lightly scratching down his chest. His limbs remained unmoving, though his satisfaction was audible.

'I love you.' she repeated into his ear, tugging at his belt. 'How do you feel about me?'

In one swift motion, he cradled her in his arms and pushed them both onto the mattress. He ravaged her lips tenderly, passionate and careful. He breathed her name into the kiss over and over, as if he were begging. For what exactly, she didn't know. But his fervent affection calmed her, and she finally stopped shaking. He felt her relax beneath him, the remainder of her tears seeping out from the corners of her eyes as she shut them.

When he pulled away, she opened her eyes to see him staring right at her. She smiled, earning the touch of his fingers stroking her cheeks. She kissed his digits, nuzzling into his palm. He was so warm. So, so, so warm.

He just watched her, thinking about all the times he wished they could stay this way forever. But fate always had a way of tearing them apart, making it hurt so much that they always pushed each other way. So much has happened and so much keeps happening. Why did the world bring them together and allowed them to share a profound chemistry if it was going to just pull them apart anyway?

Grimmjow.

That man was the epitome of moral corruption. Forget his past. It didn't excuse the demon he had become. He couldn't just be content with living out his miserable life, he had to recruit others to join him in his despair. Something had to be done. He had to be stopped, before he did any more damage.

Ichigo's resolve strengthened. That bastard couldn't really believe that he had nothing coming, that he wasn't going to go after him with everything at his disposal, after hurting the person he loved most.

Amber eyes took in her beautiful image once more, losing himself completely in her glossy sapphires. For her sake, he would do anything. For her sake, he had acquired the power to protect. For her sake...

Mutually assured destruction.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much for the overwhelming support, everyone! I am trying to shell out the chapters faster for all of you! You guys make me so happy. Reading your comments really warms my heart. Thank you for giving such a rewarding sense of joy. You don't know how much it means to me.

Thank you to **blissbeat, absolutelyindifferent, Penny1990, RukiYuki, NekoMimiR, Anon01, Shirayuki992, achalida, tyfgvbj, GenesisVentura, schoolgurl95, Carupin, gin, jobananasan, FunnyEasyMe** , and all the **Guest** reviewers!

 **Shirayuki992** , Rukia's disease will be revealed later! Byakuya will be making an appearance in two chapters. Thank _you_ for always leaving such wonderful reviews! I always look forward to what you have to say. IchiRuki will always be my OTP!

 **schoolgurl95** , thank you so very much!

 **jobananasan** , thank you so much for your review! She definitely isn't trying to get pregnant, but I always found something so intimate about ending intercourse like that. I tried using that to highlight how much closer they had become. I totally agree that Rukia has to stand up for herself! I hope you were pleasantly surprised by the outcome of this chapter!

For those who have read my new recently published story, **Marry Me, Shinigami!** I would just like to clarify that that was not the one story I had in mind when I mentioned that I wanted to start a new piece. I was overcome with an itchy need to pen down **Love Drop's Strawberry 16**. I still have one more idea in mind for a story. Thank you **GenesisVentura** and **Kasai to Kasumi** for supporting me on my other story! I am so grateful.

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	16. Get You Killed Quick

'Where are you going?'

'I need to go home.' Rukia explained as she threw on her clothes. It was just past midnight, and she needed to be well-rested for work tomorrow. She had already skipped today. It would be highly unprofessional for her to take yet another day off. Especially considering that she was a Kuchiki herself. She had to set the standard for good behavior and proper work ethic.

'Rukia.' Ichigo's tone was seriously tense. He didn't think that it would was such a good idea for her to leave, particularly because of what just happened hours ago. He was surprised by how quickly she mentally recovered from the ordeal. It was just who she was; she buried her feelings so far deep within her so that they couldn't hurt her anymore. Thankfully, he knew how to read the signs that she was experiencing severe emotional turmoil - the biggest indicator being running away. 'I'll go with you.'

'I'm fine.'

'I already left you once today, and look what happened!'

'Don't patronize me.' she snapped, glaring at him as she stuffed her scattered belongings into her bag. 'I can hold my own without you. I'm not your responsibility.'

'I'm not trying to suggest otherwise.' he clarified, reaching a hand out to caress her face. She flinched at the touch, momentarily forgetting it was him. Finally registering his presence, her anxiety subsided. He noticed the loving relief in her eyes as she warmed to his presence, leaning her head into his palm. Touch wasn't even human to her anymore. She always felt like someone was trying to hurt her. Now, even he couldn't reach for without her being frightened of him. It made him angry. So fucking angry.

'Then why don't you have some faith in me?' she whispered, looking up at him. Those azure eyes threatened to melt him. He swore he could see the very stars in them. How could she expect him to let her go?

'Because...' he began, averting his line of sight away from her. 'It's not _you_ I don't trust.'

'I'll be fine.' she reassured him, squeezing his arm. 'I swear.'

'At least let me come with you. I don't feel comfortable letting you go by yourself. I can't provide you a security detail because I honestly don't know who to trust. They could be Grimmjow's men for all I know. I'll drop you home and I'll head back here.'

'Do you honestly believe that any of your guards are going to let you leave this hotel without anyone accompanying you? The effect would be the same.'

'I'll slip past them.'

'How?! They're right outside!'

'Rukia, I don't care.' he insisted, growing rather impatient. 'I can't let you go alone. It doesn't feel right.'

'Please just take a moment to think about this. You'll be seen leaving at an ungodly hour alongside a woman you've never been photographed with before.' she gestured towards herself. 'Do you have any what kind of stories they'll make up about you? They'll say that you're promiscuous and morally reprehensible. They could slaughter you. Don't be so reckless when you're just starting to make a name for yourself.'

'I'm not doing anything wrong.' his tone was serious. 'Let the media say what they want to say. I'm not assumed of you - I _love_ you.'

Her heart fluttered, but she fought the need to give in to the temptation of his sweet words. No. She wanted to keep everything on the down low. The less the public knew, the better. If Grimmjow really did decide to broadcast the pictures or the audiotape, it would play well to Ichigo's benefit if he had as little to do with her as possible. He could say that they had been sexually active with each other when they were much younger, which was true, and he could feign ignorance about her tragic past - which was actually also true.

It's just that the truth would be easier to believe if no one knew they were seeing each other.

'People are going to see what they want to see.' he continued. 'You know that not everything is as it seems.'

'Sometimes, what it seems is all people see.' she murmured absent-mindedly.

'I don't care.'

'Well, you should.'

Silence.

He walked a few steps away from her, dialing a number on his phone before bringing it up to his ear. After a few moments, he hung up. He was obviously irritated, and she tilted her head as if to ask him what was wrong.

'Keigo.' he clarified, clicking his tongue. 'I tried calling him to see if he would bring you home. I know you guys are good friends.'

'Are you jealous?' she sneered playfully.

'He's a good guy. I'm glad that you have someone like him to rely on.'

More silence. Their eyes locked, and she gasped inwardly at the fearful sadness that saturated his amber orbs. He was worried, she could tell. He didn't want to leave her alone and was frustrated that she wouldn't let him come with her. It must have been hard; wanting to protect someone who didn't want protection. If anything, it was she who felt that she needed to shield him - from the scrutiny of the public eye, the frailty of their relationship, and most of all, Grimmjow's unpredictable rage.

She couldn't let him put himself in the line of fire. Not for her, not this time. He had been doing that for so long; getting hurt, for or by her. Now was the time for her to step up and watch over his safety. She knew the cards, and she knew the game master. She was familiar with his temper and she knew exactly what he wanted. She just had to find a way around it, try to win against him for once in their rigged mind game.

She was Rukia Kuchiki. She had her own connections, her own grip on power. She just had to know how to use it. She could fix this herself, without endangering her most precious loved one. It was just a matter of figuring out how to come out on top.

'I'll be going now, Ichigo.' her voice was deafening amidst the thick, empty air.

He didn't reply at first. He sauntered over to her, cupping her face in his hands. Warm eyes bore into hers, begging her to come back to him. Then, he bent down to capture her lips in his. His kiss was soft, gentle - just like him. Her tongue massaged his lower lip, begging for entrance. He pulled away from her, and she whimpered in disappointment.

'Be safe.' he said. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' she returned before going on her way. He watched her leave, anxious energy suddenly making the air within his suite very heavy. There was no use brooding about it. All he could do now was have faith in her and hope for the best.

To pass the time, he tried to take a shower. But when he entered the bathroom, the image of her curled up into a ball and sobbing into her hands ghosted over his mind. There was no way he could stand being within the confines of the glass doors. Not tonight.

Sweeping that idea aside, he opted for brushing his teeth. Once, twice, maybe three times. He stopped when he spat into the sink and saw blood swirling with the menthol bubbles and water. After that, he washed his face. It was oddly comforting to close his eyes and feel the cold water splashing onto his skin. Yet it was also scary, as it reminded him of the heavy rain on the day his mother died.

Ping!

Ping, ping!

Wiping his face with a towel, he frowned in confusion. He was sure he left his phone in the bedroom to charge. That was when it clicked; Rukia had left her phone in the bathroom, right outside the shower. She had left without it.

He picked it up, nearly smashing it onto the ground when he read the notifications on the home screen. They were all messages from Grimmjow; some were attachments and others were texts. He was threatening her, telling her not to "defy" him again and to know "her place." He reminded her that she "owed" him, in addition to sickeningly derogatory comments like "whore" and "slut."

It was no wonder Rukia couldn't seem to separate her self-worth with her body. Not with someone as morally corrupt as this whispering the seeds of madness into your thoughts. Even Ichigo felt himself going insane with feverish fury.

He wanted to see what the drug lord had sent his lover, so he punched in her passcode. He knew that she would most likely be angry at the invasion of privacy, but he now considered this his own personal matter as well. No one should be able to hurt her, physically or otherwise, and expect him to just let it happen. He loved her, he wanted to protect her, and fight for her.

He was surprised to know that her old password from nearly a decade was still applicable, even though she had gotten a new phone. _1234_. He chuckled at her lack of creativity.

Three attachments. Three videos.

He pressed play.

* * *

The drive home was unbearably nerve-wracking. The streets of Karakura were generally empty, but the cars that Rukia did manage to come by triggered a strong panic within her. She was always suspicious, always checking the mirror to see if anyone was following her. Sometimes, she swore she could sense a secondary presence in the car. She knew she was being paranoid, but she could do nothing to combat the claustrophobic panic overruling her senses.

That, and the perpetual feeling of something about to go wrong in her stomach.

To comfort herself, she allowed her thoughts to wander to Ichigo. He really had become so strong. He was no longer the explosive, ruthless rebel of his youth. He was now an adult, with a resolve stronger than anyone she had never known. He still had a temper though. She laughed lightly to herself. Some things just never changed.

She raised her eyebrows in irritation when she remembered how insistent he had been on bringing her home himself. She couldn't blame him for being so persistent, considering he wasn't fully aware of what was at stake. But she thought that if she had declined the first time, he would drop it. It was still her choice to do what she wanted to. If she didn't want his company going home, then he should have just accepted it and moved on. She felt backed into a corner when he tirelessly tried to goad persuade her to take him with her. It made her feel disempowered and disrespected, even though she felt horrible for feeling that way.

She shook her head, her hands clutching the wheel even tighter. She had to stop being so negative all the time. She had to stop analyzing every situation like it was some twisted power play. She had to fight mental battles like that her whole life, so in a way it was inevitable that she would perceive in the purest situations to have a little bit of malice. But Ichigo was different. He was kind, genuine. He had no hidden agenda or underlying motivations. She had to have faith in that. She had to believe in him. She had to change for him.

After what seemed like centuries, she finally reached the front of her apartment complex. She stepped out of the driver's seat with her bag slung over her shoulder, handing the valet her keys. She thought she would be relieved to get home, but she was overcome with a surge of loneliness.

A huge part of her wished she had stayed with her lover, but she knew that she couldn't stay with him forever, no matter how much she wanted it. This was her fight. She had allowed herself to be victimized more than she should have. She undermined herself, giving in to some mistaken notion in her head that she could atone for her all the misery she had caused. It was hard to wake up and realize that all this time, she had been sabotaging no one but herself.

The fact that she was crumbling to pieces never used to matter. She lived life the way she thought she ought to, if only out of respect for her older brother and all that he had done for her. But every day was empty and flat. She would go through the motions of her daily life without any particular purpose. After Ichigo's departure, she no longer craved sexual relations, but she also stopped trying to find pleasure in anything.

Hope was the only thing that kept her going. Hope that she could one day be happy again, for the few months in high school she had spent with the orange-haired man that captured her heart made her believe in happy endings again. The love they shared made her believe that even if they never ended up together, that even someone like her could find happiness.

'Rukia-chan!' Keigo's cry echoed in the lobby of her building. Her eyes widened in shock. What was he doing here? He hugged her, an uneasy expression plastered on his face.

'Asano.' she acknowledged, patting him on the back before he pulled away. 'What's wrong?'

'You told me yesterday that you were going to see Ichigo, and I just got a missed call from him a while ago.' her friend explained. 'I tried calling him back, but he didn't answer. Ichigo doesn't really call for anything, but I knew he'd call if it was something to do with you. I just came by to see if you were doing alright. I mean... Did you guys talk?'

'Yeah.' she smiled, walking towards the elevators. She motioned for him to come along with her. 'It was good, actually.'

'Really?!'

'Yes.'

'Well, that's great! Are you guys...? I mean, are you guys an item, or...?!'

'I love him.'

' _Duh_.'

'And he said that we have a lot to work through, but that he's willing to talk about it.'

'Awesome!'

'Why are you so excited?!' she grinned from ear-to-ear. 'One would think it was _you_ who reunited with a lost lover.'

'I'm just happy.' he beamed, twirling around theatrically as the elevator started its upward trajectory. 'You changed his world, Rukia-chan. I've never seen Ichigo more into someone than he is to you. And the same goes for you!' he flashed her a knowing glance. 'The chemistry between the two of you is so... deep. It's like I can't imagine either of you being happy with anyone else.'

'Well, he's had two girlfriends abroad.' she pointed out sourly.

'That doesn't mean that he feels for them what he feels for you.'

Rukia swore she could hear angels singing as the doors opened to reveal her enormous penthouse. Elation was overcoming all the insecurities she had felt until moments ago. Having Keigo here, who had ties with her and Ichigo separately, talking about how he was rooting for them, about how he thought they were so right for each other - well, it gave her a boost of confidence. It made her feel like what transpired between them was no illusion, that they were really as in love as they thought they were.

'You have to tell me all the details, Rukia-chan!'

'I'll give you the gist of it! I have work tomorrow, you know. And so do you!'

'I don't care!' he exclaimed, jumping around comically. 'I'd rather hear about the greatest love story of all time!'

'Hold on, I have to charge my phone.' she reached into her bag. A small hand combed through its contents, her search growing increasingly frantic. She found the charger, but where was her phone? Did she leave it in the car? Did she accidentally drop it? Where was it?

She breathed in, trying to keep calm. She closed her eyes to concentrate on retracing her steps. A pang of pain hit her when she recounted the events of the evening. Bile built up at the back of her through as the memories of not so long ago thundered in her mind, Kaien's cold touch still so achingly vivid in her mind. She could almost feel his hands on her right then and there, his intruding organ forcibly trying to coax her into submission.

She felt the strength that she never knew she had come back to her in waves as she remembered how sharply her hand met his face. Her fight-or-flight response activated as she made the bold decision to decision to jump off the bed, making sure to pick up her phone on the way...

Shit. Shit.

She knew exactly where her phone was.

No wonder Grimmjow was so unusually quiet. The maniac was probably bombarding her with threats that very moment! Since it was in the bathroom, she hoped Ichigo wouldn't find it. There were things on there she didn't want him to see; private, forbidden things. He would hear her, see her. She couldn't have that. It was almost impossible to imagine.

No, no, no! Not now, not when she had just felt clean again. Not when he finally saw her as something pure, untouched. Not when she just showed him her scars, not when he just accepted them, kissed them, loved her despite them.

'Asano.' she breathed in a panic. He sensed the distress in her voice and ceased his obnoxious dancing. 'I need to go back.'

* * *

It was fucking with him. This was fucking with him.

'Fuck, _oh fuck_ , yes, _yes_. You're a talented girl, aren't you?'

Ichigo's heart dropped.

'Yes, _yes_.' the strange figure in the video continued. 'Tell me what you are, baby girl. Tell me what I pay for.'

'Mm...' a sucking sound he knew all too well. 'Mm, I'm your whore.'

He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to look at it anymore. And yet, he couldn't take his eyes away from the video. His heart was breaking into a million shards, threatening to implode in his chest. His mouth was so dry, he could swear his gums were eroding into ashes. His eyes were burning, but he just couldn't close them. They are unwilling to blink or tear away from Rukia's figure knelt between an inappropriately older man's legs.

How was this the same woman? Had this very same person joined him on the bed only hours ago, wrapped in his arms from where she whispered that she loved him over and over? He just couldn't believe it. There was absolutely no way they were one and the same.

This girl in the video - she was _enjoying_ it. She was actually, genuinely squirming in excited anticipation of her... lover? Proprietor? Business partner? How was he supposed to refer to the father of someone his own age screwing his beloved Rukia?

She had no choice. She really didn't have a choice. Hisana was dying, they needed money, Byakuya wasn't around to support them. Right? No, she _did_ have a choice. No one held her at gun point, no one coerced her forcibly into it. There was an offer on the table and she took it. She thought about it and decided that she would go along with it.

Why did she do that? To protect her sister, of course.

Why was she enjoying it? Maybe she wasn't really enjoying it, maybe he made her pretend she did. Even if she did gain some pleasure from it, she was still arguably a victim of circumstance.

What would he have done?

Why was he so _angry_?

He wasn't taking anything against her. He was just having a hard time understanding the whole thing. What was he supposed to feel seeing that? He didn't even know exactly which emotions were coursing through him. Actually, he felt numb. He didn't feel anything.

His insides lurched and he hunched over with a sudden need to vomit. He shut the phone and slid it into his pocket, making his way to the sink. Strangely enough, nothing came up his throat. He still felt incredibly sick though. Like a clunk of iron had punched him in the gut.

An intercom next to the bathroom's mirror rang, and he picked it up groggily. 'Yes?'

'Kurosaki-sama.' a woman from the concierge began. 'Keigo Asano is here to see you. He says he forgot his phone?'

'Right.' Ichigo rubbed his temples, his vision blurring. 'I'll just have it brought down. I'd like to rest. Please don't disturb me again tonight. For anything or anyone. No exceptions.'

'My apologies, sir.'

Space. All he needed was a little space, and he'd be able to talk to her in the morning. He'd tell her he had seen it and that it was no big deal. He'd apologize for being such a nosy prick, and that would be the end of it. He'd tell her that he accepted everything and that he had no problem with any of it. Because he really didn't. At all. It was just hard to watch.

Right?

'Fuck!' He screamed at nothing, breaking the mirror in front of him with his fists. The noisy breaking of the glass brought him back to some semblance of reality, the painfully etched pieces on his skin nothing in comparison to the sensation of his organs liquefying so that the messy, mushed up remainder of the person he was pushed him to the very edge of desperation.

Grimmjow had to go down. But he just had too much leverage on Rukia. What would happen if any of these recordings got out? What would happen to the stony image of Kuchiki Corporation, which prided itself on its century-old aristocratic values?

Rukia would feel like a complete failure. She'd be crushed. He couldn't allow that. He had to deal with this from down under.

He pulled out the phone again and flipped through the contacts, finally finding the name he was looking for. He clicked on the information, the software automatically calling the selected individual. If he needed to talk to anyone, it was this person. For what he was trying to do, he would need to ally with this man. Even if he didn't want to.

'Rukia?'

'Yo, Byakuya.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone reading and supporting this story! Thank you so much for the overwhelming joy you give me every single day. I hope that the update schedule is to your liking! The only thing I can do to show my appreciation for all your support is to work harder!

A few chapters ago, I asked everyone if you would rather I finish this story first before starting a new one. The response I received was mixed, so I decided to go ahead and publish it. It's entitled **The Untold Future** , and will pick up from where Bleach's final chapter left off. I've already noticed some of you have read it and my other story as well, and I would just like to say that I really am so thankful to hear from all of you. I'm currently telling myself that I aim to update one chapter in one story each day or every other day. I hate leaving things unfinished, but I hate making you guys wait even more.

However, I swear to all of you that this particular story that you're reading is my priority to finish. I promise that the updates will remain regular and speedy! It's all I can do to show how much I appreciate all the wonderful support you've given me.

Thank you to **RukiYuki, Kasai to Kasumi, JoTerry, Luna-Dara, FunnyEasyMe, Althatsyu, blissbeat, Shirayuki992, absolutelyindifferent, BinaLove, favoriteguest, jobananasan, schoolgurl95, GenesisVentura, Carupin,** and all the **Guest** reviewers! Your comments make my day.

 **Kasai to Kasumi** , thank you for your review! I had a lot of fun writing the exchange between Ichigo and Uryu!

 **FunnyEasyMe** , thank you for your review! Haha, it would have been awkward to explain, I imagine!

 **Guest** , thank you for your review! No need to apologize for not reviewing every chapter! I'm just so thankful that you took the time to review at all. I'm so honored that you felt my story was worth the time of day. Your support is the force behind my motivation to write.

 **absolutelyindifferent** , thank you for your review! To be quite honest, I regret not writing in more retribution for Rukia in that scene.

 **jobananasan** , thank you for your review! I think Kaien was just hurt, but I didn't really delve into his feelings much because he isn't a character I want to focus on. I think he was just hurt by the sudden, unexplained rejection. Imagine being told by someone that you are loved, and one day they cut contact with you! Of course, that doesn't excuse what he did at all. True love is not about possessing someone! That is something I try to highlight in all my stories. I'm so glad you noticed that Ichigo hasn't said he loves her, even though I make it clear that he does! I was hoping someone would catch onto that. He really has learned to strengthen his resolve to build healthy relationships, and I think Ichigo is a strong person who, when he learns a lesson, won't break his boundaries for anyone - not even Rukia.

 **Carupin** , thank you for your review! No worries, I'm just so glad to hear from you!

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	17. Don't Trust Her For A Minute

'Geez, Rukia-chan. What happened last night?' Keigo asked the woman sitting next to him.

It was her lunch break and rather than grab a bite to eat, they had to head over to the hospital where Ichigo had booked her an appointment with a diagnostician: Uryu Ishida, a former classmate of theirs. Keigo received a text from the politician in the morning asking him to accompany the businesswoman on this meeting. He gave him the time and place. Apparently, he thought she would need the support of another person during this time, but he wouldn't be able to make it himself.

When Keigo arrived at the medical practitioner's waiting room, Rukia's eyes widened in surprise. He explained that Ichigo asked him to come. She said nothing about that, and he could see that something was seriously off about her today. There were dark bags under her eyes and if he looked closely enough, he could see a vulgar trail of bruises on her neck. She was wearing lipstick as well - something she never did. Her lips were slightly swollen, and he guessed that they were bruised as well. But being her friend for years now, he knew that she wouldn't open up unless she wanted to, even if he asked.

Though, he was confused. When he showed up at the lobby of her apartment last night, she looked like she was in high spirits. It was only when she realized she forgot her phone that she started acting strangely. Firstly, she asked him to go pick it up from the concierge rather than herself. Second, she dropped him home right after and disregarded her promise earlier on to update him on what went down with her and her former flame. Lastly, she was being unusually quiet right now. She was never one to talk much, but the silence was deafening.

'I don't really want to talk about it right now.' she responded sternly.

She had been trying to call Ichigo since she got her phone back, but he wasn't picking any of them up. As a result, she hadn't been able to get so much as a wink's worth of sleep. All she could do was think about what he could have possibly seen and what he thought of her now.

And she _knew_ he saw it. She just knew it. She could feel it.

The first clue was that all the text and audio messages sent by Grimmjow had been deleted, attachments included. His contact information was wiped clean from her phone and she was astounded that he hadn't been trying to get in touch with her. She deduced that Ichigo had blocked his number - that was the second clue. Unfortunately, the finally clue was the fact that Ichigo seemed to have no interest in speaking with her today. If anything, he was avoiding her.

He must have seen. That was the only explanation.

All she received from him was one text telling her that he booked her an appointment with a doctor. She replied to that, asking if he wanted to come with her. He didn't bother answering her back. She knew that he had read her response though, because he had told her that he was glued to his phone during work hours. Working for the government meant that you always had to be on high alert and readily available when needed.

Tears pooled in her eyes and she involuntarily hunched over. Keigo's attention snapped towards her. Her face was buried in her hands and she was eerily still. she felt the tears pool in her eyes when her friend rubbed his hand on her back, tracing large circles in an effort to comfort her.

But then she remembered how Ichigo had caressed all of her, his fingers lazily drawing incoherent shapes as they lay beside each other on the bed. They would talk for far too long into the ungodly hours of the night, and she would fall asleep with his touch on her back being the last sensation to lull her into slumber.

Would he still touch her so lovingly after seeing her vulgar shame?

'A-Asano.' she swallowed, her voice cracking. 'Don't touch me like that. Please. Stop.'

He stiffened at her request. Worry flooded his stomach, but he immediately withdrew his hand. He wanted to ask her what happened and why she was so... broken. But it wasn't his place, and he knew that Rukia would only coil back if she felt like she was being backed into a corner. So he sat there motionless, unable to do anything, observing her, hoping that the life would come back to her.

'Kuchiki.' Uryu called from within his office. 'Please come in.'

* * *

'How pathetic of you to seek my assistance now.' Byakuya started. 'Now, that you have your own selfish agenda you need to fulfill. Have you forgotten that you had sexual relations with my sister? That you two were fornicating under my roof? That you had the audacity to be intimate with her when you had no job, no prospects, no money?'

'Well, I turned out pretty well, didn't I?' Ichigo shot back, his eyes hardening. The first order of business this morning was a surprise assembly with Byakuya Kuchiki. The noble was alarmed when he called him using Rukia's phone. Surprisingly, he didn't hang up the second he realized who it was. He was cautious, but not totally unwilling to listen. After the orange-haired man mentioned the name "Jaegerjacquez," Byakuya all but begged him to meet in person. He quickly agreed, scheduling their cold reunion for noon at the lounge in the lobby of his hotel.

'That is yet to be determined.'

'Byakuya.' he leaned forward on the table. The older man twitched at the unwelcome familiarity. 'We need to take Grimmjow down.'

'Why? And how do you suppose we do that? It is not so easy.'

'I'm sure you know how he terrorizes your sister. How can you stand by and watch that happen?'

'I have not been idle, mind you.'

'So then why has he gotten this far? Why haven't you stepped in? You don't even talk to your own sister!'

'She's not as impotent as you may think.' he cleared his throat and folded his legs, setting his hands on top of his knees. Slate grey eyes studied his companion, gauging how much he should share about his private affairs with his sister-in-law. He shook his head at the younger man's aggressive expression. This willingness to guard and protect; it wasn't what Rukia wanted. If only this man knew how she really felt.

'What are you saying?'

'My sister has allowed this to happen. I have offered a helping hand many times, and she has always refused any assistance coming from me. She did not want to be helped then or now.'

'You _know_ she's stubborn. She probably just didn't want to worry you. Can't you see past her cold exterior?'

'Her iciness runs deeper than the surface.' he spoke slower, as if willing his words to sink in. 'Her heart truly is jaded.'

'Well then I guess she takes after you.' he retorted venomously.

'Don't think I don't realize my fault in this. I was distant, out of reach when she needed me most. I was grieving the loss of my wife and in the process, forgot that I had a sister to care for. When I returned, I vowed to never leave her side and guide her to the path of life I thought was best suited for her. And yet, she managed to be involved in all sorts of debauchery. I turned a blind eye to it, I let it happen. Under my supervision, that man had been supplying her all sorts of-'

'Supplying?' Ichigo was flabbergasted. His eyebrows furrowed tensely, and he searched Byakuya's face for any indication that he was joking or exaggerating. Supplying... what? Where was this going to lead to?

'Hard drugs, of course. It was his field of specialty even when he was in school with you lot.

'Drugs?' he repeated absent-mindedly. Rukia had been taking drugs? He hated that. He really, truly hated that. Ever since he was a child, he had always possessed a strict moral doctrine. He never cared about the promiscuity until she feigned commitment to him because he recognized that she had full control over her body. It wasn't progressive or reasonable to want to control that part of her.

But drugs? Grimmjow didn't sell anything weak or non-addicting. Everything that man provided was seriously life-threatening and hard to resist once taken. When they were together during their teenage years, did she really mean all the sweet words she seduced him with or was she just high? Those times she showed up late, fell asleep in class, and ignored him - was she high? Did she choose to get high knowing that he was leaving?

He didn't take that against her. At least, he was trying not to. He wasn't hurt or trying to make it about him. It was more that she was in pain and he had been in her life at that time, yet he failed to notice or take action. Yes, he was focused on his scholarship and his new life abroad. And so she suffered in silence, shadowed by the devil himself who fed off of her heartbreak.

With this newfound revelation, he wished that he had done something back then. Those days were easier. He could have beaten the living shit out of Grimmjow and thrown his body off the riverbank. But now, he was far too powerful. All the fighting had to be sneaky.

'It appears you did not know about my sister's... habits.' Byakuya continued. 'I would think that you would have known. Rukia has always been one to indulge in hedonism.'

'How could I have known when she was so closed up all the time?! You're her older brother, _you_ should have been there for her.'

'I was, eventually. Do you know what she did? She flaunted her perversions in my face. She told me to stop trying to pair her with suitors who had actually proven worthy of a Kuchiki alliance, and said that she instead wanted tall, young men who could please her in bed.'

'What a load of shit.' Ichigo was breathless. A bitter taste coated his tongue and he found it impossible to swallow. He was trying to defend her. But when he really thought about what Byakuya was saying, it brought him great discomfort to realize that he didn't completely disbelieve it. In fact, it sounded like something she would say - just not to him.

Because she wanted him. She wanted to seduce him.

He thought about her promiscuous behavior in high school, and how just a few days ago he found out that she had been having sexual relations with his married cousin. She denied having sex with him, but the fact that she couldn't explain the romantic dynamic made him suspicious.

Even so, he had to believe in her.

'It seems that you don't know her as well as you think.' Byakuya tilted his head. 'You don't know her, and yet you've been inside of her.'

'You fucking...!' Ichigo jolted up from his seat, grabbing the man's suit jacket to pull him closer dangerously. Hotel guests whispered and gaped at the display. Many recognized the figureheads, but even those that didn't were starting to feel uncomfortable with the heated exchange. The Kuchiki remained cool, calculating his junior's explosive reaction to determine how to best proceed.

'Let go of me, boy.'

He did as he was told, collapsing back into his seat. He slumped, absolutely drained from everything that was going on. It seemed as if every day, he learned something new, something he didn't want to know about the person he wanted to know best.

'You don't know her as well as you think you do.' the tycoon reiterated. 'You think you're helping her, protecting her - but really, what you will end up accomplishing is nothing except self-inflicted pain. She doesn't want your help. She doesn't want your sympathy. She wants you to stay out of her way and let her destroy everything she's built.'

'What the hell is wrong with you?' he demanded, shaking his head without breaking eye contact. But the businessman wasn't fooled. He could see past the wall the younger man was putting up, past the confidence they both knew he didn't actually have. His resolve appeared concrete on the outside, but deep inside he was drowning in insecurities. There more he knew, the more he needed to know even though he didn't necessarily _want_ to know. 'Why are you talking about your sister like this? How could you be so heartless?'

'You think that I should have some sibling bond with her? Ridiculous. Such a thing would require the use of emotions, and I never had such useless things to begin with. Having said that, I am still interested in eradicating our problem. In fact, I have been working on it for months. His relationship with my sister aside, I know that he's been dealing at some of my corporation's nightlife establishments. I cannot allow such a thing to continue.'

Ichigo remained silent. He was relieved that this man had agreed to help, but he still couldn't shake off what was said.

He fell in love with Rukia because he thought she was strong and kind. There was that extra glow about her, something magnetizing about the way she _believed_ in him. He knew that he had many supporters; his family, his friends. But there was something convincing about the way she could say just a few simple words and he would feel like he could take on the world. It made him believe in himself. _She_ made him believe in himself.

But when she was going through the hellish points in her life, he had never been there. She pushed him away, but he hadn't responded well either.

He rationalized her peculiar behavior because he didn't want to think badly of her. When she told him the reason behind her constantly pushing him away, his grudge completely dissipated. And yet here was her own brother, taking all the back and insisting that despite the horrific nature of her past, she _enjoyed_ the chaos? He wanted to hate Byakuya, he really did. But he hated himself more. He hated himself for seriously considering the idea that the woman he loved may indeed just be as corrupt within as she appeared on the surface.

Even so, he loved her. And he was going to believe in her. He _had_ to believe in her because there was nothing else he could do.

'My intelligence committee has already constructed a profile for Grimmjow Jaegerjacquez.' Byakuya handed him a folder. 'Due to security purposes, I will not be sending you an electronic copy. Take a look.'

He complied, sharply flipping the cover page to the side. His eyes skimmed hurriedly through the document, although his brain felt like it was sluggishly processing the information. The businessman gave him a few more minutes to study the contents of the folder before he finally spoke up again.

'Kurosaki, I hope you know to keep away from my sister.'

Amber eyes flashed in outrage. Was this seriously still going to be an issue? 'You can't stop us, Byakuya.'

'It's not her I'm worried about. She'll leave you as quickly as she convinced you she was in love with you. That, I can assure you. It's _you_ I'm more concerned about.'

'What the fuck are you talking about?'

'Man to man; leave my sister alone. Because you...'

* * *

A few days have passed since Rukia's consultation. She texted Ichigo right after to say that it had went well, but he hadn't responded to that either. She called him once that day, and it went straight to voicemail. Getting the hint that he needed space, she left it at that. She waited for him to contact her the following days, but he hadn't tried at all. She felt anxious and scared, though she knew exactly why he had suddenly started to ignore her.

It would be fine. She just had to wait it out.

She tried to distract herself with work and her constant returns to the hospital for additional procedures the doctor wanted to have done. It hadn't worked at all. Plus, it didnt help that Kaien worked at the same hospital as Uryu. She couldn't pass through the corridors without an overwhelming paranoia taking over her senses. Despite the onslaught of feelings, Ichigo was still on her mind. She was constantly imagining scenarios of him opening her phone to see her writhing from the touch of another man - a man much, much older than him.

She could almost laugh at how cruel the heavens were. In the end, Grimmjow got what he wanted. Ichigo saw her in the arms of another man, albeit through a recording.

Enough was enough.

She decided that she was going to surprise him at work, seeing as no one would bother to ask her for clearance anyway. She blended perfectly in the corporate atmosphere. Her black suit was neatly pressed and impeccably clean, her body language severely professional. With this persona, she waltzed past the secretarial desks towards her lover's office.

She didn't even bother knocking. She burst through the doors to the spacious workroom, only to find that no one was inside. Perhaps he was on break. It didn't matter, she wasn't in a hurry. Trying to be more comfortable with her environment, she walked awkwardly into the space. Her legs struggled to keep her upright, her whole body trembling slightly as she took in his unique, masculine scent. Even the furniture was evidently specifically tailored to his taste.

There was so much light in the room. He had a magnificent view of the town framed by giant windows that allowed limitless sunshine in. All the furnishings were made of leather and of neutral colors ranging from grey to jet-black. There was a large aquarium by the wall, home to variously colored exotic fish. They floated peacefully, completely unintimidated by her presence. She found it kind of ironic that she was in such a tranquil place when utter chaos was ensuing within her.

'Rukia?' Ichigo cleared his throat, shutting the door behind him.

Her head whipped towards him, her throat ridiculously dry. Her breath hitched in her throat. He stunned her. His crisp, black suit clung to every godly contour of his body. His red tie highlighted his peach skin, making his chocolate eyes seem more intensely endless than usual. She couldn't stop herself from getting lost in them, her attention completely taken by him.

They maintained their eyes on each other, his amber orbs searching her glazy sapphires for any sort of emotion. He knew why she was here, but it was still unexpected. He was so used to her randomly abandoning him and throwing him out of her life that he didn't think it would be such a big deal if he decided to be alone for a while.

'You're avoiding me because of my past.' It wasn't a question, it wasn't an inquiry. It was a statement that she believed was true. She hoped that somehow, he would deny it and give her a plausible reason he was being so distant. That speck of hope kept her sane.

He just continued to stare at her wordlessly. His eyes never left her as he made his way towards her slowly but non-threateningly. When he was finally standing right in front of her, he cupped her face so gently one would think he was carrying fine china. She wanted him to pull him into his arms and kiss her. She wanted to feel close to him again. Her heart shattered into a million pieces knowing that in that very moment, no matter how close their physical bodies were to each other, his had never been further away.

They stayed that way for a long time. The silence was deafening, the air between them so thick and heavy that it could crush a person. She wanted him to say anything, absolutely anything. She just wanted to hear him speak, to hear that he was alive and receptive towards her. Even though he was trying to be warm, his hands still felt frozen on her face. She missed his warmth.

She knew why he was being so cold. He wasn't trying to be. If anything, he was actively trying to combat his distaste for her.

'I liked it' she admitted, swallowing hard. 'I enjoyed having sex with that man.'

'Why?' he questioned, not moving a single muscle. 'How could you enjoy something so meaningless?'

That pissed her off. His tone was so judgmental.

Judgmental. Like he was on some higher moral ground.

How, when he didn't live through it? He wasn't the one who had to live with the memories, the stigma, the guilt. It didn't even pay off. Hisana died anyway. It was all for nothing, everything was for nothing. She wished she could feel _nothing_.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

She didn't enjoy the sex, not at first. She didn't want it. She wanted to save her sister, and taking that man inside of her was just the means to that end which never actually came through. She didn't want to like it. Remembering his hands on her - it still made her shudder, she _hated_ it. It made her sick. When he took her virginity, she cried for weeks. When he first came in her mouth, she vomited the entire night. When he offered more money for her to fulfill his lewdest fantasies, she shut her eyes and did as she was told.

When was it that she started to enjoy it? After having been controlled for so long, maybe her body finally gave in.

Eventually, her body started to respond to his touch and she sympathized with him. She felt for what her mind started to perceive as a victimized man, stuck in a loveless marriage and constantly working himself to death to support a family he never really cared for. She started looking past the depravity of what they were doing and began genuinely feeling thankful that he was so generous with his money. She had feelings for him; not in romantic in nature but at the very least human and compassionate. He was a monster, but she saw him as a broken angel who wanted to help her.

It was wrong. She was wrong. But she was young and she had to do what she thought was right.

Who cares if she found herself enjoying it? Who cares if she started rationalizing the convoluted mess that had become her life? Who cares if she stopped being sad and started being thankful that she could of some use to her dying sister?

Who cares what happened?

It never washed away the _shame_ that came along with it.

And there it was again; she felt backed into a corner. She felt like he was pushing her up against a wall with no room to breathe. His gaze was practically burning her with accusation, condemning her once more for something she had no control. She was always being blamed, always being told what to do. Like her past made her less competent as a human being. Like it made her less capable of looking out for herself, of making her own choices.

She was so tired of it.

'He didn't rape me. I consented to a mutually beneficial relationship.'

'You were _sixteen_. You weren't old enough to consent to anything.'

'Do you want to believe that he raped me so that you can account for the pleasure I felt?' she snapped, pulling away from him. 'How is me feeling good in that scenario any different from how you treated me the first time we had sex in your hotel room?'

'Are you fucking kidding me?!' he was outraged. What the fuck did she just say? Did she seriously say that? Was she suffering from memory loss or did she relaly have no grasp on reality? Perhaps she was forgetting who started it. She practically threw herself at him! She said that she _wanted_ him. 'Please tell me you're fucking joking because _you_ were the one who approached me for sex in the first place!'

'And how is wanting to have sex with you any different from wanting to have sex with that man?!'

'I'm not coercing y-'

'He didn't force me! I chose to fuck him, I chose the money! Why can't you accept that?!'

'You were sixteen, Rukia, OK?' he lowered his voice, massaging his temples to regain some composure. 'You were sixteen, you were in a really bad situation. Really think about it. You didn't have a choice.'

'Yes, I did!.' she insisted. 'I chose to do it. I did it for an entire _year_. But you don't give a shit about that! You don't give a shit about _me_! You're so mad that I actually enjoyed myself, but you're no different! You like seeing me being used like that! You do the exact same thing he did!'

'Rukia, you cannot be fucking serious right now!' he roared. He was seeing red. He didn't even feel angry, he just felt heat. He was bubbling inside. He felt like he was about to burst with frustration. It was taking all his willpower not to decimate her baffling logic. He wanted to understand her, heaven knows he wanted to just understand what she was going through, what she was thinking. But he really couldn't. He was beyond irritated at this point. How dare she compare him to that _monster_. 'I _love_ you! How could you accuse me of wanting to see you in that situation, are you fucking insane?! I hated it! I hated seeing him on you, seeing you degraded, being called a whore - fuck, Rukia! I hate that shit!'

'You only love me when you think I'm weak!' she accused, pointing a finger at him. 'You only said you loved me because you wanted to protect me! It was only to fulfill your own twisted, Messiah complex!'

'I'm the twisted one, really?! _You're_ the one insisting that I liked seeing the woman I _love_ being disrespected and humiliated!'

'Quit the holier-than-thou act, it's pissing me off! You _liked_ it! You liked the power you had over me, you liked the taste, the sounds of my helplessness when you fucked me on my hands and knees like I was your damn dog! It's fine, Ichigo! It's not a big deal. All men like it, and you're no different! But have the fucking decency to admit it!'

'You think I _liked_ that? You think I liked treating you like _that_?! Rukia, you _asked_ me for rough sex!'

'And you had a choice!' her voice cracked. 'You liked it! You were moaning when you were inside of me, you _hit_ me...!' she trailed off, turning her back to him because she couldn't face the reality of anything anymore.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much for the amazing support, everyone! This chapter was difficult to write. I had to read up a lot on psychological research pertaining to this kind of trauma, for both the victim and their loved ones. It was heavy, and so I had to take a breather before I started writing.

I chose to end the chapter mid-argument in an effort to try and highlight the importance of what was being said. It's the first time Rukia's been told that she's been raped - and again, she feels pushed up against a wall and powerless against judgement she really doesn't deserve.

Ichigo feels like he's helping her, but he may be inadvertently rubbing salt into her wounds. He needs to understand that it isn't necessarily about protection. It's about listening and being compassionate. He thinks he's being supportive by setting her up with medical appointments and proactively trying to take Grimmjow (who he views as the source of her pain - he's wrong) down. He thinks that justifies inserting his own grief with her experience and asking for space, which is not at all fair.

Thank you to **anoyak111, JoTerry, Shirayuki992, RukiYuki, schoolgurl95, Althatsyu, blissbeat, jobananasan, Carupin, FunnyEasyMe, tytgvbj, Kay** and the **Guest**!

 **anoyak111** , Byakuya will be making more appearances!

 **Shirayuki992** , updating fast is the only way I can show my appreciation!

 **jobananasan** , I'm so glad you picked up on the unimpactful confession! I hope this chapter kind of explains why Rukia didn't find his confession very sincere. As well as why Ichigo has a lot more to prove before he can really say he loves her. I followed how they refer to each other in the manga! I also think that even if they're close, Rukia is generally guarded so she might not want to be too familiar. And yes, Ichigo is good at being logical. But he still needs to work through his own inner turmoil, which I tried to introduce this chapter!

 **Guest** , I don't trust myself to give an exact number of remaining chapters, but the story is more than halfway done! Ahh, I'll be sad too! I'll miss writing it.

Thanks so much, everyone! I can't wait to hear your thoughts.

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	18. My Love

**A/N** : Before you start reading, I would like to let you know that this chapter is written in the characters' POVs. The chapter interchanges between Ichigo and Rukia everytime a horizontal line breaks the text. It starts off with Ichigo's POV! Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter and I hope you like it!

* * *

'You _hit_ me...!'

The room was spinning. I _did_ hit her, I remembered. It wasn't even that long ago that I did. At the time, I didn't know about her life. I didn't know what happened to her, I didn't realize how triggering the whole ordeal must have been for her. She had hidden well behind her writhing and moaning, so how could I have known?

But now that I knew, I was shaking with the new revelation. I hated to admit it, but she was right. I may not have necessarily _wanted_ to treat her so harshly, but I did find himself enjoying it in the end. I didn't make a conscious effort to stop. Even though I listened to her when she wanted it to end, I didn't think there was anything wrong with feeling good about treating her that tway. I didn't think it was a big deal, in large part due to my lack of knowledge about her but also because my past sexual relationships have had their fair share of consensual violence.

I had indeed had rough sex before my encounter with Rukia in my hotel room, but it never meant anything to my partners other than a wild night of unadulterated excitement. My girlfriends would savagely ravage me, and I would return the brutal treatment. It was what we both wanted. We saw it as something fun and sexy to try. We would lower our inhibitions for that one passionate night, and we would think nothing of it the next morning.

But Rukia was different.

I should have noticed it back then, but I ultimately failed to see past my self-absorbed confusion. Whenever we approached each other with mutual enthusiasm, she was more than willing to actively participate in our lovemaking. She would kiss me fervently and set fire to my aching skin. It often worried me how much she was willing to do just to make sure that I was completely satisfied. On the other hand, in those moments when I was angry and approached her with controlled rage - on the rooftop and in my hotel room - she was almost paralyzed; unable to move or respond to my touch.

Her trauma was evident even back then. She would tell me she wanted me, would moan my name - but I should have noticed that there was nothing eager about the way she would reciprocate my mistreatment of her. I was just too into myself to think about her and how she was feeling.

I remember asking her to beg for me to fuck her. I hated that word: _Fuck_. Like it was possible to be so physically close to another person and yet be completely devoid of love for them.

She didn't want to, but I made her do it.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I thought it was just sex. People had rough sex. That was normal, I didn't think it meant anything more than superficially instant gratification. And in those moments of frustration wherein I felt that she was taking me for granted and vying for other men's company, I was caught in the fiery throes of my emotions and forced my wrathful "love" onto her. At that time, I think I rationalized that if sensual intoxication was what she wanted, then I would give it to her ten times over. I somehow thought that by doing so, I could will her to want me and only me. It wasn't even her heart that I wanted anymore. I just wanted her to lust after me. It was a primitive, instinctive irrationality that took over during moments I thought I was going to lose her - to Grimmjow, to Kaien, to anyone.

I couldn't _lose_ her again. I didn't want to, it would destroy me. After seven years, we were finally together again. I endured seven years of a grudge I thought I would take to the grave. I didn't think we would ever be on speaking terms, let alone actually get along or rediscover our feelings for each other.

And yet those few days at the hotel were a godsend. That grudge just vanished, and she loved me. It really felt like she loved me. The way she would look into my eyes, pull me closer to her, make my heart threaten to burst with joy whenever she whispered sweet spells into my ear.

 _'I want you, and only you.'_

It feels like she loves me, I genuinely feel it in my chest. I could always feel our special connection that I could never sever throughout all these years. But it also felt like she didn't want to be with me. She's always pushing me away, always testing me and trying to tell me that I'm wrong about her and that she really is bad for me.

She's doing it again.

And I don't want to lose her, I can't. I won't survive it. Don't leave. Rukia, don't you dare leave me again. I'm doing everything I can, why are you still turning away from me?

Don't turn away from me.

Why did I want to own her, possess her?

And did I expect her to delight in that possession, as she learned to do with that man?

'Rukia.' my voice was firm. 'I didn't want to hurt you.'

No, but I wanted to own you.

And I wanted you to enjoy it.

The same way I strongly believed that there was no way she could have consented to sleeping with Grimmjow's father, was the same logic I should have applied when she told me that she wanted me inside of her. It was impossible for her to fully give herself to me, taking into account everything she had been through. It was only natural that her perspective on sex was convoluted. She didn't understand the implications, the sheer gravity of offering yourself to another person. So how could she rationally come to a decision about her own body? How could she separate herself from her skewed perspective?

Even if she could somehow convince me that she was completely objective about the choices she made, I would still be aware that inevitably, her behavior is dictated by her past experiences.

It makes me angry just thinking about it. My blood is boiling and I'm seeing red again.

She can never, ever really love me. Because every time we try and melt into each other, every time I wanted to feel her soul eclipsing mine, she would always be reminded of that man.

He would never leave her consciousness. He would always be there to remind her that men are men. It didn't matter if they loved her or not. There was no such thing as making love. Sex was nothing more than a tool to her, a means to an end. That was why in every fucking situation she couldn't get out of, she would always throw herself at me. Not because she actually wanted me, but because she knew _I_ was the one who wanted her.

If that wasn't the case, then she'd pull back and disappear, waiting for me to get angry. She knew that by doing so, I would resent her and avoid her. She was giving me the illusion that prying myself from our relationship was my choice, when in fact it had been her plan all along. She just didn't have the courage to actually tell me she needed to get away from me.

And that is the reason she can never love me. Because she uses my love for her against me to get what she wants.

And that's not her fault. It's what she's been taught. It's what I've inadvertently reinforced, because I've played into it. I can say that I didn't know, that I didn't have the benefit of hindsight. But our dynamic has been this way for so long.

And it's not her fault. It isn't completely my fault either. We're two people who just aren't meant to be together. We have differing expectations.

But it felt so _right_ being in her arms.

In her manipulation.

She tells me she loves me, but she doesn't even know how to love.

* * *

'You _did_ want to hurt me!' I corrected, turning around to face him again. 'Otherwise you wouldn't have done it!'

'I didn't want to _abuse_ you, if that's where you're going with this.' his irritation was starting to seep into his voice. 'You can't possibly compare me to that guy! You wanted rough sex, I gave it to you. You asked for it.'

'I asked for that too! I knew exactly what I was getting myself into!'

'You didn't have a choice!'

'Of course I did!'

'It was _literally_ life or death!'

'I _still_ had a choice!'

'Rukia!' he roared, his hands flying to cover his mouth. His face was red and his eyes shut. It looked like he was trying to silence himself, as if his palms could prevent the words from coming out. A menacing growl escaped his throat, and he quickly withdrew his hands and shoved them in the pockets of his crisp pants. Inhaling sharply before looking at me, his gaze was saturated with an emotion I couldn't identify. It was like a mix of disbelief and longing. But even that description felt inaccurate. 'I'm fucking trying, Rukia.'

'What?'

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Are you seriously making this about you?

You're not...

You're not listening!

'I said, I'm fucking trying. I set you up with that appointment because I know you're sick. I texted Keigo to accompany you in case you needed support. I have been desperately investigating Grimmjow, trying to bring him to justice for _you_. I'm trying to do good by you. I'm trying to _protect_ you.'

'I don't need to be protected by you!' I raised my voice even higher. I could feel my throat start turning raw with how much I was shouting. But I really didn't care about that. I had to yell, I had to scream as hard as I could because he just wasn't listening. He can't hear me, he needs to hear what I'm trying to say. 'I need you to just listen to me!'

'I have done nothing except listen to you!'

'You're _not_ listening!' I insisted. 'You're just not listening, Ichigo! You're just trying to control me!'

Rape? How could you tell me I've been raped?

Were you there? Did you see? Did you have to say "yes" and do _everything_ he wanted because you wanted your sister to live?

Did you feel him going inside of you?

Did you smell the blood? Did you dress to hide the bruises? Did your body ache every single day?

How can you say it was rape? It didn't happen to you, it isn't your story. It isn't your pain, it isn't yours to grieve. It's mine and it's whatever I say it is because it's my reality - not yours or anyone else's.

You can't dictate my life.

I chose it for myself.

'Rukia, do you hear yourself right now?! I'm trying to help you!'

'I don't need that! I need you to just listen!'

'I am!'

'You're not!' I choked. 'You're denying everything! I chose for it to happen, Ichigo! I _chose_ it for myself, no matter how ugly or disgusting you think it is! You're just skipping over it, dismissing it and labeling it. Why would you do that?! It's so fucking _easy_ for you to say it too! You think I like hearing it?!'

'Rukia, please!'

'What about when _we_ fucked, when you hit me?! It's the exact same treatment! Is that rape too, Ichigo?! Did you rape me?!'

'Rukia!'

I had never seen him so hurt before. He jolted so sharply, one would have thought that someone had stabbed him. He started pacing around the room, searching for nothing. He just wanted to get away from me, I could tell. He didn't want me here. He didn't want me to be around him. I was hurting him again, I was making him angry.

I didn't mean to. I just wanted him to listen to me.

I keep hurting him. Why do I keep doing that?

He's so unhappy because of me. I've put him through unimaginable agony. He's getting involved in so many unnecessary, dangerous endeavors for my sake. It's my fault that his world changed. There's nothing I can ever do to make up for it.

I'm the worst. I'm just horrible for him. We can never get along. When we made love, I felt like we were two pieces of the same whole. I was so happy that I had found someone I really, truly loved, and who I hoped could love me back. Whenever our hearts joined together, overwhelming hope made me want to live for him, for the future I wanted so badly with him. Loving him made me feel like everything was going to be fine. But it wasn't, and it never was.

I can't be with him. I'm too broken. I'm torn apart and jagged at the edges. He can't pick me up without getting cut. He can't walk around me without some of my shards lodging at his feet. And here he was, saying he was trying to fix me, put me back together. How? I'm broken, I've been broken for a while now. The pieces don't fit anymore and there was no way to try and reattach them without inevitably breaking more of me off.

You can't undo what happened, Ichigo. And it's not what I want. I'm hurting you, and I don't want that either. I don't want any of this.

I hated seeing him this way. I hated how he was walking hastily, aimlessly. I hated how he was looking at anything but me. I don't want to see this anymore. I don't want to be reminded of how toxic I am and how much pain I inflict him. My heart was falling apart, and I knew I had to stop it or else hardly anything would be left of me anymore.

I had to get away from him.

I spun on my heel, heading right for the door. I heard him call after me, followed by the sounds of his footsteps hurriedly making their way towards my direction. A strong hand grabbed my wrist, and his other arm wrapped around my waist to pull me towards him. I wanted to cry when my back met his comfortingly warm torso. His seductive cologne permeated my senses, and I suddenly remembered when that scent was at its most potent; when he was on top of me, his face buried in the curve of my neck as he whispered my name over and over.

He was too close. Too rough.

He was stepping on my heart. It was getting dirty again.

* * *

'Don't leave.' I croaked out, holding her in my arms. She remained still for a few seconds until she started shuddering against me. I was about to ask her what was wrong, but then I heard her whimpering. I spun her slowly so that she could face me, and she gave no resistance. My breath hitched in my throat when I saw that the tears were falling.

She said nothing, but began sinking into the ground. Her small body crumbled in my arms, and I supported her weight so that the fall wouldn't hurt. It was all I could do. It was the only thing I could do to help her right now. At the very least, she shouldn't hit the ground in my presence. I cradled her and she looked up at me, her beautiful face stained with the iciest tears.

Why does this keep happening?

She was suffering again. She was hurting again. She was breaking in front of me again.

And once more, I am powerless to stop it from happening.

Be strong.

Do it for her, if not for yourself. Sadness, grief, impotence - don't let her see anything like that on your face.

Be strong.

Was that still possible for me?

'I love...!' I couldn't finish my sentence. I felt my own tears burn the back of my eyelids and it was impossible to talk. I haven't cried in so long. So, so, so long. But I just couldn't do it anymore. It was too much, this was all just too much. Before I knew it, I began sobbing into her hair. Her midnight locks muffled my whines. I tried to hold onto her steadily, but my whole body was shaking uncontrollably.

I just want to protect you.

I don't want you to be hurt anymore.

So why is that now I am the source of your pain?

'Rukia, I love you.'

I bent down to capture her lips with mine. She pulled me closer by grabbing onto my tie, her sweet tongue licking at my lower lip to coax me into letting her taste me. I allowed it, our open mouths massaging each other restlessly. We moan and grab at each other's bodies - we just can't help it. We want to feel that oneness again, that closeness. We don't want to accept that we can't support each other. And yet, it is this torturous love we share that stops my rain.

I love this. I love kissing her, enclosing her body in mine. I feel so much for her in moments like these. I never want it to stop. I could do this with her for the rest of my life, and I would die happy. But she's the one who isn't happy. She's not happy with me, I can't fill her with joy. If anything, I'm no better than Grimmjow in her eyes. She feels used and violated by me.

I'm sorry.

I know those words don't make up for anything.

I snake my arms around her waist and lift her up with me as I sit up. My hands travel from her upper body to hook themselves at the back of her knees. She straddles my hips as I stand up, and I make my way towards my desk. Impatiently, I sweep away all my paperwork and let them fall into a mess on the floor so that I can lay her on the mahogany.

She really is so beautiful. I admire the way the sunlight that seeps in through the windows makes her pale skin almost glimmer. Her sapphire eyes are glowing against the light, the violet stars swimming within sparkling playfully. Her raven hair is splayed around everywhere, but she was always a wild one at heart anyway.

I'm sorry for everything I've done.

There's nothing I can do to make it right. I don't know how to take care of her. I'm not good enough. It's just like Byakuya said; I can never fully bear the weight of her suffering because I can never understand what she went through. It'll only end up hurting both of us. She would have to suffer in silence, and I would have to be fine living with the fact that I am powerless against the horrors she went through.

There's nothing I can do to make it better. I can't make the memories go away. I don't even know how to approach the subject without invalidating her feelings. I asked for space when she needed me to listen. But I can't do that right now. I want to protect her, I want to destroy her tormentor, but the one thing I can't do is listen right now. I'm not strong enough.

I'm sorry. But please, Rukia, allow me to tell you how I feel. Just one last time. Then we never have to see each other again, I promise.

'I love you.'

* * *

'I love you.' he told me again.

I love him too.

I love him so much.

So much that it destroys me. I wish I was a better woman for him.

I wish that I was taller and prettier.

I wish that I was nicer.

I wish that we met before I was soiled, back when I was clean. I would have known how to treat him better. I wouldn't have this incessant need to lash out at him. I don't know if he knows this, but I'm a bit scared of him. Actually, I'm really scared of him. And in moments when I fear him the most, I push him away. I'm sorry. I don't want to, I just... I'm scared.

I'm scared that I'm in love with him. I already know that I am, but him always remind me by making me fall in love all over again. I always feel like a different person around him. Well, I feel like an actual person around him. Without him, I'm just an empty shell going through the meaningless motions of life. I don't feel complete when he isn't around. Even if he doesn't understand me, he tries. That's more than what anyone has ever done for me.

Thank you.

Does he feel the same way? When I'm around, can he keep up with the rest of the world? I feel out of place without him. I feel like I can't _be_ without him. It doesn't feel right.

'Ichigo.' I call his name, because it brings me joy.

He just looks at me with such sad eyes. I've never seen him more agonized than he is now.

'We aren't good for each other.' he concluded.

No. Don't let me go.

'I'll be here for you, for anything. I want to take care of you, Rukia. I want you in my life forever. But I can't be the man you need. I'm not the one for you.'

Yes, you are.

I nodded and stood up, electric panic surging through me. I avoid looking at him and smooth my suit out. I waited for him to say something, anything else. But he just stayed quiet, staring blankly at the desk I was laying on only a few seconds ago.

This was for the best. He didn't have to suffer anymore. We could both start fresh again. We had done so well without each other all these years. We could do it again. We could be friends. We could love each other, without being in love with each other.

I thought we were soulmates.

Despite myself, I quickly pulled him into another kiss. He returned it eagerly, his hands coming up to cup my face. He whispered breathlessly that he loved me again and again, and I told him that I loved him too. I don't know how long we did that for. It never felt like it was enough.

But I knew that if I stayed, I'd only hurt him again.

So I pushed him away and bolted out the door again. This time, he didn't call after me and there were no footsteps echoing behind. I fought back tears all the way out the building. The world was dizzying to be in right now. I just wanted to go home and disappear. It was too bright out. It made me nauseous.

I was so relieved to find my car, I swear I could hear angels singing. I hopped into the driver's seat, and immediately starting bawling my heart out. Finally, the world disappeared as I viewed it through a sheet of tears. They never seemed to stop. The more I cried, the more they fell, and the more I wanted to submerge the world underwater.

* * *

I had to let her go. There was no way we could keep doing this to each other, neither of us would survive it. I couldn't be happy without her, but being with her clouded my judgement and made me too emotional. I can't think straight around her and that makes me weak.

I can't protect her without gripping my sword. But I can't hold her while gripping my sword either.

I love her, and that's why she had to go. She can't be with someone who hurts her. I have done too many unforgivable things. It isn't healthy to be with someone who reminds her of her painful past.

My office phone rang, and I placed the call on loudspeaker. It was probably my secretary.

'Sir? There's someone on the line who wants to speak with you.'

'Who is it?'

'Kaien Shiba.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much for your amazing support, everyone! I thought it would be better to write using the characters' POVs so that I could delve into their thoughts more. Especially since I wanted to dedicate an entire chapter to the interaction between Ichigo and Rukia.

Next chapter will be way more fast-paced with more plot advancement!

There will be a lot more Byakuya in the next chapters, so his coldness will be explored and explained!

Thank you to **Kasai to Kasumi, GenesisVentura, Shirayuki992, blissbeat, jobananasan, schoolgurl95, TheHippo1824, FunnyEasyMe, absolutelyindifferent, korokoro015, Luna-Dara** , and the **Guest** reviewers!

 **Guest** , it's still hard for her to come to terms with! I hope this chapter helped flesh out her feelings.

 **Guest** , thank you so much! I hope your friend likes this as much as I like writing it!

 **Shirayuki992** , you are absolutely correct! It may have been her only way of rationalizing what was happening to her. She had to have sympathy for Mr. Jaegerjacquez, or she wouldn't have mentally been able to accept being able to agree to do that for so long. Ahh, there are so many emotions I want to explore but I fear I won't have the space to do so.

 **jobananasan** , I will delve more into Byakuya in the following chapters! Ichigo and Rukia definitely don't view what happened the same way, and that's because they are coming from two completely different positions. I hope this chapter helped clear up some of the murky waters regarding that! Rukia's condition will be revealed in full next chapter!

 **schoolgurl95** , hearing from all of you makes my day!

 **absolutelyindifferent** , at least we have our fandom! Plus, the musical pulled an impromptu IchiRuki proposal!

Thank you so much, everyone! I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	19. Shit's Gonna Go Down

_'She said she fought you. It seemed to me like you... Like you tried to rape her.'_

 _'Of course she says I would try to do such a thing. Women are like that.'_

* * *

'Thank you for your time.' Ichigo told the inmate. He gestured for the security to take the prisoner away before standing up to leave, escorted by two of his own private bodyguards.

The convict leered at the government delegate, who returned the malicious look without fear. This felon was exceptionally frightening. Hollow green eyes were unblinking, snake-like pupils betraying no sign of mortality. His tall and dangerously skinny frame accentuated his pale features with an evil glow. It was almost like meeting one of Satan's servant face to face.

When Ichigo really thought about it, the comparison paralleled his current situation perfectly. As awful as it was to be around this captive, he was one of the most prominent drug lord's second in command. His testament was a turning point in the investigation.

The politician had been in and out of the Karakura penitentiary this past month to interview criminals he believed could help him lock Grimmjow up. Of course, such information didn't come for free. He constantly had to negotiate modified sentences, upgraded jailhouse privileges, and more lenient visitation schedules. He was more than happy to oblige, as long as the demands were reasonable and he got what he came for. Ever since he launched his investigation against the drug mogul, his resolve to see that man behind bars only grew stronger each and every day. He wouldn't rest until he was sure _she_ was safe from his emotional terrorism.

'Have the flowers been delivered?' the young man asked when he slipped into his car. It was daylight, but he had to get his duties done earlier for today. There was a big event tonight, and he was expected to be in attendance. It was a grand party to celebrate a historical merger between the educational sector of the Japanese government and a private company.

Kuchiki Corporaton.

'Yes, sir.' the driver responded.

He hadn't seen Rukia since they agreed to separate a month ago. The young official had been actively trying to get over her.

As fate would have it, her name was listed as one of the presenters giving a speech for the evening. Furthermore, with him being the designated representative for Foreign Affairs and her being the next of kin to inherit the Kuchiki chain, they would inevitably have to shake hands and pretend to share exceptional relations with each other in front of dozens photographers snapping away at the plastic display.

Ichigo wanted to leave her alone, he really did. He knew it would be far too painful for both of them if they were to carry on as friends. Even now, he couldn't stop the perpetual longing he felt at the center of his heart. Her image would pop up at random intervals throughout the day, and his chest would suddenly become unbearably heavy.

Despite himself, he had fresh flowers sent to her office every single day.

Even though they weren't speaking or in any contact with each other at all whatsoever, he still felt some semblance of a connection to her and he wanted her to know that he still loved her even though he couldn't handle being _in love_ with her. He wanted her to think about him. As horrible as he knew it was, he just wanted her to be reminded of him. He didn't want her to forget him or what they had, like he was trying to preserve the remnants of their catastrophic relationship.

Not once did she acknowledge his gifts. He never received a call or a text, nor did he try to get in touch with her. But he knew that she had gotten them, because he told her secretary to make sure that they would be set in her room before she went to work. So as soon as she'd get there, she'd see them and think of him. Was that cruel? He thought that was up for debate. Was it self-serving? Absolutely.

Truthfully, he just didn't want to let her go.

He wanted her to move on. He genuinely wanted to see her happy, no matter what that meant. Sometimes, he'd imagine her in the future, without that sadness chewing her up from the inside. In his fantasy, she'd have the same smile on her face that she gave him when they forgot the world and lost themselves in each other's embrace. She'd always be wearing a white dress, her eyes magically vibrant as a sky without rain illuminated their deep color with the most intense sunshine. A child would be in her arms, and she'd beckon for someone to come closer. It was a tall man.

Without an identity.

The daydream would end there. A nameless figure, a cipher. Try as he might, Ichigo just couldn't picture him and Rukia together - let alone with a child. It was like they had been through too much, and the pain they inflicted to one another so great, that his brain couldn't mentally permit him to consider a life with her. His mind was pushing him to eliminate that possibility from his head. Love wasn't enough, not for either of them. At this point, he didn't even know if he loved her at all whether it be in the present or in the past. Maybe he just got sucked into a twisted game of desire.

It was ironic to think that all that he was, he strived to be for her sake. Yes, he had wanted to protect a mountainload of people since his mother died. It was true that this was a longtime goal of his since before she moved to his town. But never in his life had he wanted to watch over someone as much as he did for her. He would pass through a million blades to keep her safe.

And yet, the one person he wanted to be with was the one person he _couldn't_ be with.

They weren't good for each other.

So everything he had done just so he could finally be good enough for her...

Either way, he wanted her to be happy. With our without him. At the very least, he didn't want her to forget him. That was his only selfish request. He could shoulder the hurt, if it meant that he could always be in her heart. They didn't have to be lovers. They didn't have to be friends. They didn't even have to talk.

He just wanted to be tied to her forever.

His phone rang, snapping him out of his thoughts. The chauffeur scrolled the divider up to give his boss some privacy. Nothing Ichigo talked was ever plausible to be publicly consumed. It was always either political agendas or private affairs.

'Yo.' he greeted into the receiver.

'Hey.' Uryu returned. 'I have news for you.'

'Shoot.'

'I know what's wrong with your girlfriend.'

A sharp sting shot throughout the politician's veins. 'She's not my girlfriend.'

'Sure. That's why you call me every other day to ask for an update on her health.'

'Ishida...'

'Sorry. I'm seeing her in a few days. I thought I'd tell you first, since you're so worried about her all the time.'

'Get to the fucking point.' he snapped.

'Patience is a virtue.'

'I'm not a virtuous man.'

The doctor rolled his eyes. Always, his friend would be in such a nasty mood when it came to this woman. 'She has Serotonin Syndrome. She was admitted into the hospital last year for severe bodily pains, which could have just been because she was stressed. But her brother insisted that she have a full work-up done and couldn't accept that the attending, Kaien Shiba, found nothing. So they go looking for a phantom disease while the poor woman suffers worsening muscle pain. Kaien prescribes her amphetamines for the pain and to help her sleep, but those have serotonin in them. Her body was already weak from her history of drug use, and so the medication just pushed her over the edge.'

'So take away the medicine and she'll be fine.' he exhaled. He had been holding his breath the entire time his former classmate was explaining the findings. If this were true, it would be the best news he'd have heard in a long time.

'Not really.' he cleared his throat. 'Her heart is already damaged. _Don't_ freak out yet! I can practically hear you getting ready to yell.'

'Sorry.' he clenched his jaw. He was starting to get really agitated. His knee was thumping rapidly, and his hands were opening and closing to release some of his pent up energy. He didn't like the sound of this at all. Rukia was so young, and yet it seemed as if the sickness she supposedly had was meant for someone older. The heart? How could that particular organ be affected? 'Couldn't you have misdiagnosed her?'

'Yes. But I highly doubt that.'

'I need to get a second opinion.'

'If she really has a serotonin storm, there's no time for a second opinion. She needs to be under my care immediately.'

'You could be wrong.'

'I could be right and all you'd be doing is allowing other doctors to prescribe her unnecessary medicine that'll trash her heart even more. More than that, her brain literally cannot regulate itself at the moment. Bouts of depression, emotional numbness... These are symptoms that the problem is far advanced.'

Ichigo was starting to feel abnormally hot within the confines of his black suit. He liked tight clothes, so the garments were a bit constricting in general. Yet this time he almost felt like the suit had come to life and was trying to suffocate him. His stomach was somersaulting, and his throat felt like someone had landed a good punch right in the middle. Finally, he spoke. 'I don't know what to do.'

'We can reverse this. I'm going to give her a strict guideline to follow for a reasonably healthy diet, and she needs to work out. But more than anything, she really has to avoid getting stressed. It's toxic to her body. What she needs right now is a peaceful life so that she can properly recover. She might need to stop working for a while.'

'Does stress really play a big part in all of this?'

'Absolutely.'

Then he didn't have much time left. He had to take Grimmjow down now.

'Why are you suddenly so quiet, Kurosaki?'

'I have to hurry.' his voice was steely. 'He's just gonna keep torturing her unless I-'

'Kurosaki. Remember.'

Silence.

'Kurosaki.'

'I'm here.'

'Remember what your cousin told you.'

'I always do.'

'Then let go of her.'

* * *

 _'She used to scream for you every night we spent together. It took me a while to figure out that the "Ichigo" she was calling out to was you.'_

* * *

Rukia knew that there would be yet another impressive floral arrangement waiting for her in the office today. The vice president of the Kuchiki firm wasn't stupid - she knew exactly who the sender was. That was probably why she couldn't bring herself to throw them away, even though the mere sight of them brought her great grief. The trigger was so strong that she occasionally found herself bursting into tears, wondering if he still cared about her the way she wanted him to.

In the past month that she hadn't been in contact with Ichigo, she resisted the urge to call or text him. She realized how much she had hurt him, and how much she would continue to drag him down with her if she insisted on staying by his side. That was why she decided that she would give up the idea of having a future with him. Even if it was all she ever wanted, even if it was all that kept her hopeful all these years - the possibility that she could make it up to him and somehow make him happy, regardless if they were lovers.

She wanted to make him smile.

When the reality that they willingly detached from one another finally sunk in, she fell into a profound depression. No one could tell. Actually, those around her thought that she had never been better. Her work output was at its highest and she was more composed when speaking. Truthfully, she was trying to keep herself busy. As for her calmer, colder exterior reminiscent of her brother - that was because she could no longer feel anything.

Life had become motionless again. Earth was spinning around endlessly on its own axis, but she was frozen inside. She just had to get through the day without dying. All she aimed for now was to live a life that wouldn't bring shame to the Kuchiki name. Being a proficient businesswoman, finding a man worthy of associating with her family name, and bearing children to carry on her brother's legacy; these were all things she was expected to achieve. To express her gratitude for being taken in by such an esteemed family, she vowed to get all of it done.

Then she'd go peacefully, having downed a handful of her favorite pills. Because there was no way she was going to condemn herself to a hellishly empty life of being a wife to, and raising the children of, a man she knew she wouldn't love.

Simply because she didn't know what love was, nor did she know how to fake it. And she was over being treated like property. She tasted humanity once more, thanks to the only man she ever truly adored, and she couldn't go back to the time when she didn't remember what being human was. It was too good. Everything else paled in comparison.

And the nightmares. She couldn't take them anymore. They were getting stronger, more vivid. Just last night she swore she could almost smell the rusty lust and bitter taste of that man defiling her. Then she'd open her eyes in her dream land and suddenly it was Grimmjow's face laughing wildly at her.

She was in hell.

So she'd live to fulfill her obligations to her brother-in-law, who had been gracious enough to raise her. But she was not going to do anything more than that.

'Have you prepared your speech for tonight?'

'Forgive me, Nii-sama.' Rukia cleared her throat. 'But I prefer to speak from the heart. I'd rather I deliver something spontaneous.'

Byakuya nodded, surveying her office space. It had been a while since he had visited her. Their relationship had always been strained, rendering such trips to be awkward and unpleasant. Yet this past month, his sister was unusually nonchalant. He knew exactly why, but he wasn't going to probe further. Every time he tried to reach into her heart, he would be met with aggressive resistance. So he stopped trying.

Slate grey eyes focused on a snowy bouquet of flowers sitting on her desk. Her secretary informed him that the infuriatingly liberal man was sending such impressive compositions daily. Byakuya himself had spoken to him a few times the past week to discuss their next course of action in the war against drugs in Karakura, and the older man knew precisely what was going on the second Ichigo started asking him - quite frantically in fact - how Rukia had been doing.

They had effectively killed each other.

They were empty shells, mourning the loss of the other half of their souls. He could see it in both their eyes, in the way they had become a little robotic. They lived their lives as they saw fit, but ultimately felt unsatisfied. Their worlds were not moving. Not without each other.

It was better this way. This is what they both needed. At least, that's what Byakuya kept telling himself. In his perspective, it was a doomed relationship from the very beginning. Someone as brash and naïve as Ichigo Kurosaki couldn't possibly understand the profound pain dulling his sister-in-law's senses. If he, a businessman who had endured many hardships in both his corporate and private affairs, couldn't peek into the darkest recesses of her agony then there was no way the bratty son of the town doctor could ever connect with her.

Family. A loving husband, precious children. This is what Rukia needed to move on and be happy again.

Byakuya was determined to see to it that his sister got the generic happy ending. He thought that it would make her believe in the future and give her something to live for other than work. Meeting Hisana and being blessed with a sibling had certainly done wonders for his ice heart. In his linear line of thinking, he completely overlooked the fact that Rukia had already been happy once. She already had something so valuable to her that she was willing to stand up to him so long ago, during her high school years.

'Kaien Shiba has asked me for your hand in marriage.'

'So soon after he and his wife separate?'

'I gathered from my conversation with him that he left her for you.'

Rukia laughed humorlessly. Of course he had said that. Even though she never once told him to leave Miyako. Even though she rejected his advances and swiched to another doctor. Even though she never again returned any of his calls or messages after the night he revealed his true nature. Kaien turned out to be just like any other man; needy and drunk with desire.

Actually, she didn't mind that he had been so lecherous to her that evening. By now, she had come to expect that treatment from just about any man. She would have agreed to marry him, if not for one huge dealbreaker. 'I don't want to, Nii-sama.'

'You won't be young forever, Rukia. And you're sick. You cannot continue without a sense of urgency for your legacy. You must immortalize yourself through your offspring, born out of love and who will always love you unconditionally. That is true happiness, Rukia.'

'I'll get married.' she conceded. 'Just not to him.'

'And why is that?'

She smiled sadly.

Were those tears burning her eyes? She hadn't cried in so long. And that sensation in her chest, like a knife was slowly digging its way through her heart.

She forgot how much it hurt.

'He looks too much like Ichigo.'

* * *

 _'She was very upfront with me. She told me that I reminded her of her first and only love. And that was why she was so drawn to me, because of my resemblance to you.'_

* * *

'What do you mean he's been arrested?' Grimmjow hissed into the phone.

'The w-whole operation was a bust, sir.' the henchman on the other line mumbled anxiously. 'We're doing everything we can to s-stay out of sight. But the police knew where to find us. Ulquiorra has been taken into custody.'

 _That coward is going to testify against me._

'Shit!' he crushed the phone in his hand before throwing it on the ground.

It was all that orange-headed bastard's fault! Ever since his unwelcome arrival, Karakura law enforcers had been remarkably growing more and more belligerent in sabotaging the drug industry. Oh, of course they'd be! Because fucking Kurosaki, in the short time that he's been back, fought like a madman for increased wages for military and police personnel, as well as spewing a load of bullshit rhetoric about how illegal substances contributed to the corruption of young minds and hence the future of the degrading town.

And like all brainless fools, the stupid people of the district were flocking to support him. Like he was some god, like he was a _king_. No! There was only one king. He had to remind them of it.

As if he'd let that fucking rat throw him off his throne. Now that the orphaned rogue was finally sitting on top of the world, he would die before he let anyone take his kingdom away from him. He would sell his soul, destroy everything he had built, before he ever allowed himself to be defeated.

Fuck that. Fuck that shit. It wasn't going to happen.

Especially not when he still had _her_.

Did she forget about him? Did she think that he wasn't going to fuck with her anymore because he hadn't been threatening her for a while?

She too was yet another idiotic _bitch_. She took his family away from him, sentencing him to everlasting solitude. _She_ made him power-hungry because power was all he had. Power from money, power from his charming good looks, power from his physical strength. That was all he had to cherish, that was all he had to trade in for some purpose in this miserable world.

He was this way because of what _she_ put him through!

And now she was punishing him for her wrongdoing?

 _I'll kill her. She's fucking dead. I'll tear her limb from limb._

But then she'd find peace in the afterlife, and then he'd truly be alone. No one would remember the history of the Jaegerjacquez, the urban legend of a philandering husband and a murderous wife. His tale would fade into nothingness. It would have all been for nothing.

 _This has to mean something! My loneliness has to have a purpose!_

And then it came to him.

He knew just how to hit her where it hurt. He knew just how to put a stop to this ridiculous game of cat and mouse Kurosaki was playing.

And his beloved Rukia didn't even have to bleed.

* * *

 _'Kaien, you made her bleed. You hurt her, you made her feel dirty!'_

* * *

The ballroom was exquisite. There was simply no other way to describe it. The décor was as clean and impactful as the Kuchiki name itself. The entire venue was adorned with white, accents of sky blue and tanzanite purple dancing in the patterns of the snowy texture of the furnishing. A rich aroma that vaguely reminded all the guests of the first day of spring filled the atmosphere, yet again branding the event with the classic Kuchiki touch.

The patrons were all impeccably dressed. Politicians and celebrities boasted glamorous gowns and perfectly tailored suits. Blinding flashes kept going off as cameraman snapped away hysterically, hoping to capture a scandalous moment. They had their work cut out for them. All those attending knew just what a big deal the whole evening was, and were consequently extra cautious about being on their best behavior.

'I think that this merger is a much-needed step towards improving our educational system.' Ichigo spoke into the interviewer's microphone, conditioned to ignore the videographer recording his every move. 'It's wonderful that Kuchiki Corporation recognizes the importance of investing in the young minds of today, the leaders of tomorrow.'

'Do you think that the involvement of a private business means that schools will be operating on a more for-profit basis rather than actually concentrating on providing adequate knowledge and resources to the public?'

'Absolutely not. We aren't _handing over_ reign of the state-owned schools. We're only allowing Kuchiki Corporation to be involved in the betterment of the relevant establishments. The government still has the most say in all policy-making.'

'Does the educational department have good relations with Kuchiki Corporation?'

'Obviously.' he laughed. 'Otherwise we wouldn't be here tonight.'

'Are you yourself personally familiar with any of the Kuchikis?'

 _Shit._

'U-umm.' he stammered uncontrollably. Why was this even a question? It was making him paranoid. What was he supposed to say? Yes? No? He should tell the truth, say that they were briefly classmates before he left for London. It was simple, so easy. But thinking about her was sending him into a flurry.

He breathed a sigh of relief when all attention was sharply diverted away from him. He exhaled thankfully, taking the opportunity to adjust his red tie and smooth out his pitch black suit. It was a probably a famous actor or something.

Of course it wasn't.

When amber eyes looked at the general direction of everyone's line of sight, his breath hitched in his throat. Rukia was making her way past the crowd, shielding her face from the flashing cameras with a dainty hand. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed that she contrary to every other woman in attendance, she wasn't wearing a long gown. Instead, she was clad in an angular, purely white suit.

She floated across the room with all the learned grace of an aristocrat, her walk only halted for a split second when her gaze met his. The fire that had left their hearts instantly returned to their faces, a bittersweet blend of happiness and longing encroaching every fiber of their being.

But it only lasted for that fraction of a second. The raven-haired executive continued on her path, uncomfortably aware of the onlookers looking forward to an acknowledgement of arguably the most loved political figure of the moment.

They were two halves of a whole that could never function on its own, fate always cruelly magnetizing them back together. And it always felt the same, as if no time had ever passed. Their hearts always jolted into sorrowful love, knowing full well that no matter how much they wanted to be happy in each other's arms, it just wasn't possible.

Then again, that never stopped them from trying. They were both stubborn, and they both wanted nothing more than be happy. Too bad they had experienced each other. Too bad nothing would ever live up to that. Too bad that nothing compared to the passionate ecstasy of melting into each other.

Would they be good to each other this time?

Would they understand one another?

Would it stop hurting?

 _Don't even try._

'Kurosaki-san.' Rukia was the first to address him, extending an arm out to shake hands. 'It is a pleasure for us to be honored by your presence tonight.'

'Yeah, fantastic.' he managed, taking her hand in his.

And there it was again; that spark, that magnetic electricity every time they touched one another. His throat dried at the familiarity of her silky skin. On the other hand, she thought her knees were going to buckle if she didn't pull away from him immediately. She didn't trust herself not to beg him to come back then and there.

And so they posed next to each other for a good minute as the photographers clicked away at their cameras. They were both wearing calculated smiles that evoked just the professional amount of satisfaction. In that moment, they were exceptional actors. The truth was that they were both fighting back furious tears as the heat between their bodies taunted them mercilessly.

As soon as Byakuya caught sight of the horrendously tense pair, he hurriedly rushed over and wedged himself between the pair. He too smiled for the media, resting either hand on his companions' waists unsuspiciously.

Ichigo's expression tightened when Byakuya squeezed his side.

It was a warning.

* * *

 _'I didn't mean to force myself on her. I didn't realize how hard I was holding her. I wanted her to feel how much I needed her. I love her. And I want her to want me. Do you know what that's like?'_

* * *

'Your table, sir.'

'Thanks.' Ichigo replied absentmindedly. His head was still spinning from his encounter with Rukia. It was inhumanly intolerable to be that physically close to her and yet feel that her heart was so far away. It was reality's harsh slap to his face. This was the result of his decision to end things. This was what it meant to separate from each other once and for all. This was a test of his resolve.

He shook his head, reaching for a sip of refreshingly cold water. _Fuck_. This was a disaster. He didn't want to be here. He probably didn't even know anybody at his table. He wanted to be with _her_ , ask her how she was doing and tell her that no matter what happened between them that he would always love her and be there for her. He wanted to tell her that he was going to lock Grimmjow up and that she would have nothing to fear. He wanted to tell her to take a break from work, have fun and just be at peace for her health.

He wanted to ask her if she liked the flowers he sent.

What was happening to him? When he held a grudge against her, he had no problem staying away from her. Now, he was struggling to just keep her out of his thoughts.

 _Where has my resolve gone?_

'Kurosaki-kun!' a chipper voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

'Eh?'

'Kurosaki-kun.' a beautiful redhead beamed at him from the next seat over. 'Do you remember me?'

'Inoue.' he smiled politely. 'I haven't seen you in so long. What are you doing here?'

'This clothing brand I model for is one of the sponsors!'

'You model? That's great!'

'Thanks.' she giggled sweetly. 'I really missed you when you were gone, Kurosaki-kun.'

'Haha, really?' _We were never really close though._

'Really!'

They made small talk, and the conversation distracted him from thinking about Rukia and their catastrophic reunion. Keeping busy always made him feel somewhat better, whether it be work or going out with his friends. He was never one to be self-medicate his despair with self-destructive behavior, and he was sure that this didn't count. It was just an innocent dialogue with a friend he hadn't seen for an inexcusably long time.

But the way she was staring into his eyes; the admiration and sheer excitement of being next to him. It made him think of himself. Was this how he first looked into Rukia's sapphire orbs? Was he this eager, this desperate to be close to her? It was nostalgic.

It made him feel better. A lot better.

So when she leaned in to whisper into his ear, he didn't pull away. When he caught her staring longingly at his lips for far too long, he didn't call her attention. When her hand travelled up his thigh to rest inappropriately close to his groin, he pretended not to notice.

Not that he wanted to do anything with this girl. It was just that, this kind of attention drowned out the noise of his crumbling heart. He wasn't even really looking at her. His eyes were on her, but all he could see was the woman lodged in his heart. He remembered how Rukia used to whisper that she loved him, how her hands roamed up and down the length of his back whenever he collapsed on top of her after making love.

Was this why Rukia always sought comfort in other men's company?

But it still didn't feel right.

It still wasn't painless.

This girl wasn't who he wanted.

This girl was just a fleeting distraction.

This girl wasn't Rukia.

 _Rukia._

What was he doing?

Why was he looking at her with those eyes?

From another table, Rukia observed her former lover looking down at her former classmate with the same fondness he used to reserve only for her. Only when he brought her flowers in his hotel room, or held her in his arms as they drifted off to sleep. Only when he told her he loved her, only when she told him that she loved him and his eyes would thank her for giving him such a special place in his heart.

What the hell was he doing?

'Rukia!' Byakuya called after her. She had stood up from her seat and was now walking as far away from it as possible. She was supposed to give the opening speech in ten minutes, but she didn't give a damn.

Her heart was breaking, but she thought she didn't have much left of it to break off.

Ichigo always had a way of proving her wrong.

She pushed past the guests on the way to their seats. She didn't even care that she was being rude. She felt like she was walking through a rolling tunnel, struggling to just keep her balance and not fall to the ground. A guard approach her, asking if she needed assistance, but she didn't hear him. Every sound, smell, sight was swirling into an incoherent mess in her brain. She couldn't process anything.

Just pain.

All she could feel was hot, seering pain through her entire body.

'Rukia!' her brother shouted from behind her, trying to remain composed as he trailed a good distance away from her.

 _No. Go back to being numb. I don't want this._

She just needed some air. She just needed to get out of this place, if only for a little while. She couldn't breathe, it was suffocating.

He was looking at her with those eyes.

 _I love you, Rukia._

 _Liar!_

She burst through ballroom doors only to be bombarded with a starved media personnel. Nearly stumbling backwards, she managed to steady herself against the onslaught of hands wagging recorders, phones, and camera in front of her face. What was going on? This wasn't normal at all. And if she wasn't mistaken, there seemed to be more of them than there were an hour ago when she arrived at the venue.

'Rukia Kuchiki!'

'Kuchiki-san, look this way please!'

'Was it really you?! It sounds just like you!'

What was going on?

'What do you have to say about the alleged audio recording that was just leaked of you having sexual intercourse with Assistant Secretary Ichigo Kurosaki?'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone supporting this story! This was an extremely exhausting chapter to write. I hope you enjoy reading it. I tried to move the plot a bit faster, and I hope that it is up to your expectations.

You guys motivate me so much. You guys are the reason I'm writing right now at 5 am. I know that I have a pretty fixed update schedule, and I don't want to keep you waiting. You guys really do give me such drive to carry on.

I also want to reassure everybody again! I _guarantee_ a happy IchiRuki ending to this story!

Thank you to **, FunnyEasyMe, achalida, kronosgoat, applepieshiomai, Kasai to Kasumi, Luna-Dara, han-ichiruki, blissbeat, Althatsyu, schoolgurl95, Shirayuki992, Sumire, Kei, Carupin, jobananasan, RukiYuki,** and the **Guest** reviewers!

 **appleshiomai,** thank you so much for supporting me! I would never be able to continue writing without the wonderful people who make it feel worthwhile.

 **han-ichiruki** , no worries at all! I'm just so thankful that you took the time to review!

 **jobanansan,** thank you for your continued support! The italicized words were bits and pieces of their conversation, but I will reveal more later!

Thank you so much everyone! I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	20. Goddess

_I never want to be apart from you._

 _I just... I want to melt with you._

 _So that we never have to separate. So that we're one being._

The idea of making love was such a wonderful concept. While sex sounded empty and meaningless, _making love_ implied that love was endless. That if one felt like they were running out of it, they could just produce more. Rukia found consolation in that. She truly felt that way. Wandering aimlessly through life without purpose, the will to live would reignite in her whenever she heard him say that he _loved_ her.

Ichigo. Being next to him, arguing with him, listening to his grief, having a family with him, making him feel the same love that he made her feel that had saved her - it was more than enough to make her want to live. It made everything that she had been through seem worth it. If her suffering was the price she had to pay to have met this man, then she would no longer be tormented looking back it.

That was why she savored every moment she shared in bed with him. She loved it when he was on top of her, enclosing her smaller frame in his long arms, making her feel safe and warm and _treasured_. Then his fiery eyes would burn into hers and her heart would flutter, as if the secret to happiness lay hidden behind those amber orbs.

In her mind, she'd always thank him for giving her the chance to believe in the human heart once more. That maybe people weren't as horrible or destructive as she had experienced them to be. Ichigo was good. He was a good man. In their private intimacy, he'd remind her that there was good in this world. And she'd find the will to live again, for something other than survival.

She never wanted to share those memories with anyone. They were all she had left of the love that saved her.

'Kuchiki-san, how did you get involved with Ichigo Kurosaki?!'

'Was sleeping with him your way of having the merger approved?'

'A statement please, Kuchiki-san!'

Rukia couldn't breathe. She was trying to, she wanted to. But her lips were sealed tight and her lungs wouldn't listen to her. Like her body had just given up. She was wracking her brain for a way to get out of this situation, but there was no foreseeable end in sight. Whether she said something or kept quiet was completely irrelevant at this point.

There was a tape. An audio tape. With her voice, and Ichigo's voice. There was no way they could deny it, no way to spin it around and do some damage control. It was all going to spiral into absolute mayhem. But it would halt at some point. After all, two public figures getting caught having sex made for juicy gossip, but lacked the leverage to totally ruin them.

On the other hand, her past...

That couldn't get out. There was no way in hell she would allow it. If it was divine will that she would burn for it, then so be it. What she couldn't accept was the possibility that Ichigo would be dragged down with her.

It was just as Grimmjow had warned her a month ago. They would label the budding politician a chauvinist who exploited her teetering mental health for sex. Debate would spark about the meaning of consent and how she was supposed to be rendered incapable of giving it after her trauma. As if what happened to her made her less of a person, less able to make choices for herself. He would say the truth, that he didn't know, but it wouldn't matter. They'd ignore him, glossing over that fact with one-sided discussion about whether or not he was fit to serve the country.

And even if by some miracle, the world accepted that they had once been in love, they would question his choices. Why her? Why not a nice, normal girl? Why not someone _decent_?

'Rukia!' Byakuya called after his sister, grabbing her by the arm to drag her back into the venue. Her brother motioned for the guards to hold the journalists back as he closed the doors to the ballroom. Quickly, he scanned the party to see if any guests had been roused by the ruckus. Thankfully, they were all too entranced by the glamorous evening, their excited chatter drowning out any sounds from the outside.

He knew exactly why she had tried to run away from her obligations. He too saw that infuriatingly liberal man permitting such aggressive advances from the popular model. Even though he knew full well that Rukia was in attendance. The _audacity_! Had he no shame? The anger the head of the Kuchiki clan felt was mostly because he knew that the flirtatious display would hurt his sister. Nevertheless, Byakuya was thrilled to see him finally moving on. At long last, he was no longer tied to his adopted sibling, who deserved so much more than that unsuitable slime.

'Nii-sama.' she squeaked. His head whipped down sharply to look down at her. Ready to scold for being so emotional and therefore unbecoming of a Kuchiki, his lips were already pulled back into snarl. 'Nii-sama.' she repeated, tears pooling in her eyes. Her hands came up to cover her mouth and muffle her involuntary whimpering.

'Rukia.' he returned, taken aback by her vulnerable display.

 _Nii-sama._

The way she called out to him was reminiscent of when he received a phone call from her after Hisana's death, when she begged him to come home. She had sobbed into the receiver, unable to form any intelligible sentences. The panic she showed back then drove him further into his already intolerable grief. Just listening to her made the reality of his wife's passing all the more real. She could barely speak any words, but he remembered the few broken phrases she kept repeating over and over.

 _Nii-sama. She's dead. Nii-sama. Come home. Nii-sama._

 _I need you._

At that point, he didn't care who needed him. He loved Hisana, more than anything. She was his world. To come back to Japan, to be reminded of the life they shared together, the dream that he was glad to wake up to every single day for a short time in his life - it would only bring back the misery of solitude. He couldn't run a company and grieve at the same time. He had to choose. He had to hold the business and himself together. He had to spear forwards, unaffected by the distractions of sentimentality.

He had to be a Kuchiki.

He had to maintain his pride.

It was the only way to combat the sting of being alone.

But he _wasn't_ alone. He had been blessed with a sister who had always been more like a daughter to him. It was selfish of him to wallow in his own suffering, completely glossing over hers. And she had been suffering for far longer. She had sold her body again and again to a lecherous man who he recalled used to squeeze him for every cent.

She felt shame and self-disgust even though to him, she did the most noble thing he had ever known. To be so young and put herself on the line like that was singularly the purest sacrifice he had ever been privy to in his life. He was sorry that he wasn't there for her, when she was his most important obligation. He failed as a brother. Now she was breaking again, right in front of him.

His pride was breaking. This time, he wouldn't allow it.

'Nii-sama.' she choked and he knew that he could never fathom just how difficult it was for her to fight back her tears. Trembling fingers curled around his arm. No words were said, but he knew that it was taking all her strength just to stand on her own two feet. Suddenly, she hunched slightly forwards and he steadied her by cupping her elbows. Her other hand came up to hang onto his other arm, supporting herself using his weight. 'Nii-sama.'

'Speak. What is the matter with you?'

'Nii-sama. They know.'

'They do.' he sighed. An hour ago, his press secretary already alerted him to an anonymous leak pertaining to the younger sibling. He was hoping that she wouldn't find out for a while, preferably until after the event. In fact, he wanted to take her aside after her speech and tell her himself. 'It's an invasion of privacy, but it reflects poorly on them for parading your personal life.'

'Th-they'll know.'

'It isn't your fault.'

'It is.'

'You had sexual intercourse with a man you genuinely wanted to have it with. You are not morally answerable to anyone for that. The clan's rules aside, you are your own person - I'm proud of you for battling for your individuality.'

'He's ruined.'

'That man is none of your concern. He is a consenting adult. It was his choice, as much as it was yours. People... copulate all the time, for many different reasons. It just so happens that somehow, you were both recorded.'

'There's more.'

'It doesn't matter. It's nobody's business. I'm sorry that this is happening.'

'Nii-sama, there's more.'

'I know.' he lowered his voice in an attempt to be soothing.

'H-he knows.'

She stopped took take a deep breath in. She sobbed dryly and her grip on his arms tightened. He stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. He didn't know the words to say, to be of assistance to her at a time like this. But the one thing he knew he could do, and that he had failed to do for a long time, was listen.

'He knows about what I did.'

'Is the "he" you're talking about Grimmjow Jaegerjacquez?'

'Yes.' she managed in a high pitched tone, and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. Her face was flushed and her eyebrows were furrowed tensely. Her eyes shut, hoping that if she couldn't see anybody then no one would take notice of her. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to do this right now. She wanted to lock herself in a room with no light and revel in the nothingness.

Byakuya winced when she clutched him even more firmly. It was starting to hurt. Wriggling one arm free of her grasp, he picked up a napkin off of a tray from a passing waiter. He whipped it so that the fabric would roll out so that he could use it to wipe away the wet streaks on her face. 'What you did is your own business, Rukia. It says nothing about your worth as a person.'

'There's more.'

'I _know_.'

'N-Nii-sama... He recorded me with his father.'

Grey eyes turned to stone. For the first time, Byakuya Kuchiki learned how it felt to have the world crashing down on him. At least with his wife's passing, he saw it coming and had time to prepare. Before he found out about Rukia's inappropriate sidelining, he had long suspected that such a young girl would have to resort to some indecorous activities to generate that much money. But this... This was another thing altogether.

To think that the one thing she wanted to forget was immortalized - that was unadulterated dread. This poor child, who had been desperately trying to move on and forget about all of it would never be able to blank it out. Not if it was _recorded_. Not if it was shown to the public. Not if people saw.

'Rukia, it wasn't your fault.'

What was he supposed to say?

She knows it wasn't. What happened that year - she regretted none of it.

No, what she was worried for was how it would be twisted and used against Ichigo. Ichigo, who had done nothing but suffer under her, because of her. Who had nothing to do with that disgusting experience except hurt because of it. When he kissed her over and over, chanting over and over that it wasn't her fault - she already knew that. What she didn't anticipate was how it would affect him. She had broken him for that instant. She remembered how it pained to look at her, how his breathing was labored as he kissed her with all the sorrow of a shattered soul.

What did feel like? To love someone you hurt? Even if you didn't want to hurt them, somehow, the greatest heartbreak was always inflicted by yourself?

It hurt. So, so much. Rukia felt as if the little control she had left was slipping between her fingers like sand. She had to take it back. She had to take her power back. There was no way she could ever erase what happened, what she had done. But she could, in these final few moments before the awaiting commotion engulfed her, exercise the waning remnants of her influence.

She had to make it right. She had to let him know. She had to tell him, one way or another.

She had to protect him.

'Go home, Rukia.'

'I have to give a speech.'

'Don't. Leave now, or more reporters will gather outside and you'll have a harder time escaping the press.'

'I want to give this speech, Nii-sama.'

'Please.' he was almost begging. 'Leave now, little one. Before it gets too crowded outside. I shall give a speech in your absence and will follow you. We will strategize. We can get through this.'

'No, Nii-sama. We won't.' blue met grey, and his eyes prickled when he saw just how steely her deep orbs were. So cold, so heavy, so sad. 'It didn't happen to you, Nii-sama. It's my burden to carry; not yours or anyone else's. It's time I did something for myself.'

'Rukia.'

'I'm going, Nii-sama.'

'Rukia!' he hissed, but she tore away from him and headed straight for the podium. He tried to go after her, but she disappeared amidst frantic waiters and camera crew roaming around the ballroom.

It was useless anyway. Once she made her mind up about something, there was no stopping her. He learned that the hard way. And yet this time was different. Though he didn't want her to do what she was going to do, he didn't want to convince her not to do so either. If this is what she wanted to do for herself, then so be it. He had no right to interfere. In all their time together after their beloved Hisana died, he had done nothing but try and control her, hoping that he could prevent her from ever getting hurt. He knew now that there was nothing he could about the harsh world. He could only be there for her when she fell. But she wasn't falling, not anymore. This time, it felt like she was standing up.

* * *

'Looks like it's starting!' Orihime exclaimed joyously.

'Yeah.' Ichigo returned, snapping out of his anxious contemplation. From the corner of his eye, he had glimpsed Rukia getting up to leave after seeing his intimate display with the model. He hoped she didn't misinterpret it. And then he wondered why he was so concerned with what she thought. They were done, weren't they? They could both see other people and it wouldn't matter.

But he didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to move on because he didn't want her to either. He didn't want her to think that his world could revolve without her. He needed her, he wanted her by his side. But how? When they were so horrible for each other? When they couldn't understand each other, when their hearts were so far away no amount of screaming and crying could ever bring them close enough?

He wanted to be there for him, to support her and chase her demons away. But there was no way he could handle being so intimately tied to her. He loved her and that was why he couldn't stand being in love with her. Every time they tried to make it work, they would just be reminded that they were a bad fit for each other. They weren't mean for each other.

And yet, he wanted to be with her. He just couldn't do it right now.

Then when?

The lights dimmed and a spotlight lit up the podium on the stage. Rukia Kuchiki stood confidently at the center, her snow-white suit shimmering slightly beneath the bright illumination. A round of applause erupted and the noisy chatter quieted down. The patrons were eager for the program to begin. And what an honor it was, for the agenda to begin with a personal greeting from the heiress of Kuchiki Corporation herself.

'Kurosaki-kun?'

He didn't respond. His amber eyes were fixated on her. Rukia really was a woman he was in awe of; beauty and strength carried with elegance. It was cruel to have not seen her for an entire month, and to be reunited when she was this stunning. Whenever they reunited after a long period of separation, she was always so much more lovely than he last remembered.

'Thank you all for coming.' the speaker started. 'Your presence means a lot to us.'

Byakuya's jaw was clenched. His chin rested on his folded hands, a silent prayer playing again and again in his head. Whatever she did, whatever she wanted to say - he just wanted her to not regret it. Whatever she decided to do, he wanted her to stay true to herself.

The noble eyed the orange-haired politician with contempt. He knew that his sister was trying to protect this undeserving brat. He knew that this classless fool was always at the back of her head, and the front of her heart. So whatever happened, this man had better be grateful. If she put herself on the line, if she sacrificed herself - this man had to know that she was doing it all for him.

'Many were surprised when the merger was announced.' Rukia continued. 'Many felt as if a private company had no place interfering in education; a public good, a human right. The majority doubt our intentions, saying that we just want to turn the state-owned schools into profit-generating institutions that have no concern over the welfare of the very children we are trying to serve. But let me tell you this - education is valuable, to anyone. Why? Because it is a practical resource we can offer our growing youth. Because no matter how horrible life becomes, help is always appreciated. Because any resource you can give a human being gives them hope.'

'She sounds so smart.' Orihime whispered.

Ichigo nodded. He had to agree. She was very intelligent. He knew that well.

Byakuya shut his eyes. He had an ominous feeling about all of this.

'It's no secret that I'm adopted. My Nii-sama, Byakuya Kuchiki, was kind enough to give me everything I needed to succeed. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am today. His support has allowed me to stand on this very stage, even though-'

A sudden burst of applause interrupted her, so she waited a few seconds for it to quiet down.

'Even though my life could have turned out very differently.'

'Please.' her brother begged quietly, as if she would be able to hear him. His fingers were intertwined in a prayer position. 'Please.'

'You see, I was the young girl prostituting herself to Mr. Jaegerjacquez.'

Ichigo jolted in his seat. What the hell was she doing?

Murmurs and hushing filled the large ballroom. Guests were nudging each other, and the way they looked at her changed instantaneously. Only a second ago, they gazed upon her like she was the business prodigy they all thought her to be. Now it felt like every pair of eyes were arrows shooting right through her body. The judgements were coming at her, but she didn't care.

She needed some control. She didn't want to live in fear, plunging herself into paranoia thinking about if and when Grimmjow would threaten to show her shame in full form to the world. This was the truth. This was her story. It was hers to tell, no one else's. And she wanted to tell it her way.

'As you all are aware, my older sister was very sick. Before Nii-sama came into our lives, we had no relatives and no money. It was hard enough to get by, and it was impossible to afford treatment for her illness - a disease that no doctor could ever figure out. We shelled out what little money we had, and I even took a couple years off of school to work several menial jobs that barely paid enough to feed one of us a day. At sixteen without any reasonable credentials, no one would hire me for a serious job. I was stuck between a sword and a hard place, and when the opportunity presented itself to me, I gladly sold myself for the hope that my sister would survive. That even if I had to degrade myself for just a little while, she would eventually be healthy and we could be a happy family. I didn't understand what was really happening, and I was unaware of how it would affect me later on. I chose to destroy myself in the present because I wanted a happy future.'

'Rukia...' Ichigo breathed.

'Obviously, that didn't happen.' she smiled sadly. 'But thanks to my Nii-sama, I was still able to pick up after myself. He provided me with all the resources I needed to make a life for myself. Thanks to him, I can stand before you all today. And how is my story relevant to the importance of education? Well, education is what can prevent stories like mine from happening. Education can one day find a cure for my sister's illness. Education can enlighten children so that they can guard themselves against exploitation. Education can help us understand one another, even when we think it's impossible to.'

'How scandalous...'

'But she was sixteen - she should have known better.'

'Do you think she had multiple clients?'

'Because of what I chose to do, the choices I made after were irrational to people who weren't me.' her shaking hands gripped the podium. 'They couldn't understand me, and I couldn't understand them. I pushed them away and used them to try and quell my aching heart. Then, someone fell in love with me.'

Sapphire locked with amber.

'I used him.'

 _Rukia..._

'I knew how he felt about me, and yet I played around with him. He was the best man I've ever met, and I hurt him terribly.'

 _Don't' say that._

'He didn't know about what I did. I feared that had he known, he would have left me. Thanks to my heartless mistreatment of him, he left me anyway.'

 _I love you._

'Had someone taught me how to move forward, maybe things would have turned out differently. I don't want the children of today to make the same mistakes I did. I want a better future for them, so that we as a community are endless in our compassion. So that they grow up with love, and give that love back.'

 _Why did I ever let you go?_

'Thank you.'

* * *

'There is no way out except the doors by which you came.' Byakuya warned, pulling his sister into a secluded corner after she stepped down from the stage. 'Without a doubt, the journalists outside watched the live broadcast. They will be ravenous. I've arranged for extra security to help you on your way out. The car is waiting downstairs. You must leave _now_.'

'Thank you, Nii-sama.'

Rukia felt hollow. As soon as she returned to the main floor, all eyes were on her. There was no ounce of sympathy or care from the gazes that met hers. She knew it would turn out this way. They just wouldn't understand. That was fine, she didn't need them to. As long as she said what she wanted to.

'I pity her brother...'

'I would never have guessed!'

'What a _whore_.'

'Rukia!' a familiar called amongst audible antagonism. Her head whipped to the direction of the voice, the tears she had been fighting back threatening to fall. Ichigo was pushing past the catering staff, making his way to her. Why was he doing this? Why didn't he go back to that woman?

She wanted him to move on. He looked so happy talking to that model. She finally saw him when he wasn't hurting. He was handsome with that joyful expression - the fire returning to his soft eyes, a genuine smile gracing his attractive features. She liked him best that way. She wanted to see more of that.

So she had to leave.

'See you later, Nii-sama.' her voice wavered and turned on her heel to head out the doors. Five armed accompanied her, two of them walking in front of her so that they could hold the reporters back.

'Wait! Rukia!'

'Quiet, boy.' Byakuya warned, grabbing his sister's lover by the shoulders. 'You're going to make matters worse. What would happen if a journalist covering this event heard you call out to her so familiarly right after she gave that speech?'

'I don't care.' he snapped, glaring at the older man defiantly. 'I love her.'

'Don't speak as if you know what love is.'

'I _love_ her!'

'Then leave her alone!' his voice rose uncharacteristically. He shook the younger man as if physically trying to knock some sense into him. 'You're only making it worse for both of you. If you react now, you'll be rousing Grimmjow! All the fighting has to be underground, don't you remember? Didn't we agree upon that?!'

'What use is fighting for her if she's suffering right in front of me?!' he freed himself from his companion's hold. 'Why was I distancing myself, fighting to protect her, if in the end _she_ burns?!'

'You don't know what's going on, boy! Don't be so quick to slit your throat open!'

'It doesn't matter what happens anymore! I... I need to be with her! That's what I want right now, no matter what anyone else thinks. I _love_ her!'

'Stop, brat...!' the businessman stifled a scream. It came out as a broken whisper. He felt utterly powerless, unable to stop the chain of events from unfolding, unable to stop destiny from reuniting those two. Despite his greatest efforts, he could never keep them apart.

Would she be happy this time? With someone who made her feel inadequate, whose intense longing made her all the more of how torn she was inside? Would they be able to complete each other? Would Rukia want Ichigo to run after her? Perhaps this time she wanted to simply be left alone, to disappear.

He just wanted that precious child to find happiness.

* * *

 _'Man to man; leave my sister alone. Because you are her greatest weakness.'_

* * *

'Kurosaki-san!' a microphone wagged in front of the said man's face as he dashed out of the doors. His bodyguards were not alerted to his movements, so they scrambled to catch up and hold the large crowd of press representatives away from their asset. 'Kurosaki-san, a statement please!'

'No comment.' Ichigo responded robotically. He was never one to give random statements about topics that were not politically-related. If Rukia wanted him to say something about her speech, he would gladly do it. But for now, knowing her, she just wanted him to keep quiet. He raised his chin and tilted his head, trying to look past the swarm of people and find the woman he loved.

He had to go to her. He had to let her know that he was sorry. She had to know that he loved her still.

'Kurosaki-san, just confirm the contents please!'

'Look this way, Kurosaki-san!'

'Kurosaki-san, is it really you?!'

'Of course it's me!' he was irritated. 'Can't you tell from the orange hair?!'

'In the tape, sir!'

 _Huh?_

'Is it really your voice in the tape?!'

'What tape?!'

'The recording of you and Rukia Kuchiki having sexual intercourse!'

Ichigo's stomach dropped, but he maintained his composure. So Grimmjow finally decided to take a direct hit at him. And Rukia... she must have known that this was happening. She must have wanted to at least be able to tell her own story. But why did she mention their love for each other?

And that was when he realized.

The reason she mentioned him, the reason she took all the blame for their failed relationship; it was all to protect him. So that the media wouldn't be given the opportunity to paint him in a negative light, she chose to expose herself.

 _I wanted to protect you, but it was I who received your help again._

He couldn't believe how impulsive she was! It was just sex. It was embarrassing for other to listen in on their lovemaking, but he wasn't at all ashamed of her! He was proud to be with a woman he genuinely loved. He didn't care about her past. It didn't affect his feelings for her. It was hard to accept, but he had swallowed that hard pill for her. He had no right to be selfishly invested in an experience that never happened to him.

He pushed past everyone getting in his way. It didn't matter if it was a reporter or even his own guard. He needed to find her to, he needed to tell her it was going to be alright. Nothing mattered anymore except for her. She was hurting, she was in pain. He couldn't stand seeing her like that, not anymore. There was a limit to how much trauma her heart could take before it disintegrated into dust.

He had to see her!

 _Grimmjow!_

'A statement, sir!' a woman persisted. She shoved her tape recorded in front of his face, and his anger flared dangerously. These people were insufferable. How was it legal to harass a person to this extent?

'Did you really not know that she was involved in the Jaegerjacquez scandal?'

'What does Byakuya Kuchiki think of all this?'

'Did you just find out that she's a slut?'

 _What did you say?_

'Fuck you!' he spat at the last question, his arms getting ready to swing at the interviewer. Two of his guards restrained him as they the government not only employed them with the conditions that they ensure the wellbeing of their client's body, but to keep his temper in check to regulate his image as well. 'Say that again to my face, you bastard!'

Nothing they could do about his mouth though.

'Don't talk about her like that!' he growled as the cameras clicked away at his aggressive showcase.

 _Slut? You don't know what she's been through!_

 _She smiles despite the pain. The pain I'll never understand, not in a million years!_

'Get out of my way!' he broke free of his guards and ran as fast as he could out of the building, not caring who he bumped into. They could here everyone calling his name, asking for a statement, a second, or just for him to calm down. There was no way he could be calm when all he could think was how dead Rukia must feel inside.

His security detail chased after him, but he easily outran them. Not even for a second did he slow down nor did exhaustion creep up to him. It didn't even feel like he was connected to his body. His mind was focused on only one thing; to see her. But she was nowhere in sight, how was the possible? He couldn't have been very far behind her. Where did she go?

Ignoring the valet asking if he would like his car to be brought up, the anxious politician hailed a cab. Once inside, he reached into his pocket and offered the driver a random arrangement of bills. The stranger's eyes bulged in greedy surprise. 'Where to, sir?'

'Just drive.'

Ichigo dialed her number, every ring rendering him more restless. He knew that she would be hesitant to answer his calls, but he had to try. Once, twice - it didn't work. She wasn't budging. On the third ring, she finally gave in and he swear he could hear angels singing when her sweet voice breathed his name into the receiver.

'Ichigo...'

'I love you.'

Silence. Followed by faint sobbing.

'I want to see you.' he continued, his voice cracking. 'Tell me where you are, Rukia. I want to be with you.'

'You were the one who said we can't be together.'

'I know. I was wrong. I'm sorry.'

A long pause.

'Ichigo.' she inhaled sharply. 'Do you see what I mean when I said that you only love me when you want to protect me? You're lying. I know you don't love me, not really. I saw you with that _woman_...!'

'That wasn't what it looked like. She meant nothing to me! I keep thinking about you. I can't get you out of my head. I lo-'

'Just stop! Just... Stop! Stop _pitying_ me, stop pretending that you want me!'

'I've never wanted anything as much as I want you! You think I care about my reputation? You think I care about what crap is published about me? I don't give a shit what happens to me anymore, I just want to be with you!'

'That's the problem!'

'Please, tell me where you are. I can make this right, just tell me where you are!'

'I love you, Ichigo. More than anything or anyone. That's why I can't do this right now.'

'Rukia, please...'

'Not tonight. I can't. I promise we can talk about this later, but tonight, I... I can't.'

'Rukia.'

'I love you.'

The click of her ending the call was surreal. He couldn't believe that she did that. He called her again and again. He called her so many times that he lost count. It was only when he tried calling and the operator went straight to voicemail that he roared in defeat, burying his face in his hands in an effort to physically control his frustration.

Damn her. _Damn_ her!

Why? Why did it have to turn out this way?

He loved her. She loved him.

So why did it turn out this way?!

She thought she was protecting him. She thought that this was what he truly wanted. She exposed herself, laid out the darkest features of her life, because she didn't want the public to think badly of him. Because as a representative of the government, your image was paramount for the country to admire and respect you.

She thought he was perfect. And she thought that associating herself with him would damage that perfection.

What a load of shit.

Didn't she realize that his world couldn't revolve without her in it?

'Sir...?'

'The Karakura penitentiary.' he growled.

 _You torture her for years._

 _You record her most intimate moments; the best and the worst._

 _You exploit her, in body and in soul._

 _You made it impossible for her to let anyone into her heart._

 _You're fucking dead._

He gave in to vengeance.

And the devil smiled.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you everyone for your endless support! I'm sorry that the update for this took so long. I was actually having a hard time finding time to write and started wishing that my schedule was clearer... Then as of a few days ago I fell ill and was told I needed to take a few days of total bedrest. Be careful what you wish for LOL!

Some of you have been asking me how long this story will be. I've said before that I don't trust myself to give an exact number of chapters, but the end is definitely nearing. I hope to enjoy your support till the very end!

Thank you to **E-kingmoney18, Althatsyu, RukiYuki, blissbeat, Kasai to Kasumi, jobananasan, Shirayuki992, absolutelyindifferent, NieveDrop, han-ichiruki, FunnyEasyMe, NekoMiMiR, Carupin, achalida, gin,** and the **Guest** reviewers!

 **blissbeat** , absolutely! That's something that they both have to realize. In the end, the only ones who can decide is themselves. Because the ones who have to live with their relationship is only those two, not Byakuya or Uryu.

 **jobananasan** , I'm so sorry! I'm so glad to enjoy your support despite the ominous feeling when it updates haha. I'm so sorry about that! I feel terrible lol. Kaien has a different perspective on it all, and his feelings for her are not necessarily love but infatuation. So it's a lot more self-serving and almost delusional. Rukia feels the same way! She wants to disappear and forget all that's happened - but she's at a position where this isn't possible. She needs a strong support system to help her get on her feet so that she can stand up and push back. In this chapter, it was her desire to protect Ichigo and the small amount of compassion from Byakuya.

 **FunnyEasyMe** , more of Ichigo's conversation with Kaien will be revealed!

 **Guest** , I like to change it up so it really depends on what I feel like writing! For this chapter, I wanted to highlight Rukia's strength but sadness as well. I listened to Amor Tristis. I thought the progression of the song was kind of what I felt Rukia would be experiencing within.

Thank you everyone, for your wonderful support!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	21. Jaguar In Eden

'Alright, Ulquiorra.' Ichigo paced in front of the inmate. 'I need that testimony now.'

Visitation hours at the Karakura penitentiary were supposed to be over by 5:00 in the afternoon. It was a highly secured facility with strictly followed rules and an unforgiving staff. But when they saw the young politician barge into the vicinity at 9:00 in the evening, the guards knew that they had to accommodate him. They didn't want trouble. Not even half an hour before his arrival, the prison's entire staff had seen the outburst on national television. Never before had Ichigo Kurosaki been so volatile on camera. It was actually quite intimidating.

So they let him into the interrogation room with the convict he had locked up just earlier today. It was a huge concern that the he had shown up with no security detail, especially considering he was in a building that housed criminals who could only benefit from harming him or holding him hostage. To protect political figures from being attacked, the rule of thumb was that any government official had to have at least two armed men in the room at all times. The warden offered some of his own personnel, but Ichigo vehemently refused. Warily, the warden honored his request to speak with the inmate alone.

He didn't want to piss off the wrong statesman.

He didn't want any trouble.

But he would be answerable to any damages sustained by the asset.

As insurance, three men carrying assault rifles waited right outside the door. They were able to peek in through the glass, but were unable to hear anything past the soundproof material. Not like it mattered too much. They were given the orders that if the prisoner so much as touched the visitor, to open fire immediately.

'I see.' Ulquiorra's voice was ominously metallic. 'You want to get back at Grimmjow because you think it will alleviate that woman's suffering. What a lovely speech, she gave. And you, so obviously moved by her sweet words, jeopardized your public persona. So different from the cool, collected man who saw me earlier today. Who would have thought that you have the emotional maturity of a lovesick puppy?'

'That has nothing to do with it.' he lied through gritted teeth. 'He's a drug pusher, an enemy of the state. It's my job to bring him to justice.'

'Your job title is the Assistant Secretary of Foreign Affairs. You're meant to deal with negotiations and treaties outside of this country. Policing drug activity is most definitely not part of your government obligations.'

'How about you shift your concern over from my job description to the conditions of your sentencing?'

Hollow green eyes focused on the increasingly angry man in front of him. They twinkled with something akin to the fascination of a snake's leer when it corners its prey. He looked absolutely menacing with his hands shackled together in chains, his skinny body seated eerily still on the metal chair. In front of him was a long table with documents relevant to the investigation scattered messily across it. Not a single muscle moved save for his eyes that seemed to follow the government representative's movements without fail.

Ichigo glared right back at him fearlessly. What was this bastard trying to pull? Some intimidation tactic? He wasn't going to back down, not until he got what he came for.

'I will _not_ be testifying against my boss.'

'You _will_ be testifying. And you'll be compensated adequately for your cooperation.'

'There will be nothing to compensate me for. I won't carry the burden of being labelled a snitch.'

Ichigo's snapped at that very moment. He stopped pacing and stood upright, his head slowly tilting to the direction of the convict. Without warning, he banged his fist on the table and pushed all the documents onto the floor. His face was contorted into a demonic snarl, and he let out a bloodcurldling roar that was so low and saturated with fury that the devil himself would have felt a tinge of fear crawl up his spine.

Ulquiorra didn't even flinch.

'You're wasting a perfect opportunity to ensure your own protection! I'm giving you an opening to be on the right side of the war here, a chance to atone for even just a little bit of your crimes! My generosity is a godsend, and you are burying yourself deeper into the justice system!' Ichigo growled, putting to use all those years of training in negotiation tactics. Panic was swelling up inside of him because he knew he _needed_ this man to testify, and there was almost no way he could press charges against that son-of-a-bitch without _this_ motherfucker's word!

'Thank you for your... _charitable_ offer, but I'll be taking my chances.'

'Do you want to go to prison for the _rest_ of your life?!' he demanded.

'I refuse to move without my lawyer.'

'You can't afford one.' he hissed, pointing a finger accusingly at the lanky man. 'Do you think I'm an idiot? All your accounts have been frozen. If anything, you'll get a state-appointed lawyer to represent you. But what good will he do? I'll send the best private legal team after you, I'll make sure you get the maximum sentence for your crimes!'

Ulquiorra's lips twitched for a second. It was like he wanted to smile, but the demon in him wouldn't allow it. But there was a spark of something in his posture, a suddenly victorious aura surrounding him. Amusement radiated from his stony stare. It made Ichigo feel heavy just looking at him.

What a truly unpleasant man.

'What's so funny, Ulquiorra?'

'You do realize that I'm going to have to name her in my testimony, don't you?'

His stomach dropped. No. He hadn't thought of that. 'What the hell are you talking about?'

'She knew about the business ventures within Kuchiki Corporation establishments. This makes her a co-conspirator, does it not?'

'You have to be fucking kidding me.'

'You really don't know anything, do you?'

* * *

 _'It seems that you don't know her as well as you think.' Byakuya tilted his head. 'You don't know her, and yet you've been inside of her.'_

* * *

'She's been involved with Grimmjow for a while now, ever since I can remember.' Ulquiorra continued. 'The first time I saw her was after I met Grimmjow at a local bar. He took me and some other guys to the Kuchiki manor while her brother was away on one of his business trips. The poor woman was so scared. We entered her room and the fear just glistened in her eyes.'

'You-'

'I felt bad for her, I really did. I wanted no part in it, but what good would I have been against that man? He's much bigger and stronger than me, even back then. He truly is as depraved as he is maniacal. His immorality knows no bounds. If anything, it is pleasurable for him to I've never seen him more satisfied than that moment, when he kissed her and she screamed-'

A swift blow to the face silenced him. The slimmer man's face snapped painfully to the left, bringing his restrained hands up to his face. The politician grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, his grip so ferociously tight he would have broken bones if he held on with any more force.

Ulquiorra allowed a soft scoff to escape his throat before facing directly in front of his assailant, the snake-like slits of his eyes darkening. He was evidently entertained, proud of himself for rousing a reaction from this man. 'You can't take a joke, can you?'

'You better be fucking lying, or I won't be so kind when I destroy you in court. Forget prison. I'll go after you with _everything_ I have! I won't stop, no! Not until you're sent to the electric chair, or to be hung by a noose! If you so much as touched a hair on her head, I'll make sure you bleed!'

'Wow.' he nodded slowly as if to absorb the threat completely. 'So you do possess some darkness inside of you.'

'What!?'

'Watching you rise up to political notoriety, you were always careful not to show any fault in your character. That's why the masses love you; in your goodness you give them hope for a better future. With just one speech, that woman was able to goad you into exposing the ugly underbelly of who you are.'

'What are you trying to say?!'

'You've gone mad, homicidal with vengeance. You just threatened to have me sentenced to death, did you not? Even if you manage to kill me, or Grimmjow, or both of us - it won't bring that woman back to you or take away from her pain.'

Begrudgingly, Ichigo let him go. Ulquiorra just kept looking at him, those taunting eyes boring into him. Like he hadn't a care in the world, like Rukia's innocent suffering meant nothing in relation to the operation of this drug cartel. The worst part was that he was right - no matter what happened now, it could never take away from the past and how it would affect the future. No matter what he did, Rukia would be in pain. She was _already_ in pain.

It was infuriating to think of how Grimmjow and his compatriots exploited that agony to their advantage. It would have been fine if he didn't want to help her. It wouldn't have mattered if he just ignored her. But to seek profit from it, to capitalize on her guilt - that was unforgivable. All that accomplished was setting her up to be even more hurt.

He was powerless against it. He just wanted to hold her, tell her that he loved her regardless whether she reciprocated or not. And now, she didn't even want to see him.

This was all he could do.

Fighting was the only option.

A flash of murderous intent echoed in his soul.

'Killing us won't make a difference.' he repeated. 'But you're welcome to try.'

'What the hell are you getting at?'

'I'll tell you where Grimmjow is, on one condition.'

'And that is?'

'You won't ask me to testify against him.'

Ichigo chuckled humorlessly. He certainly had a lot of control he could exercise in the legislative system, and it was indeed possible. But that wasn't his style and he swore never to stain his honor. 'You know I can't do that.'

'Think about it. It would benefit both of us.'

'The only person it'll benefit is you! I can't grant your request, it's ridiculous! Without your testimony, there's no way I can prosecute him! So you tell me where he is - what then? Want me to drop in, say hello? He needs to be punished-'

'What I'm offering you is more freedom to punish him on your _own_ terms.'

'This man is an enemy of the state. Therefore, he must be tried in a court of law!'

'Isn't he your personal nemesis as well? You really want to bring him to court? He's going to have the best criminal defense lawyer, he'll get the minimum sentence at the most comfortable cell in the most lenient jailhouse.'

'Oh believe me, I'll make sure he _rots_ -'

'Do you really want me to name your woman in court?'

'Don't you fucking threaten me. I'll build a case for her, sway the jury in her favor, expose all the psycho manipulation-'

'It's not your story to tell.'

Ichigo stiffened.

'It's _her_ story.' Ulquiorra proceeded. 'You want her to relive that nightmare again and again by asking her to relay that information in front of a crowd of strangers, be my guest. But you'll be hurting her. And I don't think you can live with that.'

He was right. Rukia didn't even know that he was doing this right now. He wanted to do this all for her, to bring some justice amidst all the cruelty she had gone through. But would she be happy with that? Would she retain her sanity if he brought her nightmare back to the surface?

He wished that she hadn't been involved. He wished that she didn't allow the operation to exist under her watch. This could have all been so simple, so clean cut and dry. Now it was a struggle to find a way to get at the despicable addict with the icy eyes, without stepping on her heart. It was already so dark, so tainted with the careless footsteps of those who trample over her suffering without thinking about her feelings.

Kind of like what he was about to do.

'Grimmjow thinks I'm testifying against him. I can anticipate his next move. You won't get another chance like this again. It would be foolish not to go ahead with my deal.'

Ichigo was about to fire back, but his phone rang.

* * *

'Rukia-chan, do you think it's alright for you to watch that?'

She didn't reply. She was sitting on the edge of beige couch in the living room. Empty eyes were glued to the television, the harsh lights illuminating her pale skin sinisterly. She had just taken a shower, so her long, damp hair clung to her body, which was only covered by a white dress. Her knees were folded up against her chest and supported her crossed arms. She looked ghostly that way, as if a spell had been cast on her to turn her into unanimated porcelain.

 **'It really is a sad story! But come on - she was sixteen!'** the newscaster on the right side of the split-screen insisted. **'She really should have known better! It's not like she was twelve, you know? She wasn't a kid anymore!'**

 **'Not a kid anymore?'** the reporter on the left side of the screen chortled. **'The age of consent in Japan is eighteen - two years older than she was at the time! Lawfully, the poor thing was raped!'**

 **'No, no, no! Don't compare it to something as horrible as rape. She knew exactly what she was getting herself into. It was clearly a transaction. She willingly had sex for money - how is she different from a prostitute? Looks like her business-savvy decision-making started at quite a young age!'**

'Rukia-chan...'

Keigo had watched her speech on a live broadcast. Alarmed by her bold move, he called her immediately after she stepped down from the stage. Unfortunately, she had missed his call because her phone was set on silent. It was only when she rejected the last of Ichigo's attempts to contact her that she saw that their common friend had tried to reach her as well. In tears from her conversation with her lover, she asked Keigo if he wanted to come over. The brunette enthusiastically agreed.

In fact, he had brought over the necessary ingredients to make rice dumplings. He knew they were here favorite and he wanted to cheer her up. He wasn't a particularly wise man, and he never knew the right words to say to comfort her whenever she was in pain, but he knew that delicious food couldn't possibly worsen the situation. So there he was, slaving over kitchen counter, pounding the dough. He sighed. This was all he could do. He didn't understand her.

Not the way Ichigo did.

He thought about calling him over, but... It would have been disrespectful to Rukia. He knew that they weren't on good terms again, and he winced when he watched their awkward hand-shaking. It always baffled him how two people could be so complete with each other, and yet not be together. What was the problem? Keigo just couldn't get it.

 **'It isn't like that was a one-time thing anyway. I mean, just listen to her sex tape with Ichigo Kurosaki! It was undoubtedly a move to convince the state to merge the educational sector with Kuchiki Corporation. Knowing Kurosaki-san, he must have been oblivious to the malice behind her advances! She's clearly a genius with this kind of stuff. Poor Kurosaki-san probably didn't realize what was happening. The only explanation is that she recorded their steamy encounter to blackmail him into allowing this merger to happen!'**

 **'That sounds like one hell of a conspiracy theory!'**

 **'It isn't a theory, these are facts! Kuchiki-san is a disgusting woman who degrades by using her body to get what she wants. She's the absolute worst kind of person!'**

'Rukia-chan, please.'

'Keigo is correct, Rukia.' Byakuya interjected as he entered her apartment suite. 'It will do you no good to torment yourself with this nonsense.'

Rukia remained still. Her brother wasted no time in walking to her side to snatch the remote control away from the coffee table in front of her. He switched the television off and she gave no reaction. He looked down at her but she never met his gaze. She was still staring, unblinking at the blank screen in front of her. They stayed like that for a while, with Keigo watching the whole scene play out from his place in the kitchen. There was no suspence. It was like Byakuya was standing alone in that room, as if Rukia was choosing not to make her presence known. Like she was trying to disappear, but was stilling holding onto this world.

Finally, the tears fell. They were hot and stung her cheeks. She made no effort to wipe them away or bury her head. She was just looking at nothing, thinking of everything.

'Rukia.' Byakuya's tone was void of his strict character. 'How do you feel?'

'Lonely.'

Gray eyes opened just the tiniest bit wider. It was mortifying how robotic she sounded.

Keigo took notice of the unusual quality of her voice as well, dropping the flour mix in his powdery hands and gaping at his friend. Fuck, she sounded dead. She sounded like it was such a difficult task to live. It was like she was waiting for the world to finally crush her under its weight, because she didn't have the strength to throw herself off a building. A chill ran up Keigo's spine. Had she gotten to that point? Was she thinking of ending it? Was there even a need to? The monotony in her words - she was practically rotting on the inside already.

'Come now, don't be like that.' Byakuya attempted to soothe her. 'You mustn't be lonely. Your friend and I are here.'

'Sorry.'

Her brother took a deep breath in. 'Is there someone you'd like to see?'

A long pause. 'No.'

'Do you want us to leave?'

'Yes.'

'Why?'

'I...' her voice cracked. 'I don't want either of you to see me like this.'

'Like what, child?'

'Like... this.'

'I taught you to be more eloquent in your use of language.'

'Nii-sama.' she shut her eyes and exhaled in exasperation. 'Please. I don't want to be seen like this.'

'You don't want people to know you're hurting without him?'

She didn't reply or open her eyes.

'I know that loneliness all too well, Rukia. Even if there are others surrounding you, it is still lonely when the person you love most is not _with_ you.'

A sob escaped her lips. Now, she slumped her entire weight onto the couch, laying down on her side as she cried into a pillow. Her small body shook, and she felt one of her attacks coming on again. The shortness of breath, the dangerously frantic beating of her heart; she had to calm herself down or risk another trip to the hospital. But she kept crying and crying, without a sound.

Keigo swallowed hard. Looking for an excuse not to stare at her anymore, he turned around to head over to the sink and wash his hands. But he still felt her sorrow permeate the air, as grating as the wailing of a wounded animal caught in a trap as it lay begging for someone, anyone to put it out of its misery. Tears prickled his own eyes as he dried himself, a single drop running down his face. He brushed it off with a thumb, but his chest was heavy.

Rukia didn't move from her spot, but she heard Byakuya's footsteps trudge away from her. A slight wave of relief washed over her, hoping that he got the message and would be on his way. She didn't want to make her compassionate companions feel inadequate. It wasn't their fault that she felt this way. It wasn't their fault that she felt so alone.

'Let us go, Keigo.' he looked at the unfinished dumplings. 'Rukia will be able to finish making those herself. I think it would be best for us to leave. Besides, it is not us she wants to see.'

'Umm...' the brunette glanced at Rukia warily. He was hesitant to go.

'Come on. I shall drop you home.'

'If... If you say so.'

Byakuya nodded and opened the door, just as a third person was about to knock. The newcomer was surprised at the perfect timing, eyes wide as his knuckles were positioned to hit the air. Keigo stifled a gasp, not at the fact that this guy showed up - but because Byakuya was uncharacteristically aloof about it. 'Let us go, Keigo.' Who was he to argue? He followed suit, wishing that no matter what happened, it would be for the best.

Rukia couldn't do anything except continue crying. Whether her brother or Keigo were there... It didn't matter to her. She still felt as alone as she did when they were still in the apartment. It didn't feel different. If anything, it felt better. She didn't have to think of anyone else, just herself. She had been trying to power through for so long now that it was therapeutic to shed tears.

A hand rubbed her back, and she stiffened at the touch. She didn't want to be touched right now. Especially not like that, not so tenderly or careful, not like she was made of fine china.

Ichigo used to touch her like that.

She scrambled to sit upright, ready to yell at whoever it was between the two to listen to her and get out. But when she saw who it was, she suddenly felt weightless. The crying stopped and her hands flew to cover her mouth. Her heart resumed its normal beating enthusiastically, but it was threatening to punch out her chest as if it wanted to be as physically close to this man as possible.

'We won't talk about it.' Ichigo whispered, taking a seat next to her. 'I know you don't want to.'

She wanted to say something, but she was dumbstruck. A flurry of emotions struck through her, each and every feeling whipping like lighting. First fear, then anger, followed by love and finishing with sadness. 'I thought I told you I couldn't talk tonight.'

'I know. That's why we don't have to talk.'

She eyed him suspiciously. 'Then why are you here?'

'I just... I wanted to see you.'

Their gazes locked and refused to look anywhere else, despite the mute pause. There was no apprehension or suspense between them. They were simply savoring every second so close to each other, not thinking of the events of that night or the world outside. It was like they were stuck in that moment in time, a window where they could finally be together without the hindrance of uncertainty.

Ichigo didn't want that window to close. He seized that opportunity, reaching out to take her hand in his. She said nothing as he intertwined his fingers with hers. He took that as a good sign. His other arm hooked behind her, pulling her closer to him. 'I love you.'

The pain was wilting away. She was starting to breathe again. Her shackles were breaking, her cage disintegrating at the sound of his magical words. His effect on her was unreal. A great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders, only spearheading her desire. Almost losing herself to the euphoria of his sweet words, she bit her lip to bring herself back to reality. 'We aren't good for each other.'

'I don't care anymore.' he stressed, his eyes wobbling. 'I love you, Rukia. Teach me how to be good to you. I can learn. But I can't wait anymore. Who cares if we aren't perfect together? We can get better. What's important is that we're trying.'

'Ichigo, you're not being logical. The issue is so far beyond that. Don't you realize that everyone knows about my past now? Attaching yourself to me is political suicide, and you know it.'

'I'll fight them.'

'You can't win.'

'I _will_ win. I want to be with you.'

'You're a liar. I saw you with that girl. You...!' she trailed off. Her resentment lodged in her throat, preventing any words from coming out. She just stared at him incredulously, her world spinning around her. She was delirious with emotion, unable to process the hundred directions her thoughts were taking her to while calming her imploding heart.

'I love you.'

'No, you pity me.'

'I _love_ you.' he repeated, and she saw in his eyes that he was sincere. She could always see it, she just never wanted to. His aching need to protect her wasn't just of his own inherent heroism. She was special, and she knew it. That was another reason it was so hard to resist him. What they shared was unique and unbreakable, transcending time and pain. They were infinitely drawn to each other, incomplete when apart and magnetically joined when together.

'I know you want to protect me, Rukia. But I'm not your responsibility.'

'All I ever seem to do is hurt you.'

'That's not true at all. I want to be by your side.'

'Then they'll drag you out of office.'

'You should have more faith in me.'

'I just don't want you to lose everything, Ichigo.'

' _You_ are my everything.'

She made no move, but sapphire orbs were glossing over in a mix of longing and affection as they gazed up at him. Her free fingers came up to trace the outline of his lips, not once letting those fiery amber eyes out of her sight. Wriggling her hand out of his hold, she cupped his neck tenderly. She felt the vibration of a soft growl, brushing her thumb against his chin in response.

'Rukia.' he warned, balling his trembling hands into fists. 'I don't have the willpower to resist you.'

'Then... don't.' she reassured him, claiming his mouth in hers.

* * *

'Are you sure it's cool to leave those two alone?' Keigo asked nervously. The limousine was way too cold, but he was aware that his shivering was due to more than the temperature

'Does that matter?'

'I mean... I'm just surprised that you aren't really bothered. When I talk to those two separately, they both made it seem like you're the overprotective type.'

'Did they?' Byakuya crossed his legs. 'On my way to see you and my sister, I was the one who called Kurosaki over.'

'What?!'

Byakuya didn't acknowledge the shocked outburst. It was evident that he was thinking very hard about something, grey eyes stonily staring at the vodka-based concoction he swirled the strong-smelling liquid around in his glass. He liked to have a drink every now and again socially, but this time he allowed himself a solitary swig to cope with the fact that his daughterly sister was with that... Ingrate. He initially reached for the wine glass, but the tugging bundle of nerves at the back of his head reminded him that he was the one who decided to bring those two together this evening.

So he poured himself the vodka.

'It's hard to believe you'd do that.' Keigo continued. 'Are you regretting it? Cause that's a lot of booze, Kuchiki-san.'

'It has been _quite_ a night.'

'So... Does this mean that Ichigo has your blessing?'

'I do not believe that it matters what I think.' Byakuya admitted.

'But... Rukia-chan is still your sister. Don't you have an opinion?'

'Those two are bound by something stronger than my wrath. Do you actually believe that I could ever tear those two apart?'

'Yeah. I guess you're right.'

Byakuya shut his eyes. 'I just want her to find happiness.'

* * *

 _'She likes it rough. She likes being hurt.' Kaien insisted._

* * *

'Rukia... Rukia...!'

 **No. She wants to be loved.**

* * *

 _'She likes being bit and spanked. I didn't rape her.'_

* * *

'Ah... Anh, Rukia!'

 **That's not true. She likes being kissed and hugged.**

* * *

 _'You've slept with her too, Ichigo. You know what she's like.'_

* * *

'Rukia!'

'I-I..! I'm... h-here..!' she breathed, unable to speak coherently with him moving so tantalizingly slowly inside of her. Her entire body was encased by his, her arms folded in front of her to press against his chest. His hands cradled her head against him, his passionate vocalization of their lovemaking muffled by her hair.

Looking at him was enough to drive her mad with needy love. Hard muscles tensed around her, his tan color glistening with his musky sweat that also dotted in beads on his forehead. His eyebrows were furrowed erotically, nothing but her name torn time and time again from his slightly parted lips.

She screamed into his damp skin, thrashing her legs wildly as he bucked into her. She felt his pelvis begin to retreat, so she wrapped her pins around his hips to prevent him from leaving. He growled and kissed her deeply in appreciation, moaning against her open mouth as they rode out their climaxes.

When they were both spent, he snaked his arms around her back and pressed her form so tightly against him it was like he was trying to memorize her every detail. He kissed the top of her head over and over, whispering that he loved her repeatedly as he felt her tears stain his skin. She wasn't replying, but he didn't care. As long as she knew he loved her, nothing else mattered.

He knew she loved him too. It was just hard. It had always been hard, for both of them.

'Why?' she asked quietly, and he pulled away so that they were looking at each other. 'Why do you keep coming back?'

'I love you.' he kissed her forehead. 'I love you so much.'

'I love you too.' she choked. 'But that isn't enough.'

'Yes, it is.'

'What if we fight again?'

'We'll work through it.'

'What if we leave each other again?'

'I'll never leave you again.'

'Why me?'

'I love you.' his amber eyes were now glowing at their centers with an emotional fire. 'I want a house, with a nice bedroom where I can wake up to you. I want your beautiful face to be the first and last thing I see every day for the rest of my life. I want _children_ with you. I want to grow old with you, I...' he shook his head. 'I want you, Rukia.'

'What if we can't have that?'

'Then that's fine by me. I just want to love you.'

She remained silent for a long time. He was starting to worry. He pulled one arm from around her so that he could cup her face. Her features softened and she smiled sweetly at him. His heart jumped at that. It was a genuine smile, one he hadn't seen on her for a very long time. 'I want a future with you, too.'

He bit his lip and kissed her roughly, groaning and hissing as his tongue probed her moist crevice. He couldn't see, but she was crying heavily all throughout. No matter what happened in the past, no matter how hard the present was, no matter what - she wanted that future with him. It was selfish and they weren't ready, but she wanted it.

Eventually, he lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom. He laid her gently on the bed and she immediately ducked under the covers. He playfully feigned irritation until she came out of her hiding, her eyes twinkling as she pulled him under the sheets with her. He enveloped her in his warm embrace until he felt her entire body relax in his arms. He set her down on the mattress gently, laying on his side so that he could have a good view of her angelic face.

Ichigo stared at her peaceful body, ironically knowing more than anyone that she couldn't go on like this anymore. The course of her life was too fast-paced. If nothing changed, her illness would take a turn for the worst.

He didn't know what to do.

He wanted to save her.

He didn't know what to do.

He needed the strength to get through this.

He stood up and slipped on his trousers. He had to attend to his phone, which he had placed on silent. Rubbing the back of his neck, he grumbled to himself in anxious anticipation of the dozen messages that were sure to crowd his home screen. Most would be from his security detail, the others were sure to be from his press secretary.

Before committing to replying back, he wanted to wash his face in the bathroom. After splashing himself with refreshing water from the sink, he examined himself in the mirror. His cheeks bronzed a reddish tint when he noticed something different about himself. There was a golden glow glimmer about him, a happy light reflected in his features. His skin was flushed, highlighting the vibrancy of his eyes and hair. He looked younger, more alive.

Rukia always had this effect on him.

He dried his hands with a towel and turned on his heel. He walked slowly, stretching his sore limbs. For some reason, he was untroubled. Tomorrow, the media would peck at both of them but he would come out with his feelings for her. They'd burn him, but he'd steer the conversation to the issues that people should be talking about rather than how his private affairs were of any concern to Japan's progressive revolution.

He had to stand up to centuries of traditional norms and attitudes.

He could do it. He had to do it, to be with her.

Out of nowhere, a bicep curled under his neck painfully, a large hand yanking his hair back.

'Hey, Kurosaki.' Grimmjow hissed into his rival's ear. 'Did your mother never teach you to lock the door?'

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you to everyone for supporting this story! You guys really make my day and give me the confidence to write each and every chapter.

Thank you to **Althatsyu, Shirayuki992, Carupin, NieveDrop, blissbeat, achalida, schoolgurl95, Redly24, Kasai to Kasumi, RukiYuki, han-ichiruki, ZIRS, Luna-Dara, FunnyEasyMe, jobananasan, applepieshiomai, a** nd all the **Guest** reviewers!

 **Althatsyu** , it's an inconvenient truth that people just generally like to watch others burn. I think society is very critical, which is why it's so important to have conversations that challenge the way the public perceives something. Sex tapes are a prime example of how we tend to butt into things that we shouldn't. I totally agree that people need to be more compassionate!

 **Shirayuki992** , thank you for your well wishing! I am now in perfect condition, thanks so much!

 **blissbeat** , agh thank you so much those are such huge compliments! I'm honored by your support. As exposing as it was, I think it's important that she take back her agency.

 **Guest** , **Marry Me, Shinigami!** has already been updated.

 **han-ichiruki** , her selflessness is definitely what I like most about her character! I think what I'm trying to show in the beginning of this chapter is Ichigo's struggle to fight by his code of honor; legally, with consensual input from those involved. But he's realizing by the end of it that it's hard to do so when your opponent fights dirty.

 **jobananasan** , exactly! This really pisses me off about a lot of people; they pass moral judgement as if they haven't done anything wrong in their lives, ever. Unfortunately, judgement doesn't discriminate between age or sex. Yes, to be fair, Ichigo was young and he didn't know what was going on. Byakuya tried to help her by controlling her, which only pushed her further away. Also, I'm so happy you got the meaning of the chapter title! I thought it appropriate to entitle it **Goddess** because in that moment, she is powerful and totally selfless. It was empowerment by protecting the one she loves.

 **applepieshiomai** , at this point Ichigo no longer cares about working up to it. He's just laying his heart out on the table even though he knows that isn't enough. But he can't wait anymore, he fears that he'll lose her.

 **Guest** , Kaien's talk with Ichigo was more confrontational than it was plot progression. He insists that he did nothing wrong and that Rukia is the one at fault for half-heartedly involving herself with him. I wanted this conversation to underline how narrative can really convolute the reality of a situation.

Thanks so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	22. Trash

'K-Kuchiki-san...' Keigo smiled crookedly in an attempt to look non-imposing. His arms were up in a mock surrender position but his eyes were bulging out of their sockets. 'D-Don't you think that's enough for tonight?'

'No.'

'Well... Are you gonna be alright?'

'I am fine.'

'You can't be fine after drinking all of that!'

'Do not concern yourself with my diet.' Byakuya poured himself another drink. This was about to be his third serving for the evening. Strangely enough, he didn't feel sick at all. Actually, he felt pretty relaxed. Really relaxed. Life could be better, but it was getting there. The Jaegerjacquez case was coming close to prosecution, his sister told the world the truth on her own terms, and she was finally reunited with the person she loved - an infuriatingly liberal democrat with absolutely no manners despite being a full grown adult.

And it was all made possible because of himself, her brother. Who disapproved of the match in the first place. And did everything he could to keep them apart for _seven_ years.

Another stinging gulp eased Byakuya's sore mind just a little more. The irony of it all was too painful a pill to swallow without alcohol.

'Mm.' the businessman pursed his lips at the bitter aftertaste. 'That's good.'

'Shit.' Keigo breathed. 'You're drunk.'

'That I am.'

A cellphone rang, the sound echoing gratingly against the Kuchiki's ears due to his intoxicated state. Begrudgingly, he set his drank down on the bar counter he had installed in the limousine's interior. It was supposed to be for decorative purposes to impress guests. Who knew that it would actually come in handy one day? Well, no harm in putting it to use.

He inhaled deeply and rubbed his face in an effort to sober himself up as he retrieved his phone from his pocket. He dropped it once, twice, before clicking his tongue and finally pressing the device against his face. It felt oddly cool on his flushed cheek.

Keigo bit his lip to prevent a chuckle from escaping. It was amusing to see the stoic Byakuya Kuchiki move so sluggishly.

'Renji.' the impaired entrepreneur slurred. 'What?'

'Sir?' the redhead replied hesitantly. His boss never addressed him when he picked up before. It was always just a grunt or soft breathing that let the personal bodyguard know that his call had been received. 'Are you OK?'

'Never been better.'

'Umm... Really?'

'Yes.'

'Yeah?'

'Yes!' he snapped. 'I am _fantastic_! Why are you calling me at this time?'

'Sir, I've received a written message from your intelligence committee. I was told to pass it on to you so that there would be no recorded electronic exchange between the committee's contact details and yours.'

'And why did they not deliver the physical note directly to me?'

'Sir, it was assumed that you would head to the Kuchiki manor immediately after the gala. Since you weren't home, I took the message.'

'Did you open it?'

'No.'

'Well, open it.'

'H-Huh?! Sir, are you sure?!' That was unusual. Byakuya never liked it when his second-in-command would probe into matters that the entrepreneur wanted to handle personally. Especially when it came to the intelligence committee; they were in charge of handling all highly classified affairs of the Kuchikis.

'Renji.' he was starting to get annoyed. 'I assure you, I do _not_ have the time or energy to deal with anything when I get back. I would like to collapse on my bed and remain undisturbed in my room. So, any pressing matters I must deal with, I would like to tackle before I reach the nirvana that is my mansion.'

'Umm... Yes, sir!'

Byakuya listened to the rustling of an envelope being opened. He took the extra time to run a hand through his hair, regretting all the alcohol he ingested. As if reading his mind, Keigo leaned forward to take a water bottle out of the mini fridge. He tilted it towards the older man, who snagged it out of his hands urgently. 'Renji?' he probed, taking a sip. 'What does it say?'

'Umm...'

'Renji.'

'Ulquiorra Cifer has been murdered in his cell.'

And Byakuya thought the evening couldn't possibly get any worse.

* * *

'You know, it was really easy to sneak in while you both fuck each other like you were filming your own porn - so _loud_!' Grimmjow taunted, tightening his hold on the shorter man. Ichigo struggled without much sound, astute to the fact that Rukia was within an alarmingly near proximity to them. 'Especially you. You get _really_ into it.'

'Fuck you!'

'Rukia! Rukia!' Grimmjow mocked in a singsong voice, latching his nails onto tan cheeks and scratching deeply upwards. Ichigo gave no audible response, although his body shuddered in discomfort. The drug pusher was simultaneously amused and bewildered that his victim wasn't screeching in pain. 'You must really like how she feels, huh? I get it. She's so soft and warm inside, and _so_ receptive.'

'Don't...!' he choked, his vision blurring. 'Don't talk about her!'

'Why not? We used to kiss, you know.' he laughed when that declaration sparked a violent reaction. Ichigo desperately tried to hit his opponent, throwing punches backwards and trying to swing his weight in any direction, but to no avail. It wasn't the strength of his captor, but the positioning that was making it difficult to break free. He was starting to sweat, both frustrated and angry that his nemesis had gotten the upper hand in this situation. His lungs weren't getting enough oxygen. He needed to escape from this grapple as soon as possible. 'She loves being kissed, but I'm sure you know that. Shall I show you how I used to kiss her?'

Before the politician could respond, his mouth was claimed by a brutal kiss. He froze in complete disbelief at what was happening. Grimmjow took that as an opportunity to dart his tongue in and out of the non-consenting crevice, grinning as he tasted Rukia's flavor as well. It was only when he groaned at his victorious manhandling of his enemy that Ichigo snapped out of his stupor and bit down. _Hard_.

Despite his sharp recoil, Grimmjow wasted no time in shoving three of his fingers into Ichigo's mouth. Sharp nails scraped the insides of his cheeks, but the politician's teeth grit so forcefully one would think he was actually trying to bite the invading digits off clean. Grimmjow tried to retract his fingers, but Ichigo's jaw was locked in place. Growing increasingly nervous, the drug dealer yanked his orange hair back to forcefully free himself.

'You _dog_!' Grimmjow howled in pain, clutching his bleeding hand in the other. 'I'll kill you!'

Ichigo was seeing red.

He was going to kill this man. He _had_ to kill this man.

It was all because of this degenerate scum that Rukia was suffering so much more than she should have to. It was because of his selfishness, his unwillingness to part with their horrifying past, that she felt like she had to be ashamed. Even though she had no choice, even though it was do-or-die. Even though it took all her strength to do the unthinkable - strength no sixteen year-old girl could have.

This man made her feel shame in that.

He had to die. He had to disappear. Maybe then Rukia could forget him, and all the trauma associated with him. She could move on and have a life outside of the confines of her guilt and humiliation. She wouldn't play games, she wouldn't push the people who loved her away. Her heart might be able to heal. She might be able to open up her soul again.

He had to protect her.

'Kurosaki!'

Ichigo didn't even feel the impact of the ground as he charged at the taller man, slamming them both onto the marbled floor. He used his weight to pin Grimmjow down and grip his throat with a strength he never knew he had. His thumbs were pressing harshly against a bump that seemed to knock the air right out of those icy eyes, widening in panic as his mouth open and closed without ever succeeding in swallowing a sufficient mouthful of air.

' _Kill_ me?' Ichigo grinned wickedly. 'You're going to _kill_ me? One of us is dying tonight and I promise it won't be me!'

For the first time since his mother shot her husband in the head, Grimmjow knew what it meant to fear for his life.

The man on top of him was most definitely not the same man he ambushed. Pure murderous intent flashed in those golden eyes, and there was absolutely no weakness or hesitation in his vengeful muscles. It was petrifying how much evil was radiating from this supposedly benevolent public figure. There was no semblance of humanity reflected in those amber orbs. In fact, it looked like he was enjoying this, soaking in this moment of victory while he watched his prey jostle with death by his hand.

That angered the orphan, whose own pair of hands flew up to choke his adversary with as much force as he could muster. Ichigo's features remained unchanging, so Grimmjow tightened his grip - but the statesman's cruel smirk only deepened. Then, a low chuckle escaped his throat, taunting the criminal further.

Fuck him. _Fuck_ him. What was he smiling about? His precious Rukia's reputation was incinerated into ashes. She would never be able to move past her deliciously scandalous public announcement, _never_! So what was so funny? Why was this _jackass_ still smiling?! What was so funny? _What_ was so funny?

Was it funny to finally feel like he was on top?

Was it funny that he was winning?

Was it funny to feel like a _king_?

'You t-think you're a big boy n-now?' Grimmjow barked brokenly, finding it difficult to speak with his neck caught in a stronghold. 'You think you're a t-tough guy, just because you're on t-top?!'

'Hmm?' Ichigo tilted his head to the side playfully. 'Sorry. It's hard to understand you. Can you try speaking more lucidly?'

In Grimmjow's mind, the room was spinning at an increasingly rapid speed. He could taste a metallic coat on his tongue originating from his throat, and he recognized it was the unpleasant mix of blood and bile. He tried to choke his rival harder, but his fingers were beginning to tremble as if the lack of oxygen was already taking a toll on his consciousness.

'You're finally going to get what you deserve, Grimmjow.'

Cold hands slid down tan skin, Grimmjow's foreign features contorting in defeat. Unbelievable. To think that he would lose like this. And out of everyone, to this man. This... nuisance who clung pathetically to that _whore_.

The mere thought of her sparked a fighting spirit within her weary tormentor. He couldn't lose. He couldn't be shaken off of his throne now. Why was he left to rot alone, and she somehow absolved of all her sins with a lover by her side? He wouldn't let that happen, not in a million years. He didn't want to be happy or forgiven - he just wanted to be powerful. And he would use that power to thwart all those who opposed him, especially the very woman who first drove him into the hell of solitude in the first place.

He needed to be powerful. He needed to win. He needed to be the one on top.

With a newfound resolve, Grimmjow swung a punch that landed right into Ichigo's jaw. Instinctively, the injured politician retracted a hand to feel around his aching face. Grimmjow took the opening and grabbed him by the shoulders, flipping him over so that they now switched positions. Ichigo realized his mistake far too late, and at that point could do nothing but raise his arms in front of his face to block some of the blows in Grimmjow's relentless assault.

'You're finished, Kurosaki! You're gonna lose to me! _I_ am the k _ing_!' he roared thunderously. It was his turn to bare his teeth in a menacing grin, his canines giving him an animalistic resemblance.

Strangely enough, Ichigo wasn't at all intimidated by the situation. He was already starting to think of his next move whilst attempting to push this man off of him. It was only when he saw Grimmjow reach for a weapon in his back pocket that Ichigo was starting to lose himself in a panic.

Grimmjow unsheathed the knife.

* * *

'I regret to inform you that I won't be able to personally escort you home.' Byakuya feigned remorse. 'After the chauffeur drops me off at the penitentiary, he will bring you to your home. Unfortunately, you will have to make that trip alone.'

'No problem!' Keigo chirped a little too sweetly. He could tell that Byakuya was shaken by the conversation he had with Renji, but the former classmate of Rukia's couldn't make out what was being said. He knew that even if he asked, Byakuya probably wouldn't tell him. He looked like he was too deep in thought, too engrossed in what he learned to be calm enough to share it.

After all, if it was something that could make the stoic Byakuya Kuchiki crack, then it must be of great importance and utmost confidentiality.

Keigo sighed and leaned back in his seat. He peered out the window and recognized the familiar streets they were passing by. That meant that they were drawing closer to his place. It was kind of weird to think that he could go home and sleep like nothing happened. As if his friend didn't just out herself in front of the entire world, only to be scrutinized by strangers who had the audacity to talk about her like they knew her.

 _I'm sure that if they knew her... They wouldn't be so horrible._

If only they knew how much pain she was in every single day because of that one choice she made.

It didn't feel right to leave. He had to go back and comfort her. But what would he be able to do? He couldn't touch her without her recoiling in fear. He couldn't speak to her because she wasn't listening to what he had to say. She was unresponsive to him, and to her own brother. She effectively shut herself away to avoid more pain.

Even though Ichigo had always been the man to caress her broken heart, would he really be of any use to her right now? When his own heart was breaking, when he himself couldn't stand up straight in the face of all that was going on? Byakuya may have meant well when he brought those two together for the evening, but Ichigo's volatility increased tenfold whenever the situation at hand had anything to do with Rukia.

He could destroy them both.

'Is something wrong?' Byakuya asked when he noticed his sister's friend patting himself down with a comically gloomy expression.

'I left my keys at her place.' Keigo lied.

He just needed to get back there. He had a horrible premonition.

* * *

Rukia woke with a start.

The sounds a struggle sent an ominous streak of dread up her spine. She didn't think to find her clothes in the living room, so she wrapped a thin, white bedsheets around her to clothe herself somewhat. She wanted to call out to her lover, but feared that her loud intervention would distract him and make matters worse.

Slowly, she tiptoed towards the direction of the noise. It was coming from her bathroom. The door was shut. Blue eyes narrowed when the grunts and groans quieted, replaced by a rhythmic thumping. Her heart was beating uncontrollably, pounding in her eardrums painfully. From the corner of her eye, she saw a deep, red liquid seep out from under the door.

'Ichigo!' she couldn't stop herself from screaming. Her wobbling legs carried her clumsily to the scene of the crime, feeble arms pushing the door open unceremoniously.

She stiffened at the sight.

There was the man she loved, on top of the man she hated.

Repeatedly punching his bloody face, which was already bleeding from every orifice; his eyes, nose, mouth - no opening was left unsoiled by the bubbling crimson. Grimmjow's lids were closed, and she was horrified that she couldn't tell if he was breathing. Ichigo's eyes were ironically full of life as he hit his already indisposed opponent again and again, his naked torso that she likened to an ancient warrior's splattered in red.

'Ichigo.' she called again, but he wasn't responding to her voice. She wanted to run to his side and physically restrain him, but her legs felt like they were made of lead. The sight was hypnotic. Never before had she seen Ichigo like this. It wasn't that she was frightened, but rather she was in shock. She would never, in a million years, imagine that he would be able to do such a heinous thing.

How did this happen?

Before she fell asleep, Ichigo was on top _her_ , making love to her with the most loving eyes.

And now, he was beating the shit out of another human being.

'Ichigo!' came her raspy cry, her whole body suddenly becoming weightless. She darted to his back, wrapping her arms around his chest and trying to pull upwards to pry him off of the lifeless body he was pummelling. She didn't have to try for long. As soon as he felt her skin on his, he stood up and backed away from Grimmjow's still form. His entire frame was tingling with the last remnants of adrenaline coursing through his system and his brain was only just fully registering what happened.

'Rukia.' he said instinctively, a flurry of mixed emotions flooding him all at once. 'Rukia.' he repeated, searching the room for her even though he should have known that she was right behind him.

'You're bleeding.' she noted as she run a hand over the gaping slash at his stomach. A knot formed in her throat as she felt the broken skin and slimy blood coat her palm. Her shoulders were aching and every inhale she took pierced her lungs as if she were chucking them full of ice. 'Ichigo. You're _bleeding_!'

'Rukia. I'm sorry.' he turned around and cupped her face. His eyes were clouding in tears, but her warmth brought some sanity to his senses. 'I just didn't want him to hurt you anymore.'

'We n-need to get help.'

'Rukia.'

'I h-have to call for h-help.'

'Rukia!' he caught her in his arms as she went limp. Her irregular heartbeat was thumping dangerously in her chest, and she knew that was the reason why her vision was turning hazy. She felt like vomiting, like all her insides had been liquified and she now had to expel the gunky mess inside of her. She felt sick, but she didn't feel sad - and that made her feel even sicker. Her anxiety was skyrocketing through the ceiling, her gaze never leaving Ichigo's fresh wound. She couldn't have one of her attacks, not now. She wasn't the one who needed urgent care.

'Ichigo, we need to get you to a hospital.'

'I need to call the police.'

'No!' she screeched, her own tears finally pooling. 'This is bad, Ichigo. Really, really bad. On _you_. Don't call the police.'

'I'm a grown man, Rukia.'

'That doesn't matter, _don't_ call the police!'

'I have to.'

'I don't care!'

'Ruk-' a cough cut him off. She squeaked as a spray of blood fell on her face, his weight collapsing on her. She pushed against him, but her weakened state rendered her useless against his bulk. Eventually, she gave up and allowed her back to lay flat on the floor, her small body immobilized by his mass. She gagged involuntarily as her new position allowed the metallic stench of blood permeate her nose. She started shaking again as it dawned on her that Grimmjow lay motionless just a few footsteps away.

'Ichigo...?' she whispered into his ear. Her hands fisted in his hair when he didn't respond, and her tears seeped through the corners of her eyes when she felt his body starting to turn cold. 'Ichigo?' she repeated, kissing the side of his face in the hopes of stimulating a reaction from him. 'Ichigo.' angrier, more impatient.

'... you.'

'What?' she asked a little too excitedly, thanking the high heavens for the sound of his voice. But he didn't say anything again, so her nervousness returned with a vengeance. She propped his face up with one hand, a sob escaping when she saw that his eyes were shut. She kissed him on the lips once, twice, before allowing his head to fall by the side of her cheek. 'Ichigo, what?' she breathed into his ear, kissing him everywhere.

No response.

'Rukia-chan?!' she heard Keigo's voice call as the door slammed open. 'Rukia-chan, where are you?!'

'Rukia.' Byakuya called as well. 'This is not the time for hide and seek, child. Why was the door unlocked?'

'Rukia-chan!'

She knew they'd find her anyway, so she stayed silent and let the tears flow with Ichigo wrapped in her arms.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone supporting this story! This chapter was published a little later because I didn't realize how difficult it would be to choreograph a fight. That, and there were gruesome bits that really made me cringe as I wrote them. It was definitely a challenge to finish this chapter, although I took longer than I would have liked to!

 **Shirayuki992** , Ichigo is definitely a character that I wrestle to understand sometimes. Every chapter, I wonder if I've portrayed him accurately. He has a lot of good and bad qualities, but I think that speaks to how much Kubo has invested in exploring his character! Even in the manga, there were so many times when I disagreed with him and ended being so frustrated at the choices he made. Having said that, he's consistently been a person with the best interests of others in mind. It's difficult for me to capture his fickle nature while highlighting that he means well!

 **Althatsyu** , I totally agree with everything you're saying! It's unfortunate, but the world just isn't like that right now. Women are always being put to shame, even if the onus of the situation doesn't sit solely on them. Ahh, no way! Would you happen to remember which story it was? I need to thank the author!

 **Kasai to Kasumi** , haha Grimmjow has indeed always struck me as childish in his brutality!

 **jobananasan** , Keigo will have a happy closure in this story! Keigo has been very useful in the plot in the sense that I use him to highlight how Rukia's relationship with Ichigo is very different from her relationships with others, like Keigo and Byakuya. Those two can be very concerned for her, but ultimately fall flat when it comes to having to touch her soul - unlike Ichigo, who touches her heart effortlessly. Yes, that whole exchange between Ichigo and Rukia was supposed to be sort of dream-like. I wanted to show that when they're together, their reasoning and inhibitions jus fly out the window and that isn't necessarily a good thing... But it is a pure thing, and that speaks to their love for each other even if they are currently not the best people to each other.

 **Guest** , I think Byakuya sees IchiRuki as a lesser evil!

Thanks so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	23. Peace Is Possible

_I like this._

 _It feels... nice._

 _It's so warm..._

 _I know this warmth._

 _My heart flutters as I recognize the familiarity of Rukia's arms around me. Her smooth limbs are wrapped around my head, holding me to her chest. My eyelids open hesitantly, surprised to be greeted by the blinding brightness of unstained white. It wasn't just her skin - everywhere around me was a vast, endless white with no end in sight. Only Rukia's black hair broke that color, the silky strands cascading down the curves of her body and onto my beaten form._

 _I pulled away and looked up at her. She doesn't acknowledge the movement. Her eyes are closed and her lips are parted. Is she sleeping? She looks so peaceful. Are we lying down, standing, or sitting? I couldn't tell. All I knew was that we were entangled together, the textures of our skins sticking together like they were made to be that way, two pieces of a puzzle that always fit. She felt like satin; creamy and soft. I wondered if it bothered her that I was horribly rough in comparison to her._

 _'Rukia.' I call out to her._

 _She remains motionless._

 _'Rukia.' I repeat._

 _Still no reaction._

 _'Rukia. Rukia. Rukia.' I chant over and over, getting more anxious as she refuses to move. I travel upwards so that our faces are right in front of each other. I was relieved to see her breathing. I raise my hands to cup her face as delicately as I could. As if she were made of the thinnest glass, or perhaps if she were the lone petal on a wilting flower. Even though I knew she was strong; the strongest woman I've ever met._

 _My heart beats faster and I swear I could hear its thundering shaking us. My breathing turns ragged, and I feel tears burning my eyes. I wasn't sad. I wasn't grieving. I don't really know why I wanted to cry. Before I realized it, tiny droplets were splashing onto her face, breaking into even smaller sprinkles._

 _She looks happy. Her life is quiet. Nothing can get to us here. No one can abuse her here._

 _There's no blood, no pain._

 _She's safe._

 _'I love you, Rukia.' I say without thinking, and her eyes open as if by magic. Violet embers danced in those rich blue orbs - I have never seen her so alive. I can't believe it that she's beneath me without even a little bit of agony reflected in her features. So I trace my fingers along the contour of her jaw, making sure that this was actually happening._

 _'I love you, Rukia.'_

 _I'll never get tired of saying it._

 _She mouths something that I can't really make out, but I would like to think that she was trying to tell me that she loved me too. I lean in and brush my lips against hers, as though I were asking for permission to kiss her._

 _She smiles._

 _So I envelope her lips in mine, massaging the insides of her mouth with my tongue as lovingly as I could. My hands were shaking as I held her face in place, like I couldn't believe what was happening. All my senses were consumed by this one woman; her flavour, her scent, the feeling of her skin beneath my fingers - it was maddeningly satisfying._

 _And the way she was looking at me._

 _It was like she had just woken up from a deep slumber and all the torment she had ever known was just a bad dream. All the fights and misunderstandings we've had just seem so worthless and stupid now. I don't care if we haven't been the best people to each other. I don't care that we still have a lot to figure out. I don't care that we have a lot to learn even though we've already given too much of ourselves._

 _Rukia._

 _I love her._

 _And I don't care about anything else at this point. I just prayed that somehow, we could be together. All that I am, all the power that I've acquired, the strength that I've fought so hard for - that was all for her sake. I would never be able to come as far as I have without her. I would have been content living in that small town forever, never expanding my horizons or exploring what's really out there for me._

 _Maybe you don't realize this, Rukia. But you made me who I am._

 _'Rukia.'_

 _It doesn't hurt here. I'm not hurting. She's not hurting. We aren't in pain._

 _And we're together._

 _I want to stay here._

 _With her._

 _Forever._

* * *

 **5 HOURS**

 **...**

It was an ungodly hour of the morning, but Rukia didn't feel sleepy at all.

She had just been interviewed by the Karakura police, who had been summoned to her apartment by an emergency call from a concerned neighbour who heard all the ruckus. There was no way she could have known they were coming. There was nothing she could have done. But because of the lawful involvement now dragged into this mess, there was too much uncertainty surrounding everyone and everything.

The timing also couldn't have been worse. Both Ichigo's and Rukia's names have been all over the news channels due to the catastrophe that was the Kuchiki-held gala. It was only a matter of time before a reporter found out about the events that transpired later on in the evening and use it to compose a juicy piece about politically-driven sex and potential murder.

How horrible did that sound? To have your sex tape leaked and then have the public find out that your alleged lover was stabbed in your bathroom.

With the person who leaked the aforementioned tape in the first place bleeding out of every orifice just a few feet away from him.

Truthfully, reality hadn't really sunken in yet.

The adopted noble had been through quite a bit in her life, but nothing compared to the devastation eating away at her at the moment.

At least when she was prostituting herself, she felt like an active agent. She didn't feel idle, she knew she was doing something to meet a specific end.

But now, as she stood across the room from Ichigo as he lay on a hospital bed in the intensive care unit, she felt like a powerless moron. All she could do was stay put and hope for the best. Yet the man she loved was battling for his life. His vitals were stable as of now, but the doctors told her that he had lost too much blood. They had to keep a close watch on him.

Another piece of information they shared was that he had suffered moderate head injuries that could have caused brain trauma. They warned her after they administered the first-aid treatment that he had bled into his brain, so the possibility existed that the organ could have been compromised. Though they were able to stop the bleeding, the damage could have already been done. There was no way to be certain without actually taking a look, so the medical personnel went ahead and performed the tests. The results would take some time. They would know the outcome later on in the day, when the sun came up.

Rukia balled her hands into fists.

Why did this happen? How could he have been so reckless? He fought for her. Why? To think that he charged at Grimmjow for her, that he abandoned his morality and pummelled another human being into the ground with the intent of _killing_ him.

Did he think that she wanted revenge? Did he think that if he obliterated her childhood devil that she would feel better? No, that wasn't what she wanted at all. She didn't need any of that. She didn't want vengeance, she didn't need retribution.

She believed in karma.

All the pain she went through, all the suffering she had to endure - it must have been the price she had to pay so that she could meet Ichigo.

Ichigo, who she loved more than anything or anyone. Who loved _her_ to a fault. No matter what kind of crap they put each other through, no matter what may come their way, they always gravitated back towards each other. It may not be the healthiest relationship, and they weren't the perfect couple. But they loved each other and it felt _right_. She had already forgotten long ago what it meant to be happy.

But happiness was endless in his arms.

 _He_ was her happy ending. _He_ was her sun in the never-ending nothingness of the haunting night that had become her life.

If he couldn't wake up...

'Is that necessary?' Rukia's voice cracked as she witnessed Ichigo's unconscious body being handcuffed to the side of his bed.

The officer she questioned didn't even look at her. His back remained turned to her as he manhandled the incapacitated politician with all the gentleness of a jackhammer. The orange-haired statesman was practically being thrown around like a rag yanked Ichigo's arm with so much force that a limp hand hit the railings of the hospital bed with a shrill clang.

'Be careful!' she scolded without thinking, and only then did the stranger in uniform whip his head around to glare at her.

'Yes, it's necessary.' he barked back. 'Kurosaki-san is considered a dangerous individual.'

'Dangerous individual? You can't be serious. He's unconscious!'

'We can't anticipate his behaviour when he wakes up. Restraining him is a precaution we take for _your_ safety.'

'He would never hurt me. He isn't that kind of person.'

'You don't know that.'

'I _do_ know that. I _know_ him.'

'Oh, really? You told us that you were briefly classmates with him for your senior year in high school. The two of you haven't even in been in the country for more than a couple months at a time. How well could you possibly know him?'

'I _know_ him.'

Her insistence was causing the policeman distress. It was rare that anyone talk back to him, considering his position as an enforcer of the law. He had power. He had control. Hardly anyone stood up to that. His disgust was visibly evident in his facial features, judgemental eyes leering at her with so much distaste she might as well have been an insect in his presence. That was exactly how he saw her; a bug, less than human.

How dare a woman talk to a man that way.

Telling him what to do, trying to tell him he was wrong. Challenging his authority. How dare she.

When she was nothing more but a cheap whore.

'Women.' he snarled, eyeing her from head to foot. She caught the poison in his eyes but thought it was wise not to aggravate him further. That contorted mouth turned into a smile as he shook his head in a strange mix of pity and amusement. 'Women.' he repeated, now looking right into her weary eyes. 'They think they know a man if they've slept with him.'

Insulted to the very core, Rukia felt a surge of anger dart through her veins. But she was typically a woman of reason, especially when it came to business - so she kept her mouth shut and contented herself by cursing this hateful man in her thoughts. There was someone else more deserving of her attention. Tears choked her as she watched her partner be bound helplessly. It was such an injustice. It was so wrong.

This would never have happened if she never came into his life.

 _She_ should be the one chained.

'Get out.'

'What?' she murmured, snapping out of her stupor.

'I said, get out. No one is allowed to be in the same room as the suspect.'

'Why?' her stomach flipped.

Nausea.

The room was spinning.

This can't be real.

'As soon as he regains consciousness, we will be taking him to a cell equipped with the necessary medical instruments. But he's too dangerous to have around people right now, especially if he really was the one who beat that other guy up.'

'This is ridiculous.' she hissed. 'What's wrong with being by his side? You've cuffed him, he can't even touch me!'

'Oh, calm down.'

Calm? How could she be calm at a time like this?

This was Ichigo they were talking about. Ichigo - the man who believed in her when no one else would. The man who tried to understand her when she hurt him in unforgivable fashions. The man who stuck by her side and never gave up on her, even when they were destroying each other.

He was walking on the tightrope of death's doorstep. How was she supposed to leave him at a time like this?

'How can I be calm?! He sacrificed himself for me! What's wrong with being by his side!?'

Her head was pounding. Her body felt numb all over. She didn't even feel like she had a body. It was like her shell had completely disintegrated and left her weightless, hovering around the area like a ghost with unfinished business. She hardly felt it when the officer pushed her by the shoulders to drag her out of the room. It only registered that the sight of her lover lying immobile was drifting further and further away. Subconsciously, she reached out for him with her hand.

He put his life on the line for her; his vitality, his career, his reputation.

And now she couldn't even be by his side.

* * *

 **9 DAYS, 13 HOURS**

 **...**

'Your legal team will be representing Ichigo Kurosaki?'

'Yes.' Byakuya answered begrudgingly. He crossed his legs in the wooden seat of the office. It was cheap material - fitting for such a classless man. His companion, the warden of the Karakura penitentiary, stared back at him incredulously. This case had been open for a week now, with all the concerned people at the scene of the crime already been interrogated.

Except for the comatose politician.

That detail was complicating things quite a bit. That, coupled with the fact that Uquiorra Cifer had been murdered in his cell on the same day that Ichigo Kurosaki visited him and - according to guards situated outside the room who served as witnesses - threatened to hang him, rendered the hot-headed congressman the primary suspect. Even worse, Grimmjow Jeagerjacquez was battered to a bloody pulp by the very same person less than twenty-four hours after the first felony. And it was no secret within Ichigo's department that he wanted to handle a secretive case pertaining to Grimmjow personally. It seemed as if the two men had a longtime vendetta against each other that no one could get to the bottom of.

Needless to say, Ichigo was in a fragile situation.

And he wasn't even awake to defend himself.

'Why are you doing this, Kuchiki-san?'

'No particular reason.' he lied. 'It is my prerogative.'

'But you know that he'll be appointed a lawyer by the state, right?'

'Oh, I know. However, I also know that as a statesman, his case is... a matter of personal interest to the government. Excuse my honesty, but we both know that you will throw him under the bus and condemn his character as a way of showcasing that his actions in this scandal are not supported by the moral doctrine of our country's leadership. If this boy will have any hope of getting justice, it will not be under your supervision.'

'Look.' he rubbed his temples. This whole situation was giving him a perpetual headache. And not just any ordinary headache. It was absolutely mind-splitting, like a giant insects had crawled into his brain and was gnawing at it. 'You're not really helping me out here.'

Since the beginning of this investigation, no one involved in the case had gotten so much as a wink's worth of sleep. The state was pressuring them to solve it as quickly as they could. But that was impossible considering the lack of reliable testimonies. The only person who could have shed light on anything was Rukia Kuchiki - and she was asleep in the other room when most of the assault took place. That, coupled with the fact that she was screwing their primary suspect gave the impression that her word was not to be trusted.

Taking all of this into account, an objective outsider would have no problem understanding the warden's position. Byakuya already knew that. The problem was that the businessman had a personal stake in this - his sister. If anything were to happen to the brat, Rukia would only use it to fuel her self-deprecation. Byakuya couldn't risk her acting on her foolish selflessness, not while the whole world was anxiously waiting on their next move.

And whether he liked it or not, that boy was Rukia's greatest happiness.

And that was all he wanted - for her to be happy.

* * *

 **13 DAYS, 16 HOURS**

 **...**

'Rukia-chan...'

'Asano.' Rukia croaked. Her voice was raspy from a continuous lack of sleep. When she did manage to drift off into light slumber, her body would wake her with an overwhelming unease. It was always like waking up to a nightmare, even though she didn't remember her dreams anymore. 'How are you?'

'I'm good!' he chirped, handing her a bottle of water. 'I brought you some water from the vending machine. I was about to bring you food, but you never eat what I have to offer.'

'I'm sorry.' she took the bottle from him. 'I just haven't had an appetite lately.'

'You should take care of yourself more.'

'I'm fine.'

'No, you're not! You're here every single day...'

'I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.'

'You should at least rest.'

'Impossible.'

Keigo sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. He was growing increasingly frustrated with her. Over the years, they've developed a wonderful friendship that brought both of them joyful times. However, he could never actually shake her stubbornness. At first, it was admirable. But now, it was just really annoying. He needed her to leave and get well. She was obviously sick from worrying and staying up so late all the time. For once, he just wanted her to prioritize herself.

Ichigo would never forgive him if he let her waste away.

Even if Ichigo never woke up, Keigo was sure that he would want her to move on; advance her career, go out with her friends.

Find love again.

Ichigo would want that.

And quite frankly, Keigo wanted that for her too. Yes, this was an extremely hard time for everyone who was close to the immobilized politician. But it was almost a couple of weeks since this whole fiasco began. Their lives couldn't come to a standstill. Surely Rukia had to be aware of that. Yes, she was attending to some business activities through her e-mail, but she needed to at least keep her head above water. Right now, she was drowning in guilt and anticipation of what may never come.

This is all she would do, day in and day out; gaze at the unmoving Ichigo from the glass walls.

'Rukia-chan, you need to get out of here.'

Get out.

People kept telling her that. Why couldn't they understand that she couldn't? Get out and go where? Where should she be other than by the other half of her soul? How could she live as if nothing were happening, as if he weren't fighting for his life every second of every minute of every hour?

She could account for her obligations to Kuchiki Corporation from within the hospital walls. She didn't need to leave. What else would she have to do? Absolutely nothing. Nothing would take precedence over Ichigo, not to her.

'Rukia-chan, at least eat something.'

'I told you, I don't feel like it.'

'Rukia-chan, please.' he huffed, leaning on the wall to contain his exasperation. His cheeks, however, were flushed with defeat. He couldn't even get her to nourish herself. He was absolutely useless at this point. 'It's not like I don't understand your feelings, but how is sabotaging your health going to benefit anybody?'

'I'm not doing this on purpose.'

'I know you're not!' he jumped slightly. 'But you're not making an effort to help yourself!'

'Help myself?' she scoffed, glaring angrily at him. Her eyes were so loaded with venom that he gulped involuntarily. ' _Help_ myself? I'm the one most undeserving of any help.'

'Rukia-chan, that's not true.'

'You're only saying that.'

'I'm not!'

'It's because you don't understand.'

'Then tell me so that I can!'

'Asano.'

'I don't get you!' his nostrils flare. 'I don't understand this! Whenever you're not with him, you're like this! It's like not being with him is the most horrible thing to ever happen to you! But when he pursues you, you play games and pull away! I don't get it, Rukia-chan! I don't understand this weird hot-and-cold dynamic you have going on! It's like you want to suffer!'

'You don't understand.'

'You're damn right I don't! I don't understand how anybody can hurt someone they're willing to hurt themselves over! You won't eat, sleep, or drink! You're already sick and you're killing yourself! How is this supposed to do any good?!'

'Stop.'

'Will you think of yourself for once?! Be honest! Don't toil over him like this if you're just gonna leave him again! Don't put yourself through all of this if it won't matter in the end!'

'I've done nothing but bring him indescribable pain!' she raised her voice by just the tiniest bit. 'Pain that I can never make up for, no matter how long I suffer for it. I wish that I could just shoulder everything he's experiencing right now.' her voice started to waver and her line of sight shifted back to the comatose patient. She lifted a hand to touch the glass that acted as a partition between her and her lover. Her eyes were filling with tears that she would never shed, not now.

Because she at least had to be strong.

She at least didn't want Ichigo to worry. If his soul was wandering somewhere, she didn't want him to feel responsible for her sadness.

Especially because this was all her fault.

'I want to take back everything I've done to bring him to this point. I would do anything, absolutely anything for him to just stop hurting. But right now, I can't even be by his side. I have to observe him from afar, unable to touch him or whisper into his ear that I love him and I believe in him. I...' the tears fell. 'I am worthless to him.'

'Rukia-chan...' Keigo didn't know what to say anymore, so he allowed himself to trail off. The way she was looking at the one she loved - it was heartbreaking. She looked like someone had taken her heart and crushed it right in front of her. Her bottom lip quivered for a moment until she covered it with a hand, squeezing her eyes shut as if she were willing herself to stop hurting.

If only things were that simple.

'Rukia-chan, I'm sure things will be alright. Ichigo will surely-'

'He'll wake up.' she inhaled sharply, opening her eyes. She continued looking at the forbidden hospital room, her fingertips drumming against the glass. 'I believe in him. I know he'll wake up. I just...'

Her resolve strengthens.

'I just wish that I could have said something before I left.'

That's when Keigo jolts. The hell is that supposed to mean? By now, he knew her too well to disregard her statement. She probably wasn't aware of it, but she was easier to read than she might think. Rukia was always a woman who put everyone else over herself. Self-sacrificing behaviour was all in a day's work for her. It was one of her best traits, but she failed to recognize that she herself was a special person who meant a lot to so many people. People who would be distraught if anything happened to her.

'Rukia-chan, what do you mean?'

'Nothing.' she clears her throats upon realizing her mistake.

'Rukia-chan.' he walks closer to her and places a hand on her shoulder. 'Rukia-chan, please. Tell me.'

She doesn't look at him.

'Rukia-chan.'

'I love him.' she finally meets his gaze. 'I just want him to know that.'

'He does. You don't need to tell him. He already knows.' he sighed, relieved to know that that was all it was. For a second there, he thought that she was planning to go off on her own again.

She smiles. 'I hope he does.'

* * *

 **13 DAYS, 17 HOURS**

 **...**

'Welcome, bitch.'

'Grimmjow.' Rukia greets the man lying on the bed.

She sees that he is also cuffed to the metal railing on his bed, but with both hands instead of one. She winces as though she could feel his physical pain as she surveys his wounds. His hospital gown is gaping slightly at the chest, exposing bruises of various hues from red to blue to green and even yellow. His nose is gauzed up and that smug face of his is dotted with healing welts. There's a cut on his lip, but that doesn't prevent him from flashing her a wicked grin.

'To what do I owe this visit to, gorgeous?'

'I wanted to see you.'

'Really now?' his smirk widens. 'I'm surprised they let you in. I'm not supposed to have guests.'

'I promised something in exchange.'

'And what would that be?'

'The truth.'

He didn't get what she was implying, so he remained quiet as he waited for her to continue. Dulling blue eyes just bore into his icy ones, trying to communicate what she couldn't find the energy. He tilted his head to the side quizzically, signalling for her to hurry up and explain herself. After a few moments of awkward silence, he caught on and his eyes widened into saucers.

'You wouldn't fucking dare.'

'I'm done, Grimmjow. I'm done hiding.'

'You tell them about my dealing, you throw yourself into the fire too!' he growled, tugging at his restraints. 'You'll be confessing to _your_ crimes! They'll lock you up! Are you seriously fine with that?!'

'If I don't, then Ichigo takes the fall.' her tone was stern. 'Right now, he looks like a madman with a sick obsession for you. But I have proof that he had reasonable grounds to pursue you; video recordings of you in the clubs, logs of your entry - that all comes with my confession.'

'You can't be fucking serious! They'll throw you into a cell and you'll never be with him!'

 _That's right._

 _If I do this... We will most likely never be together._

 _But that's fine. We don't have to be together._

 _Just the short while that we've known each other, he's shown me how to love again._

 _And that I can be loved in return._

'I know you won't do it! I know you're weak for him! You're bluffing!'

'No.' she responded. 'I've resolved to be strong for him.'

'I _hate_ you!' he cursed her, his most demonic characteristics showing in his face. 'When are you gonna stop, you stupid whore?! When are you going to stop taking everything away from me?!'

He spat more spiteful phrases at her, struggling against his bounds despite the pain she was sure he was in. He called her every name in the book, even ones that she didn't even know existed. He hexed her with his rage, making it abundantly clear that he despised her more than anything in the world. That she was never forgiven, that she was the source of all his troubles.

He brought up stories of when she used to let his father have his way with her.

He used those recollections to illustrate just how depraved and _ugly_ she was, how no one could love her and that it was _good_ that she was choosing to tear herself away from Ichigo because no sensible man would want to tie himself down to a disposable slut like her.

Any other woman would have left the room then and there. But not Rukia. She listened to what he had to say, absorbing every word without allowing even a flash of aggravation to show in her sapphire orbs.

That pissed him off more. He wanted to hurt her, wanted her to break down and turn to ash in his hands again. He wanted to rob her of any strength she had, any semblance of humanity she clung onto. Because she was a _thing_. She was less than human and he would make sure that fact would be drilled into the farthest recesses of her thick skull.

Fuck her. _Fuck_ her.

She could go to hell.

He'd drag her down with him if he had to.

'I hate you, Kuchiki!'

She listened.

'I hate you! If I don't kill you in this life, I'll crush you in the next!'

She waited.

'I'll _destroy_ you!'

Finally, she walked over to him. As soon as she took the first step in his direction, he froze. The fuck was she going to do? What was going on in that mischievous head of hers? He searched her eyes for the blankness he loved to see, the sign that she was dead inside and would remain so until her lover fucked her again and breathed some hope into her. Only so that the drug dealer could rob her of that same hope.

It was a cycle of destruction he loved to play.

'Fuck you.' he grunted as she stood at the side of his bed.

Silence.

A minute passed.

And another.

'I'm sorry.' she finally said, taking his hand in hers. 'I'm sorry for all that I've done to you.'

The fuck?

'And I forgive you.'

How dare she.

'For everything that you've done to me.'

How dare she take the moral high ground and apologize now, after murdering his family. After ruining the image he had of his father, the man he admired most, the man he wanted to be. After showing him how crazy his mother was, how unstable and vindictive and how much it made sense that his father never wanted to be around her. How dare she do this now, when she exposed the disgusting truth behind the beautiful lie he called his loving family.

Even if it was a lie, he was happy. He was content. He dreamt of the future, he had aspirations and _choices_. Even if his parents didn't love each other, they loved him. And that was more than enough for the orphaned boy. So long as he had a family who pretended that they got along for his sake, he didn't mind living that damn lie.

And she was the woman who took that illusion away from him.

He hated this tramp. Hated her and her self-righteous boyfriend.

But as her fingers wrapped around his hand, he felt his eyeballs sting with a sensation he hadn't felt in so long. For a fraction of a second, he felt human again. He felt vulnerable and cared for, and he sensed sincerity. It tugged at his heart and liquified his bones.

What was this he was feeling?

Was it closure?

Was it forgiveness?

'Don't.' Grimmjow warned, his boiling emotions lodging in his throat. 'Don't you fucking dare.'

'I'm sorry, Grimmjow.'

No.

She's joking.

She's having a nice little laugh inside.

'You pity me!' he spat, his tone shaky with sadness he never knew he could produce burning his entire body. 'You think you're so high on top?! Do you have a nice view, looking down at me?!'

'I don't look down on you.'

'Fuck you, bitch! I'll kill you! Mark my words, I'll kill you! I'll kill you, I'll kill your lover, I'll kill everything that means anything to you!'

He continued his verbal rampage, but she couldn't take it anymore. She let go of him and hurried out the door, praying that although she was hurting so much inside, she could somehow make it all right with the universe and Ichigo would be alright.

As she shut the door behind her, two officers came up to her. One asked if she was feeling fine, and she nodded that she was. The other retrieved a pair of handcuffs from his pocket, presenting them to her as he lowered his eyes sympathetically. She shut her eyes as she laid out her arms.

And felt the cuffs close on her this time.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story! Seriously, you guys keep me going!

I know that updates for this story have been slower. School and work have started, and I am struggling to find time to write. But I promise that I will try to update as often as possible! Even on days I don't feel like writing, I remember the wonderful support that you've all given me so far and I find the motivation to carry on.

Thank you to **NieveDrop, Kasai to Kasumi, Althatsyu, RukiYuki, schoolgurl95, Shirayuki992, blissbeat, JoTerry, achalida, FunnyEasyMe, GenesisVentura, jobananasan, kronosgoat,** and the **Guest** reviewers!

 **Kasai to Kasumi,** haha glad you thought it was comedic! To be honest, I really had to balance it out with some humour because the fight was really draining to pen down. And yes; Grimmjow is so extreme that he kind of forces Ichigo's hand as well.

 **Althatsyu,** don't worry! They will most definitely have a happy ending!

 **Shirayuki992** , oh gosh you know me too well by now! You are asking all the right questions! Every time you ask something, I really want to answer but I can't without spoiling it! And yes, I always thought Rukia was someone who tried to keep her cool even in the worst situations. Haha, well if you read **Death Save The Strawberry,** Orihime actually does do just that! Also, I hurried up with this chapter in large part for you. I don't want you to feel like I'm abandoning it! It's good to remind people to write. After all, I wouldn't be encouraged to write without your support so I don't want to disappoint you!

 **blissbeat,** yes the story is reaching its final chapters!

 **GenesisVentura,** missed you! So glad that you enjoyed the chapters and you really do give me too much credit! Thank you so much for your kind words, they really make my day!

 **Guest,** there was a time when the reviews weren't showing but that's been fixed! And I get the reviews in my e-mail anyway, so I still am able to read them when that happens.

 **jobananasan,** lol I know that kiss got such a generally disgusted reaction! At the time, I thought it was fitting for Grimmjow's character!

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	24. Light The Night

**A/N** : Before you start reading, I want to preface that there will be a momentary shift from third-person POV to Ichigo's POV. All italicized content is Ichigo. Thank you so much for your interest in this story! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

 **13 DAYS, 17 HOURS**

 **...**

Rukia kept her head down as she was escorted by two officers on either side of her. Her hands were cuffed together, but she resembled anything but a felon. Her suit was immaculately white and crisp, her feet carrying her gracefully on her pearly heeled shoes. It was almost like she was floating, and that was exactly how she felt at the moment. Even though her resolve had never been stronger, reality had yet to fully sink in.

It's not that was regretting it. It's just that it was difficult to throw herself to the wolves and accept the punishment she believed she rightfully deserved. Even now as it was all happening around her, she experienced flashes of weakness when adrenaline pumped through her entire body and the nausea was dizzying her world. Then she remembered Ichigo's unconscious form and shook herself out of that rut. He was the one suffering the most. She had no right to feel weak.

'We'll be taking you to a holding cell.' one officer piped up. 'You'll be held there until a judge can determine if you're eligible for bail. The only reason you'd be rejected is if the judge believes you pose an immediate threat to anyone. Personally, I don't think you do, but... You understand how it is with high-profile cases, right?'

She didn't so much as look at him. Her eyes were glued to the floor and she wanted to keep it that way. The officer shot his partner a worried glance, but his comrade met that gaze with a repulsed snarl. Why should they feel any pity for her? She put herself in this situation. She deserved no sympathy. This was all her doing, and it was only just that she was now paying the price.

Although she couldn't see what they were doing, Rukia sensed the messages the two men were exchanging. It didn't bother her, not anymore. After all, she couldn't expect people who had never been in her situation to understand her, let alone extend their compassion to her. There was no way for her to really articulate the subjective experience of making the decision to sell her body because she thought it was the only way out, of being treated as and told that she was a whore on a nearly daily basis, of actually believing those accusations. It muddled the waters for her. Thankfully, she could see clearly now.

Maybe she really was all those things, but none of that mattered to her. The only thing on her mind was to do the right thing and not drag Ichigo into this monstrous hell she had been living in for so long now.

No matter what, he couldn't burn with her. She wouldn't allow it.

'Rukia-chan!' Isshin Kurosaki called from across the hallway. That was when the said woman snapped her head up and widened her eyes in surprise. Of course. _Of course_ she would bump into him now. She had actually never met Ichigo's father before. She had only heard his voice from her overseas calls to London. He would ask her how she was doing and if his son was treating her properly. She'd laugh politely and wish him well. But they had never crossed paths in the flesh.

Of course it would be happening _now_.

'Rukia-chan!' Isshin waved happily, totally ignoring the fact that she was in a scandalous position. Two girls accompanied him, and Rukia figured that they were Ichigo's sisters. She had never met them before either, but she could see her lover's resemblance in his siblings - especially the one with dark hair that was glaring at the businesswoman viciously. 'Rukia-chan, so glad to finally meet you!'

 _What on Earth is wrong with this man?_

'Umm...' Rukia didn't want to be rude, so she stopped in her tracks for a second. Both officers pushed her along, urging her to hurry up and get to their car. At a loss, Rukia decided that it was probably better if she listened to the armed men. She didn't want to aggravate them more. It was bad enough that all this was happening in the wee hours of the morning.

'Oh come on, this is my future daughter-in-law here!' Isshin pouted at the policemen. 'Let me have just one quick word with her! Would you like that, Rukia-ch-'

The hard _smack_ of Karin slapping the older woman bounced off of the walls. Yuzu immediately apprehended her sister, hooking her arms over Karin's elbows to hold her back from charging at Rukia. The two officers stopped and reached into their pockets, but their bound felon told them that taking action was not necessary. Isshin shot the adopted noble an apologetic look, but did nothing else to intervene. He thought it was best for his daughter to express her feelings. Besides, he felt that somehow, this outburst was something Rukia needed as well.

'Because of you...' Karin choked but fought the rage lodging in her throat. 'Because of you, I can't even see Ichi-nii! I can't be there for him, though he's always done everything to be there for me, for us, his family. And for _you_.' she spat the last word like it hurt her. Like she wanted it to hurt Rukia in equal measure.

The thing was, Rukia already knew that.

'I know.' Rukia whispered. Tears were pooling in her eyes, but she wouldn't allow them to fall. This wasn't about her pain. This was about Ichigo, and doing what was right by him and the people he cared about. And here they were, all three of them; his sisters and his father. Pausing their lives for him, worrying about him, doing everything they can even though it was essentially a hopeless situation.

That made Rukia happy.

When he wakes up, he'll have a loving home to go back to. These people have always been there for him in their own special ways, each individual as different from the other as the sky is to the land but equally necessary to protect Ichigo. She was happy that he had what she couldn't have; a supportive family and endless love. Love that she couldn't give him, no matter how much she felt it inside, no matter how she wanted to give it to him.

'Karin...' Yuzu snivelled against her sister's back. The two pair began crying uncontrollably, hiccuping as the tears just rolled down their cheeks in streaky globs. Mournful wailing filled the air. Rukia could do nothing except observe the scene playing out in front of her. She was completely numb. She didn't know what to think or say. She didn't even know if it would be appropriate for her to speak right now. She didn't feel like she had the right to.

A sense of emptiness took over her. She felt like she wasn't real yin her body, like she was disconnected and her soul was hovering around finding a way out of this world. She couldn't even think of anything either, until it came to her mind that Ichigo must have been a wonderful brother to these two for them to be this way.

That man really was something else.

She was grateful to know him.

'Let's go.' the Kuchiki clan member motioned to the constables that they could leave now. Without further ado, they shoved her forwards and began their journey once again. Rukia kept her head high now, her resolve to protect the unconscious politician stronger now that she witnessed just how much he meant to those around him. He was worth every ounce of pain she'd have to endure.

'Rukia-chan!' Isshin shouted after her. 'When my idiot son wakes up, let's all have dinner together! Would you like that?'

Rukia smiled. A happy tear slid down her cheek, but she didn't bother wiping it away.

That encounter had brought her a sense of peace that she wasn't aware that she desperately needed up till now.

She liked his family.

* * *

 **18 DAYS, 3 HOURS**

 **...**

'All charges against Ichigo Kurosaki have been dropped.'

'What a surprise.' Byakuya grumbled sarcastically. He dropped the call with an angry thud. He stared blankly at his desk before propping his elbows on it and rub his temples. _God_. He had a killer headache. It felt like a small animal had crawled into his ear and was gnawing at his brain. He found himself in an impossible situation, one that he couldn't predict, not in a million years. He knew Hisana was rolling in her grave.

What a disaster.

For five days now, Rukia had been residing in a single-person cell. The judge had deemed her too dangerous to allow for bail, which was absolutely ridiculous. But Byakuya knew that part of that decision was also to protect his sister. To this day, discussion about Rukia's past with the Jaegerjacquez prevailed in the news channels. The events of the merger gala coupled with the recent public revelation that she was also involved in Ichigo Kurosaki's incapacitation led to an influx of death threats from anonymous strangers. They were all filtered in the Kuchiki offices, so none of it reached Byakuya's adopted sibling. Still, it was unnerving to see how caustic people could be. How unsympathetic and crude, and how this behaviour was probably teaching youngsters in similar situations as his sister was in to keep silent and get even more hurt.

Had Rukia spoken up about the deal she was approached with by Grimmjow's father, then she could have gotten help and avoided it altogether. Byakuya always used to wonder why she never did that. Now he could see why.

There was no use. People don't understand.

They don't care.

The phone rang and the head of the Kuchiki plan hesitantly picked it up. He just couldn't catch a break around here. 'Mm?'

'Kuchiki-san.' Uryu Ishida, his sister's attending diagnostician, greeted with concern laced in his voice. 'I was just wondering how my patient is doing?'

'I wish I knew.' Byakuya rested his face on his knuckles. 'But she will not let me visit her. I have tried every single day, but she refuses to see me.'

'That's... not good.'

'How _insightful_.'

'I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say. I don't mean to pressure you, but-'

'I know. Her friend is visiting her soon tomorrow. He will update me.'

'Ah. That's a relief.'

* * *

 **19 DAYS**

 **...**

'Wait here.' a guard ordered.

'S-Sure!' Keigo chirped. He clutched the box of freshly sliced cucumbers in his hands nervously. He could never get used to the atmosphere of this place. It reeked of lost hope. He had no idea how Rukia could stomach being confined in such a place. Plus, since there were no single-gender prisons in Karakura, she had to share this space with all sorts of men; thieves, murderers, rapists.

His stomach churned just thinking about it.

Thankfully, Rukia had her own private cell. Well... She shouldn't be in here in the first place, but Keigo always liked to give thanks for the little things.

When the guard returned, he slammed the door behind. That confused Ichigo's former classmate. Where was Rukia?

'The inmate is sleeping.'

'Huh?!' his jaw dropped to the ground.

'You heard me. Beat it.'

'I-I can't! I've gotta see how she's doing, man!'

The big guy narrowed his eyes. Keigo gulped, totally intimidated by that small act of irritation. After a short while, the security just sighed and opened the door again, raising his eyebrows at the young visitor. 'Go ahead. Last door on the right.'

'Thanks!' he hurried over before he changed his mind. As he made his way through the prisoners' cells, he nearly gagged at the horrible conditions they were living. There must have been ten or twelve of them clumped together in one cell, on average. Each block only had one toilet and sink, and some of the criminals were eating with their hands as they sat on the ground. There were no chairs or tables, just bunk beds that didn't look very comfortable. In fact, if his math served him right, there weren't enough beds for each person living in one cell.

To think that Rukia was here every day...

Even if she technically had it better than everyone else here, she still had to listen to and see them. He was sure that they'd spout anti-elitist jargon at her. Even though she was a strong woman, such attacks took their toll on a person. Any person.

'Rukia-chan!' Keigo feigned a good mood. He couldn't show her just how scared he was. He wanted to lift her spirits up. 'Rukia-chan?' when she didn't respond. She was lying on her own bed, in a large cell without any roommates in it. Her long hair hid her face and her body was sprawled on the sheets. She was dressed in the plain, grey uniform all inmates were required to wear at all times.

It was a heartbreaking sight.

'Rukia-chan?'

Nothing.

'Rukia-chan, don't be such a sleepyhead! I brought you more food!'

No sound.

'Cucumbers, Rukia-chan!'

No movement.

And that was when he thought to ask himself.

Was she even breathing?

'I need help in here!'

 **...**

 _I've always had trouble waking up._

 _My penchant to lean towards the night owl lifestyle was pretty much discovered in high school. I was basically a rock during the mornings. One would think that I was glued to my bed. Yuzu would yell at me as she cooked breakfast, or my dad would barge into my room and kick me awake. No matter how early or late I slept, I always wanted to sleep in. Nothing could make me want to tear away from the comfort of my sheets or the warmth of the gentle sunshine on my sleeping form._

 _Maybe it was because my life's routine was hectic._

 _I'm not saying that because I want pity - I mean it. After my mother passed away, my sisters would get into all kinds of scuffles in school. That was normal. Even I experienced those at their age. But the difference was that I always had my mother to count on, or to heed advice from. Our dad is useless when it comes to those things... So it was only natural that I took it upon myself to fight those battles for my sisters. The thing was, I was only a kid myself and had no idea how to negotiate or talk through situations. I always resorted to my fists._

 _The result was that I composed for myself a reputation that followed me to my high school years. It was bad enough that I had bright, orange hair. But I had to go ahead and add "violence" as one of my central characteristics. From there, all sorts of rumours were made up about me. Apparently, I had affiliations with the Yakuza and my favourite pastime was drooling over porn magazines with Chad for five hours at a time._

 _In hindsight, I can now understand why my academic instructors were so hard on me. It definitely doesn't excuse their mistreatment of me - but at least now I get it. Back then, I was pretty resigned to my status as a no-good punk with no future prospects. I tried to be content with just living... In that small, lonely town with no one who really understood me._

 _But then..._

 _'Rukia.' I breathe as my eyes adjust to the brightness again. Had I fallen asleep? It seemed like all I was doing was sleeping in this place. I hardly remember the moments when I'm awake. Not like it matters. It seems that I'm unmoving from my place in her arms. I'm paralyzed. And that's fine with me. 'Rukia.'_

 _She doesn't respond. She hasn't said a word since she opened her eyes several slumbers ago. I look up at her and my heart flutters as her eyes meet mine. How long has she been up?_

 _'Rukia.'_

 _She still doesn't say anything. However, her glassy, gem-like eyes were communicating with me a profound sadness I knew all too well. She was bottling it all up again. She was trying to tell me something but didn't have the right words to say it._

 _'Ruk-unh.' I keeled over in physical agony. My stomach felt like it had been carved out so that nothing remained of my insides. I wanted to cup her face, but my limbs felt like they were made of lead. My throat turned dry, my bones were feeling ashy like they were crumbling into sand. Over time here, my body had been losing its strength. But this time was by far the worst. I couldn't even breathe without my lungs filling with ice. All I could do now was watch her helplessly, hoping that she wasn't hurting again._

 _Please. Don't hurt again._

 _I can't bear to see her like that anymore._

 _It'll destroy me._

 _Maybe it was because she could read my mind, but she disentangled her arms from around me to caress the sides of my face. She bent down and I thought she was going to kiss me, but her lips hovered right in front of mine. I use my remaining strength to close the distance between us ever so slightly, just so that my lips brushed against hers. She allowed the contact for just a little while. Then, she leaned in to whisper into my ear._

 _'Sayonara.'_

 **...**

'Goooood moooorning, Ichigoo!'

'Dad?' Ichigo blinked once, twice. His bleary eyes were adjusting to the same unusual brightness in his dreams. At first, he thought he was still in that space of absolute light, but the presence of his father immediately broke that misconception. Once his vision cleared, he furrowed his eyebrows in shock. A hospital room? The hell was he doing here?

Shit.

He sighed in exasperation.

 _Shit._

'Damn it.' he punched the side of his bed before shutting his eyes and pinching his nose.

He had done it again. He made Rukia sad again.

He remembered her shaking voice and wide eyes.

He remembered her trembling hands.

He remembered her fading kisses.

 _Shit!_

'Onii-chan!' Yuzu hugged him. He ruffled her hair to let her know he was doing just fine. Karin squeezed his hand, shooting him a smile as the tears dried on her cheeks. How long had he been out for? Everyone looked worried sick.

And where was Rukia?

The thought was almost laughable. Why would she ever see him again, after what he'd done? In her own apartment? Even so, he wanted to see her again. He wanted to apologize and explain himself. He was touched to see his family here, but she was the one person preoccupying his thoughts right now. He felt uneasy with the million questions running rampant in his head.

'Dad.' he cleared his throat. 'Where's Rukia?'

It was Isshin's turn to clear his throat.

* * *

 **7 MONTHS**

 **...**

'A week following the jury's guilty verdict on Grimmjow Jaegerjacquez, the convict is now on the loose. We ask the public to be on high alert and notify police with any leads. There is a bounty on his head for...' Ichigo stopped listening to the television past those few sentences. Amber eyes rolled in their sockets. Of course Grimmjow would be able to escape. He was the devil's shadow.

It just meant that he'd have to chase after him with a vengeance.

The congressman packed up all his necessities in his briefcase and headed out the door of his office. It had been a good day's work, but all he wanted to do now was get to bed. Hopefully he'd be able to get a decent night's sleep this evening.

It had been difficult to rest after Rukia departed this world seven months ago.

'To my hotel, please.' the orange-haired politician directed the chauffeur.

'Yes, sir.'

During his post-comatose recovery, he stayed with his family after he was discharged from the hospital. It was nice having people around, and he wanted to reassure his sisters that he was doing just fine. The problem was that he couldn't pretend to move on with his life while grieving the lost love of his life at the same time.

Truthfully, he needed his own place to hurt in private.

He looked out his window to take in the beauty of the full moon. It was on nights like these that he was most strongly reminded of her. His entire body buzzed in sorrow, the tears seeping through the corners of his eyelids before he was even aware they were forming. His chest was heavy, but he forced himself to remain as composed as he could be.

That was impossible.

He missed her every day.

He never stopped loving her.

Even now, as he thought of her, it felt like he could just pick up his phone and dial her number. He couldn't believe she was actually gone. It wasn't real to him. It couldn't be. His soul would turn to stone every time he tortured himself with this denial. But he just couldn't function without fighting his hellish reality. Everything he had done, everything he had become - all for her, and she was just gone.

They were meant to be together forever, somehow. He thought that he had enough time to make that possible, enough time to make her happy.

He just hoped that wherever she was now, that she was no longer in pain.

He shut his eyes.

And made the same promise he made every full moon.

His phone gave off an obnoxious ping. He hoped that it wasn't work. He liked his job, but it could be a pain in the ass sometimes. The screen flashed and he was taken aback by the message displayed.

 **KEIGO ASANO**

 **Come to the place where you and Rukia-chan ended your first date.**

 **...**

'He misses you, you know.' Keigo murmured.

'Really?' Rukia watched the full moon absent-mindedly. She took down her hood, confident that no one was going to run into them here or recognize her. It was late into the evening on a weekday, and most people just wanted to get home and beat the traffic before midnight.

It was during nights like these that she felt most lonely, no matter who was by her side. She was longing for that one person, that one man who meant the world to her.

'Why don't you see him?'

'I've brought him so much pain. Now that we're both apart, we can carry on with our lives. He can have a future unburdened by me. I don't want to rob him of that.'

'The only future you've taken away from him is the one with you in it.'

'That's a good thing.'

'I don't think he'd agree.'

'You don't understand.'

'Nope.' he snorted. 'I guess I never will.'

After her heart stopped in her cell, she was rushed to the same hospital Ichigo was in. Byakuya fled his office and hurried over to the hospital, where the doctors managed to restart her heart once more. But it was amazing just how money could talk.

Her Nii-sama paid off the doctors to declare her dead.

When she awoke, Rukia was immediately swept off her feet by Keigo, who was in connivance with her older brother. There was a car outside waiting for her, to take her to a new apartment along a calculatedly secretive route where no one would be able to hound her. Keigo threw her a large hoodie, which she practically disappeared under. The thick fabric did a good job of concealing who she was. Before she left the hospital grounds, she passed by the intensive care unit on purpose to see how Ichigo was doing.

He was awake.

Surrounded by his family.

That was when an overwhelming peace swept over her. She was able to leave the building with happy tears streaming down her face.

For the past seven months, she had simply been recovering from her serotonin storm. Her life was quiet, and she thought of nothing and saw nearly nobody with the exception of Keigo and her brother. She wasn't happy, but she was getting better. Some days, she even felt strong. But then she'd think of what could have been and now could never be.

And she'd break all over again.

'I should get going.' her former classmate hopped off of the bench by the riverside they were stargazing by. 'Should I drive you home?'

'No, I like walking.'

'I figured.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'You told me this is where Ichigo took you on your first date.' he chuckled. 'So every time we come here, I notice that you stay behind. Are you thinking of him?'

Always.

But she didn't answer him.

She didn't need to. He already knew.

'Bye, Rukia-chan! Let's hang out again tomorrow?'

'Sure.'

As soon as Keigo left, Rukia agonized over the imaginary memories she could never make.

Behind her closed lids, she returned to her fantasy world. Ichigo's face was the first to greet her, smiling as he leaned in to kiss her with all the fervour that could make her heart ignite with fire. She could feel his arms around her, strong and supportive and pressing her to his chest. His scent was as intoxicating as ever, spicy and masculine and clean.

Her body shook with the torturous recollection. She could remember everything about him, clear as day. Everything except his warmth. She embraced herself against the chilly winds. She was cold, so cold. She had always had sensitive skin, and she didn't like winter so much.

Ichigo had always been her sun. He could fight the harsh ice that threatened to freeze her over. With just a graze of his fingertips, she could feel the frost of her jaded soul melt away.

But she always seemed to hurt him. So even though she craved his warmth more than anything, she chose to distance herself from him. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve the suffering that came with knowing her.

She didn't deserve his love.

This self-deprecation was always accompanied by silent sobbing. So as usual, she allowed herself a good cry to let all her sadness out. Through her tears, she gazed at the reflection of the moon in murky waters. She could almost see herself mirrored.

The poor moon. No matter how much she wanted to catch the sun, she would always be all alone in the darkness. No matter how much she pined over the solar warmth, she would always bring about nightmarish gloom in her presence. And so she was doomed to forever bask in her lonely twilight, never touching the sun even though she pined after him endlessly.

'Rukia.'

She snickered humourlessly at herself. Even his voice was so lifelike in her head. She would pay attention to every appearance he made on the television, the radio, newspapers - she agonized over him. Even though she wanted to move on, she simply could not. She had been able to get past all that had come her way, all but this man who she loved with every fibre of her being.

'Rukia.'

'Stop it.' she hissed at nothing. Perhaps hoping that the familiarity of her own voice could shake her out of this hallucination.

'Rukia.' Ichigo breathed into her ear.

Her head whipped to the side, in the direction of the whisper. When sapphire met amber, time seemed to reverse and tick back to restart at the last moment they crossed paths before this. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. She was still debating whether this was real or not. He questioned the moment himself, but sought another way of determining that.

He captured her lips in his.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone supporting this story! I chose to advance the plot a little faster in this chapter to shell out the story at a more rapid pace, particularly because updates are slower.

Thank you to **JoTerry, Carupin, kronosgoat, blissbeat, RukiYuki, Shirayuki992, Ej, GenesisVentura, han-ichiruki, Kasai to Kasumi, jobananasan,** and **FunnyEasyMe**!

 **Shirayuki229** , thank you so much for your kind words! That's exactly what I was trying to get at. Even though Rukia and Grimmjow both made some questionable choices, their lives weren't exactly set up to gear them towards normalcy. One of the themes I wanted to explore in this story was that there are no good or bad people, but that there are good and bad facets to every person - and even determining what is good versus bad is subjective.

 **Ej** , I hope this chapter satisfied you!

 **Althatsyu** , you just have to trust me!

 **han-ichiruki** , long time no see! So glad to still enjoy your support! I will be updating **Marry Me, Shinigami!** after the next update of **The Untold Future**.

 **Kasai to Kasumi** , oh no! I sincerely hope you're alright! Stay safe! Thank you so much for liking that scene, it was a very hard one to write. It was so difficult to capture what I wanted to highlight.

 **jobananasan** , I really dislike the holier-than-thou attitude some people have. Not a lot of things bother me, but that really sickens me. Exactly, and meeting Ichigo gave her that sense of clarity. She's finally confident in what she's doing, even though she may not be confident that Ichigo has the right to choose to have her in his life. That's why in this chapter, she learns to be fine with disappearing and starting a whole new anonymous life. She doesn't feel guilty, she doesn't feel the need to punish herself. She's said what needed to be said and moved on. Not when it comes to Ichigo though, because she still has unfinished business with him.

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	25. Human

The night was aging quickly, but the full moon shone as bright as ever. Its haunting rays ghosted past the windows of Ichigo's hotel room, illuminating the lovers as they engaged in a sensual reunion.

'Ahhh... Ichigo...!' a lusty cry as she gripped the white sheets.

'I'm here.' he groaned out, his body slumped protectively over hers as he rocked himself back and forth inside of her. 'I'm not leaving, Rukia.'

She whimpered and moaned his name endlessly. It was driving him insane. That, coupled with their damp skin sticking to each other as the smell of sex lingered in the air was pushing them both further off the deep end. He kissed the top of her head before pulling her as close to him as she could get. Her nails raked his back and she threw her head back to howl when he pushed her into an explosion of white hot pleasure.

'I missed you.' she squeaked, her trembling hands caressing his biceps.

'Rukia, I-' she swallowed his words in a deep kiss, her arms snaking around his neck to pull him down towards her hungry mouth. Her tongue left no place uncared for, eager to taste every inch of him. Her whole body was trembling in his arms, but her kiss only intensified in need. He tried to pry himself off of her, but she refused to let go. It was only when he brought a hand up so that his thumb held her bottom lip still that he was able to break free. And the only reason he wanted to do so was to gaze into her lustful oceanic orbs that were glazed over in dreamy desire as he felt himself melting into her for the third time that evening.

'I love you.' he breathed.

'I love you too.' she returned.

'Rukia, I-I can't last any longer...!' he hunched over her when he felt his end nearing. Her legs curled at the back of his hips to push him deeper inside of her as he spilled himself. His arms jerked, but their stronghold on her wouldn't budge. He fucked her mindlessly, feeling both aggressively possessive of her with every thrust and tenderly cautious of her petite frame. He didn't want to hurt her, but he also wanted to ravage her without inhibition. Doing this with her always brought him a euphoric high. That was why when he pulled away, he did so begrudgingly.

'Ichigo...' she mewled like a pitiful kitten.

He spread her weakly trembling thighs apart to gaze down at their handiwork. His seed slid down her parted folds lazily in globs, mixing with her own juices so that they were one and the same. Subconsciously, his fingers were digging into her sensitive flesh as his mouth dried. She winced at the roughness. Covering her breasts with folded arms, she realized that she felt so naked to him now. He just kept staring and staring and although his smouldering eyes made her burn erotically, his stillness was also frustrating her. Her shyness caught his attention. He smirked at her uncharacteristically bashful demeanour.

Then he leaned in to taste them together.

'You idiot!' she shrieked in disbelief at what he was doing between her legs. Unadulterated moaning followed until he slid up her body to kiss her. Their frothy mix stuck to their lips and the vulgar taste was enough to reignite the same lustful insanity they had quenched only moments ago. He slipped into her again, riding her with a vengeance. She ended their kiss to curse nonsensically at him, accusing him of being an insatiable pervert but stopped her verbal assault periodically to beg him for release.

It wasn't long before they both came undone. His heart was racing and he swore there wasn't enough air in the room to breathe.

When his lungs finally gained back a normal rhythm, he rolled over to his back and pulled her to lie on top of his chest. Her long locks tangled with his limbs, but he didn't mind. The more entwined they were the better, as far as he was concerned. 'Rukia, I love you.' he murmured into her hair.

She didn't respond. She remained motionless on top of him, the rising and falling of her chest as she heaved for oxygen keeping her preoccupied. The side of her face was pressed against his chest and his spicy scent tempted her to kiss him all the way down his down his sculpted abs. She chose instead to relish every second she could feel his heat and the familiar texture of his slick skin.

Every fraction of a second felt like a century passing. If she could just stay with him till time froze, she would be happy. His fingertips were brushing through her lengthy strands playfully. His touch had all the gentleness of a spring breeze kissing the dew drops on the newly bloomed leaves. The heat radiating from his body was made her feel like she was lying on top of the sun itself.

He always felt like the morning sunshine.

Hopeful and bright.

Being with him banished the night. And for as long as she could remember now, she had been dwelling in a darkness she couldn't extract herself from. All the sins she committed and the ruined lives that have crossed her path dimmed all the joyful memories she made before that horrible encounter with the lecherous man who exploited her for every ounce of innocence. For years she had always felt so dirty and soiled. Confused and desperate for control, she consented to sexual relations with his son; Grimmjow. At the same time, her relationship with her Nii-sama nosedived and her health rapidly declined. She was slowly descending into total hopelessness, even though she kept trying to fight for something, anything to keep going. She tried to be strong, but for what? She saw no motivation in it.

But times like these, when Ichigo proclaimed his devotion to her and made love to her with a fire that convinced her that she was the reason for every beat of his heart, were moments she gave thanks to the heavens for the chance to live. If enduring all that suffering was the price she had to pay in exchange for the glow of love, then she held no more bitterness in her heart. Before she fell in love with her orange-haired statesman, she never thought about the future. She just assumed that she would keep on trudging through every day till she died.

With Ichigo, she found herself fantasizing about what was to come. Even when they were apart for seven months, so long as she was by the riverbank where they had their first date, she would conjure an imaginary family with him to comfort her sorrowful soul.

She wanted his face to be the first and last thing she saw during the day. She wanted to kiss him whenever she wanted and feel his body on hers on days that were too cold to endure without human warmth. She wanted to have dinner with Ichigo and her Nii-sama and act like a family she had lost in her youth. She wanted to have children, Ichigo's children. She wanted a ring on her finger, an everlasting reminder that underscored his undying love for her and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

That was what she wanted most; the rest of her life with him.

'I love you.' he kissed her forehead. 'I love you so much.'

But because she loved him, she second-guessed herself. She may have wanted that future with him more than anything, but that didn't mean that it was necessarily what would bring him peace. If anything, she had proven once more that her existence would only bring him pain. If she had never met him, none of the disasters would have happened. He wouldn't have been in the hospital, fighting for his life.

The image of him lying on the hospital bed sent a shiver up her spine.

'Rukia.' he kissed her eyelids. 'Rukia. Rukia.'

'You still love me.' Rukia choked as she fought back tears. 'After all this time, you still love me.'

'I will never stop loving you.' he held her naked form tighter in his arms.

'You should.'

'Don't tell me what to do.' he snapped.

'I wasn't belittling you. I mean it. I... I'm no good for you.'

'Stop.'

'So much has happened.'

Stop.'

'Because of me, of what I've done to you.'

'Stop!'

'You know it's true.' she tried to move away, but he had an iron grip on her. So she settled for looking up at him with soulful eyes. 'I can never make up for it, no matter what I do-'

'Will you just fucking stop?!' he sat upright and pulled her with him. One hand cupped her chin shakily. He was trying to be reassuring, but his anxiety was worrying her instead. Amber orbs were wobbling, caught in an internal battle to ebb the flow of tears. He was a strong man - anyone would tell you that. He had grown to be formidable as much inside as he was on the outside. But whenever it came to this woman - who had graced his life for only brief intervals at time - his meticulously crafted shell would peel away and the softest parts of his soul would uncover themselves, rendering him completely defenseless against the pain of her rejection. 'Just stop! You know that shit isn't true! You make me so happy. You make me the happiest man in the world! Everything I've done, all that I've become - I did it all for you! The power I gained was for your sake!'

'Thank you!' she forced a joyful tone. 'Thank you for everything. Thank you for trying to save me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for making me happy. I...' she swung her arms around his torso and nestled her head into his chest. 'I am so grateful to you. Thank you.'

'Rukia...'

'Thank you for making me happy.'

'There's nothing to thank me for. I haven't made you happy. I've been trying to, but-'

'No, you do. You make me so, so happy. But I can't-'

'No, Rukia.' he sobbed all of a sudden, startling her. Even he was surprised by his emotional reaction. He tried to stop the tears from failing, but he was failing miserably. He buried his head into the curve of her neck, grabbing at her long, midnight locks. Tiny droplets stained her skin. Even his tears were warm. Everything about this man was so warm and inviting. 'Please. No, Rukia, no, please. _Please_.'

'Ichigo...?' her own tears were prickling her eyes. Instinctively, her hands came up to cradle his head. She turned her face to the side to kiss his orange hair and inhale his familiar, sexy scent that drove her wild with desire. He had a strong, masculine aroma. But now, he was collapsing in front of her and she didn't know what to do. His voice was in so much pain, she was in utter shock. The way he said her name, like he was dying, was mortifying.

She always hurt him. Why?

'Don't go, Rukia. I love you too much.'

Her tears fell.

'I can't lose you, Rukia. So please, if you really want to be with me...' he pulled away and cupped her face, his teardrops raining down on her skin. 'Don't leave me again. Please. I can't bear to go through that anymore.'

She didn't know what to say, so she settled for absolute silence. He kissed her and begged her over and over not to toy with his emotions. She heard every plea echoing in her mind like some sadistic reminder of how broken he had become because of her. As the night went on, his speech turned into slurs of his affection for her. She reciprocated every kind phrase with a chaste peck. Eventually, exhaustion lulled him to sleep.

* * *

'I hate you.'

'Kuchiki-san!' Keigo wailed dramatically. 'Don't say things like that! My feelings get hurt!'

'I cannot believe what you have done.' Byakuya reached for the scotch conveniently placed on the coffee table. Slate grey eyes searched for an empty glass but only landed on his water bottle. He unceremoniously dunked its contents out into a potted plant before transferring the alcohol into the plastic container. His younger companion quirked an eyebrow at the ungraceful display of desperation, but the businessman couldn't care less.

Seven months. He had seven perfect months of reassurance that Rukia was doing well, away from the prying eyes of the world. More importantly, away from the needy arms of that lovesick democrat. Despite knowing full well that Ichigo Kurosaki was the reason his sister-in-law was able to pick herself up again, he couldn't help but feel relieved by the fact that all chances of those two becoming a couple were essentially obliterated.

After all, she "died."

Byakuya thought that was best; for her to vanish without a trace and start a new life with a new name. At least, that's what he believed at the time of a snap decision. But as he observed his precious sibling drift further into bored apathy, he realized that she never wanted to run away from her demons. She wanted to face them. And now that she had, there was nothing really left for her to do. He could tell that she was losing ambition. That her life was lacking a lustrous substance that made her excited to wake up every morning.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't extend any more help. He didn't know what kind of assistance she needed. And yet that man with the outrageous hair always managed to read her like an open book. As much as Byakuya hated to admit it, that politician had a better of chance of helping her.

He swirled the scotch in his bottle, taking a whiff of the pungent stench. He brought it to his lips, then hesitated. Thought about it for a second, then another. Until finally he emptied its contents onto the plant as well.

'Kuchiki-san? Why did you throw it out?'

'Forget it. If I had to have a drink every time those two made me worry, I would die of alcohol poisoning.'

The tycoon sighed heavily and looked out the window of his office. He absent-mindedly watched the people on the streets going about their lives, each story as colourful as the next. Stories that he would never know unless he got to know them. It was surreal how much mystery lay behind just one individual. He noted nothing spectacular about the people hurrying to rush home under the dim light of the night.

Until a head full of light-blue hair caught his eye.

* * *

Rukia dressed herself quietly the second she felt Ichigo's muscles relax. She picked her clothes up from the ground and slipped on her pants and oversized hoodie. She sort of wanted to take a shower but the sound would only wake him. She decided that she would take one when she got home.

Had she slipped away then, her escape would have been perfect. But she couldn't resist creeping over to his bedside, squatting low so that her face was levelled with his. He was turned to his side, his peaceful expression underneath his boyish bangs was absolutely charming. He looked so young and fresh, the same way he had been in high school. Only his angular jaw and deepening eyes were telltale signs of his age. The sheets covered his entirety from the neck down. That was a little disappointing for her. She had hoped to catch a glimpse of perfect body before she left.

She wanted to whisper goodbye.

But... That would have been to cruel. For her. If she actually went through with it, she knew her heart would break into a million pieces and she'd never find all the shards again. Enough with the pain. It had to end, for both of them. They had to move on. She had to learn to live without him, for more than him.

That was impossible. But she had to try. She wanted him to be happy. Really, genuinely happy. Unbothered by the hindrances of her trauma.

She tiptoed to the door weightlessly. She reached for the door knob, but her hand retracted as if she had just been shocked by electricity. Her heart was starting to thunder in her eardrums and tears burned the back of her eyes. She wanted to go, she _had_ to go. She had to go and give Ichigo a shot at a normal life. With normal hardships, normal circumstances, normal women with normal pasts.

Normal.

Something she could never be.

She kept reiterating this rhetoric to persuade herself to hurry up and get out of there, but her arm physically refused to extend for the knob. Rather, she was embracing herself as large tears slid down her cheeks. She bit her lip to stop herself from making any noise. She didn't know how long she stood there crying. It didn't matter how much time passed. She could never seem to gain the resolve to let go of him.

So lost in her inner conflict, she paid no mind to the sound of footsteps approaching her. Only when a large pair of hands twirled her around by the waist did she gasp in shock.

'I knew it. You were going to leave me again, weren't you?' Ichigo barked as he held her wrists by either side of her face. His skin was still dewy from sex and only a pair of black pants covered just the lower half of his body. His grip wasn't painful, but it was firm. What was more daunting was the wildly possessive look on his face. Her mouth hung open and she racked her brains for an excuse, any excuse! But her mind was blank and she could only stare into those furious amber eyes.

Silence. It was deafening.

Several moments passed until it became clear that she wasn't going to speak.

So _he_ did.

'Why?' he was pissed. 'Why would you leave me again? Why? After being apart for so long, after making love with me? Why the fuck would you do this to me?!'

She didn't answer. Her paralysis was just adding fuel to the flame.

'Rukia, talk to me for once in your life! I have a right to know why you keep doing this to me!'

'I'm sorry.'

'Talk to me, damn it!'

'You were ready to throw away everything for me.' she swallowed her tears, the bloodshot whites of her eyes bringing out the magical violet embers swimming amidst sapphire. ' _Because_ of me.'

'Ru-'

'Your career, your innocence - you were ready to throw it all away. How do you think that makes me feel? I don't want you get hurt, I-'

'I'm not your responsibility!' he shouted, letting go of her and banging his fists on the door. 'Stop policing me! My actions are mine alone to answer for! You can't control me, you can't be held accountable for what _I_ do!'

'Things you would never do had it not been for me! I push you to get hurt!'

'Nothing hurts me more than seeing _you_ get hurt!'

'That's the problem! Just forget about me! There are so many important things in your life that don't concern me! Just move on and forget about me! Think of yourself, just forget about me, please!'

'I can't do that.' it sounded like a threat, a sweet warning. 'I can't do that anymore, Rukia. I can't keep up with the speed of the world without you anymore. You changed my world, you _are_ my world. Nothing feels worse than when you cry. Nothing feels as good as when you smile. You've ruined me.' he bent down so that his lips hovered over hers. 'You've changed my world and I can't go back to how things were. I don't want to. I want you, if you want me too - and I know you do.'

'Ichigo.' she turned away and his breath was hot on her neck. 'I can't.'

'Yes, you can. Don't you want to? After so long, we're together again. Isn't that what we both want? Don't you feel what I feel?'

'I feel like I'm turning you into someone you aren't. Because of me, you've done things that-'

'Don't fucking tell me this is about Grimmjow.'

'No-'

'Are you blaming me?!' he scoffed. 'Are you blaming me right now?! Because if you are, fair game! But have the decency to admit it! Are you disgusted by me, Rukia?!'

'Of course not! You-'

'You want to talk about morality?! You want to talk about murder?! What about you, Rukia?! You killed _yourself_! You made me believe you were dead! Do you have any idea...' he choked on his words. 'How that made me feel?'

'Let go of me!'

'You told me that I make you happy, but that's a lie!' he backed off and paced around the living room. His sudden absence from in front of her made her feel more uneasy than when he had her pinned. 'You know what? Just fucking go!' he pointed a finger at her and motioned it towards the door of his suite. 'Leave! If you really don't want to be with me, then just _leave_! But don't you come back!' he glared at her with fresh tears she didn't know he was shedding glistened on his face. It should have meant he was sad, but his eyes were wide and his mouth pulled back into a snarl. He looked angry, frustrated, and insulted all at once. 'Don't fucking come back! This decision is yours to make and I'm done trying to get you to stay by my side! I don't know what you want.' he threw his arms up. 'I don't know what's going on in your head. But if you love me, you won't be so fucking scared all the time!'

'I'm not scared.' she protested, inching towards him. 'I'm doing this for _you_.'

'Yeah, because those seven months without you were _fantastic_!' he spat sarcastically. 'When I thought you died, I died too. I have been struggling all this time without you, torturing myself with memories of you! I want to be with you, no matter what! I was never scared of that. I wasn't scared then, and I'm not scared now. I'll go through a hundred million blades just to be with you. I'll do anything for you, but you're a fucking coward!'

'I'm not scared.'

'Aren't you?! Because all you seem to do is run away from me!'

'I'm not scared!'

'Admit it! You're scared of this relationship not working out, of it finally breaking us apart! Admit that you're terrified of losing me!'

'I'm _not_ scared!'

'Admit it!'

' _Of course_ I'm scared!' she screamed. 'You go so far for me! You bloodied yourself, put yourself on the line - for me! Why? I don't deserve it! You go so far for me, and you almost died because of it! How do you think I felt seeing you so wounded?! There was so much blood, you were so cold, so, so, cold...!' she couldn't continue so she turned her back to him. 'I know you love me. But I don't deserve it. And even if I do, I don't want it - I don't want to see you like that. I'd rather give you up than let that happen to you again. I...' she trembled. 'I love you, so that's why...'

She couldn't go on anymore, so she stood there shaking. She didn't cry, but her body turned cold. The more she was trying to argue for her side, the less believable her rationale was sounding to her. He was right, he was so damn right. She _was_ terrified of losing him, of this relationship breaking them apart. She had already nearly lost him once. She couldn't go through that again.

What she had yet to fully grasp was that neither could he.

'You might be able to give me up.' he wrapped his arms around her from behind. 'But I can never let you go again. Not if you love me the way I love you.'

'Don't-'

'We need each other.' he murmured soothingly. 'We gravitate towards each other because we're meant to be together. I can feel it in my soul. It's alright to be scared, but that shouldn't stop us from happening. Of course there'll be scary times, tough times. No one's perfect. We certainly aren't. If we want to have a life together, we have to take both the good and the bad. We're going to feel like time won't tick if we aren't by each other's sides. We'll be so happily in love that we'll annoy everyone around us. But we'll also fight and never quite get it perfectly right. We'll hurt each other, but we'll work it out. Then we'll kiss and go to bed peacefully, knowing that tomorrow is another day and another chance to be good to one another. We won't know what we're doing, but we'll know that we love each other - and that's enough, don't you think?'

His words pierced her fear.

'Leave me if you want to.' he whispered, loosening his hold on her. 'If that's what's going to make you happy. I just want you to be happy, with or without me. If the memories are too painful, then I'll understand. But if you're lying to yourself and to me, you're only going to regret it later. You and I are tied together whether you choose to see it or not. Inevitably, we'll find each other again. So... Fine. Leave. The truth will come out. I'll see you again. Your real feelings will guide you back to me.'

'Ah, Ichigo...!' she was sensitive to his unexpected kissing on her neck. Her arms jerked upwards in blissful relief, every moment his body spent on hers affirmation of the physical chemistry bleeding from their special feelings for each other.

His words were too true. Even though she tried manipulating their connection so that she could sabotage it from the inside out, her efforts never worked. He would always forgive her, and she would always yearn for him. That longing would overcome her and in no time she'd find herself back under the covers with him, moaning his name and dreaming about his kindness cocooning her from heartbreak for the rest of eternity.

'I don't think I would've actually left.' she confessed.

'Mm?' he twirled her around and lifted her chin so that he could look into her eyes.

'I tried to leave, but I just couldn't. It was too painful to think about opening that door. I couldn't stand the thought of it; saying goodbye to you again.'

'My door's always open for you. I'll be here, waiting for you to be ready to be with me. But I know that you'll never stay away from me for too long.'

'No.' her fingers curled around his belt to keep him close. 'I don't think I can stay away at all.'

'Stay with me.'

'Is that what you want?'

'I want to make you happy.'

' _You_ make me happy.'

'Then stay with me, Rukia.'

His lips captured hers under the moonlight.

* * *

The next morning was a Saturday. Ichigo didn't have to go into the office. So he spent the earliest hours arranging for fresh flowers to be sent up to his room. He set the bouquet of white lilies next to his sleeping lover, his heart thumping at the sight of her unclothed skin covered only by the pure blankness of the sheets. It wasn't long after the placed the arrangement next to her on the bed that she woke up, enchanted by the floral aroma.

'Don't you get tired of getting me flowers?' she asked playfully.

'Never.'

He suggested that they go out to eat, but neither of them could think of any secretive restaurants. He wanted to get a private room, but she said that she wouldn't be very comfortable with that. Besides, she reasoned that she needed to go home and get a new change of clothes. He immediately got defensive, insisting that they spend some time together outside of the bedroom. She laughed at his reaction and invited him to see her new apartment.

Of course, he happily obliged. He pulled on some casual jeans and a black hoodie, he readied himself for the first date they would share in what seemed like forever. He was trying to hide it, but he was actually excited. He was a little on the fence about being spotted out in the open, but he tried his best to quell those petty worries. Though his orange hair rendered him easily identifiable, he was more or less under the radar with such an unsuspecting disguise.

Rather than take his government-given vehicle, Rukia proposed that they walk to her home instead. After all, it wasn't too far away. It would be a nice stroll that more or less would take half an hour. Not that he cared. In fact, half an hour didn't nearly seem like enough time to bask in the sunshine with her. But he'd take would he could get.

He was a little nervous about stepping out, but the lack of public uproar put him at ease. They walked by the riverbank, the sound of the calm waters somehow a worldly reminder of their link to one another. He gathered enough courage to hold her hand in his. She enthusiastically intertwined her fingers in his. Though it was summer and hot outside, nothing compared to the soothing heat of his touch.

They were a normal couple on a normal date heading to her normal home.

See? They could be normal.

She smiled to herself. This was a good start.

'We're almost there.' she squeezed his hand.

As she turned to cross the stress, she caught a glimpse of a familiar man speeding right past her.

Their eyes met for only a split second, but she recognized him immediately. Icy blue eyes met her deep sapphires. Normally, his gaze would stimulate an involuntary chill running through her veins, but this time was different. Though his frosty orbs were still pained and jaded, they lacked one fundamental emotion towards her that had taken over their dynamic for as long as she could remember.

Hate.

There was no more hate.

He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at her for too long.

After that millisecond, he averted his line of sight and went on his way down an alley. Ichigo didn't seem to notice him and even if he did, he said nothing. Rukia watched her old partner in depravity disappear into the darkness between two buildings, and she found herself wondering if she was ever going to see him again.

What was that? Why did she feel no more hurt or fear when she looked at him? Was it because she had apologized? Was it because she had forgiven him?

Had he forgiven her?

It would be nice to talk with him now that they were different. Now that they were at peace, at least with one another.

No more hate.

'Is something wrong, Rukia?'

'Huh? No... Not at all.' she brushed the concern off and dragged him down the road to her building. 'We're almost there!'

She glanced back over her shoulder, but he was already gone.

But that was fine. She didn't need to see him again. That one pause in time was enough. She was at peace with him now.

She shut her eyes and hoped he could hear her thoughts.

 _Goodbye, Grimmjow._

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story! Truly honoured to have you all accompany me on this literary journey thus far.

Also, thank you for believing in me when I said that there will be a happy ending! To be honest, I was gonna end the last chapter with Rukia's "death" and reveal in this one that she was alive. But then I thought to myself, man... That's not right, I'm not going to play that game.

This story is coming to a close and I'm sort of rushing it a little. It's midterm season and I can't juggle the usual pacing of my chapters with my studies very well! I hope that this doesn't displease any of you who have been so kind to support me all this time.

Thank you to **Kasai to Kasumi, JoTerry, achalida, RukiYuki, Shirayuki992, han-ichiruki, blissbeat, Althatsyu, Carupin, GenesisVentura, jobananasan,** **bewilderedme, Kelisidina,** and **anja**!

 **Kasai to Kasumi** , I'm so glad you're safe! Thanks so much for your continued support always!

 **Shirayuki992** , thank you so much for your kind words! As I wrote the last chapter, I had this looming feeling that people wouldn't like the direction of the story. I'm glad that it's been accepted thus far. The truth is, I really did intend for this story to be light-hearted. But this is what happened. Let me explain. A lot of people were asking for more Grimmjow time, so I thought damn... I wasn't gonna use that guy past the first three chapters, what do I do now? So I came up with the whole backstory with the Jaegerjacquez and planned out the whole plot from then over the span of an hour. Then I realized I wanted to explore a lot of topics that were important to me, like consent and stigma. It was crazy! Having said that, it's always been an itch of mine to write an easygoing story about Ichigo and Rukia in high school. **Marry Me, Shinigami!** is kind of my second shot at making this dream a reality. Which is why I never update it when I write angst! I don't want it to get dark!

 **han-ichiruki** , I know I said that I would update **Marry Me, Shinigami!** after the last update of **The Untold Future,** but I hope you don't mind that I am prioritizing this story! Particularly because it is coming to a close. I don't want to run out of steam for it!

 **blissbeat** , the reason I skimmed over that part was so that Ichigo could have his outburst in this chapter. If you still would like me to pen down an in-the-moment reaction from Ichigo, I will happily write you one! Let me know if this pleases you!

 **Carupin** , you are absolutely right!

 **bewilderedme** , thank you so much! Stigma has definitely been a topic of interest for me.

 **Kelisidina** , love you! Ignore it though. You know I don't give a fuck anyways.

 **anja** , thank you for coming to my defense!

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	26. It's My Damn Business

'Nii-sama, please don't bother yourself by going through the trouble of bringing me these things.' Rukia was referring to the three bagfuls of shiratama dumplings she was now holding in her arms. She was beyond excited to have them in hand, but she also felt slightly guilty. She could have gone out and got them herself. She didn't want her older brother to go out of his way to fetch her her favourite foods. It was a nice surprise, but she already felt like she had imposed herself enough on his daily schedule.

'Do not be so strict.' the businessman responded offhandedly. 'It is my pleasure to provide food for you sometimes.'

He meant every word he said, but he was sidetracked by the unfamiliar abode he had just entered. The furnishing lacked a certain lustre that boasted class and wealth. Not that it was dirty - it was actually spotless. To be fair, it was also very warm and inviting. The color scheme was made up of earthy browns and neutrals, a comforting breath of fire during this unusually chilly winter. Byakuya had to concede. It wasn't bad. It just wasn't a Kuchiki residence.

Ever since Rukia left the hospital a year ago, she had been living in a new apartment. Nobody discovered her whereabouts except for her sibling, Keigo, and much to the dismay of her Nii-sama, Ichigo. She never complained about her new home and always expressed that she was grateful for her privacy, but Byakuya often wondered if she was lonely living alone.

His questions were answered when she told him last week that she had chosen to move into a new place with Ichigo. Byakuya thought he was going to have a heart attack, but he feigned composure and simply nodded in approval. It was sweet that she still sought his blessing in her decisions, but he was now astute to the fact that he had no right to control her. She would do as she pleased, so long as it made her happy. No matter what she'd choose in life, he resolved to support her.

But _damn_ was it hard to support her relationship. So bloody _hard_.

Slate grey eyes darted to the blaring television screen in the middle of the living room. Commercials were still playing. The nobles hardly ever watched programs, but there was not much for Rukia to do during the day. Her routine consisted of taking walks, hanging out with Keigo or her brother, and being by her lover's side. She still attended to Kuchiki affairs using her laptop under the guise of her brother's e-mail handle.

If anything, the additional free time she had now gave her more energy to sharpen the skills of her profession. Byakuya was still the face of the corporation, but unbeknownst to the public his workload was slowly decreasing and being passed onto Rukia. He wanted to retire and she needed something to do. Nevertheless, he could see that she was by no means challenged by her job description.

Though she was evidently bored with her mundane ritual, it was a much-needed break from her tumultuous lifestyle. It was a big weight off of Byakuya's shoulders to know that Rukia's environment have significantly calmed down. But there was just one pressing matter he felt he needed to address. And there was no time like the present.

'I have been thinking of when to raise a topic that has been on my mind for quite some time now.' he started, averting his line of sight to his young protege. She was plating the dumplings so meticulously that she didn't even look up at him when she responded.

'Yes, Nii-sama?'

'I saw a familiar face a few months ago.'

'Oh...'

'It was a face that has only brought forth bad luck.'

'I see... You saw Grimmjow, then?'

'You know.' he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Was she seeing him again? Because if she was, he was going to put his foot down. She could rebel against him all she wanted, but he was not going let her go down that road again. 'Why is it that you know?'

'Who else could it be?' she picked up a confection and brought it to her lips. 'I saw him too.' she added conversationally before taking a bite.

'You saw him.' it wasn't a question, it was a tight-lipped statement. Yet he wanted her to expand on what had said. Gunmetal orbs that had learned to become agreeably pleasant over time turned shallow and cold. His fingertips went numb; the only sign that Byakuya Kuchiki was panicking. Trying to quell his anxiety, he took a seat on the sofa facing away from her and crossed his legs. 'Rukia.' he called in a low voice. 'You saw him.'

'In passing.' she clarified. She could sense he was tense, so she rather than eat on the kitchen counter she carried the plate in hand as she sauntered into the living room. 'Only in passing, Nii-sama.'

'Then how can you be so sure it was him?'

'I'm sure.'

'When did this happen? Who were you with? Did you speak to him? Did he approach you?'

'Nii-sama, nothing happened. Our eyes met for only a second. We looked away as soon as we saw each other.'

'Rukia...'

'Nothing happened, Nii-sama.'

'I-'

An obnoxious melody that signalled the return of the broadcast forced Byakuya to back down. Fine. He'd interrogate her about it later. Somehow, he didn't buy her story. He could never be too careful around her when it had anything to do with the Jaegerjacquez. But he wasn't about to ruin their viewing of this program. Rukia was intensely supportive of Ichigo, especially behind his back. Her faith in his success was passionate. One would think that they were married if they saw just how much she rooted for him.

Oh, God.

Byakuya swallowed. He was trying not to think about that. Which is why he hardly ever asked Rukia about her relationship. If it really was going in that direction, he didn't want to know. He'd rather find out on the actual day. Or better yet, from his grave. That would be ideal.

'Come.' he beckoned his sister by patting the seat next to him. She obeyed joyously, almost skipping her way beside her brother. She handed him a glass of red wine because she knew that he liked to have a drink or two some nights. He was by no means an alcoholic, but he liked its refined flavour. She wanted to please him, so the minute he confirmed his attendance for the evening she rushed out of the apartment to purchase the most sophisticated bottle she could find. 'Thank you.' his voice rose in genuine surprise. Oh, his sister was too good. Too sweet, too lovely, too wonderful.

 _Why_ did she have to fall for a total ingrate?

Byakuya knew his bitter thoughts would just worsen, so he quickly took a sip. No need to alarm Rukia with his sudden rage. It didn't take long for his rigid shoulders to relax just a bit.

 _Ahh_. Much better.

 **'Thank you for joining us today, Kurosaki-san!'** Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck beamed at the audience.

As far as Rukia knew, she was a Western celebrity that had her own talk show. Instead of the guests coming to her, she traveled the world to sit down with them. That was more efficient on both ends considering Nelliel's choice of company consisted of mainly international politicians. The masses enjoyed her program because they were able to watch such serious, high-profile figures be silly by playing random games with her or answering really embarrassing questions. Ichigo had been wary about appearing on the set because of its unpredictability, but Rukia teased him by claiming that he just didn't want to be humiliated on national television. Not one to back down from a challenge, Ichigo snapped back that he would do it.

 **'It's an honour to be here.'** Ichigo bluffed, giving a stiff half-smile.

Shit. Shit! This was fucking mortifying.

He fucking knew the host's name sounded familiar. He wasn't trying to be an asshole. He was just really bad with names and faces. Besides, Nelliel never wanted to keep in contact after they broke up so there was no reason for them to keep up with each other. Damn. Maybe his coma really did do a number on his brain. Plus, he never immersed himself in trendy pop culture, so he had never seen her face again until an hour ago backstage. She jumped him, hugging him a little too tightly. He was too flabbergasted to say anything, so he said nothing.

Ugh.

He just had forty-five minutes of this and he could go home to his girlfriend. He'd tell her all about it. About how he used to date this woman and they'd laugh about it.

The first half of the show always highlighted the accomplishments of the politician under the spotlight. It was Nelliel's way of warming him up by boosting his ego. That, and she thought it was a good idea to educate her viewers on the depth behind these public figures. What do they specifically do? How do we describe their ideology? How are they relevant? She didn't invite congressmen on stage for the sake of poking fun at them.

The last half was always what the audience would be waiting for. It required Ichigo to play Would You Rather followed by Truth Or Dare - and Nelliel had asked the participants in the crowd to jot down on a blank sheet of paper what they wanted her to ask the statesman. The crew collected those pieces of paper before the show began airing so that Nelliel could have a chance to read them.

And there was one particular question on everyone's mind...

 **'So, we all wanna know...'** mint eyes gleamed. **'Are you seeing anybody?!'**

Oh, _God_.

'I need the bottle.' Byakuya blurted and darted to the kitchen. 'Where is the bottle?!'

Rukia should have been:

a) answering her Nii-sama.

b) appalled that her Nii-sama raised his voice.

c) getting the damn wine herself.

But she was completely paralyzed. Wavering azure orbs were glued to the screen.

What did she want him to say? She didn't know the answer herself.

 **'Yes.'** Ichigo responded without hesitation.

The bodacious personality looked like she didn't hear him for a while. It definitely appeared that she hadn't expected that answer, for her face hardened as if a witch cast a spell on her to turn her into concrete. She finally spoke when she regained her composure. **'You're dating someone?!'** the talk show host giggled to hide her disappointment.

 **'That's what I said.'** Ichigo faced the camera amidst the gasping audience. He flashed a soft smile which he saved for only when he gazed at the woman he loved. In that moment, Rukia's heart fluttered for she knew that it was meant for her. She bit her lip to control her involuntary grin. If her Nii-sama saw just how easily she melted by such romantic gestures, he'd think she was unbecoming of a Kuchiki.

A vein was ready to pop on Byakuya's forehead.

Even if he wanted nothing more than to skin this boy, he had to support his sister. But it was difficult to witness her so lovestruck. She loved this man to the point where he was affecting her happiness. Well, he _was_ her happiness.

Which was terrifying.

Byakuya still strongly believed that despite the raw chemistry between them, they were far too young and inexperienced with each to ensure a stable life together. Ichigo was far too impulsive when it came to Rukia, and Rukia was too self-sacrificing when it came to Ichigo. And they were both fiery about each other, which meant that they were hardly ever level-headed when it came to decisions concerning one another.

Byakuya feared for their future. What would happen when they needed to make join decisions together? They were both used to being so independent, or at the very least acting on their own, that a union may not exactly be suitable for them - although they may not realize it yet.

With a full glass of wine in hand, he headed back to the sofa. He eyed his adopted sibling. She was fixated on her lover's image. Byakuya could tell by those glossy pupils that she was closed off from any stimuli save for her orange-haired partner. Byakuya's heart weighed down uncharacteristically. Curiously, he placed a hand over his chest. It had been a while since he felt such a sensation.

Even though she and the brat had only been together for five months now, Byakuya felt like he was giving his daughter away at the altar.

She was so irrevocably Ichigo's.

The entrepreneur meant what he had told Keigo before; that his wrath could never keep those two apart. He just prayed that Ichigo Kurosaki would take care of Rukia the way that she deserved.

 **'Who is she?!'**

 **'She wouldn't want me to name her.'** Ichigo waved his hand dismissively.

 **'What?! Who wouldn't want to be identified as your girlfriend?! I bet she doesn't even exist!'**

 **'We like to keep things private.'**

The audience booed. Nelliel laughed before continuing, **'I guess that's understandable. Your last lover caused quite the scandal!'**

The audience oohed. Ichigo narrowed his eyes in disgust. _The hell, Nel?_ **'The hell did you say?'**

 _This stupid boy!_ Byakuya nearly jumped up from his seat, but downed the contents of his glass instead.

Man to man, he had a conversation with his junior earlier today. He warned the reckless boy not to do anything that would cause further harm to his image. What the Kuchiki didn't let him know, however, was that it was because he intended to pass his properties and company down to him since Rukia couldn't directly inherit them. The aristocrat wanted the activation of his will to go down as smoothly as possible with the rest of the Board of Directors.

But...

Well. Whatever.

Not like he could do anything about it now.

 **'Oh, don't be like that, Kurosaki-san! Come on. You have to admit that the drama around you guys was crazy! Come to think of it, _she_ was a little crazy!'**

 _Commercial,_ Byakuya pleaded, _Cut to commercial!_

 **'Don't talk about her like that.'**

 **'Eh? What's this?'** Nelliel's mouth formed a dramatic _O_. **'Don't tell me you actually liked her?!'**

Conceding to his lack of control, Byakuya leaned back onto the pillows and raised his glass in a mock toast of the boy's erratic display. He knew what was coming. Might as well congratulate the child early.

 **'Nah.'** Ichigo's piercing eyes bore into his ex-girlfriend's. **'I love her.'**

 **'You can't be serious.'** Nelliel's tone changed. It was stern now. **'She used you to approve her brother's merger. You had sex _once_ -'**

 **'We had sex multiple times.'** he stated matter-of-factly. **'It was never a fling.'**

 **'You're just saying that.'**

 **'It's true. But let me ask you something...'**

Byakuya rubbed his temples. _Here we go..._

 **'Why are you so hung up on my love life? Actually, not even my love life - my _sex_ life. Why does it matter?'**

 **'May she rest in peace, but we all know what that girl was like.'**

 **'Actually, you _don't_ know.'** Ichigo sat up straighter. **'You don't know her _at all_. So what gives you the right to judge her? Hey, Nel, tell me - did you agree with the news' narrative on the night Rukia gave her speech at the merger's gala? Come on, guys.'** he motioned to the audience as if he wanted their input. **'Did you agree? I'm curious. Do you agree with a little girl being condemned by the same society that failed her? She was a minor who didn't feel like she could trust an adult. She was in need of help that we as a country should've been extending to all children on principle anyway. And no.'** he pointed at a crew member who was heading to the switchboard. **'Don't cut to commercial.'**

'You idiot.' Rukia whispered.

 **'As I was saying.'** he began. **'If you really think about it, _we_ put her in that situation. We should've been ready with the resources necessary to have helped her in her situation. It wasn't a unique one. Even today, many impoverished children find themselves with no home, no family, and no options. But what happened instead? Her social class was already a big enough problem - she couldn't pay the bills. The audacity for someone of a much wealthier income bracket to exploit her for his perversions - come on! How fucking disgusting is that?!'**

 **'Well, she didn't have to come out with it!'** Nelliel shot back. **'She didn't have to say it at an official gala! That was totally inappropriate, she didn't have to be so proud-'**

 **'You don't have a right to tell her what she can and cannot do. You're not her, that wasn't your story, therefore you have no damn right to dictate what should and should not be done.'**

 **'It's common sense! She obviously wanted attention!'**

 **'She's not that kind of person, Nel. But I guess you're not interested in getting to know her. Go ahead. Judge her more. Judge her, manipulate the narrative when she's not even here to defend herself. You're not ignorant, Nel. You're a celebrity, you know the power of influence that you have. You know your loyal followers are gonna parrot everything you say. Don't act like you don't know what you're doing.'**

Nelliel remained silent, but her breathing was angry and laboured. Even the audience was silent, fearing that a reaction would put them too close to the flame. A crew member raised a headboard asking if she wanted them to cut to commercial, but snarled at him. He took that as a no.

 **'That was her story to tell.'** he continued. **'And she told it the way she wanted it. It's not for you or me to question. She didn't seek validation from you, me, or anybody else. She doesn't care about the public. That was her _life_. She didn't reveal it in the open for us, she did it for herself. For the countless versions of herself who're helpless and don't know what to do about their unfortunate circumstances. For the youth we're meant to protect. But what is this derogatory message telling them? By being so narrow-minded, you're further marginalizing vulnerable demographics!'**

'Nii-sama, enough.' Rukia murmured, taking the empty wine glass away.

She was still listening to the program, but it had turned into a heavy debate that she didn't want to know all the details too at the moment. They were talking about her, after all. Ichigo was defending her and all those like her, so she understood that he meant well. It was just hard to face it. It was a sore scar that she wondered would ever heal. No doubt she had grown stronger, but the road to recovery was still long.

'Rukia.' Byakuya croaked. 'I'm sorry.'

'Nii-sama?'

'I'm sorry.'

'Nii-sama, why-'

'For not being there for you.' he wiped the tiniest teardrop that seeped out of the corner of his eye. 'You needed me. I'm your brother. I'm your father. I'm your family. I'm...' he swallowed. 'I am sorry.'

'Nii-sama.' she took her hand in his. She already forgave him a long time ago, but hearing him apologize so solemnly made her soul swell with bittersweet relief. 'It's OK. Thank you.'

'Rukia, please.' he squeezed her hand. 'Be happy.'

'Eh?'

'I just want you to be happy.'

'I... I am.'

'You know what I mean, little one.' he raised his head to lock eyes with her. They were watery and knowing. 'I do not need to say it.'

'Nii-sama...'

'Do what you want. Just please be happy with your decisions.'

* * *

'Hey, I'm back!' Ichigo declared with a tone that made it seem like he wasn't excited to see her. Ever since he was a teenager, he always tried to play it cool as to never reveal his true feelings. Rukia was the person he was an open book to, but he often did it around her as well. He supposed old habits die hard. 'Rukia?'

No response.

That was odd. She usually yelled back immediately.

'Rukia?' he called again.

'Just give me a second!' her voice finally responded. It came from the bedroom.

He couldn't wait to see her, so he just headed over to their shared room. He could _never_ wait to see her. He always wanted her right away. 'Rukia.' he repeated as he swung the door open. 'Rukia?'

There she was, sitting on the bed and facing the window with her back turned to him. She was dressing herself, still zipping up the back of her white dress. Her ebony hair was swept to the side in front of her collarbone, exposing her nape to him. Before he could relish the sight for too long, she turned her head around and frowned at him. 'You can't wait, can you?'

'Of course not.' he walked over to her. 'Hey. I have to talk to you.'

'About the interview?'

'About the _interviewer_. I actually know who she is. I didn't realize until I got to the set. But I used to date her, she-'

'I already knew that.'

'Huh!?' his jaw dropped. 'How?!'

'You told me before that you dated a woman with bright, green hair.' Rukia shrugged, looking very much like the cat who caught the canary. 'That, and the way she looked at you. I put the two together and deduced it myself.'

'Oh.' he gulped. 'And...'

'I don't care.' she jutted her chin out proudly. 'Why should I?'

'Umm... I just thought...'

'Since you love _me_ anyway.' still on the mattress, she got on her knees to narrow their height margin. Even like this, she was still shorter than him. At least it was enough for her clutch his tie and kiss him.

He kissed her back eagerly. His anxious, trembling hands cupped her face. He didn't notice her unzipping the dress she just put on, his concentration taken by the suckling sounds of their tongues intertwining. It was only when she guided his wrists gently down to her bare breasts that his eyelids fluttered open and spotted the fabric pooled at her shapely ankles.

'You didn't...' he groaned between their mingling breath. 'You weren't wearing anything underneath?'

'Why should I? I'm not going anywhere tonight.'

'We could.'

'We _could_.' she left it at that and pried herself away from him. The beating of his heart was pounding in his eardrums and he was sure that his cheeks were flushed. Even underneath the harsh lighting of the studio, his internal temperature was quite comfortable. But now, suddenly, his suit was unbearable hot. His gaze followed her as she leaned back on the bed, spreading her legs apart like an offering to him. His breath hitched in his throat when he saw how wet and sticky she was for him. As if drawn to her in a trance, he automatically leaned over her. Their faces were so close but untouching, like he just wanted to get a better look at her to see if she was real. Their lips hovered agonizingly over each other until she finally brushed hers against his. That was all the reassurance he needed to crash his mouth onto hers.

'Rukia... Why... Every day...' he panted the incoherent fragments of what was meant to be a sentence.

For the past two weeks now, Rukia wanted him every single evening. It didn't matter how early or late he came home, or if she was working or sleeping. She would drop whatever she was doing to lure him into bed with her.

He had no self-control whatsoever. He willingly participated each time she initiated it.

'Why... Why do you want to do this every day?' he choked out as he hastily unbuckled his belt. He threw it onto the floor, followed by his suit jacket and tie.

'Because I think of you all day.' she murmured, watching him unbutton his black shirt from top to bottom. His fingers were fumbling with the stubborn studs, so he stopped halfway and lifted it over his head. That article of clothing joined the rest of its ensemble on the ground as well. His deliciously sculpted torso stood proud and tall above her, every ridge and line inviting her to touch him. His skin was already slick with sweat from teasing her while he was constrained underneath all those garments. It made his tan color glisten subtly, bronzing him. She could never get tired of admiring him. 'And you?' she managed after a parched swallow. 'Why do you do this with me?'

He leaned in to kiss her. She happily obliged, wrapping her arms over his neck when his palms spread her thighs apart. After a drawn-out moan, he removed himself from her and slid upwards so that he could angle himself to enter her. Her hands slid down to his pectorals, scratching lightly down to his abdomen as he started to sheathe himself inside of her.

'Because I love you.' he finally answered.

'I love you t-too...!' she gasped the last word, coming undone. He grudgingly removed himself from her warmth and kissed her again. He cradled her trembling form in his arms as tenderly as he would hold a newborn. By now, he knew just how to end her with pleasure. The last tremors of her climax subsided and gently flipped her over to her back, expertly kneading her shoulders to relax her. He allowed her to catch her breath and come down from her high, but not too low as to lose the heat of the moment. He swept her hair away from her back and lifted her hips up to his still erect member. 'Ichigo..!' she shrieked when he entered her again.

'I love you, sweetheart.' he cooed, his hot breath fanning her face. Her eyes were closed and her lips parted in a small smile, every moan escaping those swollen lips as obscene as her expression was peaceful.

She used to hate being taken with her back turned to him, especially after they had angry, supposedly meaningless sex on the carpet of his hotel room a year ago.

But now, he knew just how to make the experience pleasurable to her. He constantly whispered sweet nothings to her, pressing his body against her so that she could feel every flex of his muscles as he moved. His hands were restless in this position, one either tugging or brushing through her hair while the other hooked under her chin to tilt her head in his direction.

He was fully in charge of this dance, but he didn't care. He was just glad that he could be with her. In his eyes, he was holding a goddess in his arms. The strongest, kindest, most beautiful woman he'd ever met - the woman that could peer into his soul effortlessly. He was making love to her and she was accepting his feelings. There was no greater joy than that.

And he let her know it too.

In between breathlessly sinful confessions of love and lust, he'd plant a chaste kiss on her lips. Her smile widened and her whimpers were becoming more audible. It was too much for him; the slapping of skin, the heavy huffing from both of them, the intoxicating scent of sex filling the air as thrust himself in and out of her indescribable warmth. To top it all off, she was squealing his _name_. He was so lost in their passion that he almost forgot it.

This position had become their absolute favourite.

She was nestled under his body at the mercy of his touch. Every move he made lit her skin on fire. She felt like she was burning wonderfully beneath him, ecstasy causing her to crumble into him so that they could be one and the same.

Before, when other men used to have their way with her, they'd hurt her. A lot. And it wasn't out of passion or desire. That man did it because she was young and virginal. He did it because he wanted to destroy her. He paid for her because he wanted to own her so that no one could reprimand him for breaking her. For a long time, she truly felt like she was jagged in all the wrong places. She never thought she'd be able to pick herself up again completely.

But right now, she felt whole. She felt pure. She felt like she had never been cut.

He felt himself ending, so he retreated and earned a whine of protest from her. Before she could verbally complain, he picked her up and adjusted them so that he was laying down and she was straddling him. She didn't have to be told. Of her own volition, she sank his length into her, gripping the sheets so hard her nails were going to punch holes through the fabric.

Instinctively, he reached up to caress the smooth texture of her stomach. It was almost felt like a crime for his large hands to run through her crystal skin. Even now, he still felt unworthy of her.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

When they were both spent, she slumped over his taut chest and traced circles around his sides. Always after making love, he refused to let her go from his arms. She didn't mind though. Actually, she savoured every waking moment this close to him. They'd carry lazy conversations like this until they both fell lulled to sleep, completely forgetting what they spoke about in the morning.

But this time, Ichigo was unusually quiet. Usually he was the one to start a topic. Maybe he was just exhausted from his interview. Somehow, she didn't think so. Whatever it was that was bothering him, she knew he'd come around eventually. So she waited patiently, kissing, sucking, and stroking all over his body to soothe him.

'Hey Rukia...'

'Mm?'

'I love you.'

'I love you too. Is something wrong?'

'Nothing's wrong.'

'Well, I don't believe you. But I'll wait for you to tell me.'

He kissed the top of her head and stared up at the ceiling. Nothing was wrong. He was just wondering if she wanted to get married.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story!

It's a busy time for me with work and school, which is why updates for this have been slower. I'm trying to shell out as much information per chapter as I can. If it feels rushed, that is why. I hope everyone is fine with this!

The reason I've been updating my other stories before this one is because it's currently hard to get in the right headspace to continue with this to the effect that I want to achieve. Lately, some of my friends have been seeking extra support from me. I'm happy to be there for them, of course. But when I get home, I don't want to write about emotional things. That's why I started **Enchantress**. I wanted something light and airy to brighten my mood. Having said that, I fully intend to update this story regularly. It would be totally disrespectful to all of you I just abandoned this.

Thank you to **RukiYuki, blissbeat, Althatsyu, achalida, Kasai to Kasumi, Shirayuki992, han-ichiruki, schoolgurl95, Carupin, NieveDrop, FunnyEasyMe,** and **jobananasan**!

 **blissbeat,** I'm so glad it made up for the lack of Ichigo's reaction in the last chapter! And I sympathize with all the authors and readers that were unnerved by those comments. That was a strange person!

 **Kasai to Kasumi,** Rukia's well on her way to recovering! With all the trauma she went through, she'll definitely need more time than Ichigo. Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so glad you resonated with that last scene. And thank you for your well wishing! My studies are going well!

 **Shirayuki992,** the ending will be a surprise! I won't be giving any hints! When Grimmjow's fate is revealed, I promise to explain my reasoning. Ahh, I'm going to miss hearing your thoughts about this story! Your words are always so fun to read and encouraging.

 **anoyak111,** that's not a concept I'm interested to write about at this time.

 **han-ichiruki,** thank you so much for your understanding!

 **schoolgurl95** , thank you for reviewing!

 **jobananasan,** that's the exact scene I had in mind when I wrote the chapter! I explained in earlier chapters that she doesn't take her hood off! And she dresses to hide her figure. Grimmjow's fate will be revealed later on. And so glad that you like drunk Byakuya!

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	27. Is There A Future?

'We should be setting the table.' Rukia murmured distractedly.

'It's fine.' was Ichigo's off-handed response. His eyes were glued to the television screen. Nothing was going to tear him away from the last episode of a serial adaptation of Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_. Without even looking into the tub of chocolate ice cream he was holding, he dipped his spoon back in for another serving. 'We have a good half hour before the chicken is ready.'

'But I should be watching it.'

'The chicken's going to bake whether or not you're keeping an eye on it. Besides...' he kissed the top of her head without ever averting his gaze from the program. 'I told you I'd take care of it.'

'Ichigo, you just came from work. You're exhausted. I mean, look at yourself! You can barely sit up straight!'

'I'm fine.'

'No, you should rest. I'll go check on the chicken.'

'Just relax. The chicken is fine. It's dead.'

'Ichigo!'

'Rukia, come on.' he still refused to stop watching the show, but took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips to plant a soft kiss. 'Can the chicken keep you company like I do? Are you gonna have a better time staring at a chicken rather than hanging out with me?'

Conceding to his convincing rationale, the petite woman relaxed next to her lover. They were seated side by side on the sofa in front of the television. Ichigo was practically sprawled out, but Rukia had her legs folded up to her chest so that her feet wouldn't touch the floor. It was already five in the afternoon and they were expecting guests for dinner quite soon. But Ichigo was still in his suit from work with the jacket flung to a nearby chair while Rukia was in all-white ensemble of a strapless shirt and shorts. She was very conservative about exhibiting her body, but since it was just Ichigo, she didn't mind showcasing herself.

The dessert container was on _his_ lap because he was greedy when it came to chocolate. Of course, he let her have as much as she wanted, but she knew that deep down he was eyeing her like a hawk every time she served herself another helping. She pretended not to notice and ate more than she craved just to see his reaction. He never said anything. So she kept on nibbling away at his precious sweet.

Living with him for quite some time now, she was able to note down childishly adorable characteristics about him.

For example, he was obsessed with chocolate. Oddly enough, he wasn't interested in other sugary treats. He enjoyed spicy food much more. But chocolate seemed to have a special place in his heart. Arguably sometimes more special than her, she felt.

He didn't indulge in it often, but when he did... Well, there was a reason neither of them rarely came back from the grocery store with that particular flavour of anything. It would be gone the next day, or that same evening. There was no use buying it because Ichigo would just eat it all. Furthermore, whenever they would get into a fight - and not the typical teasing they poked at each other every so often - a real, in-your-face, how-could-you, i-hate-you, you-don't-love-me fight, Ichigo would storm out and buy a bunch of chocolate variations and chew on it angrily until Rukia apologized or forgave him.

He'd always have a stomach ache after his binge, but that never deterred him from repeating the same mistake in the future. She used to be worried whenever he was keeled over at the table for breakfast the following mornings with the most miserable expression, but now it was just funny. He was a total addict.

Then there were his shows.

He _loved_ shows. It surprised the noble because she thought he was the kind of guy who wasn't interested in that kind of unproductive leisure. But he was actually very well-versed in modern culture, especially those originating from the West. She used to think it was because he studied there, but he admitted a couple weeks into their co-habitation that William Shakespeare was the person he respected most ever since he was a child. He could go on and on about that historical writer' works. He even knew all the plays by heart! He could tell you in exactly which act a scene occurred, and often quote several lines from the composition as well.

Rukia didn't have a fondness for literature. Nevertheless, she treasured discussions with Ichigo about texts that interested him and wanted to share thoughts about.

His analyses exposed his perception of the world. She felt like she could learn so much about him just by listening to his feelings about a book or play. Most of the works he read were written in old English, but his examination of them always added a contemporary twist that was personal to him. She wondered if he realized just how much of himself he was revealing when he chatted away about the underlying social themes of... What was it again? What was the last one he read? _The Tempest_. That was it.

 **'For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.'** the narrator voiced, followed by a black screen with scrolling white text. The credits signalled the end of the broadcast.

'That was so sad.' Rukia whispered. She never really connected with fictional characters, but the relationship between the two protagonists actually plucked at her heartstrings. She tried not to think about it, but at the back of her mind, she wondered if a similar situation would have happened to her and Ichigo if she forced them apart.

Thinking back at her actions now, she realized that fighting their bond wasn't going to bring either of them happiness. She couldn't fathom the idea that someone as pure and good as Ichigo would ever fall in love with her. She didn't trust his feelings. She was scared that he was going to leave her or that it wasn't going to work out. In actuality, what she was trying to do was sabotage herself so that she wouldn't have to go through the pain of trying her best to make it work and yet be rejected.

She didn't want to try. It was so much easier to just fail.

But now, the hardest thing would be to be without him. So she was glad she listened to him and gave them a fighting chance to be together.

'It's my favourite out of all his works.' his metal utensil scraped the bottom of the cardboard. He looked down at it and scowled. It was already finished.

'I hope your appetite isn't spoiled.' she took the empty tub and spoon from him. She stood up and threw the carton into the trashcan of the kitchen. The spoon was placed in the dishwasher. The whole time, amber eyes never left her lithe form. When she crouched down in front of the oven, he got to his feet as well. She was still thinking about the damn chicken. He didn't want her to worry about it.

'Why don't you go get ready?' he squatted and hugged her from behind. In this position, he was almost leaning over her, so she shifted her weight to steady herself.

'Ichigo, you're heavy!' she pressed her back against him playfully.

'You're just tiny.' he cooed into her ear.

'Ichigo!' she laughed as he picked her up.

'You're so _small_.'

'Haha, screw you!'

'You're so _delicate_.'

'Is that so?'

'I'm joking.' he twirled her around to kiss her. She smiled against his lips. Her legs hooked around his torso and his arms held her by the waist to support her. She was tugging at his shirt, indicating that she wanted him to take it off.

'Damn it, Rukia.' he mumbled. 'We can't.'

'Why not?'

'Because...' her tongue massaged his lower lip. 'Because...' she moaned breathlessly. 'Because-'

 _Ding!_

Because their guests had arrived.

Rukia pulled away from him with horror written all over her face. She pushed herself so far back that had he been less attentive to her movements, he would have let her go accidentally. Terror engulfed her for a second or two before she glared at her boyfriend furiously.

'I _told_ you I had to check on the fucking chicken!'

And with that, she jumped off of him effortlessly. She scurried over to the bedroom, already working her top over her head. She didn't wear makeup or do her hair, so he knew she would be out in a second. Still, someone had to answer the door. He grabbed his suit jacket and slipped it on to look somewhat decent. He probably appeared overdressed, but the main visitor always showed up with the most expensive attire anyway.

'Yo.' Ichigo swung the door to their apartment open, expecting the devil himself. 'Oh.' he was secretly relieved when he saw who it was. 'It's just you. You're early.'

'Ichigo!' Keigo was about to tackle his longtime friend in an embrace, but the politician sidestepped. Keigo missed his target and fell face-first onto the hard floor. 'Y-Your reflexes are as p-perfect as ever...' he flashed a weak thumbs up.

'Forget that! Do you have it?'

'Duh! I got you, man!'

'Well, hand it over.' he hushed his voice now.

'Hold on.' the brunette reached into his pocket and shoved a velvet box onto Ichigo's waiting hand. His fingers curled around it with lightning speed.

The taller man widened his eyes disbelievingly. 'Handle it with _care_.'

'Sorry. You're crazy, by the way. It's huge.'

'You looked?!'

'Well... I kinda had to. What if it was empty? You'd be paying a lot of cash for something that isn't even there...'

'Don't look!'

'Well I can't do that now! Besides, there's nothing wrong with it! It's really pretty. Rukia-chan's gonna like it.'

Ichigo's face was flushed, but he tried to maintain a cool facial expression. He didn't want to give Keigo more reason to make fun of him. Rukia was going to welcome him inside at any moment, so there was no time to discuss the subject of his potential proposal any further. Keigo was so loudmouthed anyways that he'd just end up spilling the beans at the dinner table.

'Asano!' and there was her melodious voice.

She floated across the living room to the entryway, her white suit exaggerating the angles of her body so that she looked more polished and stern. She normally liked wearing more comfortable clothing in the confines of her own home, but anyone who knew her well enough could notice that whenever she was expecting her older brother to arrive, she would make more of an effort to keep up with the icy aesthetic that was expected of the Kuchiki clan - although she hardly had to be concerned about that anymore.

Perhaps she didn't want to disappoint him? Not that Byakuya could ever be disappointed in who she was. Ichigo was fully aware of her admiration for her brother, so he didn't question why she did such things to impress him. It almost felt like she was trying to make up for her adolescent years when the only attempt she made of her association to the Kuchiki name was to sabotage it. Ichigo tried to discuss this topic with her. He let her know that she didn't need to vindicate herself like that. She agreed, but remained adamant that it was still something she felt needed to be done.

They were working through it.

'Rukia-chan!' he gave her a tight hug. 'You look so cute! You're so-guh!' Ichigo grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and sent him flying into the apartment, where he landed bent on the kitchen counter. 'J-Jealous type still, I s-see...'

'You're such a brute!' Rukia stuck her tongue out at her partner. 'He was just complimenting me! Why are you like this?!'

'He hugs you way too much!' the statesman protested. 'And you always allow it!'

'Of course I allow it! He's my best friend!'

'The hell?! I thought _I_ was your best friend!'

'That's different!'

'Different how?!'

'Ichigo! You're already my boyfriend! Of course we get along! Why do you need to be at the top of my friends list too?! Is the title of "best friend" that important to you?!'

Keigo contemplated intervening, but he wanted to live to see another day.

At any rate, Ichigo's sensitive envy was normal by now. For as long as Keigo knew him, Ichigo was never possessive. High-prided and arrogant at times, yes. But he was never quick to defend what he thought belonged to him. In fact, Ichigo preferred to be alone on most days. Not that he didn't have friends - because he did. It just seemed to everyone that socialization exhausted him past a certain point and solitude was his means of recharging his batteries. Consequently, he never felt selfish when it came to his relationships. Rather, he welcomed more people into his circle in the hopes that the other players would interact with each other instead of him.

But when it came to Rukia, he was covetous to a fault. Just there mere mention of her name would stimulate a flurry of questions from her sweetheart. The onslaught of inquiries were so overwhelming that one would think that they were being interrogated.

 _Why did you bring Rukia up?_

 _Where's Rukia?_

 _Did something happen to Rukia?_

Ugh. Had Keigo not have a perpetual semi-fear of his longtime friend, he would have smacked him over the head already.

But whatever. He understood it. So much has happened between those two that even months after their resolution, there were still kinks here and there to work through. In Ichgio's case, he had a fragile fight-or-flight reaction when it came to matters concerning Rukia. If he didn't know that she was absolutely safe at any given point in time, it was wise not to bring her up because Ichigo would just assume that something bad had happened to her.

Keigo would ask periodically if Ichigo needed help with that potentially debilitating aspect of his personality, or if it was affecting his relationship with Rukia.

Ichigo said they were working on it.

'Ichigo!' Rukia feigned outrage when her significant other hoisted her up by hooking an elbow under her knee, his other arm behind her back. 'Ichigo!' she repeated, sweeter. He kissed her on the cheek.

'Let's just get inside.' he grumbled and waltzed back in with her in his arms. She gave no resistance. Instead, she nestled her face on his chest and inhaled his masculine scent. She didn't even care that Keigo was watching. He had seen it all anyway.

'I'm sorry I didn't bring anything, by the way.' the brunette apologized. 'I had to, uh... Pick something up along the way.'

Ichigo shot him a menacing glare.

'It's fine.' Rukia replied as Ichigo set her down. 'I'm just so glad that you could make it.'

'Of course! I'd never bail on you, Rukia-chan!'

The three comrades chatted for what only felt like a minute. In reality, they must have been deeply engrossed in conversation for about half an hour. They hadn't congregated in a month, particularly because Keigo had gotten a job on the outskirts of Karakura. It was a tough trip to make and his family wasn't even situated in town, so there was no reason for him to really come back other than to see his friends. Even then, it was difficult to find time to hang out.

But when Ichigo called him last week to ask for a favour, he just couldn't refuse. He wanted to be a part of it.

 _Ding!_

'I'll get it.' the blue-eyed businesswoman jumped joyfully at the sound of the doorbell ringing a second time that evening. They were only expecting one other guest. With Keigo here, she knew for sure who it was going to be. 'Nii-sama!' she exclaimed with controlled happiness when the sight of her brother greeted her at the door.

'The meeting took longer than anticipated.' Byakuya explained his tardiness monotonously. 'I brought you some dumplings.' he raised a large plastic bag. 'We shall have them for dessert.'

'Thank you, Nii-sama!' she took the bag from him. She took a small step to the side to indicate that he could enter. He sauntered inside, eyeing the questionably bland decor of the living room. That _boy_ had no taste whatsoever.

'Yo, Byakuya!'

The oldest of the group shut his eyes. Heaven help him get through this night.

'Good evening... Kurosaki Ichigo.' he turned to his sister. 'Rukia, you look well.'

'Thank you, Nii-sama!' she beamed.

The aristocrat noticed that his adopted sister gained some weight.

 _Thank God_.

He could almost breathe a sigh of relief. She and her sister had always been generally slim, but after Hisana died, Rukia's appetite dwindled to an alarming state. Trying to goad her into consuming her basic caloric needs, he requested the Kuchiki chefs to prepare them separate meals. Specifically, Rukia's would always be more on the sweet side because she preferred that taste. Nevertheless, she was steadfast about not being hungry. She would peck at some bread twice a day and drink some juice periodically, but was otherwise fasting.

Unfortunately, he had that _boy_ to thank for her improved eating habits.

'I'm just going to plate the food!' she broke into his thoughts and hurried into the kitchen.

'I'll help you, Rukia-chan!' Keigo followed her inside.

The two most important men in Rukia's left were left alone. They still weren't perfectly comfortable in each other's presence, the tension mostly coming from Byakuya's end. He scanned his adopted sister's suitor momentarily, scrutinizing everything from his choice of clothing to his unkempt, obnoxious hair. He tried to find every reason to hate this man, but he knew at the back of his mind that had it not been for this child, he would have lost his pride a long time ago.

So the least he could do was make small talk.

'Kurosaki Ichigo-'

'Hey, Byakuya...'

 _This rude motherfucker,_ Byakuya thought bitterly. It had been so long and this brat still refused to use the proper honorific when speaking to him. 'What is it?' he forced a calm reply anyway.

'I don't know if this is necessary or not...'

 _Huh?_

'This might be sort of old school, but I guess _you're_ pretty old school...'

'Thank you.' _Fuck you_ , gray eyes narrowed.

'I haven't asked her yet, but...' he reached into his pocket and fingered the velvet box hidden within. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to find some way to let the steam of his nervousness off. He bit his lip, sucked in his cheeks, and looked away. He couldn't do it straight after all. His heart was beating so fast and he was going to break out in a cold sweat any time now.

Byakuya was so confused. This guy was usually brash and arrogant. Why was his behaviour so timid now? Wait, was he now retrieving a box from his pants? He was opening it. What the hell was-

'Oh, _shit_.' Byakuya interjected.

Ichigo's eyes that betrayed no emotion now erupted with surprise. That was the first time he ever heard Byakuya Kuchiki curse. It was kind of... Funny.

The politician fought back a grin.

That rock was huge. _Huge_. It was an oval cut diamond, sparking blindingly in its flawless colourlessness. The band was so thin and almost naked to the human eye that the mineral seemed to be floating in the air.

And he thought Ichigo had no taste.

Byakuya was struggling just to keep upright. His very world was ending as he knew it. He had never experimented with substances, but he felt like he was on drugs. The room was spinning and he felt light-headed. His gut twisted sickeningly and he felt like throwing up.

Ugh.

God.

 _Why._

'You're kinda like her dad.' the orange-haired man coughed awkwardly. 'So I thought it was appropriate to ask you for your blessing first.'

'And if I said no?'

'I wouldn't have listened.'

'So your solution is to give me a heart attack? You stupid brat, if this exchange was not necessary, you should _not_ have approached me.'

Ichigo shrugged. 'I think I'm being respectful.'

The raven-haired entrepreneur laid a hand on his chest to physically regulate the beating of his heart. He didn't need medical clarification to know that his blood pressure spiked. He took a seat on the sofa because he didn't trust himself with his shaky legs. He felt like his limbs had turned into jello. 'Did you plan on asking her tonight?'

'Yeah.'

'That is... God.' he rubbed his temples. ' _God_.'

'What?'

'You... You are both so _young_.'

'Yeah?'

'And you both have so many issues.'

'Yeah.'

'Your issues have issues!'

'I heard you the first time.'

'You have not even been together for a year. Granted, you two have been staying in this shabby-'

'Thanks.'

'In this shabby place. But are you really ready to commit?'

'Byakuya.' Ichigo's amber orbs bore into frightened greys. 'I love her.'

'That is _not_ what I asked.'

'You asked if I'm ready. Of course I am. I love her. Isn't that a good enough reason to ask to be with her for the rest of my life?'

'But do you know her? Really know her? You may love her, I believe you. But do you _know_ her?'

'What do you mean?'

'Do you know how to take care of her? Do you know how to support her when she cries or gets upset? Do you know the right words to say when she is lost? Do you know how to comfort her when nothing seems to be going her way? I am asking if you _know_ her. Because I want to know if you _can_ commit to her. You are both explosive, especially with each other. How do you know you will not snap one day and decide to leave her again? How do you know it will not be so hard on you that you want to quit? _That_ is commitment. Not love. Love is...' he waved his hand. 'Love is different.'

Ichigo lowered his gaze. Byakuya's words shook him a bit. He didn't really give much thought into it. He just thought it was the next logical step to take. He loved her more than anything. She was the best part of his day by far. The only time he felt whole was when they were together. So he thought, why not make it official? If she completed him, if they were partners in all respects, then why wait? Why not put it on paper?

But Byakuya was sort of right. Ichigo still got into fights with Rukia. They weren't so big that they couldn't work through it, but they were still at each other's throats every now and then. They way he had learned to cope with it was to concede and storm off for an hour or so to cool down. Rukia seemed fine with it, but how was he to know that he wouldn't inadvertently hurt her feelings in the long run?

But still... Knowing that, he still...

'But I love her.'

'I _know_.' Byakuya was losing his shit. 'But is that enough? When you commit to someone, you are promising the other person that you will be with them through thick and thin. Can you really take on Rukia's baggage? Can you seriously do it? Have you two even worked out all the _shit-_ ' Ichigo jolted. '-that you have put each other through?'

'That's...'

'If you propose to my sister, you are promising her that you will love her forever. _Can_ you love her forever? Have you thought about what could happen if your relationship does not work out in the end? It will devastate both of you. Do not add onto the potential pain by marrying her.'

An awkward silence fell between them. Ichigo twiddled with his hands, and Byakuya's piercing stare was burning his junior. They could hear the faint noise of pots clanking and the metallic sound of utensils being taken from the cupboard in the background. Rukia and Keigo were laughing, but neither men in the other room could make out their conversation.

Eventually, Ichigo spoke.

'Do I have your blessing?' he looked up at the older man.

Byakuya searched those sincere eyes for any sign of hesitation. But all he found was the most intense longing for his sister. That's what scared him. Their feelings for each other were so potent that it could destroy them, and it already had multiple times before.

Even so...

'Do I have your blessing?' his voice was more urgent.

Byakuya inhaled sharply.

'Yes. Yes, you do.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story!

 **SomeRandomPerson** , you mentioned that the sex scene didn't sit right with you. I'm thankful for your honesty and support! Allow me to address why I maintain sex scenes to be prominent in this story. Those two dove into a sexual relationship quickly although they had a lot of kinks to work out. And whenever they'd run into trouble with each other, they always tried to remedy it with sex. Sex is great, it's intense, it's a connection - but it takes away from actually efficient problem solving like talking through their issues. Rukia took Ichigo's virginity while she was experiencing a lot of mental turbulence which bled onto him, and Rukia's virginity was taken from her by Jaegerjacquez - neither situation was healthy. It's affected them in different ways. They are dysfunctional individually in that sense, but their dysfunctionality functions in their relationship because sex was a cornerstone in both their lives for different reasons. For Ichigo, it was the only way he felt connected to the woman he loved but he felt didn't love him back. For Rukia, it was a struggle to feel empowered in a disempowering situation. It's not healthy, but it works for them. This is a concern that Byakuya always wrestles with - they may not be the best people for each other, so is it enough that they love each other? So yes, the sex scenes are meant to be a little uncomfortable because we know what's happened between them and we don't feel quite right with this exaggerated intimacy. I hope I make sense!

Thank you to **Kasai to Kasumi, JoTerry, Shirayuki992, RukiYuki, blissbeat, SomeRandomPerson, anja, Althatsyu, achalida** , and **schoolgurl95**!

 **Kasai to Kasumi** , dunk Byakuya has become a guilty writing pleasure of mine. I know exactly what you're talking about and your interpretation of the text is spot on. That's a good question! It will be answered next chapter!

 **Shirayuki992** , I think Byakuya does realize how impactful Ichigo has been but still doesn't want to admit it outright! I'm glad you noticed that none of the people who criticized Rukia were youth. I definitely tried to underline the prevalence of outdated, traditional beliefs and its effects on a person's psyche. It will be a relatively happy ending, and I promise that Grimmjow will find his own version of peace!

 **anja** , I took in your suggestion for this chapter! You have a point about them not having enough normal moments. I will try to include more of those in later chapters.

 **schoolgurl95** , I haven't really thought about writing an epilogue, but is that something you are interested in reading? And thank you for your wonderful compliments!

 **Nzinga** , thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so honoured to have your support! Thanks so much for your interest in my stories.

 **jobananasan** , I can honestly say that the incoming chapters will circulate around an inverse correlation between sweetness and drama, with sweetness increasing. You're spot on about Byakuya. Even though he had his own opinions and "disgust" about what Rukia did, she was still his responsibility - and he failed. I never liked Nel either for the simple reason that she was just fodder for Ichigo. I mean, even though IchiRuki is now steadily progressing in this story, I try to keep an umbrella of bad omen on top of it all as a reminder that they've gone through a lot. Their relationship is fragile. They may be good now, but what they went through will ultimately have a lasting effect on them. So even if they succeed in being happily together forever, that doubt will remain in the minds of the people who care about them.

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	28. Augury of Fantasy

Ichigo regretted telling Byakuya anything.

The businessman was fidgeting all throughout dinner. He was always a quiet guy, but tonight he was unusually chatty for the entire meal. Keigo eyed his orange-haired friend with a quizzical arch of his brow, but Rukia threw her concern for her brother over her head as she enjoyed his rare loquacity. It wasn't often that the stoic Byakuya Kuchiki became talkative, so she wanted to take advantage of his increased interest in conversation while she could. Quite frankly, she was savouring every moment Byakuya spent on edge.

But Ichigo was seething. He was glaring daggers at Byakuya the entire evening. He was constantly wondering whether or not Rukia knew something was up. His anxiety from his looming proposal only added to the paranoia he suffered through with the whole situation. Nevertheless, he forced himself to get his act together and pretend like nothing was wrong. His faux cool didn't fool Keigo, though. The brunette saw through that collected exterior and recognized the fear behind Ichigo's smiling amber eyes. Rukia would have noticed it too had she not been fawning over Byakuya.

Who, by the way, was losing his shit.

The perpetually composed entrepreneur would sometimes let a few telltale phrases slip, and each accidental hint at the politician's plans for proposal sent him reeling with apprehension.

 _Rukia, what are your plans for the future? Rukia, what kind of jewelry do you like? Rukia, have you considered having children?_ were just some of the loaded inquiries thrown in the petite businesswoman's direction.

 _You told him?_ Keigo mouthed at one point and Ichigo thought he was going to die.

Luckily for her lover, anything pertaining to romance flew right by Rukia as if it were wind - especially if it was coming from her Nii-sama as he never probed into those affairs of hers. She knew that he thought that her relationship with Ichigo was nothing but dalliance.

And, well, maybe he did feel that way.

Ages ago. When she was eighteen.

'You look well, Rukia.'

'Nii-sama, that's the fifth time you've said that tonight!'

'Is it?' he tilted his head with widened eyes like a demented doll. 'Well, it is a fact. You look very well.'

'You keep saying that, so now I'm curious.' she laughed. 'What is it about me that makes you say that?'

'You have gained weight. It suits you.'

'Really?'

'Yes. Do you remember how you would refuse to eat back at the manor? I even asked the chefs to prepare our meals separately in the hopes that your appetite could be stimulated, but it was no use. You just did not enjoy eating food.'

'Well...' she winced. 'I think part of me didn't want to eat because I wanted to rebel against you.'

'Even when you left the manor.' he argued. 'You were still not the size you are now.'

Now she was getting offended. 'Size? Nii-sama, does my size displease you?'

'No, it alarms me.'

' _Alarms_ you?'

Keigo sank in his seat.

'Byakuya, do you like the chicken?' Ichigo smiled tensely to try and distract this idiot from jeopardizing his perfect scheme to ask for Rukia's hand in marriage. At this point, he might as well just ask her _now_ in front of everybody. The atmosphere was suffocating him. Everyone in the room knew about the damn ring except for the person he wanted to give it to. He should have just kept it to himself. 'Byakuya.' he repeated, flashing a teeth-baring grin. 'Do you like the chicken?'

'I do.' he squeaked.

'I'm so glad that it suits your tastes, Nii-sama.' Rukia's pleasure at her brother's approval blanketed her distraught at her apparently _alarming_ weight gain. 'I know you like spicy food, so I was a little nervous about trying this new recipe out. I don't cook this type of thing very often because you know it can be too hot for me. But I've gotten a lot better at mastering the flavour.'

'Well, that... That is nice.'

'Mhmm.'

'Educating oneself is always nice. Even in the culinary arts.'

'I kind of had to since Ichigo likes spicy food too.'

 _Ughhhhhhh._

'Oh, _really_?' the last word was laced with poison. Slate gray eyes widened disbelievingly at his soon-to-be brother-in-law, who could feel the iciness radiating his way. 'You make her cook for you?'

'Of course not!' Ichigo lightly banged his fist on the table. How dare Byakuya insinuate such a thing! He didn't expect her to be at his beck and call! Besides, he was perfectly capable of cooking for himself if she just let him. But by the time he'd come most nights, his dinner would already be waiting for him. 'I tell her not to, but she does it sometimes anyway!'

'It's not a problem, Nii-sama. I'm all cooped up in here, so once I get my work done, there's nothing to do.'

'But you do _not_ have to _cook_ for him.' Byakuya gestured to the aforementioned. 'He's a grown-ass man!'

'Nii-sama.' Rukia crinkled her eyebrows at her brother's crass language.

'Oh, God.' Keigo pinched his nose. He so wished he had a fairy godmother to _poof_ him out of this scenario. It was dreadfully uncomfortable. He knew by now that Byakuya had the patience of a monk when in front of, and when it came to the subject of, the younger Kuchiki. But once the end of that rope was lit, there was no way of containing the ensuing explosion. Imagining that coming face-to-face with Ichigo's brash nature nearly pushed Keigo into a heart attack. He did _not_ want to see that confrontation. He almost got up and left then and there.

'Like I said.' Ichigo pointed at the aristocrat with his chopsticks. 'I don't make her cook for me! She does that all on her own! So if you've got a problem, bring it up with her and not me!'

'You brat! You are the _man_! Start acting like one!'

'The hell is that supposed to mean?!'

'What man with even a shred of honour allow his woman to serve him so selfishly?!'

'Damn it, Byakuya! I already told you, I don't make her do shit!'

'G-Guys...' Keigo squeaked.

'Shut it!' the two aggressors yelled at the poor mediator in unison.

'Byakuya.' Ichigo continued. 'You need to calm the fuck down! Why are you still policing your sister?!'

 _Because she's getting married!_ Byakuya wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. He felt like running off to fetch a gallon of gasoline and pouring it over this insolent child's head before lighting him on fire. Oh, what a relief it would be to watch him burn.

Rukia saw the pent up fury in her brother's eyes. Byakuya was the pioneer of the infamous Kuchiki mask that kept a dense wall between a clan member's feelings and the outside world. But for just this instant, Byakuya let his guard down and his adopted sister saw a hint of fiery humanity. He was pissed and she wanted to know why. His cheeks were even tinging a furious pink. He and Ichigo would always disagree on so many levels that she had become accustomed to their mutual distaste for each other. But today, she could sense that something was lingering beneath the surface, that something deeper was to blame for the pair's increased hostility.

'Nii-sama...' she began. 'Whats going on?'

'What do you mean, Rukia?' he spoke through clenched teeth.

'You've been acting strange all evening.'

The room fell silent. One could hear a penny drop.

Each and every single man seated at that table stopped breathing. Rukia picked up on the abrupt change in mood rather quickly. She turned to Keigo for an explanation, but her friend avoided her stare and proceeded to stuff his face. She then turned her attention to Ichigo, who pretended like he couldn't feel her eyeballs boring holes into his skin. He continued ogling grudgingly at Byakuya, who had all but stopped moving.

'Nii-sama?'

Byakuya remembered to exhale.

'Nii-sama, what's bothering you?'

Silvery-sheened eyes studied his sister with fatherly love. She furrowed her eyebrows and nothing but the utmost concern reflected in her eyes.

Oh, Rukia. His sweet, sweet Rukia. His pride and joy, all in one lovely little blessing. No matter what, she was still his younger sister. He would always look out for her and want the best for her.

They had only patched their relationship up recently, so why was she being taken away from him now? Truth be told, Byakuya wouldn't mind her getting married if it was to someone more... What was the word? Mature?

His eyes darted momentarily to a head full of orange.

Ah, yes. _Decent_. That was the word.

All night, Byakuya's conversation with Ichigo replayed in an endless loop in the magnate's mind. It was all so sudden. Why? There must be some logical explanation to all of this. Those two haven't even been dating for a year. Byakuya didn't care how in love they thought they were, there was no way that their relationship could progress to possible engagement status without some universe-shaking incident! Especially for a high-prided man like Ichigo, who undoubtedly loathes rejection and wouldn't dare pop the question until he was absolutely sure... How?! How could he be so sure?! Why-

And then it clicked.

Byakuya froze.

He stared fearfully at his sister.

'Nii-sama?'

'Are you pregnant?'

'Nii-sama!' her jaw dropped.

'I'll get the dessert!' Keigo shot up and darted for the kitchen. 'Been dying to have those dumplings! Would be a shame if they went bad! I'll be back with those awesome dumplings! So awesome, so awesome!' he chanted all the way into the safety of the other room. Although not necessary, he shut the door behind him because he didn't want to hear what would go down. He might just pee himself.

'Damn it, Byakuya!' Ichigo cried once he regained his composure. That comment stunned him. 'What the hell are you saying?!'

'Nii-sama, I'm not pregnant!' Rukia was still in disbelief. 'Is that why you've been so out of it? Did you think I was pregnant?'

Ichigo shot his senior the most deadly glare.

Byakuya got the message. He coughed, 'Ah... Yes. Yes. That was why.'

 **. . .**

'Your brother's such an ass!' Ichigo complained. He was undressing himself from his constricting suit which he had been wearing for far longer than he was comfortable with. Honestly, he was just glad that that catastrophic gathering was over and done with. They were forced to conclude the dinner a good twenty minutes after Byakuya's outburst because the air had just become too unpleasant. Ichigo practically melted into a puddle of goo on the floor from relief once Byakuya left the apartment.

'Don't talk about Nii-sama that way!' Rukia's defensive retort came from her place on the bed. She had already changed into her nightgown and was just waiting for her partner to join her. Ichigo narrowed his eyes at her as he laid his clothes on a chair to remind himself to have them dry-cleaned in the morning. 'You're so mean to him. You know he's under a lot of stress. He runs a company, after all!'

'I don't care! He should be more respectful!'

'Ichigo, he was _concerned_!'

'Ah, forget it!' he collapsed onto their mattress with only his trousers on. He covered his face with his hands. 'As long as it's Byakuya, you excuse pretty much anything. I bet if he stabbed me, you wouldn't bat an eye.'

'That's not true.' she bit back her laughter and crawled over to him on all fours. 'You make me sound so cruel to you.'

'You _are_ cruel.' he sighed. He withdrew his hands and opened his eyes to see her pretty face looking down at him. He fought the reflexive smile forming on his lips and maintained a scowl. That didn't deter her whatsoever. She leaned down to kiss him.

It was an innocent kiss at first, just a brush of skin. Then she kissed him yet again, and again, and again, until that light, feathery stroke evolved into her mouth pressing onto his with passionate intent. His simulated disinclination to their intimacy was long forgotten now, with him cupping her face and pulling her closer as if their intertwining tongues was not enough to satisfy him.

At the back of his head, his planned proposal was urgently pressing him. When could he do it? Should he stop what they were doing and just ask her outright? That would be so awkward, and totally not what he had envisioned for them. A hand left her to bury itself in his pocket. He fingered the velvet box as he weighed his options.

'Can you imagine...' Rukia smiled against his lips. 'Can you imagine what it would be like with kids?'

He laughed throatily. His eyes lit up with hopeful radiance. He couldn't stop himself from smiling foolishly, ear-to-ear like someone had just told him that he won the lottery. Why would she bring that up now? Had she figured out that he was going to ask her to marry him? She was always a smart one. He wouldn't be surprised if she had anticipated his every move.

His stare continued to linger on her. She, too, grinned back at him - but her happy expression was ironic.

'Can you imagine having to deal with them?' she finished.

His heart sank.

She continued, 'I can't believe Nii-sama would seriously think I'd allow myself to get pregnant. That sounds like a nightmare.'

'Rukia...' he powered through the disappointment. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean, can you imagine having to deal with them while we're trying to have fun? They'd be running around, screaming, nagging... It would be impossible to get anything done.'

'You don't like kids?'

'I do. I just don't want them.'

'Oh.' he stopped touching the box.

'Do _you_ want children?'

'Umm... Eventually, yes.'

'Oh.' she averted her gaze and that alarmed him even more. Though he tried to remain collected, she could always sense when his mood changed. She had a sixth sense when it came to him. She knew it was something that she said. Was he upset that she had different aspirations for the future? Unsure of what to do but fully aware of the antsy trajectory of the conversation, she remained still.

A short pause.

'I don't want them if you don't.' he offered. She beamed back at him. Her relieved expression hurt him more. Was she serious? Did she really not want to have a family? 'But don't you...' he couldn't get through the night if he didn't know. 'Don't you want a family?'

'I _do_ have a family now. Nii-sama and I have never been better.'

'I mean with _me_.' he pressed.

'Ichigo.' she pulled away from him and sat upright. 'I don't want that right now. I can't imagine what that would be like. I'm not ready for it. My life is finally peaceful and I just want it to stay that way.'

He didn't say anything. Now he sounded like a jerk. He rubbed his face before conceding, 'Sorry. I didn't mean to push that onto you like that.'

'It's fine. I'm glad we're clear on that now.'

'Yeah.' he was tense and it was making her nervous. She reached out over him and began unbuttoning his shirt, which didn't stimulate a reaction from him, for once. He simply observed her, watching her with a look so absent-minded that she might as well have been invisible.

'Ichigo.' she purred and turned it on again; the persona she used when she didn't want to be in pain, the personality she resorted to emulating when she needed to get what she wanted. 'Ichigo.'

He was used to her. He took her wrists and brought them up to his lips so he could kiss them. If he rejected her, their problem would only escalate. Plus, he had never been one to shy away from this type of thing with her, no matter what the buildup was behind it. Happy, angry, or even random, unprecedented explosive sexual encounters were all the same to him. They all ended up the same way; with him telling her he loved her and meaning it. It was almost the only way he could fully convince her that he was irrevocably hers. This was just another one of those instances when she wanted to be reassured of that.

So they undressed and made love to each other, though Ichigo's mind was far away. But he did a good job of attending to her, and letting her know that he still loved her even though their plans didn't align. Slowly, she opened up again after closing her heart instinctively the second she sensed the beginning of abandonment. She didn't want him to love her, and she considered that he might now that he knew she wasn't exactly jumping for joy at the idea of being a mother. By the end of their lovemaking, she sighed contentedly into his chest with the soothing validation that he loved her for _her_ , not for what she was not.

He had a way of communicating his pure affection for her, like nothing could ever tear him out of the centre of his universe. The complication with that, however, was that he had become a master at doing so. In fact, she couldn't tell that his hushed, sinful confessions of love and lust for her were not entirely genuine. Ichigo's words were mechanical now, having repeated them so many times before added onto the immense letdown he had just been hit with.

As she fell asleep in his arms, he couldn't help but picture his future shattering. She was off drifting into peace, but he couldn't even catch a wink's worth of rest.

The velvet box remained in his trousers, long forgotten.

* * *

Ichigo's legs were restless. His heels were rapidly tapping the floor in a staccato rhythm.

He was seated at a restaurant situated on the thirtieth floor of a famous hotel. The establishment was notorious for housing high-ranking politicians and celebrities, and so there was the benefit of top-grade security. He was waiting for a guest who he wanted to meet in relative privacy. If anyone saw them speaking, no doubt it would cause an uproar given their history. But Ichigo felt it was safe to talk here. There would be no paparazzi frantically scrambling for his picture. He didn't want this moment to be captured on paper because he didn't want Rukia to see what was about to happen. She would only be suspicious.

'Kurosaki Ichigo.' Byakuya greeted, taking his seat opposite the younger man without bothering to shake his hand or tapping his shoulder in acknowledgement. He had been called here by his potential in-law, but that didn't mean that the jaded baron was by any means happy to see his future family member.

Actually, it was the exact opposite. He was so scared.

Byakuya assumed that Ichigo had called him here to let him know how the proposal went. He also presumed that it went well and that she had said yes. After all, an arrogant man like Ichigo Kurosaki wouldn't call Byakuya over if he couldn't rub his accomplishments in his face.

 _Ha! I'm marrying your sister!_

Yep. That sounded just like him.

'Make it quick.' the noble demanded. 'State your budget and I'll have a wedding planner in contact with you in the next-'

'No need.' Ichigo waved a hand dismissively. 'I didn't ask her.'

 _Oh._

Wait. What?

'What?' Byakuya narrowed his eyes. 'Was your conversation with me yesterday just your idea of a prank?'

'No. I just... I don't know.' he yawned forcibly. 'I guess it just wasn't the right time.' Byakuya looked like he was going to probe for more information which Ichigo wasn't quite sure he was willing to reveal, so the statesman cleared his throat and bombarded his guest with irrelevant questions. 'By the way, I ordered ahead 'cause I got here early. You have some green tea coming, do you like tea? Of course you like tea, everyone likes tea, right? Or what about some wine? Do you like wine? Food? Hungry?'

'Kurosaki Ichigo.' Byakuya raised a finger to silence the yapping disgrace in front of him. 'Tell me what happened.'

'Umm...' he opened his mouth, but quickly snapped it shut. What was he supposed to say? He was starting to regret calling for this meeting in the first place.

Byakuya was about to strange this kid. The silence was making him nervous. If Rukia got into a fight with Ichigo, he could only imagine the devastating effects that would have on both of them psychologically. And if Ichigo wasn't in tip-top shape, then neither was Rukia. Byakuya was all too aware of their enmeshed relationship that was often unhealthy; one catches a cold, the other catches pneumonia. That was no way to live, but they had already come to this point and those two were brilliantly stubborn. So what was an outsider like Byakuya to do? Only be there when things were hard.

'What. Happened?' he repeated, more rigidly.

'I don't... I don't think she wants what I want.' Ichigo finally said. It took Byakuya a while to wrap his head around the implications of that. Then, he understood. A little all too well, actually.

Ichigo was at that point in his life where he was content with nearly everything. He had a respectable job, made more than enough money, composed for himself a noteworthy reputation, and so much more. It was only natural that he started thinking about starting his own family even though he was so young. His accomplishments, though a source of pride for him, had paved the way for a boring life although they were hard to achieve in the first place. With all that he ever wanted now in his reigns, there was only one dream left to fulfill.

Byakuya wished that Ichigo had told him this sooner, before he proposed. The Kuchiki would have been able to warn him ahead of time that that was probably something Rukia would not want. But just because she didn't want the same things in the immediate future, didn't mean that she didn't love him - because she did.

 _Unfortunately._

'Boy.' Byakuya began. 'She truly does love you.'

'I know.' Ichigo smiled sadly.

Byakuya raised a thin brow. 'Then why are you upset?'

'I'm not upset.'

'You are not precisely jumping for joy. Tell me why.'

'She loves me, I know that. But she loves only as much as she can. Sometimes, I feel...' he inhaled sharply. 'Sometimes, I feel like that's not enough for me. I want her to want more than what we have now. She's not ready, I know that. But will she ever be? Considering all that's happened to her, I can't blame her for being comfortable with the way things are, but...' chestnut eyes lowered.

Byakuya gave him a moment of silence. Then he spoke, 'But you have your own future to think about.'

'I don't mean it like that...'

'It is nothing to ashamed of, boy. I understand. You must have your own hopes and dreams for the future.'

Amber orbs locked with glacial hues angrily. 'She _is_ my future.' he insisted. 'Being with her _is_ my dream.'

'Well, you are with her now, are you not? Is that not a dream come true?'

'Yes!'

'So then why are you upset?'

'Byakuya, just-' he swallowed and rubbed his temples. 'Just stop. You know what you're doing. Fucking stop.'

'I am only parroting what you are saying.' Byakuya responded nonchalantly. 'It seems as if you yourself do not believe your own words.'

'Byakuya!' he hissed venomously. Patrons at nearby tables glanced at him uncomfortably. 'Fucking stop, OK?! Of course I'm happy that I'm with her! I'm not going to leave her just because we might not move past our current situation! She's so much more important to me than that! How do you not know this yet?!'

'Calm down. I never said you were not happy per se.'

'Tsk.' Ichigo clicked his tongue.

'There is nothing wrong with wanting more. What _is_ wrong is lying to oneself.'

'The hell are you trying to say?'

'Let me repeat a question that I asked you not long ago: Are you really ready to commit?'

'I didn't propose, Byakuya. This might just be as far as my commitment goes.'

'And that is precisely what I am asking. Can you commit to staying where you are right now with my sister forever? Are you satisfied enough with your current predicament that you will forego any development in your intimate life?'

'Byakuya...'

'You may never actually get married, not if she does not want to and not if you insist on staying with her regardless of that. That is a possibility you must prepare yourself for. You may never have children. You may never have a family of your own. You may remain as you are; a secret lover to a woman who does not want to have any of that. She is happy with where she stands with you. Are you happy with where you stand with her?'

'Of course.' his gaze softened. 'Of course I'm happy. I love her.'

'Yet you want more. And so let me ask you yet another question I mentioned to you before: How do you know that you will not snap one day and decide to leave her?'

'Enough with that crap. It's ridiculous. Why would I leave her?' he scoffed, but he already knew the answer to that deep down.

'Again; you may never have a family with her. You may never have a family at all if you stay with her. You are giving up so much of the future. How do you know you will not learn to resent her for it? How do you know that you will not become discontent with the mundane routine of your life and leave her for greener pastures? You may resent her and act out on that, then she will only learn to resent _you_. Is that what you want?'

'Byakuya, why...' his voice cracked. 'Why are you telling me these things? I _love_ her. I want to be with her no matter what. I love her more than anything. She's my world. She's my light. I love her. I _love_ her.'

'You have to love yourself as well. You may be happy now, but what about in the long run? To be so young and to decide what becomes of your future, what you can and cannot have - is that not an injustice to yourself?'

'If I keep looking ahead, I won't appreciate what's in front of me. Do you know how long I've wanted to be with her? I finally got what I always wanted and I'm not about to ruin it because she won't have kids with me!'

'You say that now, but if that were true, you would not have called me here.'

Ichigo's eyes hardened.

Byakuya continued, 'My sister is very smart. And sensitive, when it comes to you. She will pick up on this facade of yours. Do you know what will happen then? She is going to grant your request. You _will_ have that family and she _is_ going to mother your children.'

'I would _never_ force her into anything she doesn't want.' amber flashed brighter with fury for a second.

'Not intentionally. I told you a long time ago to stay away from her because you are her greatest weakness. She will compromise everything for you. She has stood up to me because of you. She chose to expose herself and her past for your sake. She _will_ start a family with you for the simple reason that it is what you want and she will not be able to emotionally bear the burden of being a cause of disappointment for you. Surely you know this.'

'You make it sound as if I'm trying to exploit her.'

'Are you not?'

'Of course I'm not!'

'All that I tell you now, you already know. Did you not think to talk things through with her first? Did you assume you could get married whenever you liked? I think what is upsetting you now is that you overlooked the possibility that she did not want to commit herself to you at the same level you want her to. You thought you could propose whenever you liked and she would blindly agree to it because her love for you is _linear_ ; she does not entertain the ramifications of prematurely committing to an arrangement that quite frankly, she does not want. In her mind, as long as you are happy, then her happiness will follow. She thinks not of herself. She should. But, she does not. So you have to think of her first.'

'Your tea, sir.' a waiter set the order in front of the businessman. His short-lived presence broke the tension for a while. Byakuya poured himself a cup and enjoyed the soothing heat, his eyes never leaving the uptight politician, who was deep in thought.

The rest of the dinner was spent in near-silence. The two men made small talk periodically, but there was a mutual understanding that the meatiest topic had already been tackled. After they finished their separate meals, Ichigo was the first to stand up and bid farewell. He couldn't get Rukia out of his head (not that he ever could anyway) and all he wanted to do was go back home to her.

'Thanks, Byakuya. This was actually really helpful.'

'Good luck, boy. Take care of my sister.'

* * *

Ichigo swore he couldn't have had a slower driver than if it were an actual snail on the wheels of his car. The whole ride was torturous. Thoughts of Rukia were bombarding him left and right. He could be thinking about a presentation he had to give next week, and Rukia's face would suddenly interrupt his brainstorming as vividly as if he could see her right in front of him.

So when he finally arrived at the doorstep of their shared unit, he keyed the lock with the urgency of a firefighter on the job. He usually called her name the second he stepped foot into the living room, but he didn't have the coherency to think of that. He glanced at the couch and saw that she wasn't there. He couldn't smell anything from the kitchen, so she couldn't be there either. He darted to the bedroom and opened the door without warning to a sheepish-looking Rukia crouched over the bedside, suddenly slamming the drawer shut.

'Ichigo!' blue eyes gleamed with fear. 'I didn't know you'd be home so early!'

He frowned. What was up with her? 'I'm late, actually.'

'O-Oh!' she stammered and laughed awkwardly. 'That's right! I'm so forgetful! How was work.'

'Baby.' he was irate now. He walked over to her. She stiffened, her hands still on the knob. They were shaking. 'It's Sunday. I don't have work today.'

'I see.'

'What were you looking at?'

'Nothing!' she squeaked defensively.

'Rukia.'

'I swear, it's nothing!'

'I'm gonna find out anyway.' he rolled his eyes and slid the drawer open, his hands on top of hers.

The forgotten velvet box was sitting inside.

'Shit.' he cursed involuntarily. ' _Shit_!'

'I was going to do laundry.' she whispered, her eyes downcast. 'I felt something in your trouser pockets, so I checked and...'

'Did you look?'

'Yes.'

'Shit!' he blushed madly out of embarrassment. He started pacing the room while biting on a fist to prevent himself from screaming at the top of his lungs. He was so ashamed, he wanted to break things and run away for the night. Maybe he'd get a hotel room, or better yet, drive to the nearest vacant lot and shovel his head into the soil as far as it could go.

A long silence ensued. Nothing could be heard except for Ichigo's frantic footsteps. Rukia remained eerily still. Not even her chest was rising or falling with any sign of breathing. Then, slowly, she turned to face him though her eyes were avoiding him.

'It's really pretty.' she complimented. He stopped walking around and took a minute to observe her. Her hands were shaking. Her fingers were intertwined together with a lot of force, like she was trying to will herself not to tremble. 'Who is it meant for?'

He nearly toppled over disbelievingly. 'Don't play dumb, Rukia.'

Her eyes flew to him and started to water. He mentally berated himself for being so hard on her. Why was he already so pissed? She didn't do anything wrong. She was trying to be nice so that he wouldn't have to be so flustered over this blunder.

'I'm sorry.' he was sincere. 'I'm not trying to be mean to you. I just... I didn't want you to see it.'

'Oh.'

Another long silence.

'That's why you looked so hurt...' her words cut through the thick air. 'When I said I didn't want children.'

 _Fuck._

'Let's not have this conversation.' he sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands. 'I don't want to talk about it. This is so bad, I just want to pretend like this never happened, to be honest.'

That hurt her. She was thankful that he was busy hiding his face because she didn't want him to see the few tears that escaped her just then. She quickly brought a hand up to wipe them away, biting her lower lip to stop it from quaking. She needed to get a grip. There was no use crying. She would just end up disappointing him more and she couldn't bear to think of hurting him more than she already had. 'You know...' she managed, attempting a lighter tone of voice. 'I love you more than anyone.'

'I know.'

'I want you to feel as loved as you make me feel.'

He finally faced the direction he thought she was in, but was surprised to see her kneeling right in between his legs. He instinctively cupped her face and kissed her forehead. He felt her trembling and he wanted to punch himself. He tried to kiss her on the lips, but she turned away and his lips grazed her cheek.

'I love you, Ichigo.' a tear fell. 'It's not that I don't trust you. But I'm scared. I don't know if I'm ready to make this more real, because reality always hurts. Right now, it feels like I'm in a dream and I'm happy that way. I'm happy with where we are right now. I don't want this dream to end just yet. Can we keep this going for a bit longer?'

'Ok.' he kissed her nose and lifted her by the arms so he could hold her into his chest. What could he say? That rejection stung, but he couldn't do anything about it. At least he had time to mentally prepare himself for the blow.

She was huddled into his shirt, saying over and over that she was sorry and that if children was what he wanted, then she would gladly do it - though she made it abundantly clear that starting a family made her uncomfortable. His heart tightened because she was so obviously torn. Nobody should be torn between what makes them happy and what others expect of them. He hated himself for making her feel so conflicted.

Rukia was undergoing severe psychological turmoil. All her past demons came back to haunt her. She thought of the Jaegerjacquez's marriage and how fucked up it was; about how it left an orphaned psychopath who, though to an extent acting out in pain, once made a living out of intoxicating others. She remembered how dead Byakuya looked as they watched Hisana die from the glass outside the intensive care unit, where she spent the remainder of her days. On the day she did die, she took Byakuya's heart with her to the grave. It took her brother a long time to recover from that loss, and even today he was still mourning her absence.

Both those partnerships left a path of destruction.

Love was hard. And sometimes it brought out the worst in even the best people.

She wasn't ready for that.

'I love you.' she said for the hundredth time. 'I love you, don't think that I don't - I do. I love you.'

'I know. I love you too, Rukia.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story!

Thank you to **RukiYuki, e-kingmoney18, Shirayuki992, GenesisVentura, blissbeat, Althatsyu, kronosgoat, schoolgurl95, FunnyEasyMe, han-ichiruki, Anon,** and **jobananasan**!

 **Shirayuki992** , thank you so much! I find Byakuya to be one of the toughest characters to write. Rukia is not pregnant! Grimmjow will be returning next chapter. I may be revealing his final fate as well, though if there is too much ground to cover, I will do so in the chapter following the next. Thanks for your interest! There will definitely be an epilogue then.

 **blissbeat** , they are twenty five!

 **GenesisVentura** , you're always too kind to me! Thank you so much for your encouragement and support! You're seriously one of the best!

 **kronosgoat** , thank you so much! I do indeed feel honoured at that! I'm also so glad that you understand that because of all the crap Ichigo and Rukia have been through in this story, I can't just write a happy ending out of nowhere. They still have quite a few uncertainties to wrestle with. And I told you so! There are a lot of interesting reads about it too, how some men feel like it is affirmation that they are "clean" or how some women feel a sense of control when they allow it to happen. I had to do a lot of research in writing this story. I wanted the psychology to be as deep and honest as possible.

 **han-ichiruki** , don't worry about it! I still get your reviews in an e-mail even if they don't pop up on the site immediately. Thanks so much for your wonderful compliments! They warm my heart.

 **Anon** , Rukia is not pregnant!

 **jobananasan** , I never buy Pepperidge anything because I'll finish the whole thing in an hour LOL. To some extent, I do believe it is a male ego thing. My male friends always come over and spend hours and I mean _hours_ flipping through gift options for their girlfriends with me. But my female friends are kind of blasé and don't give too much thought in what they give their boyfriends. Well, if they do, they don't ask me. Ichigo and Rukia will definitely conquer their demons in this story, but I want to go about it realistically.

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the final chapters for you guys!


	29. How To Love?

Ichigo was miserable. Summer was fast approaching, but the heat was already nearing unbearable levels. Every morning was like this; he'd be greeted by the imposing sunshine stinging his eyelids and his body would be uncomfortably dampened by his own sweat. Even if he threw the covers off of himself, the air conditioning wasn't strong enough to counteract the effects of dense, hot air.

Rukia usually made fun of him for being so cranky when "the day had only just begun." He actually quite liked her joking around with him, even if it was at his own expense. However, lately he had been bombarded with a ton of responsibilities at work.

The timing couldn't have been worse. It had been a week since the couple had their awkward, premature discussion on family planning and the day after, Ichigo was told that he would have to extend his hours in the office as there were high-stakes foreign affairs that needed his guidance. He reassured Rukia that it was nothing personal and that his absence from home was purely because of his job.

Secretly, he was relieved to have an excuse to get some space without actually asking for it.

At any rate, the amount of paperwork and phone calls he had to attend to were absolutely mind-boggling. By lunch, he was worn out. By the afternoon, he was exhausted. And by the end of his shift, he was pretty sure he resembled that thing that walks backwards from the _Exorcist_. That feeling of unsexiness discouraged him from coming home to his beautiful girlfriend, who he knew was being extra nice and extra attentive to overcompensate for her unwillingness to wed him. Instead, he opted to join his co-workers for dinner and drinks.

The truth was that he was trying to escape the reality of disappointment without hurting her.

That was the problem with Ichigo; he was so used to putting Rukia before himself that he actually forgot how to take care of his own wellbeing. And even though he was subconsciously trying to attend to himself while avoiding opening up any wounds for her, he was starting to hurt them both.

Whatever. It was morning already. Another day, another chance to steer into the right direction.

He was quite surprised that she hadn't poked fun at him yet.

'Rukia.' he yawned. 'Don't tease me. I'm not in the mood for it.'

Silence.

Maybe she was asleep.

'Baby. Wake up.'

No response.

Rukia.' he flipped over to his back and extended an arm to his side to reach for her. He only managed to palm the cold, flat sheets. 'Rukia.' his eyelids flutter open to see no one beside him. 'Rukia!'

Quickly, he jumped off of the bed and grabbed last night's pair of black trousers from the ground. He slipped them on hastily, not even bothering to button them up. His veins were pumped with adrenaline. Had she run off? Where did she go? Was she upset? Did he do something wrong? A million questions were running rampant through his mind.

'Rukia?' he called again, a sweeter note to his voice. It didn't at all match his face, which was wearing an expression riddled with anxiety. He ran out of the bedroom and the smell of freshly brewed coffee calmed him.

She was up early today.

He took a deep breath to calm himself. He didn't want her to see him so worried. He knew that any sign of weakness would just lessen her confidence in him and what they were, so he rather she not be privy to his internal struggles. Coming down from his panicked high, his heartbeat still rang deafeningly in his eardrums and his legs were lead-heavy as he dragged them to the kitchen. Once there, he leaned on the door frame to steady himself.

Rukia was pouring the contents of the coffeepot into two separate mugs. She had her back turned to him and was clad in only a large, white shirt. It took him a while to realize that it was actually _his_ shirt, which had found its way slinked to the floor during last night's risqué rendezvous, that she was wearing - but when it finally hit him, the richest crimson shade tinted his cheeks. _Damn it._ She was always so perfect and she didn't even know it.

He wanted to stay that way for a while longer; both of them not talking, her unaware of his presence. In that moment, he felt truly connected to her. It was enough for him to just admire her going about her normal business without a care in the world. She looked so content, so normal. She wasn't in pain and that truly made him happy. If she could just not be hurt, not ever, then...

His gaze lowered.

It was unfortunate that it had all come to this. He was grateful for the seven months from their reunion up to last week's dinner with Keigo and Byakuya. During that time, he was confident in their relationship. So much so that he considered taking it to the next level. She was the best part of his day and he loved coming home to her. Their breathless kisses and endless confessions of love for each other made him feel like he could on the world. He loved seeing her happy. The only thing he loved more than that was the knowledge that her joy was because of him.

Small or big, it didn't matter what he did - he could always bring a smile to her face. He would often come home with flowers because she liked them and because he thought she looked so lovely surrounded by them. He would surprise her with sweets and they'd eat while watching his favourite shows because she wasn't very fond of television programs. On nights when the full moon appeared, they took walks along the riverbank and would somehow end up with their limbs entangled and their bodies melting into each other beneath the dim light of the all-seeing moon.

His life was perfect.

And he ruined it.

Now, she just looked sad. Of course she would try and hide that sadness with a cheerful attitude, but he knew her well enough to recognize that her display was just an act. What pained him more was knowing that she was just trying to cheery for his sake. She didn't want him to know that their conversation bothered her, but he knew that it did. It was just too awkward to bring up. What could he say anyway? He had said all that he needed to. Besides, he was hurting too. He had to heal up and then they'd go back to the way things were. That was why he spent less time in their apartment. He needed to give himself time to recover from the heartbreak. He couldn't be around her while he was trying to do that because she would just blame herself and he wasn't equipped to get her out of her rut while he was stuck in his own.

Everything would be alright. Time heals all.

Right?

He cleared his throat. 'Rukia.'

She whipped her head around. Their eyes locked tensely for just a split second. Then, he smiled at her and forced his hard, amber orbs to glaze over with an inviting warmth that she was aware was not natural. She returned that look with a small smile, though he could see nothing reflected in her large blues. They both knew something was wrong, but neither made an effort to address it. They assumed that if they just continued on as if nothing was out of the ordinary, then their lives would return to normalcy eventually.

'Coffee.' she took a sip off of her mug and raised the other to him. 'I made you some.'

'Thanks.' he took the offering and downed most of it. He needed it.

'You're up later than usual.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. It's already 7:00.'

'Shit.' he drank the remainder of the beverage. 'I need to go, baby. But thanks for this.'

'Wait.'

'What's up?'

'I waited for you.' she purred and hopped up to sit on the marbled kitchen counter. She took hold of his wrists and placed them on her waist. He shuddered at how cold she felt. 'I made you coffee.'

'Rukia-'

'Your breakfast is ready for you on the table.'

'Ru-'

'I did all that for _you_.' her fingertips hovered over the provocative _V_ of his hips. He tilted away from her touch. She noticed that and felt the sting of rejection pierce right through her. In response, she tugged at his pants and pulled him closer by snaking her legs behind him. He was jerked by the sudden movement, so one hand left her waist to steady himself on the counter. He was hunched over her now, so close that he could feel the heat from between her legs. He almost came undone then and there. He lowered his face to hers, ready to plant a kiss on her swollen lips.

 _'I'm happy where we are right now. I don't want this dream to end just yet. Can we keep this going for a bit longer?'_

He stopped.

His shocked eyes met hers.

He shook his head.

This wasn't real.

It was just purgatory. It didn't actual mean anything because they weren't progressing towards any foreseeable end. It was all just make-believe, a bandaid to temporarily soothe the deep cut of sacrificing his future for this one person.

Who he _loved_ with all his heart.

And yet...

'Ichigo?' her breath was hot on his lips. He felt her hands that were still gripping his trousers start to shake.

When her eyes met his, she wished that she hadn't looked at him. Those molten chocolates were now so far away, distracted by the world around him and the endless opportunities it had for his future. _Why should I leave everything behind for you?_ he seemed to ask her, even if he didn't realize it. Some people wore their hearts on their sleeves, but Ichigo wore his in his eyes. That, coupled with the fact that she could always read him perfectly, was all she needed to piece together what was happening.

He was starting to question the nature of their relationship. It was nice, but empty. It was comfortable, but lacked fruition. He wanted a life that she never considered she could have. Hers was just too fucked up, too caught up in a web of angry, depressing knots that left lasting scars all over her that would never entirely heal. Before, she would fantasize about having a family with him. That was her own version of Heaven. It kept her going. It made her stronger. But now that her life was quiet, she couldn't imagine disturbing it. The insecurities of being a mother, and potentially screwing up a family just like how she was messed up by so many people, was too much of a burden for her to carry.

Ichigo didn't have that problem. He had a good family growing up. He was successful, he didn't go through even half the shit she did. The worst part was that she chose that for herself. Ichigo's path in life was cleaner, it was _good_. He did everything right. There was no room for him to second-guess himself. He was perfect. So even though he fought for her and _wanted_ to understand her, he could never actually do that fully. Their hearts would never align, not in the way that she needed them to in order for him to give her the compassion she so craved.

 _'He'll never know what it feels like.' Grimmjow kissed down her neck with his hands undoing her shirt._

Her breath hitched in her throat.

 _'So really, he can't ever truly love you.'_

Grimmjow's words still rang proud and clear in her mind.

She hated to admit it, but that delinquent was right. Or at least, she was starting to think that he was.

Ichigo meant well. She wanted to give him everything he wanted. She didn't want him to be unhappy. The only thing worse than that was knowing that his sadness was all her doing. So even if she wasn't ready, even if she didn't want what he wanted, she would delude herself into wanting it - because she would do anything to see him smile. When he was upset, the sun went down and she felt cold. An unhappy Ichigo was a world without light. She didn't want that.

'Ichigo.' she repeated, more urgent when he straightened and pulled away from her.

'I need to get to work.'

'Wait. You still have time.'

'I need to eat and get ready. Plus, there might be a lot of traffic. You never know.'

' _Wait._ ' she grabbed him by the wrist.

'Rukia.' he looked at the ground. He didn't want to face her. 'I have to go.'

'Please.' she begged, placing his hand on top of her thigh. 'Don't leave yet. _Please_.'

He swallowed. His eyes were watering, so he refused to move his head. He knew what she was insinuating because she did this every morning, but he would be lying if he said that he considered what they did to be lovemaking anymore.

This was so hard. So, so hard. Since their awkward conversation, sex was just that; instant gratification with no connection whatsoever.

He was still attracted to her, but the magnetizing effect she used to have on him was now gone. If anything, he was beginning to wish they didn't have sex at all. He used to want to melt into her so that they would never separate. He used to want to never leave her, to fuse into her so that they could be together forever without anyone being able to tear them apart.

He thought that he could make that reality by having a child with her.

If she never wanted anything like that, why would he invest his emotions into their meaningless fucking? Should he not protect his heart by distancing his soul from her? He still enjoyed the foreplay and the touching. It was still objectively pleasurable to him. But when he moved inside of her, his chest felt heavy and he wished that they weren't doing that.

It _hurt_. It hurt to be inside of her.

But it would hurt _her_ if he refused to be inside of her.

So he brushed his ill feelings aside to accommodate her.

He kissed her deeply, hurriedly undoing the buttons of his shirt on her. She mistook that for impatient passion, but he was just trying to get through this as quickly as possible. The faster they finished, the faster he could be on the road.

The blouse was open and he seized her breasts roughly. She threw her head back and a guttural moan tore through her. She tried to caress his wrists, but he pushed her hands aside. She tried to grab at his muscular arms, but he refused to allow her to touch him. He had been this way for a few days now. She thought that it was just a new kink he was trying out, but really it was because her skin was too cold.

It made him uncomfortable.

'Ichigo!' she squeaked when a large hand slipped into her underwear. Two fingers parted her folds and stroked her languidly. Her body shook and she leaned back so that she was lying down on the counter now. She brought her finger up so that she could bite on it and prevent herself from screaming.

'Rukia.' he dipped his fingers inside of her. 'You're already so wet.'

'I-Ichi-go-!'

He admired her trembling form. There she was; the woman of his dreams and nightmares, sprawled out under him like she was some damn prize for all the crap he went through in her name. Was she worth it? Was she worth all the pain? Of course she was. He loved her. He loved her so much that he couldn't imagine living without her. And she loved him too. Even if he didn't feel it, she must have loved him too.

She loved him, right? So much so that she was willing to put her body through this hell again?

'Please.' she spread her legs wider. ' _Please_.'

Wordlessly, he entered her.

It was odd. This was the most intimate activity two beings would ever be able to do, and yet they never felt so distant from each other.

She covered her face with her hands so that he wouldn't be able to see her crying - not that he was looking at her anyway. He shut his eyes, praying that he could be anywhere other than here, doing anything other than _this_. Without the privilege of sight, he mistook her sobs for moans of ecstasy. So he kept pushing into her, groaning periodically to assure her that he was enjoying himself and that this wasn't a chore. That he loved her and he liked doing this with her, and that he wasn't like those other men that only used her body at their selfish leisure.

He loved her. That was why even though it hurt to be inside of her, he did it anyway.

But this was hurting Rukia just as much as it was hurting him.

She knew that she had already lost him. She called his name over and over, but he never uttered her name during sex in the past week. He moaned and sighed, but not once whispered her name. And she loved hearing her name tear through his lust-laced voice. Like she was the only being in existence, like he was deaf and blind to anything and anyone but her and the love they shared in this wanton intimacy.

And it was all _gone_. Just like that, just like a gust of wind - their seven months of happiness was gone.

When she came apart, he pulled out of her and kissed her. He told her that he loved her and that she made him the happiest man alive, but his words fell flat. She didn't believe anything he said. He was too good. He knew her too well. He accused her a long time ago of being a master of seduction, but he was way better at it than she was. Because he was trying to make her feel loved even though he probably didn't love her anymore.

Her insides hollowed.

He didn't love her anymore.

Which wasn't true, of course. He loved her, he just needed space that he felt he couldn't give because it would show that he lacked confidence in their relationship. That, and he didn't want to give her room to be comfortable without him because he couldn't stomach the thought of her leaving him, like she had done so many times in the past.

They needed to talk, but they were unwilling to step out of the comfort zone they had worked so hard to get to. Even though they had essentially already stepped out of it.

'I have to go.' he trailed kisses down her neck. 'I don't want to, but I have to go.'

She nodded. She didn't even ask if he wanted her to get him off. He had been unable to finish in the past week. Even at night when he was usually more receptive, he couldn't, and they'd end up lying side by side on the bed silently until the inevitability of sleep came for them. He said he was just stressed from work, but she felt that he didn't like her anymore, not like that.

'Rukia.' he kissed her quickly after he had eaten and dressed up. 'I have to go.'

'Ok.' she smiled. 'See you later.'

'I don't want to go.' he lied. 'But I have to.'

'Ok.'

'Rukia...'

'Bye.'

He opened his mouth to say something, but promptly snapped it shut. There was nothing to say. 'Bye, baby.' he kissed her again and went on his way.

The door shut behind him and she could finally relax. Her tension was gone but this was the time when she felt emptiest. She sauntered over to the shower like a lifeless doll. The hot water cascaded down her body and she wished it would burn her. She embraced herself and let her tears mingle with the water.

 _I love you._

When would they tell each other that again?

* * *

'I do not appreciate this, Rukia.' Byakuya sounded cross.

The siblings were enjoying an afternoon tea in the middle of the gardens of the Kuchiki manor. Rukia had showed up unannounced today, despite the fact that Byakuya had been inviting her over for months now. She was always too busy or tired, or whatever. But the older of the two knew that something was brewing beneath the surface because a) he had a good grasp on his sister and how her brain worked by now, and b) Ichigo already told him that Rukia discovered the ring by accident.

So... yeah.

'At least give me a day's notice.' he sliced a piece of cake for her. 'I would have prepared. The chefs could have made your favourite foods. We could have a proper meal instead of just these confections, although I know you are fond of them. So am I, but I would have liked to offer you a more substantial menu.'

'This is wonderful, Nii-sama. I'm not even that hungry anyway.'

Slate gray eyed her suspiciously. 'You have lost weight.'

'Haha, well you _did_ think I was pregnant last time, so... I wouldn't say that's a bad thing.'

'Do not be smart with me, child.' he warned. 'Tell me what is wrong.'

She laughed half-heartedly. Byakuya was still staring at her, obviously expecting her to explain her surprise visit and strange behaviour. She gulped. He was still so intimidating even though they were never closer than they are now. She chewed on a truffle from the lowest level of the high-tea set, trying to buy herself some time. It wasn't like she could just blatantly say what was going on. She needed to sound more collected. Needless emotions were unbecoming of a Kuchiki. Would he even understand her?

'I must admit.' Byakuya broke into her thoughts. 'That I have some inkling of what may be going on.'

She tilted her head. 'Eh?'

'Kurosaki Ichigo approached me last week to ask for your hand in marriage.'

Her jaw dropped and the half-eaten chocolate fell on her plate with a loud _clang_. The businesswoman turned red, then paled. She didn't expect her Nii-sama to know, and more so she wouldn't have guessed that Ichigo had consulted her brother! That was so... traditional of him. She didn't know that he was such a romantic.

'Close your mouth. You are welcoming flies.'

'M-My apologies.' she squeaked. She popped the rest of the chocolate into her mouth, its savoury flavour reminding her of Ichigo and how much he loved this taste. She mentally berated herself for thinking of him at a time like this. She was with her Nii-sama. Her concentration should be impeccable.

'Is he causing you grief?'

'No!' she sounded outraged. Then her eyes narrowed sadly. 'I'm the one who's doing that...'

'How so?'

'I don't really know.'

'I cannot help you if you cannot tell me what exactly you need help with.'

'Well...' she twirled a lock of ebony hair around her finger. 'I...'

'Yes?'

'For a long time, I used to dream about having a family with him.'

Byakuya's heart stopped for a second.

 _Breathe_ , he commanded himself.

'I...' she continued. 'I used to get giddy thinking about it; growing old with him.'

 _Ugh._

'Sleeping next to him, waking up to him.'

 _Ugh!_

'Bearing his children.'

 _Ughhhhhhh!_

'Nii-sama?'

'Fine!' the noble's voice was noticeably shrill. 'I am just _fine_!'

'I should stop.' she whispered. 'This must be really unpleasant for you to hear.'

'I said, I am fine.' he pinched himself under the table. 'Please, go on.'

'It's nothing.'

'Go on.'

'Nii-sama...'

'Please. Go on. You were saying that you wanted a family with him, and yet he has told me that you rejected his proposal?'

'It's different now that it's-'

'Real?'

'Yes.'

'That is normal. You must know this. You have just come out of a very troublesome adolescence, which had lasting effects on your adult life - even up to now. The uncertainty that you feel now is entirely justified. You must remain honest with yourself. If he truly loves you - which unfortunately I have to say he does - he will respect your wishes.'

'He does. He says he's fine with it.'

'So what is the problem?'

'He's _not_ fine with it.' her eyebrows slanted despairingly. 'He's lying. I can see in the way that he talks to me, how my reflection is nowhere in his eyes, how I feel disconnected when he's _inside_ me-'

Byakuya reached for the bottle of scotch and drank it straight. He knew it was a good idea to put it on the table just in case.

'He's lying, Nii-sama. Even if he says it's fine, it's not.'

'Rukia, you have to love him.'

'I do!'

'In practice as much as in heart. Part of loving someone is to trust them even though you know there is an underlying, unresolved issue. He tells you it is fine, therefore you must accept it as such. He does not want you to worry. Your job is to trust him and let him go about his own method of recovering from rejection. Trust him, but be honest. If you know that all is not well, then do not pretend that it is. It only pains him more, particularly because your facade pains _you_.'

Sapphire eyes lowered.

'Give him space. Let him lick his wounds and come back to you when he is ready. It will do neither of you any favours if you force your feelings onto him.'

* * *

'I don't know why you come along.' Ikkaku Madarame, one of Ichigo's assistants, scoffed. 'You don't do anything except sit around and take care of the drunkards.' he gestured to a very intoxicated Rangiku Matsumoto, Ichigo's direct secretary, dancing a few feet away with about five different guys trying to get her number.

'It's just something to do.' Ichigo replied off-handedly. He stared off into space, not quite registering his environment. He was kind of tired, but he didn't want to go home yet. Rukia was probably still awake. Tonight, he wanted to try and get him when she was asleep. He rubbed his temples. _Shit_. Just last week, he was ready to ask her to be his wife. And now, he was avoiding her. What was his problem?

'Ichigo!' Rangiku trudged and collapsed on top of him. He crinkled his nose. She reeked of alcohol. 'Dance with me!'

'No! You're drunk! Get your shit together, you have work tomorrow! No wonder you can't get anything done!'

'Ichigo!' she pouted and wrapped her arms around his neck. 'Don't be so serious! Dance with me!'

'Get her off of me!' Ichigo screamed at a cackling Ikkaku. His bald companion pried his colleague gently off of their boss, but her makeup had smeared all over the politician's crisp, white shirt. The orange-haired statesman rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue. _Damn._ Looks like he'd have to expedite the dry cleaning on this one. Hopefully they'd be able to get all of it out.

'Let's do all the drugs!'

'Rangiku-san, shut up! Ichigo would totally throw us in jail!'

'You're damn right.' the aforementioned man snapped.

'Oh, relax!' Ikkaku snickered. 'Where would we be able to get them anyway? Like we'd know a dealer!'

'Over there.' the blonde bombshell pointed at a tall figure over at the bar across the dance floor. 'That hot guy has all the good stuff.'

Ichigo squinted to get a better look.

And he saw red.

Grimmjow Jaegaerjacquez was standing proudly, drink in hand and surrounded by his entourage.

* * *

It was midnight and Rukia was worried.

She knew that Ichigo was intentionally coming home late, so she didn't bother cooking any dinner for him. Byakuya's words were still resonating in her brain. They moved her and made her realize that she was probably hurting Ichigo too, pretending that all was well in paradise.

They were both adults. They needed to talk about this.

She needed to let him know that she loved him. And that if he wanted a family, she would respect that and understand if he wanted to call things off.

Because that was love.

If it hurt too much to be with her, then she could power through a break. And if he decided by the end of that break that what they had wasn't enough for him, then she would move out of his way. Either way, whatever they had wasn't working anymore. Not now that she knew what he wanted.

She wished she could just bite the bullet and give it to him, but he wasn't the type of man who would play into her advances. Besides, it would hurt him more knowing that he put her in a situation that she didn't want to be in. If she was going to start a family with him, it would be because they _both_ wanted it. Because she knew he wanted her to be happy, and pretending that a bad situation was good was not going to make either of them happy.

Acting like the sex still felt like love was just sad.

He was slipping through her fingers and she couldn't stop it. But they could talk about it. They could be honest and real with each other for just a second because as much as she deluded herself into thinking that it was, this was absolutely _not_ a dream. This _was_ reality, and reality was hard. She was naive to think that it could last forever.

People change. She needed to figure out how she wanted to change too.

But Ichigo still hadn't come home and she was becoming more and more anxious.

She stood up from the bed and went out on the balcony. She took in the view of the city and the pretty lights that lit up the night. There were so many people in this town, so many stories left untold, and characters she hadn't crossed paths with. This world was brimming with endless possibilities, some painful and some beautiful. It was terrifying to think that this small society boasted an infinite combination of probabilities.

Where was he now? What was he doing when he was avoiding her?

When he'd come home, he'd have the unmistakable scent of cigarettes and perfume that every man left a club or bar with. She didn't want to probe too far into it in case she didn't like the answer he'd give. She doubted that he was cheating on her, but the fact that he would be anywhere other than with her still stung.

Surely they could be happy together, even without children or marriage?

A compact world with endless possibilities.

The night was cold and she was shivering, but she didn't want to go back inside.

She watched the streets down below, waiting for her lover to come home.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone supporting this story! I'm truly so honoured to have your support thus far!

I want to clarify that when I said that I was working on the final chapters of this story, that there are still a handful of chapters to go through. I felt that some of you had the impression that this chapter would conclude this story, which most definitely is not. What I mean by "final," is that this is the final leg of the plot to work through.

Thank you to **kronosgoat, Shirayuki992, FunnyEasyMe, NieveDrop, Althatsyu, blissbeat, anja, RJKcastleINUSmoochyChick,** and **jobananasan**!

 **kronosgoat,** although things are lighter, they still must work through the lasting effects of their experiences in the past!

 **Shirayuki992,** thank you so much! Oh yes, it's kind of surreal to think that that day is fast approaching!

 **FunnyEasyMe** , this is not the last chapter! Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad that we have become friends, and so honoured to have your support!

 **NieveDrop,** you are absolutely right in that Ichigo does in fact respect Byakuya to an extent! I always thought he did, even in the manga. I don't believe I will be pulling a deus ex machina! I want to keep the psychology as realistic as possible, which is why I don't feel like I can write them an over-the-top happy ending. I feel that there are still some lasting issues one would suffer through the experiences that these characters have had, and that's why I'm taking time to try and illustrate these hardships and how they could go about it.

 **anja** , I tried to touch up more on that in this chapter!

 **jobananasan** , I tried to touch up more on why Ichigo wanted to propose! Hopefully it's clearer now. Yes, it really was uncomfortable, but I do think that that miscommunication was inevitable given their history and how much they don't want to disappoint each other. Yes, Byakuya is fully committed to making this work LOL! I also feel like if they don't work through the hurt, they won't ever improve. I feel like for Ichigo and Rukia in this story, it's always one step back, two steps forward. That sounds like a dream! My favourites are the Milanos!

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	30. Stop Hurting

'Excuse me.' Ichigo pushed through the crowd. While it was inconvenient that he had to go through a swarm of people, the silver lining was that most - if not all - were too intoxicated to recognize him. Even if they did, because inevitably some would have identified that spectacular head of orange anywhere, they were much too sluggish to grab onto him and slow him down.

So while it was inconvenient, it could have been worse.

Even though the situation was already bad. Very, very bad.

'Move.' he shoved a tall man aside. He was losing his patience. Plus, his security detail was desperately trailing behind him. He didn't want them backing him up. It might scare the target away.

Ichigo wanted to face Grimmjow _alone_.

'I'm sorry!' he had bumped particularly hard onto someone, knocking the other person to the ground. He helped the woman up. When she got to her feet, he resumed his trail but felt his patience snap when he saw that Grimmjow and his entourage were nowhere in sight.

* * *

It was 5:00 in the morning when Rukia awoke on the balcony. She was lying on one of the outdoor chairs that she and Ichigo often relaxed on during nights that they wanted to stargaze. She didn't even realize that she had fallen asleep. Had it not been for the unbearable cold, perhaps she might have slept right into the afternoon. That would have been a disaster, considering she was only in her white nightgown. She could have caught a cold.

She frowned. Why hadn't Ichigo woken her up?

She hurried back into the bedroom, hoping to find her lover fast asleep on their shared bed. The sight of untouched sheets was utterly disappointing. And now she was now worried.

He didn't come home last night? She would have to call him.

She brought her hands up to her mouth so that she could blow hot air on them. She rubbed her arms, trying to warm herself up as she searched for her phone. She checked her bag, then realized that she hadn't gone anywhere with it yesterday. Damn it! She always forgets where she leaves her blasted phone. She opened random drawers in pursuit of her gadget, sifting through the folded clothes like a madwoman finding a forgotten will. She found nothing in her dresser or wardrobe, so she extended her search to the cabinet on Ichigo's side of the bed.

She pulled open the first drawer and there it was; her barely-used smartphone.

Next to the velvet box.

Though she was no longer chilly, her hands were trembling. She reached for the device and promptly pushed the drawer shut. Her gut twisted. That was a sickening reminder of the beginning of the possible end of her relationship with Ichigo. She had tried so hard to forget about that traumatizing evening, but it replayed in an endless loop in her dreams.

His forlorn expression at his shattered future - she would never forget that.

And she could never forget that it was because of her.

She dialled Ichigo's number, but the beeping indicated that he was busy or his phone was turned off. She tried again just to make sure that it wasn't a connection error, and she got the same outcome. The businesswoman weighed her options. She could call his office, but that might make her look needy and she knew he hated needy women. He might also just need his space, and she didn't want him to feel like she was suffocating him if that were indeed the case. She could call her brother, but...

Who knew how Byakuya would react?

Finally, she settled for a text.

 **Baby, are you OK?**

That seemed fitting.

 _Why am I worried? There's no use feeling this way._

She took a shower and made herself some breakfast. Usually, she'd make Ichigo his breakfast too, but he wasn't around so there was no need to do that. It was a strange feeling, cooking for one. She had been doing that all her adult life, but in the seven months she and Ichigo shared she had already gotten accustomed to portioning for two heads. It was kind of lonely to downsize her ingredient pool. She tried to look on the bright side. At least she'd leave a cleaner kitchen counter this time. No need to whip out the spices.

When she finished plating the food, her appetite was non-existent. Just looking at it made her sick. She didn't want to be wasteful, so she set it aside in the refrigerator. She'd have it later.

She checked her phone.

No reply.

Now she was getting pissed off. Why was he doing this?

She decided to go for a run. Exercise had proven therapeutic for her. It stabilized her mood.

When she got back to the apartment, Ichigo's dry-cleaning had been dropped off at the door. Rukia knit her brows together. Rangiku just dropped some off the other day. This was too early. Also, wasn't that the same piece Ichigo wore to work yesterday? Had he expedited the cleaning on this one?

There was a note attached to it as well. It was an apology. The cleaners couldn't get rid off all the stains.

What stains?

Rukia inspected the shirt.

* * *

It was midnight when Ichigo left the office.

After the nightclub outing, he had headed right back to his office to pull up Grimmjow's case on his desktop. He didn't sleep that night. He was a man possessed by his vengeful self of the past who he thought he had kept well tamed for the past seven months. He never forgot about Grimmjow and all the shit that went down, but he wasn't living and breathing revenge like he used to when he thought Rukia had died. But now that he saw that insufferable bastard back to his former glory, Ichigo's hate burst back into full throttle.

No. _No_. There was no way Grimmjow was going to get away. He was a social cancer. He needed to be hung, made an example of.

How much of his own bullshit did Ichigo actually believe?

What was he really so scared of? What was really eating him up inside?

That Grimmjow would tear Rukia away from him again? That something, anything would separate him from his lover?

Or that Rukia would leave him?

He opened the apartment door to a nervous-looking Rukia watching television. Her head snapped to him when he entered and he saw that she had been crying. A torrent of questions flew from her mouth. She asked him what was wrong, why he didn't text her, why-

He didn't have time to listen to her. He gave her a once-over before heading to their bedroom. Her mouth open, an offended reflex to his disregard for her. Anger flared within her, setting a furious rhythm banging in her chest. How dare he, after he made her so worried today. He couldn't even say hello or apologize. What the hell?

 _Let him lick his wounds and come to you when he is ready._

This wasn't just him licking his wounds anymore. This was him completely disrespecting her and she was not going to have any of it. She loved him, and to an extent, had tolerated him trampling on her feelings because at least she could see he was _trying_ ; having sex with her, kissing her, _pretending_ that all was well in their paradise-turned-battleground.

But what the hell was that just now?

'Ichigo.' her voice was stern. She stood by the doorway of their bedroom, observing him. He was opening and closing drawers, digging through fabric in search of _something_.

'Hey.' his tone was robotic. He might as well have been addressing a dog. Did she suddenly just not exist to him?

'I received your dry-cleaning.'

'Oh, thanks.' he replied absent-mindedly. He was flipping through his folded clothes trying to find the documents on Grimmjow's case that he wasn't secure leaving at the office. He hadn't had to touch those in months, so searching for it was like finding a needle in a haystack. He had almost forgotten that Grimmjow even ever existed. It was really only for the past week, after Rukia rejected his marriage proposal, that he started reminiscing about those dark days.

'Ichigo...'

'Mm?'

'It...' she continued, folding her arms over her chest to brace herself for what she knew would be a hard conversation to have. 'It... There was a problem with it.'

'Uh-huh...?'

'They couldn't remove all the stains.'

He stiffened.

'There's still some make-up left on the fabric.'

A long silence.

It wasn't awkward. It was just thick.

It extended past a reasonable level of comfort.

'Ichi-'

'Unbelievable.'

The venom in that was unmistakable.

It was Rukia's turn for her muscles to turn heavy. She sat up straighter on impulse, like it took extra effort to maintain her posture. Her heart was weighing her down. She felt as if she could collapse on the ground if she let her guard down for even a moment. A lump formed in her throat, but she wasn't going to swallow. She feared that if he could see how weak she was beneath his disappointment that he would bulldoze her with virulent words. Just now, he didn't have to say anymore for her to recognize that every fibre of his being was loaded with bitterness towards her.

'Unbelievable, Rukia. Are you seriously implying what I'm thinking you're implying?'

'No!' time to backpedal. 'Of course not. I-'

'Then why say that? What was the point of that?'

'Because-'

'You think I'm a dumbass? Like I don't know what you're playing at? Do you think I'm a dumbass, Rukia?'

She could say something, or just say his name. That always used to calm him down. But somehow, she felt that he didn't want her to say anything. So, she didn't.

' _You_ cheated on _me_ numerous times!' he chuckled dryly. 'And I never cheated on you then, not once! Why would I do that to you now, or ever? Do you really think that low of me? That I would stoop down to _your_ level?'

'Oh...' a soft murmur escaped her. His comments were bitingly icy. The back of her eyes were stinging with fresh tears. She blinked once, twice, a few more times to fight them back. Her bottom lip begged to quiver, so she chewed on a finger to hide it.

'All the problems in our relationship have been because of _you_! You're always the one causing trouble, one way or another! Cheating, lying, seduction - you did all of the above, plus more! And now you have the balls to pass that baton onto me?! Don't worry Rukia, that's your crown and no one will ever be able to take that from you! You know just how to hurt me in all the right places! Every time I wanna move forward, you step backwards. You want all my love and yet you give me _none_!'

 _Let him lick his wounds and come to you when he is ready._

She should have listened.

He turned on his heel and left, slamming the door shut behind him. He was confident that she wouldn't follow him. He headed to his mini-office and started up his desktop to access his saved electronic copy of those files. He took his seat and waited patiently. Then, impatiently. He grit his teeth and slammed his fist on the desk. Even this computer was slow today. Nothing was really going his way.

He needed to look at those files. He needed to read, collect, and then plan accordingly. Like hell Grimmjow was going to get away this time. Ichigo would shoot him himself if he had to, that _fucker_ should not be given the satisfaction of walking away spotlessly clean!

It made Ichigo's blood boil to think about all those times Rukia looked so sad.

It was like the light in those oceanic blues that he loved to stare into would flicker into nothingness, as if she had lost the will to live and was just waiting for her body to waste away. He remembered telling her that he loved her, but she wouldn't do anything except cry or reject him because _that man_ had made her feel unworthy of love.

They could have been something without all that baggage.

Maybe, if Rukia was a normal girl with a normal background, he could have a normal life with her.

Instead of this shit.

'Ichigo.' she managed as she stepped into his workplace. She nearly threw up from how nervous his piercing gaze made her. 'Baby, please-'

'Get out.' he growled without hesitation. She was beginning to irritate him. Had he not made it clear that he wanted her out of his way for tonight? Couldn't she see that he was busy?

'Can we please talk?'

'How do you expect me to feel like talking to you when you just accused me of cheating on you?'

'No!' she shook her head. 'I'm sure you didn't! I was just telling you what the dry-cleaning note said. I-'

'Playing innocent again?' he scoffed and typed in his password. 'That's just _so_ like you.'

'Fine, so I thought about it!' she was exasperated. 'But can you blame? Baby, you've been avoiding me, cold to me, you didn't text me, you didn't come home last night, and now you're... just...'

 _You want all my love and yet you give me none!_

'What?'

'You're just...' she bit her lip to hold in her tears. 'Different.'

'I'm tired, Rukia. I told you that I have more shit to do at work. And you breathing down my neck doesn't fucking help!'

Tired? Yeah, right. She knew that this was pretty much all because of her rejection of his intentions to propose.

She wished she just said yes.

If that was going to make him happy, eventually she'd be happy. She really, truly believed that. As long as Ichigo was happy.

But this - this angry, resentful Ichigo - was a nightmare.

'Ichigo, don't you think I notice that you're spending less time at home?'

'Like I said, I'm busy. So, I'm tired.'

'But you have enough energy to go partying with your friends?'

'Well, thank goodness we didn't get married.' he laughed. 'And I thought your nagging couldn't get any worse!'

 _Thank goodness we didn't get married._

She was so close to punching him in the face.

 _I love you._

If he loved her so much, why was he being such a dick? Her heartbeat was pounding in her eardrums in anger. Yes, she was upset. She didn't like Ichigo talking to her this way. It hurt. But more than that, she was outraged that he _could_ treat her like this after seducing her into thinking that she was the apple of his eye. She was the player? Well he might as well have been a totally different person now.

'I knew that's what this is about!' was her shrill accusation. 'I can't believe you're seriously holding that against me! How fucking could you? You said you loved me! Months ago, you told me you wanted a child with me eventually, and I _told_ you that I didn't know if that would happen! And you said, you fucking _said_ that you'd love me anyway! You lied to me. You told me you'd love me anyway, you said you would!'

'You know more than anyone...' he stood up and marched over to her, pointing a finger at her accusingly. 'What people will say to get into each other's pants! You've said things too. You said you wanted a future with me too, so why are we stuck at square one?!'

'Ichigo.' her voice came out in a squeak. What he just said cut her deep. Her heart was racing and she felt like throwing up. Strangely enough, there were no tears begging to fall anymore. The world was spinning and yet she felt paralyzed, in body and in heart. Anxiety and hurt encroached on every fibre of her being, numbing her. She couldn't feel anything anymore. 'Ichigo.'

He turned away. He knew that what he said hit her hard. But it was too late to take it back now, and to be perfectly honest, he didn't at all feel like apologizing. He was being petty. He knew that. But the rejection he endured felt like betrayal from her.

Of course her past made it hard to move forward. And of course he loved her more than anything or anyone. But Ichigo valued family above all else. Consequently, it was his dream to have one of his own. To think of giving that up for Rukia - who he felt was stringing him along - didn't seem fair. He didn't want to resent her, nor did he want to pressure her into having children with him. Yet, it was getting more and more difficult every day to pretend like things were fine between them.

Being with her was starting to feel like a chore. _Well, we've come this far - might as well see it through to the end,_ was what he kept telling himself. He didn't want his investment in her to be for nought. No, he loved her. Wholeheartedly. That's why this hard to work out.

Right?

'Ichigo.'

 _I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that,_ he should have said, but he didn't feel like being humble. He was well aware that he was digging a deeper grave for their relationship, but at this point all he could see was his own suffering.

He cared about her, but right now he was way too consumed by bottled up selfishness. For far too long, he had been utterly selfless when it came to Rukia. Where did that get him? He had been rejected, humiliated, and even though he was still going through the motions of grief, he felt like he was still expected to take care of her feelings.

He was so tired of it all.

How long would he have to take care of her? She was exhausting.

'Ichigo.'

'Please.' he raised his hand and walked back to his desk. 'I'm fucking tired. I can't deal with you right now.'

'Ichigo.' she lowered her voice in a whisper in an attempt to remain calm. 'I don't want to fight.'

'You _don't_ want to fight? Well, you sure tried to pick one when you implied that I was cheating on you.'

'I'm sorry, please-'

'Leave me the fuck alone.'

'I-'

'Get out.'

'Ichi-'

'Get out, Rukia.'

 _Let him lick his wounds and come back to you when he is ready._

'Get out.'

She inhaled sharply.

'I said, get out!' he snapped and glanced at her. His eyes widened when she saw how hurt she looked. Sapphire orbs were shockingly pained, especially against her paling skin. Her colour was draining by the second. Finally really looking at her from so far away, he could also very clearly see how much weight she had lost in only the past week.

She hurried out. She locked herself in the bathroom and ran the tap for the bathtub to drown out the sounds of her sobbing. She had been holding that in for quite some time now.

Never before had she felt so humiliated by him. He poked at all the sore spots, made her feel like she didn't deserve him and never would. She know that wasn't his intention, but that logic is a constant insecurity at the back of her head. She always felt that he deserved better. Often, she found herself wondering why he was with her to begin with. When they were happy together, that didn't seem like such a big deal. But now, it was driving her insane. Why was he with her if he still hated her for all that she did?

She eyed the filling tub. Might as well bathe, or the water would go to waste. Besides, it had been a while since she had taken a proper bath for the sole purpose of relaxation.

She undressed and examined her reflection in the mirror. It was clouding with steam, but she could still make out the details of her body.

Did he like her body? He certainly made her feel that way. But still, he was a handsome, powerful politician - he could get any girl he wanted. Why choose her when there were so many other women who were much more well-endowed? It didn't make sense, considering he himself boasted an attractively masculine physique.

Shouldn't he be with someone better?

What about her face? She never thought she was particularly good-looking.

Perhaps Ichigo didn't think so either. Was that why he chose to surround himself with women that were easier on the eyes? One look at his secretary made Rukia second-guess whether she was actually qualified to have that position.

She sighed as she submerged herself. The temperature of the water was hot, but comfortingly so.

A pang of pain pierced her chest. The first time she had taken a bath in this apartment was the morning after she and Ichigo had moved in. She had been soaking for a good minute before he "accidentally" barged in. She pretended to be skittish and wrapped her arms around herself to maintain her modesty, but he joined her anyway. It was a tight fit, but it was fun. In the end, she sat on top of him and he had her locked in a tight embrace. It was one of the rare memories she kept under key and lock in her heart. She liked to remember it during times of emotional hardship. It lifted her spirits up.

But now, it was just making her sad.

She wanted him to love her again. Why did she ruin such a good thing?

When she tired of her bath, she slipped on a white robe and hesitantly left the bathroom. She eyed Ichigo's study and stiffened when she saw the lights had been shut off. She was hoping that he would still be in there. She didn't like not knowing where he was, especially when he was so irritable. It made her feel like she had to be on guard at all times.

Maybe he left.

She teared up at that thought.

She chose to head to their bedroom since she needed to change into proper clothes anyway. And she saw him there, seated on the edge of the bed with his face buried in his hands. He looked distraught. Had they been on better terms, she would have rushed right over to his side and showered him with kisses. Right now, she was scared of him. She hated to admit it.

This wasn't going to be her first time sleeping with just a robe on anyway. It was actually quite comfortable. She tiptoed to the living room, instantaneously feeling alleviated of her troubles once she was immersed in the pitch black space. She felt invisible, and that was good. This way, he couldn't see her and therefore couldn't hurt her.

She settled on the couch. She was tired. Very, very tired. And she couldn't deal with him either. So she supposed they were both on the same boat - exhausted from each other.

With a bruised heart, she drifted off into dreams.

 **. . .**

When Rukia awoke again, she was expecting to feel a slight chill. But she was surprised that she was actually very warm. After a while, she felt around and realized that it was because there were two blankets on top of her. And somehow, a pillow had ended up under her head. Her groggy mind was still adjusting to these facts. Eventually, she fluttered her lids open.

Ichigo's face was right in front of hers.

Her heart skipped a beat, but she remained calm. She blinked a couple of times to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Worry overcame her when she noted that he wasn't looking at her. His gaze was downcast, and the rims of his eyes were ferociously red. Had he been crying? Or had he not gotten enough sleep? She couldn't tell. She had to ask him.

'Ichi-'

'I don't deserve you.'

'What...?' she sat up. She could now see that Ichigo was seated on the carpet, an arm resting on the couch where Rukia slept. He was wearing the same suit from last night - a sign that he hadn't gotten around to changing. She momentarily turned her head away to check the digital clock on top of the fireplace.

11:00 AM.

Ichigo hadn't gone to work.

'Baby, what's going on?' she cupped his face, her anger and pain from his verbal assault long forgotten. He was hot to touch. 'Ichigo, you have a fever!' she leapt up to get a glass of water from the kitchen. When she came back to his side, she sat down on the floor with him and offered the beverage. He was unmoving. 'Ichigo, please-'

'I don't deserve you.' he finally looked at her and her heart cracked. Amber orbs were hazy with a million emotions that were evidently tearing him apart.

Had she done this to him?

She set the glass down on the coffee table. Her fingers were trembling.

'Rukia, I hurt you. I said so many things to you.'

Her breath hitched in her throat but she forced herself to speak. 'It was nothing.'

'Don't lie to me. I _hurt_ you.'

'Don't say that.'

'But I did. I said so many things to you. I hurt you, and I failed to protect you. And I say that I love you.' he swallowed. Tears lined his waterline. 'What a fucking joke.'

'I know you love me.' she whispered. 'You don't have to do anything to prove it to me. I already know.'

'Do you? Is how I've been treating you making you feel loved?'

She didn't reply. She feared that if she spoke too soon, he'd hear the sadness in her voice.

'Rukia, I don't deserve you. I can't make you happy. I hurt you. I can't protect you.'

'You're hurting too.'

'Yeah.' he raised his eyebrows and a few tears fell. He smiled ironically, as though hit by the realization of what she'd just said. 'Yeah. I am.'

She wiped his tears away while she fought her own. 'I don't want you to be sad. I don't want you to cry either. I know that it hurts to feel this way, so...'

'I wish I was strong. But I'm not. I've failed you.'

'Don't say that.'

'I hurt you. I hurt you, why did I hurt you?'

'Ichigo, please-'

'You must hate me.'

'I could never hate you.'

'You should. I made you feel like I hated you this past week.'

She mustered up the courage to ask softly, 'Don't you? Hate me, I mean.'

'No.' his smile turned genuine. He finally looked at her and took her breath away. 'I could never.'

'But the ring-'

'I don't care.'

'Marrying-'

'I actually _don't_ care.' he laughed and his eyes watered again. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up to straddle his waist. 'I don't give a shit. I was hurt, but I hurt myself more by hurting you. I turned destructive and you don't deserve that at all. There's nothing more precious to me than you. I wish I remembered that before I decided to be such a jerk to you.'

'You _do_ care.' she mumbled and buried her face in his chest. He hugged her tighter. 'That's why you're hurting.'

'But I care about you way more. I don't ever want you to do something you don't want to do.'

'If it's something you want me to do, I'll do it.'

'I don't want that.'

'Then what do you want, baby?'

'I want you to be happy. How do I do that?'

She didn't even need to think about it.

But she took a moment anyway.

'Rukia?'

'I'm happy when you're happy.'

'I'm happy with you.'

'Are you happy now?'

'No. Because you aren't happy.'

'I'm happy.' she insisted, clinging onto his shirt. 'I'm really happy.'

'Why?'

'Because you're here with me. You apologized to me. You skipped work to talk to me. You're with me, now. And you aren't pushing me away anymore. That makes me really happy. It makes me happy that you love me.'

'Ok.' he kissed the top of her head. His lips were tugging downwards at the sides from the buildup of emotion inside.

She was too perfect. Too, too perfect. What had he done to deserve her?

'Ichigo, do you love me?'

'I love you. I will always love you.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story!

This chapter was halfway done a month ago. I couldn't decide where to go with it. I knew then how I wanted this story to end, but there were different routes I could take to get there. I settled for this one. I'm happy to finally share it with all of you.

Thank you to **Kasai to Kasumi, michelous, onlyluna, Shirayuki992, blissbeat, FunnyEasyMe, jobananasan, achalida** , and **RukiYuki**!

 **Kasai to Kasumi,** no it's not! Don't worry, Ichigo and Rukia will have a happy ending. Thank you so much for your kind words! You really are too good to me.

 **Shirayuki992** , even so, if Rukia is uncomfortable with it then she shouldn't have to force herself. If she's scared, then she and Ichigo should work together rather than her trying to fight off her demons by herself. I think collaboration is part of a healthy relationship, which is exactly what Ichigo and Rukia have to do. Ichigo needs to be supportive of Rukia, who has already tuned into Ichigo's overly emotional nature. Also, I hurried this chapter up because you said in your review for the last updated story that you missed this one. So I hope you enjoyed this update!

 **blissbeat,** thank you so much for your kind words! They warm my heart.

 **FunnyEasyMe** , but I also think that after feeling rejected so many times and enduring so many ups and downs in his relationship with Rukia, Ichigo is understandably exhausted. That doesn't mean that his actions are right, but his feelings are totally valid. Which is a good thing to bear in mind when looking at the motivations behind his actions.

 **jobananasan** , trust me, everything's going to be alright! It's just as you said - the roadblocks are necessary. If they get past them, they get stronger.

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	31. Take Back What Is Yours

'You... You don't have to do this.' Ichigo breathed. Or at least, he tried to. The arduous task of consciously inhaling and exhaling to sustain life was proving to be more difficult by the second. It was impossible to concentrate on himself with Rukia riding him with the fervent passion of an artist painting her muse for the first time. 'Rukia...' he reached up to run his fingertips along the side of her face. She was impossibly hot to touch. Sweat-slicked hair clung to her skin, and he brushed some matted strands away from her collarbone to knead the tense shivering flesh of her shoulder. 'Rukia-'

'Ichigo.' she gasped, and he couldn't tell whether he was respond to his words or crying out in pleasure. 'Yes, Ichigo-!'

He still couldn't tell.

'Baby.' he bit his lip. 'Do you want this?'

'Yes!'

'Ah, _damn.._.!' eyelids shut tightly as he threw his head back. 'Damn. Damn, Rukia. Damn-' his hands were roaming over her hips and back mindlessly. His focus was directed towards one goal; making his love known to her. His fingers curled at random intervals, grasping at any flesh he could get a hold of - sometimes too tightly. He wanted to be careful with her, but their passionate lovemaking was hard not to lose himself to. She let out breathy gasps whenever his clutch turned iron-strong. That was when she'd half-warn, half-encourage him by both sinking him deeper into her and raking her nails down the rippling muscles of his chest. He was sure she'd leave marks.

'Do you... feel good?' she was almost ashamed to ask.

'Yes.' he spoke through gritted teeth. 'Yes. Yes. You feel so good, so, so, good, _Rukia_ -'

He doesn't last past the utterance of her name.

'Ah, baby...' she rode out the last few tremors of her own orgasm. 'Baby, thank you, baby-'

'Come here.' he brought her up to cradle her in his arms. She buried her head in the crook of his neck and suckled softly at his neck. He flinched, his body still not fully recovered from the incredible high of being one with her.

Except that was all it ever felt like; a high. By the end of it, the cruel corporeality of his existence struck him with lightning-force. He hated his body. He hated that the completion of melting into the woman he loved most was only fleeting. He loved Rukia, and he knew that she loved him. Unfortunately, the pinnacle of their connection seemed to occur exclusively during sex, when she was most vulnerable and fiery and needy for him.

Despite her various efforts to please him in everyday life, there remained a calculated aura about her. She let him inside her heart whenever he so willed it, but he wished that her inhibitions would fade away forever - at least around him.

More specifically, the inhibitions she held in regards to her feelings for him.

He still couldn't wrap his head around it; Rukia had told him so many times in the past that she wanted a family, a _life_ with him. Surprisingly, when the opportunity finally presented itself for her to make that wish a possibility, she withdrew her investment. The Rukia he knew who laid beside him in the afterglow of lovemaking and revealed her deepest desires to him was different from the woman who was frightened of the future. He thought that their love eliminated all anxieties about the unknown. He thought that there was an understanding between them that even if the road ahead was dark and steep, they'd at least have each other's hands to hold; that was more than enough reason to take a chance.

She loved him, right?

It still didn't feel real, even though he wanted it so badly to be. How could he not believe in them? No, he _did_ believe in them. He just didn't feel secure.

He knew that she loved him.

Yet he wanted more. Why?

Rukia was all he ever wanted.

Somehow, Ichigo still felt like she wasn't his.

* * *

'What do you like about her so much?'

'Everything.' Ichigo responded without a second thought. He shot up from his laying position on the white lounging couch in the doctor's office. He was now seated with his back completely straight. Warm, amber eyes were now scalding in their passion. Tight lips and clenched teeth showcased chiseled cheekbones. Ichigo was disturbingly handsome, yet intimidating, in this battle-ready expression of his. He was ready for a fight. It had become a natural response for him whenever his feelings for Rukia were even slightly brought into question. It was unfortunate that he had become accustomed to mostly everyone trying to tear him away from her. 'I love everything about her.'

'Ok. My question was about the qualities that you like about her that perpetuate your love for her.'

'Huh?'

'What do you like about her?'

'I just told you: everything.'

'Please be more specific.'

'Um-'

'What do you like about her? List any characteristics of hers that come to mind.'

'Any?'

'Any and all. Whether it be physical or personality-related. Or even any actions of hers that make you feel more connected to her. Let's see... Does she do any nice favours for you?'

'All the time.'

'Ok. Such as?'

'Everything.'

'Ok. Let's try-'

'She understands me.'

'Ok. Would you be comfortable expanding on that?'

'She just...' Ichigo swallowed hard. 'She knows what to do when I'm not feeling like myself. When I'm insecure or when I need space; she knows all of that. You know, I probably wouldn't have had the balls to go to London if it weren't for her. When I told her that I got into university there, she was just... _devoid_.'

'Devoid?'

'Devoid of fear or insecurity. Well.' he smiled. 'Looking back at it now, she was probably pretty fucking scared. She probably felt like I was abandoning her, because she's never had someone _not_ abandon her. But she didn't let me feel like she didn't believe in me. She really, really made me feel like she had confidence in me even though she didn't have confidence in herself. When we had a big fight, she was really hurting. I hurt her _a lot_. She's haughty, so I bet there were a million things she wanted to say to me. I could tell. But she walked away to give me space. Even then, she was confident that somehow, everything would be alright. Or maybe she didn't. The important thing is that she never shows me that she doesn't believe in me, because I guess she knows that I'd stop believing in myself - and us - too. Or maybe I wouldn't. I don't know. I...' he rubbed his face. 'Fuck. I'm a fucking mess.'

'No, this is good. Carry on.'

'I honestly don't know where I was going with it.'

'Take your time.'

'She's...' Ichigo pinched his nose as though he were trying to squeeze the truth out of his own brain. He knew how he felt, but he didn't exactly know how to put the indescribable sensation of feeling into words. The way his heart reacted towards Rukia was more instinctual than logical. It's not like his mind went through a proper rationale that justified his sentiments. It just _was_. He just felt. 'She's good for me.'

'Ah.'

'But she's also... No.' he corrected himself. 'She's _not_ bad for me. She just kind of makes me feel insecure at times. Not on purpose, though. It's my fault, not hers.'

'Hmm...?'

'I know she loves me. I know that she tries to show me that she loves me. You know, she's not the type of girl you'd think would cook or clean, but she does that stuff to please me. She hates movies, but she watches them with me anyway. And she always, always...'

'Kurosaki?'

Ichigo blushed madly. Reciting the ways in which Rukia showcased affection was more mentally arousing than he thought it would be. Come to think of it, Rukia extended way more than she should to him. After all, she did essentially monopolize the household chores as well as take charge of their bedtime activities. On top of all that, she was irresistibly sweet... To look at. He was basically living every teenage boy's dream. Yet he was a grown man. So why did the thought of her still send flurries of butterflies down his stomach as though he had just stumbled upon his first erotic magazine?

' _Kurosaki_?'

'She always...'

Out with it! This was supposed to be a professional exchange between a therapist and his client. All the information laid out in today's session would remain confidential. There was absolutely nothing wrong with opening up. In fact, it could only benefit Ichigo as his counsellor could have a more wholesome picture of his relationship with Rukia.

Besides, this stuff wasn't a big deal. It shouldn't be embarrassing. This guy probably heard crap like this all the time.

'Kurosaki!'

'We have sex.' he blurted.

'Ok. Contemporary couples tend to be intimate.'

'We have _a lot_ of sex.'

'Ok.'

'Too much sex.'

'Ok...'

'F-Fuck...' Ichigo could feel the heat radiating from his face. It was unbearable. 'Is this normal?' he squeaked. 'I get so worked up whenever I think about her like that, let alone telling someone about it.'

'Ha! I'm sure she thinks that's cute.'

'Fuck you, Ishida.'

'I tried.' Uryu Ishida stifled a chuckle. 'I really, really tried. I'm not a qualified psychologist, but at least I tried. But once you start talking about your sex life, I just... Gosh, I can't even.'

'This was a mistake.' he snapped.

'I wish you could hear how much of a brat you are.' the bespectacled doctor crossed his legs. 'You seem to have it all, and yet you still find it in you to complain.'

'I know. I'm horrible. I wish I didn't feel this way.'

'A while ago, you were saying that Kuchiki-san was bad for you. What do you mean by that?'

'I said she's _good_ for me.'

'Yeah. Then you said she was bad for you, right after.'

'I also said that that's not her fault.' he averted his gaze. 'It's mine. I'm the dumbass.'

'I don't doubt that.'

'Seriously, I will fight you.'

'How is it your fault?'

'Because she's doing all the right things, and yet...' he balled his hands into shaking fists. 'I still want more.'

'Hmm... Didn't you just say you had too much?'

'Not sex.' he shook his head. 'I don't want more of that. I want her to love me more.'

'Kurosaki... It sounds like Kuchiki-san loves you more than most men will ever experience. She went on live television and revealed who she was just so that she could get to the tabloids before those reporters took over the narrative for your sex tape. She was trying to protect you.'

'Still, she never really says that she loves me.'

Uryu rolled his eyes. 'Are you serious right now?'

'I know.' he sighed. 'I know I'm being such a dumbass, but... I want that. For five minutes, I just want her to tell me how much she loves me, how she can't be without me, how she'll always love me and want me and be with me. I-'

'Then tell her!'

'Look, don't you think that if she was comfortable with telling me those things, she would've done so already?! I don't want to make her uncomfortable!'

'Well then, how can she know that you feel this way? You don't communicate with her! You both just bottle things up until one of you explodes! Then you fight, make up, and have sex before you enter another honeymoon period! Then the cycle repeats itself! Just _talk_ to her!'

'You make it sound so _easy_.'

'This is because she didn't marry you, isn't it?'

Ichigo's eyes widened in panic.

'I knew it.' Uryu shrugged victoriously. 'She _loves_ you, you idiot. Her marrying you and her loving you are two totally separate matters.'

'I _know_ that.'

'Do you? It doesn't sound like you do.'

'Of course I do! I just don't... I don't feel it, I guess. I know that she loves me, and yet I feel sad, nervous. I feel like I'm chasing her and that I'm never gonna catch up to her.'

'Talk to her, Kurosaki. Talk to her, and ask her all the answers to the questions that haunt you.'

'That's easier said than done. I try to bottle things up so that she isn't burdened by my insecurities. That worked for a while, till I ended up snapping at her. I said some horrible, _horrible_ things. I wish those words never left my mouth. I really hate the fact that she heard those remarks coming from me.'

'You've always had a nasty temper.' Uryu mused. 'You should try being more conscientious of your actions. I'm surprised you still haven't gotten rid of your impulsiveness, considering you represent the government.'

'Mm.'

'Inside voices.'

'Huh?'

'Try listening to your inside voices. Before you act on a situation, make a conscious decision to think about it over in your head. What are the consequences? What are the benefits? Think about it. Really, really think.'

'It's hard to think when I feel such strong emotions.'

'I know. Though wouldn't you say that Kuchiki-san is worth the extra effort?'

'Of course she is.'

* * *

'Phone call! Pick it up!' Rangiku Matsumoto, secretary of Ichigo Kurosaki, hollered from her desk outside her boss' office. She was a lazy employee, so he was used to her not getting off her ass to actually tell him face-to-face _politely_ instead of screaming at him. She was lucky that he didn't have the energy to start interviewing replacements for her.

'Rangiku-san!' Ichigo grudgingly shouted back. It was ironic that he referred to her with more respect than she did to him. Despite his high-ranking position in the government, Ichigo never deemed it necessary to demand subservience. He was content with his co-workers referring to him however they pleased even though most - if not all of them - were below his payroll. 'At least tell me who's on the line!'

'Kuchiki-san!'

'Shit!' he cursed aloud. Oops. What was it that Uryu told him to do?

Inside voices.

He forgot about that.

'Byakuya.' he greeted with controlled coolness into the receiver after he picked up his landline phone. 'What's up?'

'I felt it wise to check in on you.' Byakuya returned. He sounded evidently relaxed. Byakuya was _never_ evidently _anything_. So the businessman must have entered this conversation with the intention of making Ichigo feel like he was in a good mood, when in fact a million agendas were probably brewing underneath the surface.

Although the two men had formed somewhat of a bond through their mutual love and care for Rukia, they remained cautious of each other. Ichigo knew that Byakuya would always look out for Rukia in his fatherly way, which meant that there was no way he was genuinely comfortable with having anything to do with his daughterly sister's lover. It made no sense for Byakuya to randomly call out of the blue, as if he were checking in with an old friend.

This revelation set off alarm bells in Ichigo's mind, alerting him to the not-so-innocent nature of the call. Nevertheless, it would do him no good to freeze up and contemplate his next move. He had to think fast. He came to the conclusion that it was too early into the chat to properly plan out a strategy. He'd play the game; they'd make small talk and eventually a few cracks here and there will allow Ichigo to figure out what angle Byakuya was playing at. Then he'd make a move.

He didn't spend three years as a politician without learning to successfully navigate himself in a tricky conversation.

'That's nice of you.' Ichigo replied. 'How are you?'

'I am well. And yourself?'

'Just great.'

'Great? Well, that is pleasant to hear. As I recall, you were quite low when I saw you last.'

Ichigo's stomach somersaulted. Why did he think it was a good idea to go to Byakuya for advice again? 'U-Um... Yeah. Well, the situation has changed.'

'How so?'

'Rukia and I have worked things out.'

'So I can assume that your relationship with her is going well?'

'It's improving.'

'Improving? So all has not been well?'

 _Shit._

Ichigo mentally kicked himself for his poor choice of words. He was starting to regret building a reasonable level of comfort with Byakuya. Now he was slipping up. It was nice to develop a good rapport with his lover's brother, but Ichigo might have forgotten that space is necessary.

'Kurosaki Ichigo, have you gone mute?'

Chestnuts rolled in their sockets. _Well, fuck you too._ 'Sorry. Um... We're good. You know how it is. In any relationship, there are ups and downs.'

'I see. I suppose that is fair to say.'

'Yeah.'

'I have not seen my sister in quite some time, you know.'

'Ok. What do you want _me_ to do about it?'

'I fucking hate you.'

'What?'

'Oh. I did not intend to say that out loud.'

'Inside voices.' Ichigo chuckled. 'Try it. My therapist told me to give it a go.'

'Therapist?'

'Yeah. For my mental health.'

'You are seeing a psychiatrist?'

' _Psychologist._ They're not authorized to write up prescriptions. I don't want any medication.'

'Medication? For what? What the hell is wrong with you?'

'Nothing's wrong with me.' he snapped. 'I just need someone to talk to.'

'You can talk to _me_.'

'Yeah, well... I know. But I kind of wanted to talk someone outside of the situation, you know? And I don't really want to talk about what's going on. I just want to talk about what I can do to manage my stress.'

'Stress?'

'Byakuya, it's nothing.' Ichigo was starting to think that he revealed too much about himself. 'I'm taking care of myself. Rukia's doing well too. That's what counts, right?'

'I suppose.' the older man of the two was still skeptical.

'Now then, not that this call wasn't nice and all, but I have shit to do, so...'

'Hold on.'

'What?'

'I miss my sister. I would like to see her for dinner this weekend.'

'Ok.' was Ichigo's plain reply. 'So?'

'So what?'

'Why are you telling _me_ this? Go call her.'

'I already did. She accepted my invitation.'

'Ok, so...?' he trailed off. The end of his silent sentence had a sharply quizzical indentation, but Byakuya did not respond to the wordless cue. Ichigo wondered if he was being dense on purpose. What was the point of letting him know that Rukia was going to have dinner with her brother? Ichigo wasn't Rukia's keeper. He didn't want Byakuya to get the impression that he was an obsessive, controlling boyfriend who needed to keep tabs on his girlfriend at all times.

'Byakuya, what-'

'Rukia has accepted my invitation, but I have yet to hear from you.'

It took took a while for Ichigo to register the implications of Byakuya's coded language. When the unsuspecting politician finally got the point, he couldn't suppress a wide, toothy grin. His voice rose an octave. It was impossible to conceal his pleasure. 'You're inviting _me_ too?!'

On the other end of the line, Byakuya winced at the shrillness of his junior's voice.

Ichigo's excitement quickly dissipated when the dinner at the Kuchiki residence turned out to be worse than being caged behind bars of steel while submerged in a shark tank. Not that Ichigo would know what that felt like, but he couldn't think of a more appropriate comparison. No, he didn't think that comparing dinner with Byakuya Kuchiki to shark-infested waters was hyperbolic at all.

Byakuya was relentless with his nagging.

Nothing was invisible to the businessman's criticism. From the moment Ichigo and Rukia entered the manor, Byakuya's hawk-like observation picked out that the younger man's suit was a little tight at the waist and shoulders. Ichigo shrugged that comment off, explaining that he liked tight-fitting clothes - that was an excuse Byakuya was not willing to take. He chastised the poor boy for a good twenty minutes, talking about how unsightly it was for a professional to showcase the lines of their body. Ichigo grit his teeth together and forced himself to smile.

During the actual meal, Byakuya was quick to correct Ichigo's apparently subpar etiquette. He was holding the fork wrong, he was using the wrong fork, he didn't tilt his head far back enough when he drank water, he didn't chew quietly enough, blah blah blah! It was driving Ichigo mad. He thought he might scream at any moment. A swift kick from Rukia under the table brought him back to reality.

Ichigo just wanted to go home.

When Byakuya bid his guests farewell, Ichigo couldn't run to his car fast enough. He was jumpy all throughout the ride home. Once he step foot inside his shared apartment with Rukia, he rejoiced. Thank goodness that disaster was over. Now he could relax, get to bed, ease the ache of his stiff shoulders.

It felt so good to be home.

'Not that I don't like your brother...' Ichigo sank lower into the steaming water of his bathtub. The warmth was comforting against his muscles, which had tensed from prolonged exposure to the stressor that was Byakuya Kuchiki. 'But he has a really heavy atmosphere around him. I can't stand it!'

'Mm...' Rukia hummed absent-mindedly. 'You get used to it after a while.'

'Tsk... Always defending him.' he observed his girlfriend, who had her back to him. She had donned a loose-fitting, silk robe. Its metallic silver caught the warm light of the candles she had lit up prettily. She was still setting fire to more wicks. She had actually lined the ledge of the tub at his feet with the aromatic candles, and was currently in the process of decorating the sink counter with them as well. 'Baby, what are you doing?'

'I'm giving you some ambience.' she whispered, as though she didn't want to disrupt the tranquility of the dim lights. 'It'll relax you.'

'This bath is relaxing enough.'

'Well, I think you need to relax some more.'

'Don't tell me what to do.' he chided her playfully.

She turned around to face him. She flashed him a soft smile, which he returned with his own.

She began a slow saunter to him. Her tantalizing pace, along with the heady aroma of the candles and bathwater, made for an effective aphrodisiac to his senses. She stopped right in front of him. Glossy, amber orbs looked up at her with the cutely pitiful innocence of a teenage boy. Her heart fluttered. She was reminded of his younger days, when she was still ruthless in her lack of compassion and she hadn't yet realized that he was endless in his.

'Rukia-'

'Enjoy your bath. I'll be waiting for you in bed.'

'Will you be wearing that?' he raised a brow at her conservative robe.

'Do you not want me to?'

'I'm just asking, baby.'

'Well...' she fingered the sash. 'Join me and find out.'

'Mm... Too bad. I feel like enjoying my bath for quite a while longer.'

She laughed. 'You're missing out.'

'I know.' he extended his hand out to her, indicating that he wanted her to give offer him hers. She obliged. He gave her a light squeeze, then leaned in to give her a kiss on the top of her hand. Electricity shot up her spine. It might have just been the candles, but her temperature was spiking pleasantly. Ichigo always knew how to swoon her. She could never get used to how charmingly romantic he was. 'I'll see you in the bedroom soon, baby. There's something I want to talk to you about.'

She tensed. 'Hmm? What is it?'

'You'll find out.'

She nodded and left the bathroom. When the door shut behind her, Ichigo breathed out a throaty sigh. It was now or never. It had been months since Rukia rejected his proposal, and there was a lot that he needed to get off his chest. She was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, married or not. Though Byakuya constantly reminded him that he was young and was therefore allowed to change his mind, Ichigo couldn't look at any other woman besides Rukia. It had become impossible to imagine life without her. For reasons unbeknownst to him, she had completely enamoured him.

He was at her mercy. His world revolved around her. He was just happy to be in her orbit.

 **. . .**

'Ichigo.' Rukia greeted her live-in boyfriend when he finally entered the bedroom. 'Did you enjoy your bath?'

'Yeah.'

'Good.' she patted his side of the bed. 'Come lie down. I'll give you a massage.'

And here she went again.

Ichigo was a dense man. That much, he could admit. But he wasn't so thick as to not be able to see that Rukia was overcompensating for the rejection by attempting to pleasure him in various ways. Whether it be cooking, preparing baths, or having sex with him; he knew that she was doing her best to give him a good experience while they were together. Not that she wasn't sincere in what she did, because she wholeheartedly was. Rukia was a compassionate woman who took pride and joy in taking care of those she loved. Yet, there was a barrier around her that he wasn't quite sure she knew she was putting on.

She was always trying to show him that she loved him, rather than telling him. As if doing so would hurt her less.

'I don't want a massage. Thanks, though.' he sat down on the bed anyway.

'Then, maybe...' she got on her knees, swung her arms around his neck, and ghosted her lips over his.

He pulled her up against his him to give her a crushing kiss. She quickly reached down to undo her sash before bringing his hands to underneath her robe, guiding him to her waist.

 _I need to talk to you._

Not once breaking their kiss, she shrugged her loose garments off to reveal that she was completely bare beneath. He could feel it. He pulled away from her, flashing her a look of utter surprise. She met his gaze with vibrant sapphires that were passionate in their longing to be loved by him.

 _I want to tell you something._

'Rukia...' he caressed the side of her face. 'I love you.'

 _Something important._

'I love you too.' she returned, and he knew that she meant it with every fibre of her being in that very moment.

The high was returning.

He wanted it to stay.

'I wish you were like this all the time.' he mumbled without thinking.

'Hmm?'

'Vulnerable.' both hands cupped her face. 'I wish you were always vulnerable to me. Always, like this.'

'Why?' she looked confused. Was he alluding to more sex? 'Why would you want that?'

'Because you tell me that you love me.'

'I always tell you that I love you. You _know_ that I love you.' she choked. 'I love you so much. Ichigo, I'll do anything to make you happy. I _love_ you. I'm trying to do everything I can to make you feel how much I love you, but it's impossible. You can't ever really know.'

His chest tightened sweetly. Her words invigorated him. If he wasn't careful, he'd crack a foolish grin. His fingertips were buzzing with anticipation, awaiting her next sentence.

Her feelings - that's all he ever wanted to know. To make this feel real.

'I love you, Ichigo.'

'I love you more.'

'No.' she smirked at his challenge. 'You don't.'

'I _do_.'

'I love you more than anything.'

'Rukia-'

'That's why I show you in any way I can.'

'I don't want you to do chores for me. I don't even want you to feel like you have to make love to me all the time. Rukia, what I want is for you to be vulnerable to me. I want to know your feelings. Tell me. Let me know that you love me. On days that I don't feel like myself, that's all I need. Tell me you love me. Not just when we kiss or hold each other, but all the time; tell me that you love me.'

'Don't you know that I love you?'

'Of course I do. But it's different when I hear it. When you say you love me, I...' he trailed off. He maintained eye contact with her, hoping that the intensity of the dancing, flaming hues of his irises were boring into her what he couldn't put into words. 'I don't need to marry you. I don't even need to have a family with you. Those are things that I wanted as tangible proof that you love me, that you're mine. So please, Rukia - if it's true anyway, tell me that you love me and that you'll always be with me. I want to hear the truth from you.'

'Ichigo-'

'I love you.' he kissed her. 'I love you, Rukia. Be mine. I love you, so please... If you love me too, be mine.'

'I _am_ yours.' she held back tears. 'Don't forget that.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story!

I recently opened a poll on my page to get to know which stories you guys wanted me to prioritize updating. Taking into account votes that were also placed through reviews by Guest reviewers, this story and **The Untold Future** are tied. If you haven't already let me know which one you want me to update, I would greatly appreciate you doing so. Otherwise, as of now, it would be a back-and-forth between the two that are tied without updates from the rest. My initial intention was to have one story that I would religiously update every week, along with at least one other random update.

Thank you to **RukiYuki, blissbeat, NieveDrop, Shirayuki992, FunnyEasyMe, anon, kronosgoat,** and the **Guest** reviewers!

 **NieveDrop** , LMAO yes.

 **Guest,** you were right to feel unsatisfied. This chapter is meant to provide some - but not complete - relief. As for Ichigo's speech, yes it was explicit to really hammer what he was saying. I debated for a long time whether or not I wanted that bit to be as aggressive as it was. I decided to go along with it, because like Rukia, Ichigo has really been in pain for a long time. I wanted his explosion to be dramatically impactful.

 **Shirayuki992** , that's definitely what I want to show; that even though they're exhausted, they won't give up.

 **anon,** given the amount of trauma Rukia's had to deal with, I think that she's been on her own for too long actually. Bear in mind that in the past, Hisana was sick and in need of support, Byakuya was unhelpful after Hisana's death, Ichigo overlayed her with a misinformed narrative that she was cruel, and she was constantly goaded into hedonism by Grimmjow. I want to show that it's OK to need people. Rukia needs Ichigo at this point, and that's alright.

Thanks so much, everyone!

Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!


	32. Pure

Ichigo and Rukia's dining room was unusually tense. The cohabiting couple prepared for tonight's guest, who was sure to be critical of the environment. Ichigo left work early to help his girlfriend tidy up, although she already did a good job of keeping their apartment impeccable. He couldn't count how many times he'd insisted that she relax and let him do the hard work for once - she wouldn't allow it. _I like to do things for you,_ she says. Well, he liked to do things for her too. A lightbulb had lit up in his mind. He knew just how to make it up to her.

'Byakuya, do you like the chicken?' Ichigo asked innocently of his senior, who was seated at the opposite end of the table.

'I do.' the noble replied. He couldn't have been lying, either. His plate was clean. That was unusual, considering Byakuya made it a point to never finish his food, always leaving a polite amount to highlight the idea that he was no pig and that he was _civilized_ enough to have psychological reign over primitive hunger. Rukia sometimes took that the wrong way. She thought that it implied that her dishes were unsatisfactory. 'Your cooking has improved, Rukia.'

The younger aristocrat bit back a mischievous smirk. 'Actually, Nii-sama, _Ichigo_ cooked the chicken today.'

' _Oh_.' Byakuya's voice rose an octave. 'Well...' _Shit._ 'I am surprised.'

'Mm.' she took a sip of water to hide the growing grin on her lips.

'Glad you like it, Byakuya.' Ichigo leaned forward and perched his chin on folded hands supported by both elbows on the table. Playful chestnuts reflected dancing lights that shone with delight. He was obviously pleased with himself. Byakuya narrowed his eyes. So this boy thought it would be funny to play tricks, hmm? Ichigo learned to recognize that the furious crinkle of his senior's eyes was a sign that the orange-haired politician had scored an unexpected win. He knew that Byakuya hated validating Ichigo in any way, so this was sure to get the uptight businessman riled up.

'How unexpected.' Byakuya wiped his mouth with a napkin. 'Who knew that you could cook?'

He shrugged. 'Not a lot of people. But now, _you_ know.'

'He didn't want me to do any work today.' Rukia interjected. She turned her head to the side to gaze sweetly at her lover. Her pretty features softened and Byakuya felt relief wash over him when he realized that she was _happy_. Really, genuinely, truly happy. With this man. 'So he decided to do all the cooking tonight. I tried to help, but he wouldn't let me!'

'Let him spoil you.' Byakuya suppressed a smile.

'He always spoils me!'

'He does not.' Byakuya insisted.

'I don't spoil you.' Ichigo brushed some jet-black strands of hair from her face. Strong ambers sweetened with a loving light as he stared at her, locking eyes with her. Her own smile widened involuntarily and she leaned into the palm of his hand, which had settled with tender care on her cheek. 'I don't spoil you, Rukia.'

'You _do_.' she remained adamant.

'Hmm... What makes you say that?'

'You do too much for me! You already work, you don't have to do the chores...'

'But I don't want you to do the chores.'

'And the gifts! You always bring me flowers-'

'Because they suit you!'

'Well then, justify the jewelry! You spend so much on me for these _rocks_!' she stubbornly jut a ring finger out to showcase a brilliant diamond. Byakuya raised a brow. _Good boy,_ he nodded to his (now Byakuya was willing to consider the possibility) future brother-in-law.

'They suit you too!' Ichigo pressed.

'Ichigo, stop! You give me too much!'

'I don't give you enough, baby. You deserve the world.'

Byakuya's brow dropped.

 _Overkill._

That was just too much.

'You two obviously do not need me here.' Byakuya picked up his knife just to drop it onto his plate with a loud _clang_. The entranced couple were startled out of their trance. Worried that her crude act of intimacy outraged her brother, Rukia jumped in her seat. She shot Ichigo an irritated glance, to which he shrugged his shoulders as if to say _What's the big deal?_ The effect on Rukia was instantaneous. She was livid! How dare he shrug off her brother's displeasure!

'Nii-sama.' her attention snapped back to her older sibling. 'Pardon my inappropriate behaviour. I-'

'Do not apologize.' he raised a hand to stop her from spewing out excuses. 'I was just surprised that you two seem to be doing well.' he paused. He didn't want to make it too blatant that he regularly accepted their dinner invitations to observe the chemistry between these two youngsters. Rukia looked like she was about to say something, so Byakuya quickly cut her off. 'Let him spoil you, Rukia. Doing so obviously brings him joy, otherwise he would not be doing it.'

'I don't spoil her!' Ichigo growled.

'Yes, you do!' Rukia laughed before turning her attention to her brother once more. 'He never lets me do any work! Let's say I want to clean this place; the only time I can do that is when he's away! Otherwise he does it himself!'

'Because you're not my maid!' Ichigo blushed madly. He didn't really want her advertising how badly he didn't want her to do stuff for him. It felt odd to have others privy to that information. He wanted to do chores for his girlfriend in secret. Also, Byakuya seemed like the type of man who could never do any housework. Ichigo hoped that he didn't think any less of him for adopting the household tasks. Though, why would he? Byakuya should be happy that Ichigo was taking on the responsibility of taking care of his shared home with Rukia.

'I just want to clean up.' Rukia caressed his arm. 'You won't let me do even that. You don't even wake me up to get out of bed.'

'Because I want you to rest.'

'From what? I'm always here, doing nothing.'

'That's not true. You're always on your laptop. Byakuya sends you e-mails...'

'But I don't physically have to look all professional or hold meetings. I can do all my work from the comfort of our bed.'

Byakuya nearly choked on nothing. _Our bed?_ Ugh. Just... _Ugh_.

'Sorry, Nii-sama.' Rukia winced when she caught her brother's panicked expression. Ichigo laughed boisterously in the background, absolutely savouring every second he spent making Byakuya uncomfortable.

 **. . .**

'I got him good.' Ichigo declared with a little too much glee. He was sprawled out on the bed, his tailored suit crumpled and he didn't seem to care. The guest of the evening had already left. Rukia had just changed out of her clothes and into her silken robe as she sat in front of the dresser to comb her long hair. Ichigo was in no hurry to get ready for bed. He knew that Rukia liked to take showers before diving under the covers, and he intended to join her under the water.

'Hmm?'

'Byakuya!' he grinned. 'I got him good!'

'You're so petty.' Rukia rolled her eyes. 'Are you really that desperate to play a joke on my Nii-sama?'

'You always take Byakuya's side.'

'I'm not taking anyone's side. There's no side to take. You played a joke on him, big deal...'

'What's gotten into you?' he frowned. He sat up to stare at her rigid back. What was her problem? 'Rukia?'

'Nothing.' she sighed and placed the hairbrush down. 'I'm just tired, that's all.'

'Don't lie to me.' he walked over to her. Now he was worried. Did he do something wrong? 'Rukia...' he kneaded her shoulders. Her back leaned onto his touch. 'Tell me...' he bent down to kiss her neck. She shuddered at the warmth of his lips. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing's wrong.' she murmured. 'I just feel like I keep taking from you.'

'Taking from me?'

'You give me so much and all I do is demand more from you. Even now, I keep asking more of you.'

'Whatever you want. I'll give you whatever you want.' he hugged her from behind and buried his nose in her hair. He inhaled her scent deeply and already he felt like he was coming undone. Her unique fragrance of sandalwood and lilies had a powerful effect on him that was instantaneous. His need to showcase his affection to her increased tenfold. He knew that she loved it anyway. So long as they were in private, she wanted more and more of his attention - though she'd never admit that to herself, let alone to him. 'Tell me what you want, Rukia. Nothing you ask of me is too much, I swear.'

She kept silent.

'Rukia.' he kissed the back of her head. 'Rukia, tell me.'

She gently pulled away from his arms to turn around and face him. He met her with loving eyes and an honest heart. She reached up to caress the side of his face, and he kissed the tips of her fingers. He searched her rich blues for a hint as to what she was thinking, but he couldn't decipher what was going on in her mind besides the ever-growing love she had for him.

He knew that she loved him. She had to, to be able to be able to be so vulnerable to him and to not run away from him because she trusted that his intentions were pure... _Finally_. Finally she understood that and he never felt so confident in their relationship. It was probably an odd logic, but he felt that if they could be honest about their concerns in their relationship, then that meant that they truly believed in each other. Every romance had its ups and downs - it was just a question of if the people involved in it were comfortable enough to talk about them and work through those hardships.

'Rukia.' he cupped her face. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' she gave him a quick kiss. 'Promise me.'

'Promise you what?'

'That you'll always love me.'

He smiled. Was that all? 'You know that I'll love you forever.'

'So promise me that.'

'You already know that I'm committed to you.'

'So promise me that.'

'Rukia, you know how much I love you. I'd never leave you.'

'So promise me that.'

'Rukia.' he chuckled softly. 'I promise.'

She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him close to her.

 **. . .**

'Wait! Just wait!' Rangiku stepped in front of her boss as he was on his way out. She waved a folder in front of his face. Hit with the realization that he had more work to do, Ichigo's features fell. He just wanted to get out of the office. How long were the higher ups going to keep him here?

'Rangiku-san, can't I do that tomorrow?'

She pouted. 'You know, I want to go home too, but Ukitake-san insisted that you look over this today. Besides, I gave this to you hours ago! Why did I still find it on top of your desk, totally untouched? It's so unlike you to slack off!'

'I'm not slacking off!' he snapped. 'I just... I've been busy.'

Attending to his own personal vendetta.

In between filing paperwork, holding meets, and running over pre-written speeches that he'd have to give to the press, he still somehow managed to squeeze in a good hour or two revisiting Grimmjow's old case - which was gathering dust at the back of the Japanese government's list of important topics.

Although it was undeniable that Grimmjow Jaegerjacquez had once been a wanted man, this was no longer the case. The state had effectively tackled the underground market, its zero tolerance treatment of convicts involved in the dark trade serving as a deterrent against those interested in partaking in the crime. Was there still substance use and pushing in Japan? Absolutely. But there were other pressing matters that needed to be addressed first. Since the "drug problem" wasn't getting any worse, the government chose to close the lid on that issue for the time being.

Besides, there was no word of Grimmjow. It was like he just disappeared in the wind. Frankly, the state was glad. They spent a month and a half on a witch hunt for his head, but were glad when enough time had gone by so that they could cease their search without looking like they didn't try. News got old. The masses wanted a story that was fresh, juicy. Grimmjow's era had been running for too long. The public was bored of - of lack of - him, and the press wasn't profiting from having to report on the daily that there was essentially no progress in the hunt for Grimmjow. Consequently, the story lost its fire and Japan had quietly moved on.

Ichigo hadn't.

It was almost heartbreaking, how tightly Ichigo clung to the possibility that justice was still possible. He would never admit how many times he's skimmed over the facts of the abandoned file over and over, even though no new information had been added in for almost a year. He followed every lead on the drug front, hoping that one trail would eventually lead him to who he deemed was the mastermind behind all the dealing.

The idea that Grimmjow could have fled the country a long time ago was fleeting in Ichigo's mind. The politician chose not to believe in that, for it would only discourage him. He was determined to see this through till the end, even though he didn't exactly know what the end was supposed to look like.

What was the end?

To imprison Grimmjow?

And then...?

What would happen then? Would Rukia be happier? Would she be safer? Would imprisoning Grimmjow behind bars ever alleviate the horror of what happened to her? No, it probably wouldn't make a difference. Did Ichigo know that? Did he want to admit to that?

Of course he knew that. So why was he doing this?

 _Rukia._

Her image flashed in his mind, clear as lake water. Suddenly, there was tightening in his chest and a flutter at the pit of his stomach. He didn't feel too good. He was almost panicking.

Rukia's image swerved around to turn her back to him.

'I'll take care of it.' Ichigo took the file from his secretary. ' _Tomorrow_.'

Rangiku growled.

'Listen.' Ichigo raised a hand. 'I'll take it home and it'll be on your desk first thing tomorrow morning. You can give it to Ukitake-san then.'

'Why are you in such a hurry to go home?! You have a date or something?'

He blushed. 'Something like that.'

 **. . .**

He can't take it anymore. He clenched his teeth as his grip on her hips threaten to give her pain. He sees his fingers shaking and he knows that he won't be able to last much longer. There's that second of insecurity of _Is she satisfied?_ before she moans a certain way, with a specific intonation, that assures him that she's in high heaven. His touch leaves their place on her hips to grab her wrists from behind her. He pulls her up, and her back arches at his erotic haste.

'Ah, Ichigo, _ah_ -'

The more time went by, the more vocal Rukia was when they were being intimate. It surprised him at first, how greatly just the sounds of her pleasured cries affected him. Her voice hit an octave, a pitch, that sparked a life in his veins that blurred the clear lines of inhibition that he was cautious not to overstep. Yet the audible aphrodisiac that was his name signalled to him that for a fraction of time in reality, he was allowed to be unadulteratedly passionate in his desire for her. And she, too, would be completely frank in how willingly she accepted his advances no matter how rough because the inconvenient truth of the matter was that it always felt like pleasure when it was with him.

It always felt good. She always felt _safe_ , even though he could very well crush her if he wanted to.

It wasn't his fault that he was bigger, stronger, and more powerful. He'd _always_ be more powerful than her, physically - so he'd always retain some sense of control over her, try as they might to turn a blind eye to that blatant inequality. It wasn't like either of them wanted it, but it was _there_. They couldn't change that fact. Combining that with Rukia's history of being victimized by that very same power inherent in other men and it was a wonder how she could ever trust someone so wholeheartedly with her body ever again.

Being inside of her, inevitably taking away from her each time they made love (although she loved him and wanted to do this with him) - he was in a position of power.

Somehow, he didn't feel powerful at all. He felt completely under her mercy; how far she was willing to go, how far she was allowing him to take this - he didn't really feel like he had much say in the matter. He didn't think that he could - nor would he ever want to - challenge her either. She had her boundaries and he honoured them. The worst thing in the world would be to hurt her, and he certainly didn't want that.

He may have had strength over her, but she had his heart in her grasp. She could so easily render his beating spirit to dust and scatter his ashes in the wind like he was nothing to her. She could walk away from him. He knew that she could, he didn't doubt that for a second.

Right now, she was vulnerable. Heavily guarded feelings were now out in the open in their lovemaking. If he didn't tread carefully, she'd close up again and who knows if he'd ever peek into the deepest recesses of her heart ever again?

He lets her wrists go, but doesn't let her fall. His arms are quick to curl around her stomach and pull her towards him, back to chest, as he leans over her. She is unbothered by the added weight on top of her. If anything, the heat of his flushed skin against the icy porcelain of her spine was deliciously comforting. She wanted to be closer to him. Closer, closer, closer - pressing against each other just wasn't enough. Their shared warmth, their mixed moaning; wasn't enough! Him inside of her just wasn't enough.

So she did the one thing, said the few words that could bring them _closer_.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.' his response was automatic, but not lacking in passion or sincerity. A hand left her abdomen to cup her face, tilting her chin up so that she had to look up at him.

It was too much for her.

From this angle, she got a proper view of his face. His golden hue was tinged pink with heat - the very same fire that danced in his eyes as his lips parted to facilitate his heavy breathing. The sharp angles of his face came alive with a sheet of wanton love painting his features with a wildness that made her want him more, if that was at all possible. She whined to signal that she wanted him to kiss her, but he didn't understand her. He, too, was admiring her. There was no way he could think straight with her large eyes bore into his as her whimpering echoed in their bedroom.

He doesn't know what to say. Neither does she. They want each other, but they already know that. He loves her. She loves him. They know that already. They just want to feel it over and over again not because they wanted to reassure each other of that fact, but because the high of falling in love all over again was too good to pass up. Each and every time they did this, their hearts connected in such a way that was difficult to replicate in any other situation.

Was it because they were vulnerable?

It was impossible to hide a naked soul when the broken pieces of their bodies fit so perfectly.

'Are you happy?' he asked her after they were spent.

'Yes.' she smiled. Lazy, blue eyes were glossy as they stared into his. They were laying side by side on the bed. He pulled the sheets over her and kissed the top of her head. She was going to fall asleep soon. Exhaustion had never been an easy opponent for her haughty nature. He swung an arm over her back and buried his face into the crook of her neck. Her sin was still sweat-slick and warm. It was wonderful.

'I love you.' he whispered.

'I love you more.' she breathed softly. Her eyelids shut. He felt her muscles relax. He showered her with kisses to try and lull her faster into her slumber. He was most assured of her safety when she was asleep. Surely, her dreams would be pleasant. Reality was more nightmarish than her mind could ever be.

'I love _you_ more.' he insisted.

'No... _I_ do.'

'Rukia-'

'I love you more. I love you. I love, _love_ you. So much.'

'Ok.' he bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. Her broken phrases were proof that sleep had already taken over her. Mindless rambling was just the vocalization of the last bits of her consciousness retreating into dreams. When her breathing slowed, he knew that she was no longer awake. He always took a little bit more time to fall asleep, so he spent the few minutes he spent alone praying - a practice that his father stopped teaching his children when they became teenagers, but one that Ichigo continued to do.

What did he pray for?

Nothing. He just gave thanks.

 _Thank you for giving me light._

 _I love her._

 _Thank you._

 **. . .**

Sunshine warmed Ichigo's body beneath the sheets uncomfortably. The sun was so harsh that his body was actually starting to perspire. Grudgingly, he kicked the covers off of him and buried his face in a pillow. No. No, no, no! Rukia had kept him up late again and he hadn't gotten enough sleep. Now he had to go to work and deal with all the crap he put off. Rangiku was going to be such a bitch on his back until he got his work done.

'Fuck me.' he groaned.

He rolled over to the side with his eyelids still screwed shut. He palmed the space beside him, but was disappointed to touch nothing but a flat mattress. Where was Rukia? Was she already cooking breakfast? He thought he told her not to do that anymore, and that she finally listened because she realized that she wasn't a morning person. He was actually starting to resent her change in body clock. He missed kissing her goodbye before he left to go to the office. Nowadays, she was still asleep by the time he bolted out the door.

'Rukia.'

'I'm here.'

Ichigo's eyes flew open. He sat up.

Rukia was seated at the edge of the bed, with a file in hand.

Grimmjow's file.

'I was cleaning up the room.' she explained. 'And I picked up your briefcase, which you didn't zip up properly... This fell from it.'

'Oh.' he swallowed. 'I see.'

'Why do you have this?' she demanded.

'I'm working on it.' he answered honestly.

'Why?'

' _Why_?'

'Yes. _Why_?'

'Um... It's a case, Rukia. I'm supposed to look into it...'

'This case is closed.'

'No, it's not!' he grit his teeth. 'Grimmjow's gone-'

'That's why it's closed. No one knows where he is. For all you know, he could be in outer space! Ichigo, he's practically an alien now! You have no ideas, no information... Even if he was still in Japan, he's invisible!'

'I'll find him.' he crawled over to her. She didn't back away, but her eyes widened with concern. He cupped her face and spoke with only the utmost sincerity. 'I'll find him. I'll hurt him for what he did to you, I promise. You'll be alright, Rukia. I promise.'

'But I _am_ alright. I've _been_ alright.'

'You know what I mean. For all the things he did to you, I can-'

'No.'

His jaw tightened. 'What?'

'No.' she repeated, setting the file down. 'I don't want to be tied down to this anymore. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to be associated with that, in any way. I want to move on.'

'You already have. We've moved on-'

'No, we haven't. I have, but you haven't.'

'Rukia, it's a crime-'

'But he's disappeared! How long are you going to keep obsessing over Grimmjow? It's one thing to keep this file in mind and wait for some tips, but you brought this into our home I don't want him here! I don't want his information, his history, my past with him, to be in our home! If you really want us to move on, you won't be so invested in this anymore. Maybe you can't forgive, nor can you forget... But at least try to move on! Grimmjow's winning - you're still thinking about him. He's tied you to him! When you should be thinking about me, about us!'

'I think about you all the time. Not a second goes by that you aren't in my head. I'm doing this for you. I want justice for you. Don't you want him to pay for what he's done to you?'

'No.' her laughter was laced with sadness. 'I don't. I don't want to have anything to do with this. I don't want you to chase it. I just want to move on and focus on what makes me happy rather than what used to make me sad. So, please, don't bring this into our home. This isn't the kind of energy I want our household to have.'

'Please understand. I love you, so-'

'So move on! This is so draining! Aren't you tired of living in the past? Think about our future and what'll make us happy! That's all that matters right now, that we're happy! I want you to be happy. I don't want this hurting you any longer than it already has.'

'I'm happy.' he kissed her. 'I'm very happy with you. I love you.'

'Then don't love pursuing Grimmjow as much as you love me. Just love _me_. Don't let Grimmjow distract you from the love we share.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone supporting this story!

Thank you to **RukiYuki, blissbeat, lightdesired, Shirayuki992, Anon01, FunnyEasyMe, jobananasan,** and **kronosgoat**!

 **lightdesired** , but I think it's a good idea to bear in mind that Ichigo is not asking Rukia to be vulnerable because of gender-based reasons. He wants her to be emotionally vulnerable because he wants to uncover her expressions of love for him. He feels like she's holding back and he doesn't want that.

 **jobananasan,** and that's precisely it. Ichigo won't be satisfied with her words. She needs to show him through her actions.

Thanks so much, everyone!

Next chapter is the penultimate chapter.

Working hard on it for you guys!


	33. When You're Ready

Sex is always painful for Rukia, to some extent.

Whether the hurt is physical, emotional, or mental - it does not matter. She feels it, and it is as real as the indented footprints on her trampled heart. Even so, she craves it. She wants to be held and kissed, and to be lost in blazing ambers until she can't feel her skin against the pleasant burn of ecstasy. Despite the pain, there was always something fleetingly satisfying about bedding a man.

Writhing beneath and responding to her partners felt like an escape. She felt like she was playing a short clip of the ongoing movie of her life; the best clip, the _prettiest_ clip. Where she appears to be naked, barren, uncensored, although in fact the darkest parts of her were hidden against the haze of sweat, sweet nothings, and faux affection.

Sex is when Rukia wins the award for best actress. She knows what she's doing. She's good at it, admittedly sometimes alarmingly so. She can do no wrong, and even when she is not her best, she is still good. Even when she hurts her lover, or he hurts her, the pain is somehow acceptable - it's also _good_. She likes it. In the moment, she likes it. She asks for it. Then, after blinding release is achieved, her bones descend into a fatigued defeat before suddenly, she realizes that she's _lost_. She's been with another man. She's allowed someone in again - a stranger, an enemy - and she's allowed him to take something from her that he probably didn't think was important. She'd given him a slot in her lifetime, a passing memory that will haunt her. She's given herself to someone who doesn't matter to her even though she herself wants to matter to somebody.

But how else was she going to matter? Her sister had left this world, her brother-in-law had forsaken her, and she was never good at making friends. An air of unintentional pride rendered everything within a certain radius of her to ice. No one wanted to get near that. So ironically, the only way she knew how to get some semblance of control in her relationships was to have sex. And if it was with men who she didn't care for, then there was no way they could hurt her in a way that mattered.

Then there was Ichigo.

He's kind, honest, and careful. He treats her like she's made of china but acknowledges that her will is steel-strong. Their verbal fights are fiery and often brutal, but she strongly felt that he cared deeply for her. He prioritized her. He worried about her. It was because of him and his endless support, his unwillingness to give up on her that prompted her to gain a comfort with herself that she never was able to achieve on her own. He embodies all that is good, and what she thought was lost, in humanity. His very existence makes her believe in happy endings. He's her happy ending. She wants to be his happy ending.

She loves him.

But sex with him was still painful.

Not at first - their first time was his first time. He was clumsy and inexperienced, but she coached him through it. She told him where and how to touch her. Somewhere along that encounter, he winced in such a way that she became astute to the fact that he was uncomfortable with how experienced she seemed to be. It reminded her of when he walked into the classroom with Grimmjow taking her as she was bent over her desk; disgust, shock... disappointment? He had a lot of feelings flashing through his face. So she smiled at him, because no one could have anything bad to say or feel about a smile. So just like that time, she smiled at him when she sensed how odd he found it that she was a sexual virtuoso.

Behind that smile was fear.

Was he going to reject her? Was he going to back out of this? Did his feelings towards her change as a result of her lack of innocence?

Then it became painful: her heart.

Ichigo managed to quickly compose his features again, but it was too late. She had seen the doubt in him. _Is this girl right for me? Why is she like this? Is this a mistake?_ Her heart ached and she begged for him to be inside of her, but while she was on her fours and facing away from him. She handed him a position of power because maybe he felt powerless. Perhaps if he felt more control over her, then he'd stay. So even though she had a serious high school crush on this orange-haired punk, she still felt the pressure to play the movie for him; a movie where she was a submissive, weak girl and he was her maker. It's a film that no man can resist because it's a dream, an attainment, proof of masculinity, virility.

She hates it. But she'll play it for him.

Then, as time went on and more things happened between them, she didn't want to play that film anymore.

 _I love you._

She's never said _I love you_ before she met Ichigo. At least, not in that way. _I love you, Nee-sama_ as Hisana lay on the hospital bed dying didn't quite give her the same hopeful light as an _I love you, Ichigo_ whispered between crumbling walls and flushed skin.

No one deserves to love her and her love was deserving of no one. She was disgusting. She was broken, ugly - why would she want to degrade herself more by giving her heart away? Her body was already the only currency she could successfully trade. What more of her was there to give?

Not her heart. Never her heart, it's too precious.

Ichigo's precious.

The more she trusted him, the more her shell melted away bit by bit. And it didn't take long before more of her true colours showcased themselves to him. He was oblivious to these changes because really, nothing changed in their lovemaking. All the change happened internally. Rather than see her and Ichigo being intimate as solely sex, she saw it was making love. Subconsciously, she was opening up to the possibility of being hurt again because she was opening herself to the possibility of being happy again - a type of happiness that required a sense of vulnerability, because he was vulnerable to her insofar as she held his heart in her hand.

She could crush it if she wanted to. And she did, multiple times. But he kept coming back for more because he'd be lying if he said that the pain she inflicted on him wasn't worth the high of the happiness she apparently gave him. She still couldn't fathom why he wanted her so much. He could have any girl if he wanted to - what was so special about her?

Did he think that she was special in the same way that she thought he was special?

Her heart was special. Ichigo was special. So she gave him her heart, because she wanted him to know that he was special, that he wasn't like the rest, and she wasn't going to treat him like those before him because there was no one before him. Not anyone that counted, anyway.

So she made the conscious decision to get over her toxic behaviour that rippled onto other people because he was worth it. She had waltzed through adolescence in a graceful daze; either high off her mind or overly indulgent in sexual gratification. Why? Because it was too painful to ride the waves of her trauma alone. In a way, she entertained the idea that perhaps her self-destructive behaviour was less about control and more about attention-seeking self-mutilation. Reality was too difficult. She didn't want to live in it alone. She needed help.

We all need help sometimes.

There's no shame in that.

It didn't matter that she was a Kuchiki, or that the social norms around her dictated that her experienced body was now faulty and worthless, or that she was a _woman_ ; she needed help and there was no shame in that. It didn't mean that she wasn't strong, or that she wasn't good enough. It meant that she was in pain and life is hard when one walks through it in pain. It's human to want that pain to go away.

And people help.

Ichigo helped.

But she'd be lying through her teeth if she said that it wasn't _hard_. After her traumatic past, she marched with a metaphorical knife holstered to her hip, one itching finger ready to grab at it when provoked. She decided that if someone crossed her, she'd cross them back. If someone hurt her, even unknowingly, she'd hurt them back ten times over. She didn't do that with Ichigo. She bared herself to him; an inherent softness that had always been characteristic of who she was, but had been trying to suppress.

And it _hurt_. It still really, really hurts at times.

When he kisses her a little too hard.

When he looks at her with the same predatory, lust-laced gaze.

When he moans or grunts in a way that reminds her of hushed intimacy in a bedroom wherein she can only be a paid-for-prostitute (at best, a mistress), but never a wife.

If she was going to give him her heart, she had to hand it to him in the million pieces that it had broken to. If he was going to help her heal, he was going to have to run his fingers (laced with medicine and salt) against those gaping wounds.

Even if those broken parts of her will never be seamlessly whole again, those very shards can still _feel_.

And right now, they were sensitive to the touch and warmth of Ichigo's love. It was painful because it brought up insecurities that persist as demonic shoulder-devils whispering into her ear _He deserves better._ It was painful because sex would always in some way remind her of the dark, bloody first time with a man three times her size physically and in age. It was painful because she'd be reminded that men could be fathers, successful business, _husbands_ \- and still pull this evil crap. It's so ugly. She hates, _hates_ how ugly people can be.

She hates how ugly she can be.

But she's learned to appreciate the beautiful bits and pieces.

'You don't realize how beautiful you are.' Ichigo whispers into the curve of her neck. 'Look at what you do to me.'

She concedes. She buys into his sweet words because he's right. When she's against him, she feels smoother, and not quite as exposed even though she is. When he looks at her, _really_ takes his time to _look_ at her, she isn't frightened of what he's thinking. He accepts her for what she is, what she was, and what she will be.

What will she be? She doesn't know yet.

She hopes it's something beautiful.

As beautiful as this very moment.

In the meantime, she's accepted herself: the pretty, the ugly, the jagged parts of her that she's still working on. Ichigo accepted her. She had no excuse not to do the same for herself.

She wants the happiness she feels with him to last forever.

'What are you thinking about?' Ichigo inquires. Rukia lays on top of him and he swings an arm over her petite frame. He's still breathing hard and his skin is still slick and on fire. She presses her ear up against his chest and she feels the thunderous heartbeat descending into a calmer melody. 'Baby?' he kisses the top of her head. 'What are you thinking about?'

'You.' she mumbles. 'I'm thinking about you. And me. And us.'

'Hmm... What's there to think about?'

She laughs. 'You sound nervous!'

'I am.'

'Why?'

'Because...' he blushed in embarrassment. 'What's there to think about?! Don't think. Just.. Let's enjoy each other.'

'Ok.' she shuts her eyelids because they're heavy. Her own breathing steadies and she's just about ready to pass out until a nudge at her shoulder stirs her. 'Ichigo...?'

'What are you thinking about? Am I doing something wrong?'

'Not at all. I'm just thinking, baby. That's all. Nothing to worry about.'

'Rukia-'

'You make me happy, so...' slumber is too seductive. She's fighting a losing battle to stay awake. Her words are coming in broken sentences. 'So don't... Don't worry.'

She's off into her dreams. Ichigo doesn't want to disturb her. Their entangled bodies are dimly moonlit, a gothically alluring glow of dull silver stimulating his heart to once again beat into its rapid rhythm. They're so _beautiful_ together, if he may so himself.

Sometimes, he's still in awe. They're together. Rukia's with him. She loves him. For all their faults to each other, they were together and she _still_ loves him.

He loves her too.

 _I love you. Good night._

* * *

'Go rest. Let me do that.' Ichigo rolled his sleeves up in preparation to do the dishes. Rukia had, despite his protests, cooked dinner for them both before he got home from work. It was still a challenging feat to get her to allow him to do some of the household chores.

'Are you sure?' she yawned.

'Yes.' he kissed her on the cheek. 'You seem so tired. I'm sorry, baby.'

'Don't be. I like cooking for you.'

'Well, I like taking care of you.' he propped her up on the kitchen counter. He cupped her face and planted feathery pecks on her lips. He felt her relax beneath his touch and he knew that it wasn't going to long before she was snoozing in their bed. 'So won't you let me do that, please?'

'Ok.' she turned her face to the side to kiss his wrist. 'But can you come to bed soon?'

He chuckled in playful disbelief. 'I'm already doing the dishes and you're giving me a time limit?!'

'Naturally! You can't be easygoing about chores! If you can't finish them in time, then you're an inefficient house mouse...'

'Oh, fuck you, Rukia.'

She stifled an eruption of giggles and hopped down from the counter. She told him not to take too long because she wanted to fall asleep in his arms. Of course her reasoning was that this winter was unusually chilly. He chirped that he wouldn't dare let her go to bed alone, and that she wasn't even allowed to do so. That's how they always were; he'd go to work, she'd stay at home. Sometimes, she'd be out with her brother or she'd be wandering around the city in a hoodie because she was an adventurous spirit and always would be. There were times when Ichigo would come home and Rukia wasn't there, or vice versa. However, they no longer felt anxious in the absence of the other One thing they made sure to ritualize was going to bed; always, they'd start and end the day beside each other on the same bed.

'Rukia?' he called after her. She was on her way out.

She tilted her head to look back at him. 'Mm?'

'I love you.'

Sapphires widened, then narrowed with overwhelming emotion. 'I love you too.'

'I mean it every single time.' he blurted. 'Each and every time. I love you.'

'I know.' she grinned and continued walking. 'I mean it too, always.'

Long after she had gone and he heard the pattering of shower rain (she liked taking showers before bedtime), he was still staring at the way by which she left him in the kitchen. He didn't really know why he was doing that. He wondered, what if Rukia wasn't around? It wasn't even a concern about solitude; he often liked being alone. But not if it meant being away from Rukia. He couldn't function properly without her. Why was that?

He shook his head. He had to do the dishes, or she'd be pissed.

After finishing his chore, he still didn't feel tired. There was a gnawing issue at the back of his mind. He tried to leave it back in the office, but there was no way of distracting himself from it.

Even though she told him to let it go, he still...

He went into his study and activated his desktop computer. Fingers drummed impatiently on the wooden desk. It seemed as though a century passed until the pitch black screen lit up. His heartbeat skipped once he pulled up Grimmjow's electronic file. As if he hadn't done this so many times before.

He keeps looking at it every single night. Nothing's going to change, so why he couldn't he let it go?

Maybe he missed something. Maybe there was an important detail waiting to be found, leading him to Grimmjow's lair. There had to be something. There had to be at least one thing, anything.

That man hurt Rukia. He couldn't leave the country or go about a normal life without consequence.

Ichigo must have spent a good hour sifting through the comprehensive files. Rukia's plea for him to join her in bed soon was long forgotten. He was consumed by a pressing need for revenge disguised as justice-seeking. He knew that this wasn't necessarily about what Rukia wanted. This was about what he wanted, the retribution that he craved because his loved one was trampled on by society as result of one man's actions.

'Baby?' Rukia called. He looked up. She was leaning on the doorframe, eyeing him with worry.

Ichigo quickly minimized the open tab.

'Yo.' he beamed at her. She frowned. There was tension in his forced smile and she could see right through it. He knew that she could, but it was instinctive of him to always try and conceal his emotional vulnerability. Furthermore, she had asked him a few weeks ago to stop probing into Grimmjow's dusty case. She made it very clear that she wanted to leave that part of her past behind her, behind _them_. He was proud of her for being able to rise above her own demons, but it seemed as though he couldn't do the same.

She'd have to forgive him.

 _I'm sorry, Rukia. I still..._

'You're still working?' she straightened up and her arms crossed over her chest. She was clad in her plain white, silk robe. The sash was tied around her waist, so he couldn't tell what she was wearing underneath her cover up. His fingers twitched at the idea of finding out. 'It's late. Aren't you tired?'

'Not really.'

'I see.' she nodded slowly. She was obviously skeptical of his reply. 'Are you coming to bed soon?'

'Yeah.'

'That's what you said an hour ago.'

'Sorry.' he rubbed his temples. 'I'm just... I-'

'There are things you have to do?'

He inhaled sharply. Shit. She already knew. Probably. He was never good at hiding things and she was too good at figuring him out. He might as well just come clean now or he'd be risking another fight with her. He really wasn't down for that. Besides, she'd told him ages ago to stop what he was doing. He was the one pushing it. He was the one trying to sneak off.

'I'm sorry, Rukia.' he began. 'I still...'

'I told you to stop.' she snapped, though her tone was kind. 'I told you not to bother with it anymore. I just want to move on... Aren't you tired?'

'Um... Well, I told you, I'm not that sleepy.'

'No, not physically. Emotionally. Mentally.'

'Eh?'

'Aren't you tired of investing so much of yourself into something so painful?

'Aren't you angry that he's hurt you?'

'Not anymore.' she smiled softly. 'I'm just sad.'

'Sad?'

'Sad. That _you're_ still hurting about it.'

'I'm not hurting.' he spoke in barely a whisper.

'Yes, you are.' she walked over to him and knelt down to look up at his downcast face. His gaze naturally gravitated to hers, and the concern in her eyes painted her features with a pretty softness. She took his breath away. 'You're hurting so badly. Just let go. Forget about it-'

'I can never...' he growled. 'Forget about it. Not ever.'

'Maybe not forget. But move on.'

'How?' he cupped her face. 'How can I move on when he hurt you? And he's out there, somewhere, doing the same thing to another girl probably-' he cut himself off. He let go of his lover's visage as though her skin burned him. Really, he was taken aback by his own words. _Stupid_. So stupid. He didn't mean to say it like that. He didn't want to discount her experiences. He just didn't want Rukia's story to be repeated again because she wouldn't want that. How devastated would she be if her past was repeated to someone else? She was too compassionate to be unbothered by a future she could have prevented. 'I didn't mean it like that, Rukia. I'm sorry. I-'

'I know what you meant.' she propped herself up and sat on his lap. 'You don't have to explain yourself to me.'

His arms wrapped around her tiny frame. 'I'm sorry, Rukia.'

'Don't be. You did nothing wrong.' she buried her face into his shirt. 'You're just trying to heal too. So please, just let it go. Don't try to fix what you can't. The world is harsh. What will happen will happen. You can't do anything about it. Just accept what comes, accept that there are some things you can't control and just... Just be there for people when they need you. We may not be able to protect everyone, but everyone has the strength to move on. I know you do, too. So please...'

He held her tighter.

'Ow!' she jerked away from him and brought a hand to her chest. Apparently he had hurt it. She rubbed it to soothe its aching.

'Did I squeeze you too tightly?' he anxiously inquired.

'Not really.' she winced. 'It was a weird angle, that's all.'

'Here.' he took her hand in his. 'Let me look at it-'

A familiar, sparkling diamond caught his attention.

It was sitting on her ring finger.

'Rukia?' his heart was racing. 'Why are you wearing this? I couldn't return it to the store. I hid it. How, why-'

'I'm ready. I want to move on.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story!

Next chapter will be the final one. So grateful for all the support I've enjoyed from all of you throughout this entire story. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, following, everything! Thank you!

Thank you to **achalida, Shirayuki992, RukiYuki, lightdesired, onlyluna, jobananasan, FunnyEasyMe,** and the **Guest** reviewer!

 **Shirayuki992** , the Kurosakis suspect it, but choose to say nothing.

 **lightdesired** , you're overthinking this. I checked what I replied to you in the chapters you mentioned and I fail to see how I came off as defensive. However, remember that if people have different opinions than yours, then they will naturally be defending their own argument. If someone doesn't agree with you, that doesn't mean that they're emotionally impacted by your differing opinion - it simply means that they don't agree with you. I don't believe in personality compartmentalization theories because they fail insofar as 1) they discount life-course events that may cause major shifts in one's personality and 2) I believe that the simplification of complex human personalities is an injustice to that very complexity. I remember taking that personality test and my result was ENTJ; which is not at all an accurate representation of who I am. While I understand your interest in personality theories, I am more interested in sociological theories and how they relate to mental health concerns. Exploring personality theorem isn't very attractive to me for what I want to do in my stories thus far. Thanks for your suggestion though!

 **jobananasan** , I think Rukia's let go of her past here. What I really tried to highlight in this chapter was her acceptance that the past will always be the best; dark, tragic, and undeniably broken. But she's learned not to let that bog her down in the present or the future. LMAO no, dinner with Byakuya is always going to suck for Ichigo!

 **FunnyEasyMe** , yes Rukia is still living an essentially invisible life. It will be sort of important.

Thank you so much, everyone!

Working hard on the final chapter for you guys!


	34. Angel

Their wedding night was nothing conventional, or particularly special in appearance.

There was no ceremony - how could there be? Rukia was supposed to be gone. She wasn't supposed to be around, she wasn't meant to be in this world anymore. Ichigo asked her if she was happy being a secret. She said that she was, and that she had never felt more liberated before. _I spent most my life being afraid of what people could see_ , she told him, _and now I only appear to are those who I want to be able to see me._ That was enough for him. If she was happy, then so was he. He would support any decision she made unless it was detrimental to her wellbeing.

This, for example... This marriage that he had dreamt in a boyish fantasy as soon as the sweet-smelling transfer student Rukia Kuchiki sat beside him in class - he was all for it. Even though it broke his heart when she first rejected him, he wasn't at all offended when she declared months later that she wanted to revoke her initial refusal at his proposal. Rather, he was worried. Was he prepared? Did he have the level of maturity, self-control, and understanding necessary to take care of her? Was he the right man for her?

Did he deserve her?

Did he make her happy?

 _Is this going to make you happy?_

'Yes...' she breathed into his neck. He shut his eyes to regain some semblance of control. Her pseudo wedding dress - a plain, white number that reached to her ankles - was clinging onto her damp skin. He slid his hands up from under the skirt to begin undressing her. He couldn't wait any longer. If he insisted on doing so, he wouldn't be able to last. This was his first night with her as his _wife_. Just the mere thought of that was enough to send his heart into a dangerous gallop.

 _I want you to be happy._

His loved one was dead to the world, yet he had never felt more at peace with that same universe that once made him feel the unbearable inertia of time. It seemed to him after his mother's death that he was the only sentient being painted in greyscale, floating aimlessly throughout life. He didn't have any real ambition, nor did he think that he could achieve much on his own. After all, he was a punk whose bad temper practically sealed his perpetual delinquent status.

He pulled her dress over her head. She sat up to kiss him, but he pushed her with his weight back onto the bed. She palmed his chest, not to push him away, but to feel the warmth of his vitality on her. After a breath, her fingers curled into soft claws to rake down his chest with lightly. A guttural groan left his throat and he pressed himself against her harder, his shuddering body firmly against her. His sexy, woody cologne's aroma was made even more intense with him so close to her. She shut her eyes and reached around his waist to caress his back. Once more, he trembled at her touch and she was actually frightened that she wouldn't make it till the end of the night.

Rukia was confident that because of Ichigo, she knew the difference between sex and making love.

Sex was technical. It was predictable and straight-to-the-point. Surely, there were little variances here and there that she had to engage in if she was to keep her partners satisfied. They don't say each other's names. They don't interchange between brutality and delicacy. It was consistent, hard fucking and the only proof of the encounter would be raw skin from the scalding shower she'd take afterwards and a hollow question in her heart of _Am I doing the right thing?_ She'd be in a state of confusion for a few days, but a smiling Hisana on the hospital bed would encourage Rukia to down her pride and reply to Jaegerjacquez's persistent texts.

Almost every man after him reminded her of him; the way he kisses her too hard, the tugging of her hair when he bends her over, or the derogatory slurs that she accepts with grit teeth because if she was going to get what she wanted then she'd have to be fine with this. She was soon convinced that if she was also her weakest when she was on her knees, then she could also be at her strongest.

Her body was a social currency. A strong one, unmoved by time or culture. Everyone wanted it, understood it, and she didn't have to speak the same language to be able to trade it. That was sex; it was a fleeting moment when two human beings abandoned any sentimentality or consideration for anything or anyone. It was primitive, meaningless, and painful.

 _It wouldn't be so painful if I was normal,_ she tells herself. If she wasn't so messed up in the head, if she could somehow suppress those memories that only seemed to grow stronger with every passing day - then she could just move on.

Sex was painful.

On the other hand, making love was a total sensory experience. It wasn't just the physical pleasure that was exchanged between her and Ichigo. It's the feeling of his skin and warmth against her, the heady cologne that reminds her of home that he puts on, the little vibrations of his bones when she grazes her fingertips over his most sensitive areas, and of course, the taste of him when their tongues dance or when he can't hold it any longer. But what she wants, what she looks forward to every time they do this, is the way he looks at her with unadulterated passion. She knows that he wants her for who she is, not because she's a convenient body.

She also knows that his demeanour when they're like this is further proof of his feelings for her. He's rough when he wants to be, but he's also gentle not necessarily because he tries to be considerate of her (because he does) but mostly because he didn't want to hurt her.

He didn't want to hurt her.

When Rukia figured that out, the shattered shards of her hummed happily and started putting themselves back together.

Sex stripped her of hope.

Making love made her believe that the love she felt was real.

She could have sex with anyone.

She could only make love to the man she loves.

'I love you.' she whispered into his ear. His lips part and his teeth brush along the curve of her shoulder, hissing at her words. He thumbed her bra straps patiently, waiting for some sort of consent from her, although her declaration of love should have been enough. 'Do you love me?'

'Yes.' his voice was husky. He pulled the straps all the way down to her ribcage, dragging the entire garment with it to expose her breasts. He took one in his mouth and her back arched to accompany a shrill shriek from her. 'I love you.' he finally returned, biting and sucking as he snaked down so that his face settled on her abdomen. 'Rukia, I love you so much.' he looked up at her with ambers so sincere and handsome and distracting that she didn't really feel him undo the strings of her panties. It was only when he slipped a finger inside of her that her features crinkled erotically and she was forced to throw her head back or he'd end her then and there.

'Stop.' she whimpers and he obeys. His finger retreats and he sucks it clean before placing both his hands on her knees. He sat up and swallowed hard. Did he do something wrong? Was he careless? Did he hurt her? He admired her body without much subtlety, his eyes scanning her up and down as the faintest pink tinted his cheeks. His gaze met hers. He bit his lip and she quivered at the sight. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it might punch out through her chest any second now.

To his surprise, she covered her body with her arms. She crossed one arm over her chest and twisted to the side so that only her back was visible to him. She didn't look she was in pain, but he feared that the reality of them being properly married (thanks to Byakuya's sly connections) was too much for her. Was she getting cold feet? A bubbling panic boiled at the pit of his stomach. 'Rukia?'

'I'm scared.'

He was taken aback. His jaw hung open, but fire-amber orbs were brimming with concern. She peeked over her shoulder to see his expression and the honesty in his eyes coaxed here into laying back on her back, though her arms were still covering some bits of her. He took that as a positive sign. Gently, he cupped her face and trailed kisses from her forehead to her nose, down to sweet lips that made his heart jump. She kissed him back for a while until she wrapped her arms around his neck and turned her head to the side, tearing herself from him. Yet her arms pulled him towards her. 'Rukia...?'

'I'm scared.'

'We don't have to do this.' he attempted to remove himself from her, but she held him still.

'I want to.'

'Don't lie to me.'

'I want you.' she insisted, finally locking eyes with him. 'I'm just scared, that's all.'

'What are you afraid of?'

'Hmm...' she traced his sharp jawline with her fingertips. 'I wonder...'

'Rukia.'

'Eh?' she was startled by his stern tone. 'What's wrong?'

He said nothing, but his frown deepened as those telltale eyes bore into hers like a cautious plea. Her brows knit in confusion. Why was he hurting? This was supposed to be their wedding night. She didn't want to ruin it. She'd never forgive herself. Tonight, they were both supposed to have what they wanted for so long; to never be separated.

This was supposed to be the night that they decided to move on.

This was supposed to be the night that would finally end his insecurities, because he could never feel like he was good enough for such an angel.

This was supposed to be the night that she abandoned her past and accepted the possibility of a future.

She wasn't Rukia Kuchiki anymore - she was Rukia Kurosaki.

She was no longer his girlfriend, she was his wife. And he was her husband. They made a promise to take care of each other, and to love each other until the very end.

Rukia was never a religious person, nor did she believe in lasting monogamous relationships. How could she, after witnessing the dissolution of the Jaegerjacquez marriage? People were unpredictable. Men grew bored and women became frustrated. Or the other way around. It didn't matter. The point was, that she didn't believe in everlasting happy endings between two people. Surely, the mundane nature of a stable relationship lacked the spice that made it so appealing in the first place.

Despite that, she wanted to believe that she and Ichigo were going to be the exception to that.

'Rukia.'

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing, baby. I'm just wondering what it is that you're afraid of.'

'A lot of things, honestly.' she laughed. 'I'm scared that we won't work out. Or that you'll leave me. Or you won't love me, one day.'

'That won't ever happen.' he promised, wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her up with him as he sat so that she was straddling his lap. He could feel her warmth between them, but he didn't think it added any depravity into their interaction. Rather, he thought it was beautifully intimate, how they could carry a conversation when at their most vulnerable - at her most vulnerable. She trusted him irrevocably, and he treasured her faith in him more than any tangible wealth in the entire world. 'I'll always love you. I love you, Rukia.'

'If you love me tonight...' she moved against him and his breath hitched in his throat. _Stop_ , she had said, so he wasn't going to make any movement. Until she told him it was alright, unless she explicitly gave back her consent, he wasn't going to move an inch. He wasn't going to push her away when she was inching closer and closer to him by the second. That was all he ever wanted from her - trust and love.

'Ah...' he bit back a pleasured howl. He let her go and grabbed onto the bedsheets at his sides. His knuckles were turning a frightening white, but if he didn't restrain himself with that dull pain, then he was going to lose it. It amazed him how profound of an effect she had on him. How she could do anything, absolutely anything, and he would be putty in her hands because it was _her_ doing all of this to him and not some random woman he held no feelings for. 'Anh... Ah, Rukia-'

'If you love me tonight...' she repeated and inserted him inside of her with tantalizing slowness. He swore loudly, and she held his wrists to lead them up to her waist. He kneaded her flesh, but he refused to move his hips. His eyelids narrowed and he was observing her through a satisfied haze. 'If you love me tonight, then you have to love me forever.'

'Of course.' he choked. 'Of course, _of course_ -'

'Do you love me?'

'Of course.' he was breathless.

'I love you too.'

He cussed in a hiss.

'So, Ichigo, lay down. I want to make love to you.'

He did as he was told. His back hit the mattress and his hands didn't leave her hips. She palmed his abdomen and used the shift in her weight to support herself as she rode him up and down, knocking his head back so that he could cry her name out like a midnight mantra.

It wasn't like they hadn't done this so many times before, nor was it as though their feelings for each other changed drastically. They were simply more comfortable and trusting of one another. Although, considering all that they've been through as individuals, it was staggering that they could open their hearts to one another again. It was both beautiful and terrifying that they could forgive each other and move forward into the unpredictable unknown as they held hands.

Essentially, they were opening themselves to get hurt _again_.

Was that how much they loved each other? That they would risk getting hurt again? That they would commit to the inevitability of pain?

No matter how good people are to each other, human nature dictates that there is a strong possibility of inflicting pain on another person.

But perhaps both Rukia and Ichigo know that that isn't what really matters in the end. The true test of their relationship was going to move forward _despite_ the pain, working through the ghosts and haunting memories because they were worth forgetting and forgiving all the injustice they've suffered through.

'What do you want?' a hoarse question as his hips move upwards to meet hers. He wants to know. He _needs_ to know, so that he can give it to her.

'I want _this_.' she sobs happily. 'I want you to love me and never hurt me.'

'Rukia-' he choked.

'Or even if you hurt me, apologize to me and love me anyway. If I hurt you without meaning to - because I would never, ever mean to hurt you - love me anyway. Because I love you and I don't want to ever miss you.'

He mumbles incoherent phrases that tumble out of him because he can't seem to pick himself up after that. He tells her that he loves her, that he will always love her, and that she's the woman in his heart just as he knows that he's the man in hers. He pulls her down and bends so that he can kiss her full on the mouth, undisciplined and messy just like how he's pushing and pulling in and out of her because he needs to _show_ her how much he loves her - words aren't enough, they never will be. She groans and moans and mewls as she tries to grab onto him, but her fingers are shaky and limp, and somehow he knows as well that she's trying to show him how much she loves him.

She doesn't need to. He already knows.

He finally knows.

She can't breathe, but she persistently tells him that she loves him again and again. In between ecstasy-soaked cries, she manages several declarations of _I love_ _you_.

He stops kissing and lifts her chin up so that they can look, really _look_ , at each other. She's blushing and her cheeks are tear-stained. His own face is tinted with heat, bronzing him. She loves how his glowing skin intensifies the familiar amber of his eyes and she comes apart. She screams his name and he follows her. When they're spent, he presses their foreheads together and tells her again that he loves her.

She smiles.

She knows.

'Baby.' he mumbles as they lay side-by-side on their bed. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'Mm...' he pulls her into a tight embrace. 'You're beautiful.'

'Oh, really?' she laughed. 'But the lights are off. It's so dark, you can't even really see me.'

'I can always see you.' he kisses the top of her head. 'My ray of light, I love you.'

* * *

Seven years after the Kurosaki-Kuchiki wedding, Byakuya has made it a habit to visit his sister and his brother-in-law every so often. Well, at least once a week. Half a decade later, and Byakuya still felt the need to check up on those two. Force of habit, maybe.

The businessman called Rukia earlier in the day to tell her that he would be at her house (she and her lover had moved from their apartment to a secluded home ten minutes away from the business hub) at around 3:00 in the afternoon. However, his secretary forgot to remind him that he had a previous engagement at 2:45 that same day.

Long story short, Byakuya was running late.

Totally unbecoming of a Kuchiki.

'Oji-sama!' a rambunctious boy who was four years of age called out. His large, sapphire eyes sparkled as specks of violet danced against oceanic irises. His tiny hands stuck to the window of the limousine. 'Oji-sama!'

'What is it, Haru?' Byakuya ruffled the child's full head of orange.

Haru: clear skies, light.

No rain.

'Oji-sama, this is the way!' he tapped his pointed finger fervently against the tinted glass. 'This is the way home!'

'Your observation is correct. I am taking you home.'

'But I thought you said we could play!'

'We can play at home, can we not, Haru?'

Haru pouted; a borderline scowl reminiscent of his father's. He was obviously displeased. Byakuya loved this boy dearly, but internally screamed to the heavens for gracing this creature for having the spoiled temperament of his paternal lineage. Byakuya made a mental note to hire some sort of nanny to train Haru in the ways of the aristocratic houses.

'Fret not, Haru. There are gifts in the trunk of this car.'

'Really?! Are they for me?!'

'Yes. They are new toys for you. We shall play with them tonight.'

'Yay! Thank you, Oji-sama!' the boy gave his uncle a tight hug around the older man's arm. It took all of Byakuya's willpower not to crack a smile. As much of a brat as this child was, there was something lovable about him. It was his innocence, his unhinged emotions - his entire existence serving as living, breathing proof of the resilience of the human heart. For this boy, to be born out of a love that was surrounded by the piercing darkness of scrutiny, was growing to be an energetic, strong soul.

Haru's parents were doing a good job of raising him.

'Look, Oji-sama!' he cheered. 'Otou-san's car is right there!'

Indeed it was. Ichigo's driver had just pulled up in the front of the house. The potential vice president stepped out of his vehicle with a bouquet of flowers in hand. It was a Friday, which meant that it was the beginning of the weekend - the couple of days in a week wherein his attention could be irrevocably on his wife's. He thought of it as a celebration of sorts, the happiest segment of the week.

He liked to kick it off with fresh flowers for her.

'Otou-san!' Haru screamed. Byakuya reached over and opened the door so that the boy could run over to his father. Ichigo grinned at his son before squatting down and welcoming him with open arms.

'Yo.' he gave Haru the flowers to carry as he himself carried his child. 'How's my boy? How was school?'

'Good!'

'That's great! Yo, Byakuya.' Ichigo nodded to his senior, who returned the acknowledgement. 'Wanna come in?'

'Yes.' was the noble's reply.

With Haru in hand, he keyed the lock to the door. He jingled it for a few seconds, fumbling with the lock. Eventually, the door swung open from inside because Rukia couldn't handle the obnoxious noise of struggle and desperation any longer.

'You're useless.' she shot her husband a playful insult before turning her attention to her offspring. 'Hello, my love.'

'Okaa-san!' not even bothering to hide his favouritism, Haru struggled against his father to reach out to his mother, who took him in a warm embrace. She eyed the bouquet of white roses and her gaze softened. 'Here, Okaa-san! From Otou-san again!'

'Thank you, baby.' she whispered before Ichigo pecked her on the lips.

Byakuya winced.

'Sorry, Nii-sama.' she mirrored his uncomfortable demeanour.

'No.' Byakuya's tone was shrill. 'Do not mind me.'

'Okaa-san!'

'How was school, honey?' Rukia walked into the living room with the men in tow. 'What did you learn about in school today?'

'Lots of things! We learned about what happens to people when they die!'

'Hmm...' Ichigo frowned. 'That's a heavy topic. What do you tell your classmates when they ask about your Okaa-san?'

'I tell them Okaa-san's an angel!' Haru boasted proudly. 'And that she's pretty and that she's always nice to me and that she glows like the moon even at night time!'

'Oh, really?' Ichigo smiled.

'Yeah! Everyone says angels are like that, so Okaa-san must be an angel!'

'I think you're right.' Ichigo wrapped his arms around Rukia's waist from behind to pull her to him, back to chest. He kissed her head and took a long, satisfying look at their son. 'I think you're really, really right.'

'Ichigoooo!' Keigo hollered from the kitchen. Surely enough, his overly excited self waltzed into the living room with an overly happy smile. He jumped at his longtime friend, only to be sidestepped. The poor guy's face hit the floor. He sat up with a bloody nose, but it didn't seem to bother him. 'D-Damn it, Ichigo... Your reflexes are as sharp as ever...!'

'He was cooking for us in the kitchen.' Rukia explained. She put Haru down and straightened her skirt. Then, she took the bouquet into the kitchen so that she could unwrap it and prep the flowers to be put into a vase.

'Tsk.' Ichigo raised a brow. 'Are you my cook or my campaign manager?'

'It's all about diversity, Ichigo!' the brunette roared proudly. 'I can be both! I _am_ both!'

'How are you, Asano?' Byakuya sat down on the couch and beckoned his nephew closer to him. Haru understood the cue. Giddily, the child ran up to his uncle and begged to be carried.

'I'm good!' Keigo beamed. 'Ichigo's a great boss! Right, Ichi-' he swerved to see his friend, but Ichigo had already long left the area.

 **. . .**

'Flowers.' Rukia mused. 'As usual.'

'Would you rather I get you something else?' Ichigo whispered against her lips. The roses lay in the sink. She was just cutting the unwanted bits of the stem off before he approached from behind like the sly shadow that he was, and turned her around so that he could give her a crushing kiss. He was always like this. He could never just wait. He wanted her immediately, as soon as they saw each other when he came home. 'Rukia.' he purred. 'Would you rather I get you something else?'

'No.' she laughed. His inappropriate passion that he was showcasing when their guests were just meters away in the other room was comical to her at this point. 'I love them.' a pause. Her eyes bore into his and she knows that he expects her to say more. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you to everyone who has supported this story! It's been such an honour for me to be able to write and have an audience who responds with thoughtful, outspoken reviews. I can't believe this story is finished. I'll miss writing every chapter. I'll miss hearing your responses to them. Thank you so much for following the characters in this story, for feeling for them, for trying to understand them, for going through it all with them. I'm so thankful to have enjoyed your support and connection.

Thank you to **RukiYuki, blissbeat, achalida, lightdesired, FunnyEasyMe, onlyluna, shirayukideathberry,** and **jobananasan**!

 **FunnyEasyMe** , there may be a lot of questions that weren't answered although I intended it that way! I want to leave some bits to the imagination, and I wanted to highlight that there is always a looming fear of the unknown - but it's supporting each other through it to get past it that counts in the end.

 **lightdesired,** I think the fact that you've identified my being emotionally well-balanced as uncharacteristic of an NT type underlines the limitations of that personality theory. I don't find it useful as even a guideline for the same reasons I gave you in my **A/N** in the last chapter. I never responded to your feelings about this story or **Enchantress**. There's no need to regurgitate what you said. It's not my business which stories you choose to read. Support is not an expectation, it's a privilege for me. So I'll be grateful for your support, but I won't take it against you if you revoke it.

 **shirayukideathberry,** I was initially going to say something about Grimmjow but decided against it! I want to leave that as an unknown. And ohhh, I like your new username!

 **jobananasan** , I left Grimmjow's fate unknown because I felt like he was more of an ambiguous character in this story. There were some parts of him that were downright evil, but one could also see how his past sort of played into that. I felt like I would have been more comfortable giving a solid picture of his ending if I had delved into his character more.

Thanks for your support, everyone!

Couldn't have done it without you!


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